Taryanoriley Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 I've recently realized my bf has anger issues or maybe something else. Everytime I confront when he does something wrong he starts a fight never takes responsibility and turns the blame on me. He storms out and usually says I'm tired of this and we're breaking up. I honestly have never done anything wrong and I feel guilt and blame and alwaysehave to say sorry. He has never said sorry for anything. He also lies alot. Am I really the problem or does he a personality disorder? Like narcissism? Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 Do you really have to ask that question? He's abusive and you need to end it with him, like yesterday. And, yes, I know when he's nice, everything is so wonderful and he has such a good heart. What he's doing is abuse. He's turning arguments around so that you feel responsible. Everything he's doing is classic abuse. What most people don't understand about abuse is that they think it's obvious. Like the guy wears a sign that says, "Beware - I'm abusive". No, they're often charming, they want to hurry the relationship along, and then they throw one little unreasonable thing your way to see how you'll react, then another, and it worsens. Pretty soon, you're second-guessing yourself. Sound familiar? And to save you the suspense, he cannot be fixed and he cannot and will not change. People spend years and years of their lives trying to make relationships like this work. Then they wake up one day and realize most of their life has gone by. Please don't be that person. Recognize this situation for what it is. No matter how much he begs and pleads and charms you. He will steal your life and your spirit if you let him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 Does it really matter if he has a personality disorder or narcissism? My goodness, you have a man who lies to you and behaves badly. Your relationship is full of conflict - and don't kid yourself, it takes two to fight so you are contributing to this dysfunction in one way or another... But, why would you ever want to stay with a man who makes you feel this badly? Dont worry about the label. Just end it now. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 Is this the same guy from your previous threads? Can I ask you why you continue to stay with him? I'm not too well versed in personality disorders, but whether or not there is one, this just sounds really exhausting. Constantly receiving blame and threats to break up is simply no way to be in a relationship. You should always be able to talk to your partner if they are doing stuff you don't like. I get the feeling he's gaslighting you, making you believe you're the one in the wrong all the time. If he threatens to break up again, just let it be true and walk away, and don't look back. Over time you'll be a lot happer not having to deal with his anger all the time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 confront? confronting has too much anger within it, whereas mentioning whatever and waiting for a response is non-combative conversation 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 I'm not crazy about your use of the word confront, either. As has been pointed out, that implies you being hostile & accusatory. If we change "confront" to "point out" or "talk to" does your BF's reaction change? Him storming out, failing to take responsibility & lying certainly aren't good but if you are the match lighting that fuse it may be more understandable. I posted a thread a about my husband's over the top reaction to what I thought was a simple question: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/659461-husband-duped-not-paying-attention My husband apologized a short while later so that may be part of the difference. For your guy to always have an over the top reaction does point to deeper issues. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 I've recently realized my bf has anger issues or maybe something else. Everytime I confront when he does something wrong he starts a fight never takes responsibility and turns the blame on me. He storms out and usually says I'm tired of this and we're breaking up. I honestly have never done anything wrong and I feel guilt and blame and alwaysehave to say sorry. He has never said sorry for anything. He also lies alot. Am I really the problem or does he a personality disorder? Like narcissism? How do you confront him? That plays a HUGE part in how he's responding to you. Are you reprimanding him like you're his mother or are you raising the topic to have a discussion about it? If he's doing the same thing over and over and it's got you acting like his mom, then he's not really giving a rip about what you want out of him---and his solution is to threaten breaking up with you to get you to back up off of him. If he lies a lot, then why are you wasting your time and youth behind a liar? Men are that slim on the ground where you are? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 You know what....you can guess all day but in the end what does it matter....he is out of your life. Happily move on. The only thing you did wrong was not kick him to the curb sooner. I suspect he was gaslighting you so much, that's why you are questioning yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 Yep, definitely need more information. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 You know what....you can guess all day but in the end what does it matter....he is out of your life. Happily move on. The only thing you did wrong was not kick him to the curb sooner. I suspect he was gaslighting you so much, that's why you are questioning yourself. Did I miss something? I didn’t realize she had ended things with him. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 No I miss read it. She's still with him. I should have said, you should have dumped his butt a long time ago. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 No I miss read it. She's still with him. I should have said, you should have dumped his butt a long time ago. I re-read. Well, she did say she was planning to. Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 It's you. For staying with this man and creating all those threads about his horrible behavior. That makes you a volunteer, not a victim 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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