Girlfriend wants to move in, but I'm about to lose my job.

[LyinginLamellae]

Ok, this isn't a juicy relationship question per se, but I could use some advice.

 

I've been dating my girlfriend for about 2 years, and we have discussed and generally agreed to move in together. I do have some reservations, but this topic is not about that.

 

So, we first discussed this a few months ago but due to inactivity, a life tragedy, and having trouble agreeing on a place, we still haven't found anything. Within that time frame, my job has gotten to the point where my being laid off is imminent. Several people at my workplace have been let go over the past year, work is slowing down, and TBH I was thinking of leaving before we decided to move in. But now the threat of being laid off is very real and could happen at any time. I am actively looking at other places and I don't know where it will be location wise.

 

So, we've seen a couple of places we could both live in, but the obstacle is that if I move and sign a lease, well I could be jobless by August. Our current living situations are that I have a place of my own which is month to month and she has a place living with a roommate which is a bit stuffy and she really wants to get out of. So, she is pushing me to move in together. So, here are the options we discussed...

 

1) We saw a place that has a reasonable rent and is closer to my work. But I might not be working there. And I don't know where my new workplace would be. It's not close to hers. And I'm hesitant to sign a year lease when my job status is tenuous.

 

2) We found a place with a 7 month lease that is a bit pricier. Again closer to my work.

 

3) We have been discussing her looking for a 1 bedroom closer to her work, continuing to live apart, and then when I find a job, we can revisit the subject. She's not thrilled with this option as we've put time into looking for places, but has become more open to it.

 

4) I have offered to have her move into my current place. It is small and the neighbors can be a bit noisy. It will make living conditions difficult, but it is doable. If I get laid off we can easily afford the rent here, and again ... month to month flexibility.

 

So, observing this from a neutral standpoint, what do you think the 'reasonable' course of action is here?

Edited July 5, 2018 by LyinginLamellae

[darkmoon]

4 because it is easiest for you

[Els]

It sounds like the much simpler solution is to wait and see where you land job-wise before making a decision on where to live. Sure she doesn't like living with the roommate, but surely she can deal with it for another month or so? Does she know about your job situation?

[kendahke]

So, observing this from a neutral standpoint, what do you think the 'reasonable' course of action is here?

 

4 then 3

 

Do not enter into anything financially obligatory until you have secured new/better employment. She can wait to move in--it won't hurt her or kill her.

 

If she cared about you, she wouldn't be putting herself and her wants before your need to be able to support yourself. That has to come first because if it doesn't, it's only a matter of time before you grow resentful for being in a situation you already know you don't want to be in.

[LyinginLamellae]

It sounds like the much simpler solution is to wait and see where you land job-wise before making a decision on where to live. Sure she doesn't like living with the roommate, but surely she can deal with it for another month or so? Does she know about your job situation?

 

Without getting into too many details, it's a weird situation where a family friend moved in with her and she does have her own room, but the friend lives in the living room. And due to not really liking the place anyway, she offered to hand over the place to the person.

 

So, she really wants to move out. But would be upset if she had to get a 1 bedroom of her own because we waffled on some places.

[kendahke]

Without getting into too many details, it's a weird situation where a family friend moved in with her and she does have her own room, but the friend lives in the living room. And due to not really liking the place anyway, she offered to hand over the place to the person.

 

So, she really wants to move out. But would be upset if she had to get a 1 bedroom of her own because we waffled on some places.

 

This friend moved in without any plan for exactly how long there were going to be there? She didn't discuss anything with them about their timetable?

 

I'm still not seeing any reason why you should take on a financial hit when you dont' know if you'll be employed by the end of the month.

 

You need to separate your girlfriend being pissed about a decision she made to let someone move in with her from your need to be about the business of shoring up your resources and employment. They are two different circumstances that have nothing to do with each other.

[LyinginLamellae]

4 then 3

 

Do not enter into anything financially obligatory until you have secured new/better employment. She can wait to move in--it won't hurt her or kill her.

 

If she cared about you, she wouldn't be putting herself and her wants before your need to be able to support yourself. That has to come first because if it doesn't, it's only a matter of time before you grow resentful for being in a situation you already know you don't want to be in.

 

Thank you for the response.

 

That's kind of how I look at it. Her job is booming and pretty safe and she has actually implied that if I do get laid off, she could do the heavy lifting and there would also be unemployment.

 

But wouldn't it be silly to sign a year lease when losing your job is imminent? I'm trying to get other viewpoints.

