Black Cement Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 There's this new girl at work. I catch her looking at me sometimes, and whenever she passes me by she smiles. We worked together for the first time today, and I told her to do something, but she snapped back at me and said "how about you go do it." I don't know if she was being playful about it, or what, but it caught me off guard. Damn, I was about to try to get to know her but don't know how to take it from here. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 (edited) What exactly did you ask her to do? And, how did you ask her to do it? Perhaps, she resented the fact that she was trying to get her work done and she didn't have time to accommodate your request? Why do you think she would do what you told her to do - I'm assuming that you are quite capable of doing your own work? Edited July 9, 2018 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 Are you her boss? If not, you may have been better served asking her to do something rather than telling her, especially if it was equally your job to do it. Simply because you have a crush on her, doesn't mean you can tell her what to do at work. If you are her boss & this is your career dating her is a bad idea anyway. If it's just a job, go ahead. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Black Cement Posted July 9, 2018 Author Share Posted July 9, 2018 We have the same position. She was moving a few heavy boxes, and I said "I'll take care of it, you could just do the computer work." I was just trying to help her out you know.... Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 We have the same position. She was moving a few heavy boxes, and I said "I'll take care of it, you could just do the computer work." I was just trying to help her out you know.... Maybe she'd rather move heavy boxes than do computer work. Link to post Share on other sites
fredflint Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 We have the same position. She was moving a few heavy boxes, and I said "I'll take care of it, you could just do the computer work." I was just trying to help her out you know.... Sounds patronizing and condescending to me, no wonder she gave you attitude 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 We have the same position. She was moving a few heavy boxes, and I said "I'll take care of it, you could just do the computer work." I was just trying to help her out you know.... With all due respect, that' is patronizing and condescending... to make the assumption that she can't handle the boxes and instructing her to "just do" the computer work is probably not going to be well received by anyone. Perhaps next time, you could offer to "help her" with the boxes. Or, you could give her a choice... "I can move the boxes so that you can get back to your other work, if you like?" That would more likely be appreciated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 Or you could of said cheerfully, "Are you OK with that? I don't mind helping out." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 Or you could of said cheerfully, "Are you OK with that? I don't mind helping out." Brother, heed Smackie's wisdom here ... It's amazing how social interactions often turn on whether or not people use really good words and the right tone. This woman likely hear your words an order ... and she clearly doesn't like being ordered around by someone not her supervisor (probably doesn't like it from the supervisor either) ... and you probably thought your idea was so brilliant and fair that it didn't require subtle wording. Your response to her could be: "Does that sound bad? ... Here's my thinking ... " and then spell out your thinking and feelings ... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 I said "I'll take care of it, you could just do the computer work." ... Next time you *offer* your help, you don't order people around if it's not your duty to do so. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 Actually I forgot a key point ... I can't tell if you think she has a crush on you ... or if the crush is mutual ... I'm sensing curiosity and interest on your part. Man, this exchange and her sharp reaction was a PERFECT opportunity to open up a nice dialogue with her. "You think I'm bossy. I'm so not bossy." ... "Damn, you don't like being told what to do, huh? I get that." There was lots of "repair" work you could have done that could have easily blended with flirtation ... and genuine curiosity about what makes her tick. You can still do this. It's a clearing the air. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lurker74 Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 I do this all the time. And when I do it, I bend my arm to point at the place I want the chick to do her work so that she can also see my biceps at the same time. I too don't understand the 'tude I get from it. I mean, she gets to see my biceps. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 (edited) Don't poop where you eat Her smiling at you is her being friendly with people she doesn't know because she's the new girl. It's no indication that she likes you, wants anything with you other than a professional relationship. and I told her to do something Well no wonder you drew back a bloody stump. It wasn't your place to tell her to do anything. As others have said, if you'd asked her if she'd like a hand, things would have gone a whole lot differently. You assumed and assumed wrong. I used to have a coworker who would try to pawn work off on me that he started.. and because he didn't want to stay late to finish it, he tried to get me to do it. I told him he wasn't my boss and she's the only one who assigns work to me, not him. If he wanted to promise the moon to someone else, then he needed to stay late and deliver on his promise. Edited July 9, 2018 by kendahke 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 Was she visibly struggling with the boxes? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CollegeKid101 Posted July 10, 2018 Share Posted July 10, 2018 Going to disagree with most posters here. You were trying to help out and she took it the wrong way... Although next time I'd probably say "I can do the boxes if you want, do you want to just do the computer work?" Either way, if she was snappy, chances are she wasn't ever going to be interested. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted July 10, 2018 Share Posted July 10, 2018 We have the same position. She was moving a few heavy boxes, and I said "I'll take care of it, you could just do the computer work." I was just trying to help her out you know.... My advise from experience with a female co-worker I did the same thing but gave her order to jump down and help me. She had blew up in my face. That meant I had struck a nerve. But it also meant I got respect. You might have won her, being so forceful like you were. Do not crawl or beg okay. Play this cool don't say a word to her for a couple of weeks. See what she does next. You gain confidence this way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Black Cement Posted July 10, 2018 Author Share Posted July 10, 2018 My advise from experience with a female co-worker I did the same thing but gave her order to jump down and help me. She had blew up in my face. That meant I had struck a nerve. But it also meant I got respect. You might have won her, being so forceful like you were. Do not crawl or beg okay. Play this cool don't say a word to her for a couple of weeks. See what she does next. You gain confidence this way. Well I saw her a few times today, she was looking at me from a distance lol. She had this concerned look because I didn’t say anything to her when I passed her by. Just played it cool. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 10, 2018 Share Posted July 10, 2018 Well I saw her a few times today, she was looking at me from a distance lol. She had this concerned look because I didn’t say anything to her when I passed her by. Just played it cool. Dude, your macho attitude is not going to get you anywhere with this girl. Stop playing games. If you like this girl, next time she walks by, say hello. Talk to her - ask her how her day is going. Girls like guys who are friendly and approachable. "Playing it cool" will get you nowhere... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Black Cement Posted July 17, 2018 Author Share Posted July 17, 2018 Alright, so I took your guys advice. She kept looking at me all week, so I stopped giving her the cold shoulder.... I was about to get off work, and she struggling with something, so I approached her and offered a hand. She smiled and let me help her. I stayed with her for about an hour, and we small talked. I feel this a big step, at least I'm not on her bad side anymore lol. Now, I just need to keep it up! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 Good for you! Kill her with kindness. Nobody likes the cold shoulder or a man who thinks he knows it all... Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 Alright, so I took your guys advice. She kept looking at me all week, so I stopped giving her the cold shoulder.... I was about to get off work, and she struggling with something, so I approached her and offered a hand. She smiled and let me help her. I stayed with her for about an hour, and we small talked. I feel this a big step, at least I'm not on her bad side anymore lol. Now, I just need to keep it up! Cold shoulder = passive aggressive behavior. Why would you do this over such a small thing? Feelings hurt? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 I'd just forget about this. Like another poster said "Don't s*** where you eat". Coworkers are not friends. Don't think for a minute that they are because they aren't. It's easy for you to think that they are because you spend more time with them than you will with anyone else, but they aren't. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 I really don't get why she was annoyed by what you said. You were offering to help. But, hey, be careful about getting too hung up on the smiling thing. I smile at everyone I see most of the time. It doesn't mean I'm hot for them. It means I'm from the South and that's the way we act. The reason I say that is because when I was in Boston years ago and smiled at people, I thought they were going to chop my head off for being friendly. Link to post Share on other sites
anduina Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 Alright, so I took your guys advice. She kept looking at me all week, so I stopped giving her the cold shoulder.... I was about to get off work, and she struggling with something, so I approached her and offered a hand. She smiled and let me help her. I stayed with her for about an hour, and we small talked. I feel this a big step, at least I'm not on her bad side anymore lol. Now, I just need to keep it up!That's the way to do it! It's often more tone than what's said. Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 I don't think what you said was that big of a deal. I'd look at it from the perspective that you got to experience a bit of her personality without even having to take her on a date. I'd be thankful I found out so early and move on... Link to post Share on other sites
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