I went on my first awful date last night. And it was 100% my fault. Cringy as hell!

[CarAndZam]

Ok so I took out a girl on met on Facebook yesterday . Let me just start it by saying that I’m a guy who doesn’t want to date seriously, and I only want to do friends with benefits/**** buddies at this point of my life. I’m 20.

Warning, I’m such a ****ing loser and pathetic in this post.

 

So these past 2 girls I dated I was able to have sex with on the first date. So I wanted to do the same with this girl I took out today. I pick her up, and take her to go get ice cream. We get to know each other. I was realizing that I didn’t have much in common with this girl, and there was no chemistry at all. She hardly my type, and couldn’t hold conversation with her very well. But my dumbass had this “I’m here to get laid, not connect” mentality. So I took her to the park and started getting physical, putting my arm around. We walked around and held hands. Just talking and exchanging stories. Thing is, she would be on her phone A LOT. I wasn’t assertive enough to call her out on it.

 

But anyways, getting dark and late, so we go to my car and start chilling in the front seat. I then ask her do you want to go back to my place. She looks at me with a “uh wow that’s pretty straight up” face. She says I guess yeah sure. I’m not sure why, I guess because I was desperate to show my intention, I try to kiss her right there and then in the front seat.

 

And she pull away before I can get close and says “ no I’m sorry. Look I’m talking to a guy, serious. Didn’t think you were going to kiss me”. She then tells me that I should take her home. Pretty awkward 15 minute ride let me tell you. **** I was being really awkward and cringy. At one point she asks “where are we going.” To which I reply with “we said your house. Duh. Unless you want to go back to my place haha”. Not sure if I was being serious or Trying to break the ice

 

**** am I pathetic. I didn’t handle myself well. I’ve never been on a bad date. Never even on a date with someone I didn’t really connect with much. Nor have ever dealt with a girl that’s one the phone a lot.

 

 

And guess what? 30 minutes later I check her FB and it says “after what I just went through, I’m saying single till I get married”. And another one that said “I’ve never been in such a ****ty situation I wanted to get out of so bad”. Not sure what else she put because she blocked me after reading those two posts. I feel so ****ing ashamed for some reason.

 

This what I deserve for trying to get physical with a girl I didn’t connect with. All I thought was what I wanted and didn’t think that maybe this girl didn’t want anything to do with me physically since I we didn’t connect at all.

 

I really thought that because we held hands that she was some what interested physically but I guess not.

 

Thoughts? Any bad first date stories from you guys you can tell me that might make feel better? I deactivated my Facebook because damn I don’t want her posts to get all these comments and likes and for her to mention my name so people can look me up and make fun of me....

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I feel so ****ing ashamed for some reason.

 

 

Well, you should. All you were thinking about was yourself and getting off. You showed zero respect for her at all. I feel bad for her!

 

I hope my daughter never encounters you...... If this is going to be your intent on all your dates, do all girls a favor and tell them ahead of time they are just an object to you so they can decide if they are cool with that.

[Highndry]

Creepy....

[MidwestUSA]

Creepy....

 

 

Exactly. I never put out after just ice cream!

[smackie9]

She wasn't looking to get laid, you put it out there you just wanted to f%^$. ya worst date ever=truth.

[smackie9]

Exactly. I never put out after just ice cream!

LOL :lmao::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

[basil67]

Even if the two of you had connected, I don't think you gave any thought to the concept that she may not have wanted to have sex on that date.

 

A bit of respect for your date never goes astray.

[HiCrunchy]

Yikes bro, yikes....

 

Umm why not do hookups instead of pretending to be interested in girls and going on dates??

[CarAndZam]

Yikes bro, yikes....

 

Umm why not do hookups instead of pretending to be interested in girls and going on dates??

 

Well, don’t most hook ups start off with dates? that’s how I always imagined it....

 

Also, I’m noticing people are criticizing the fact that I tried making a move barely after having ice cream.

 

Like I said in the post, I had sex on the last 2 first dates. First time was with a girl that I took of to get ice cream, ironically. Second girl we didn’t even get ice cream. We went to a park, talked and chilled for 20-30 minutes, then took her back to my place and had oral sex.