[kendahke]

 

But wouldn't it be silly to sign a year lease when losing your job is imminent? I'm trying to get other viewpoints.

 

Yes, I think so. I wouldn't put my neck in that yoke.

 

How are you going to feel about yourself a year from now if she's supporting you? That is a real thing you need to consider because it will bleed into other areas of your relationship.

[Els]

Without getting into too many details, it's a weird situation where a family friend moved in with her and she does have her own room, but the friend lives in the living room. And due to not really liking the place anyway, she offered to hand over the place to the person.

 

So, she really wants to move out. But would be upset if she had to get a 1 bedroom of her own because we waffled on some places.

 

 

Sounds like a situation of her own making. If she can't even live one extra month in this situation, she shouldn't have agreed to it.

[Art_Critic]

First of all, part of being in a relationship like this is sharing the details of each others lives...

You are partners so it's time to act like it...

 

You need to inform her of your pending possible job loss, she is the other half of the relationship and as such the answer will be discussed and come forward when you both talk about it.

[Versacehottie]

I think you should do 3 or 4. However, i know you don't seem to want to get into it on this thread but I would next address (in your head, decision-making process and/or with us if you want) whether you should be moving in with her relationship-wise. Both 3 & 4 are good decisions with regarding to money, job & basic living situations.

 

However, i don't think you should destroy a good relationship by doing something premature like moving in together if it's not what you want or are ready for. Totally realize that maybe the whole job insecurity thing would make whatever is going on relationship-wise secondary to your career. I wouldn't over promise then. Let her move into her own 1 bdrm without the promise that you will move there by being 100% honest about where you stand and why. It's actually a good "test" IMO of seeing how she supports you as a bf.

 

Real things come up in real life all the time and you are sounding sensible about it & hopefully if you haven't been stringing her along she will understand. Or if she throws a tantrum or unreasonable you will have valuable information about whether you should progress things with her. Bottom line as attractive as it may be i would never move in with your gf as a cost saving measure--unless you were 100% going to do it anyway. Quickest way to feel trapped. Good luck

[smackie9]

If she's willing to cover the rent and bills till you find a job then let her pick what she can afford when you are out of work. That is the reality and planning she needs to face. It's not ideal, but it sure will be a test for your relationship and that can be a good thing.

 

 

 

Think about it....you could be living together and loose your job again....does that make any real difference? These are things she and you need to take into account when you actually move in together....planning ahead and socking away money for the tough times.

Edited July 5, 2018 by smackie9

[d0nnivain]

Disclose your current financial situation to her. Assure her you will revisit the issue of co-habitation once your financial / employment situation stabilizes. The problem is what happens if she offers to be the only one on the lease & pay all the rent during any period you are unemployed.

 

Meanwhile you need to encourage her to do what is best for her regardless of where you end up

[coolheadal]

Thank you for the response.

 

That's kind of how I look at it. Her job is booming and pretty safe and she has actually implied that if I do get laid off, she could do the heavy lifting and there would also be unemployment.

 

But wouldn't it be silly to sign a year lease when losing your job is imminent? I'm trying to get other viewpoints.

 

Have you saved enough money to support yourself and maybe get an good place to stay in. None of your questions would suit your needs. You can't support her if you didn't save your money and if she has not money then you can't support her or bring her into your current location it would be issue. So if I was you find another job make sure you can afford a new location first before you bring in your GF into your dwelling.. You can't afford her if she doesn't help you with the rent and food. Your loosing your job, and if you never save up any money for Mr. Rainy day then your out of lock. Make sure you know what your getting involve with. Do not let her call the shots. We men always do what's right by the GF but sometimes we need to choose another way.. In your case you shouldn't move her in.

 

 

A> Move her in if you have plenty of money saved!

B> Do not move her in if you have no money saved!

 

Simple like that my friend!

[Highndry]

If she's willing to cover the rent and bills till you find a job then let her pick what she can afford when you are out of work. That is the reality and planning she needs to face. It's not ideal, but it sure will be a test for your relationship and that can be a good thing.

 

Think about it....you could be living together and loose your job again....does that make any real difference? These are things she and you need to take into account when you actually move in together....planning ahead and socking away money for the tough times.

 

I agree with this. As long as she's willing to suck it up and take care of things if you lose your job, find a place she likes and move in together. If not, then option 3 or 4 will have to do.

 

How certain are you that you're going to be losing your job? Are you in the mortgage business or something? Aside from government jobs, there really is no job security anymore. That's why I think 30 year mortgages are insanity. Nobody stays in the same place for that long anymore like our parents did.