 

What I’m trying to say here is that I guess I got a little to cocky and confident and expected to same outcome on this date.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

 

What I’m trying to say here is that I guess I got a little to cocky and confident and expected to same outcome on this date.

 

Yeah, I'll say. Were these your first sexual experiences? Did you choose these women based on their reputations to easily put out?

[HiCrunchy]

Well, don’t most hook ups start off with dates? that’s how I always imagined it....

 

Also, I’m noticing people are criticizing the fact that I tried making a move barely after having ice cream.

 

Like I said in the post, I had sex on the last 2 first dates. First time was with a girl that I took of to get ice cream, ironically. Second girl we didn’t even get ice cream. We went to a park, talked and chilled for 20-30 minutes, then took her back to my place and had oral sex.

 

What I’m trying to say here is that I guess I got a little to cocky and confident and expected to same outcome on this date.

 

No. But a lot of people go on dates to to find a relationship, which means what u did that day came off extra creepy. Plus even if someone has sex on the first date, they might still want another date and will be heartbroken when you ghost them because u already got ur sex.

 

Dont call a hookup a date, u will prevent what happened with this first girl

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Plus even if someone has sex on the first date, they might still want another date and will be heartbroken when you ghost them because u already got ur sex.

 

 

Right.

 

OP, what happened with those other two girls? Why wasn't there a second date after you hooked up with them?

[ChatroomHero]

Well, you should. All you were thinking about was yourself and getting off. You showed zero respect for her at all. I feel bad for her!

 

I hope my daughter never encounters you...... If this is going to be your intent on all your dates, do all girls a favor and tell them ahead of time they are just an object to you so they can decide if they are cool with that.

 

 

 

I am not sure I agree completely.

 

 

1. She was on her phone a lot, very disrespectful.

2. He says she actually agreed to go home with him after saying it was pretty forward, but then she still says sure...-until he tried for a kiss and was rejected, not a big deal. Lots of people try for a first date kiss.

3. She went on a date with a guy and said “ no I’m sorry. Look I’m talking to a guy, serious. Didn’t think you were going to kiss me”. So she went on a date while talking to someone seriously or likely was lying to diffuse the situation. Either way OP took her home.

4. She held hands, didn't reject his touching and still originally agreed to go back to his place initially.

 

 

So for her, the chemistry wasn't there, she wasn't interested, no attraction, whatever, she doesn't sound like such a catch. As long as OP wasn't saying he wanted something else, it's not that unusual or bad, on a crappy date to take a shot at getting laid especially at age 20.

 

 

I think you are being a little hard on OP because he is looking for hookups and not relationships at the age of 20!!! You might be surprised at your daughters at 20 and how much they might actually toy with and use guys until they decide they want a serious relationship years down the road. My experience is women around that age were more about getting laid and disposing of the men flocking to them when they got bored of them.

 

 

Back in college, I would say about 75% of the women I was interested in made the rounds and had no intention of anything serious. For men that I was friends with it was about 50/50 for getting laid versus a serious dating interest. I think at 20, OP is just fine if that is what he wants because likely that is what a lot of women his age will want...the single key being they are attracted to him.

 

 

My guess is he feels bad because she might have been nice and he didn't value her much at all, but at the end of the day trying to get laid on a bad date at age 20 and looking for hookups and not anything serious is fine.

[CarAndZam]

Yeah, I'll say. Were these your first sexual experiences? Did you choose these women based on their reputations to easily put out?

 

Yeah, these were my first sexual experiences. The first girl we had oral sex only. She was a big girl so we had a hard time having sex when we first tried. We probably could’ve again, but I ended dumping her after a couple days cause she turned out to be extremely clingy, and on top of that she joked about wanting to get pregnant a lot. Soooo has to runaway.

 

Second girl I actually lost my virginity too. We had a FWB thing going on for a month and half. But she said she no longer wanted to hook up last week, so I’ll admit I guess I was looking for another to hook up with.

 

And yes I’ll amdit I chose the second girl (not the first) because she does have a reputation of putting out easily. She’s a self proclaimed “hoe”, as she says.

[CarAndZam]

Right.

 

OP, what happened with those other two girls? Why wasn't there a second date after you hooked up with them?

 

First girl turned out to be extremely clingy, joked about getting pregnant a lot too, so I got scared a dumped her after a couple days.

 

Second girl we went on one date, agreed to be FWB, and we hooked up like maybe 10 times? Somewhere around there.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

First girl turned out to be extremely clingy, joked about getting pregnant a lot too, so I got scared a dumped her after a couple days.

 

Second girl we went on one date, agreed to be FWB, and we hooked up like maybe 10 times? Somewhere around there.

 

Well, you were right to dump that first girl! Sheesh!

 

Don't assume all, or even most, girls are like second girl and just want to put out. You went into this assuming that, and that was wrong. You creeped her out because she could tell that's all you wanted.

[ChatroomHero]

No. But a lot of people go on dates to to find a relationship, which means what u did that day came off extra creepy. Plus even if someone has sex on the first date, they might still want another date and will be heartbroken when you ghost them because u already got ur sex.

 

 

OP is 20, going on dates looking for FWB or a hookup and nothing serious at that age is completely normal. He had a crappy date with touching and physical contact that wasn't rejected. The date was going nowhere, he tried to get laid. At 20, nothing wrong with that as long as he was not really pushy or over aggressive.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

OP is 20, going on dates looking for FWB or a hookup and nothing serious at that age is completely normal. He had a crappy date with touching and physical contact that wasn't rejected. The date was going nowhere, he tried to get laid. At 20, nothing wrong with that as long as he was not really pushy or over aggressive.

 

His mistake was going into it ONLY for the purpose of getting laid and not informing the other human being on the date that was all he was after. And when she realized that, she bailed and posted about how creepy he was on FB.

[basil67]

I am not sure I agree completely.

 

 

1. She was on her phone a lot, very disrespectful.

2. He says she actually agreed to go home with him after saying it was pretty forward, but then she still says sure...-until he tried for a kiss and was rejected, not a big deal. Lots of people try for a first date kiss.

3. She went on a date with a guy and said “ no I’m sorry. Look I’m talking to a guy, serious. Didn’t think you were going to kiss me”. So she went on a date while talking to someone seriously or likely was lying to diffuse the situation. Either way OP took her home.

4. She held hands, didn't reject his touching and still originally agreed to go back to his place initially.

 

 

So for her, the chemistry wasn't there, she wasn't interested, no attraction, whatever, she doesn't sound like such a catch. As long as OP wasn't saying he wanted something else, it's not that unusual or bad, on a crappy date to take a shot at getting laid especially at age 20.

 

 

I think you are being a little hard on OP because he is looking for hookups and not relationships at the age of 20!!! You might be surprised at your daughters at 20 and how much they might actually toy with and use guys until they decide they want a serious relationship years down the road. My experience is women around that age were more about getting laid and disposing of the men flocking to them when they got bored of them.

 

 

Back in college, I would say about 75% of the women I was interested in made the rounds and had no intention of anything serious. For men that I was friends with it was about 50/50 for getting laid versus a serious dating interest. I think at 20, OP is just fine if that is what he wants because likely that is what a lot of women his age will want...the single key being they are attracted to him.

 

 

My guess is he feels bad because she might have been nice and he didn't value her much at all, but at the end of the day trying to get laid on a bad date at age 20 and looking for hookups and not anything serious is fine.

 

Good points there. Some of my first dating was clumsy as anything. Totally cringe worthy. Main thing is that we learn from those mistakes.

 

That said, I suspect that you've never been on a date with a 20yo guy who's pushing to get laid despite there being no chemistry. It's not fun.

[HiCrunchy]

OP is 20, going on dates looking for FWB or a hookup and nothing serious at that age is completely normal. He had a crappy date with touching and physical contact that wasn't rejected. The date was going nowhere, he tried to get laid. At 20, nothing wrong with that as long as he was not really pushy or over aggressive.

 

Lol I'm 23 and was never in the hookups when I was 20. When I dated I wanted a bf.

 

My point is that he assumed a date was a hookup. U should assume date if he called it that, is a date. If he wants a hookup, then make clear to the girl it's not a date.

[ChatroomHero]

His mistake was going into it ONLY for the purpose of getting laid and not informing the other human being on the date that was all he was after. And when she realized that, she bailed and posted about how creepy he was on FB.

 

 

It's not like he will have any success if he is just looking to get laid by asking, "Hey, I am only looking to get laid. Do you want to go on a date with me to see if you just want to get laid too?".

 

 

I agree, he needed to read the room better but how many women at 20, or even at 40, are "just dating for fun"...the translation is "just looking to get laid, nothing serious". The guy they are trying to date might be.

 

 

To me, it sounds like he wasn't too tactful and probably read that she wasn't into it but still tried, which is the cringe part. I don't agree that dating to find a little fun and not a serious relationship at 20 and not stating it right out before the date, is not treating someone as a human being.

 

 

...And to answer the other poster, I get it. If you are not into it, a 20 year old guy working a hookup is off-putting I'm sure and no, I have not been in that situation. But you might be surprised how many aggressive women there are in their 20s that do the same thing. I had a few women in my 20s stalk me by finding out through friends what parties and bars I was going to and then try to corner me all night and get a bit nasty when I tried talking to other women. I'm very forward and made it clear I was not interested right off the bat and they would still end up where I was and give me the, "Awww, just come back with me...." or I'd spend 20 minutes telling them I wasn't going to leave bar A to go to bar B with them, despite how many times I would tell them it wasn't happening. Then they would be mad and start drama because I said no and I had to deal with that.

 

 

I just don't think what he was doing is all that bad for a 20 year old, but if he read she was not down for that and kept trying, that's obviously not a good thing.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I don't agree that dating to find a little fun and not a serious relationship at 20 and not stating it right out before the date, is not treating someone as a human being.

 

This is why dating as a young woman is scary. Either you have a boy/man who can't "read the room" like OP, or you have a boy/man who simply doesn't care about the girl's signals and pushes for it anyway because the girl is only seen as a means to an end. I'm not even a feminist, and I find his post and stated intention appalling.

[ChatroomHero]

Lol I'm 23 and was never in the hookups when I was 20. When I dated I wanted a bf.

 

My point is that he assumed a date was a hookup. U should assume date if he called it that, is a date. If he wants a hookup, then make clear to the girl it's not a date.

 

 

 

How many of your friends are looking to date seriously versus how many at 23 have an orbit of guys dropping in and dropping out? That may be you, but there are a bunch at that age that are not looking for a bf. I know of an odd amount at 23 that date 40+ year old men not for the long term, but for the short term benefits. A lot of women in their 20s are into hookups, never said all of them were.

 

 

You know how you get a hookup or a fwb? It's not always just a drunken meeting at the bar. Usually it's a date where you both kind of resolve you have some interest in each other but not the whole relationship responsibility thing.

 

 

I think his issue was feeling her out, seeing she was not really a candidate but throwing a hail mary any way.

[ChatroomHero]

This is why dating as a young woman is scary. Either you have a boy/man who can't "read the room" like OP, or you have a boy/man who simply doesn't care about the girl's signals and pushes for it anyway because the girl is only seen as a means to an end. I'm not even a feminist, and I find his post and stated intention appalling.

 

 

I wouldn't disagree, in their 20s guys aren't always that great or seasoned if you want a real relationship. But a 20 year old guy looking for hookups is not all that horrible or an indictment on his character in my opinion...I mean Tinder anyone...a hookup app that 20 year old men and women use a more than anything to "date".

 

 

But if you want to talk about scary, try dating a 23 year old attractive woman in college around all those guys. As a 20s something guy you find you are fairly disposable to those women. You find a lot of early interest and excitement and professions of love from them turns into ghosting pretty quickly when they randomly decide they want to meet some other schmuck for a couple of months. Toying with a guy's emotions with that age without a lot of care is usually par for the course. So it's no picnic either.

[rightondude]

young brother, yes, you screwed up. Guess what, you will continue to do so the rest of your life. The trick is to learn from them and don't make the same mistakes.

 

What did you learn from this?