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you made me "aware of my single"


rightondude

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rightondude

Quick summary, I went out with a woman maybe 7 times over the span of a few weeks. From the first moment on, any time we had free was with each other. Yeah probably a bad idea to rush it, but we got along so well. Or so I thought.

 

After our first "experience" together she started getting distant. Noticeably wouldn't answer calls, slow responding to texts, etc.

 

Finally i called her on it and said she didn't need to bother responding anymore; I knew she wasn't interested. But, I asked her to be frank with me as to why she wasn't interested any longer. Was I boring? Stinky? What? Of course I didn't get an answer, just, you're a great guy.

 

I figured she had other options and she went to purse those. I moved on.

 

So a month later I get a random text telling me "she knew I had moved on" (which is kinda true) but that I had "seriously made her aware of her single."

 

I dunno if she was drunk or not, but what the hell does that mean?

 

P.S. I asked "what the hell does that mean?" but haven't gotten an answer.

 

Any guesses?

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Quick summary, I went out with a woman maybe 7 times over the span of a few weeks. From the first moment on, any time we had free was with each other. Yeah probably a bad idea to rush it, but we got along so well. Or so I thought.

 

After our first "experience" together she started getting distant. Noticeably wouldn't answer calls, slow responding to texts, etc.

 

Finally i called her on it and said she didn't need to bother responding anymore; I knew she wasn't interested. But, I asked her to be frank with me as to why she wasn't interested any longer. Was I boring? Stinky? What? Of course I didn't get an answer, just, you're a great guy.

 

I figured she had other options and she went to purse those. I moved on.

 

So a month later I get a random text telling me "she knew I had moved on" (which is kinda true) but that I had "seriously made her aware of her single."

 

I dunno if she was drunk or not, but what the hell does that mean?

 

P.S. I asked "what the hell does that mean?" but haven't gotten an answer.

 

Any guesses?

 

Another thing we men tend to do is say things that make us look insecure trying to get reassurance to narrow down the cause. I wouldn't have said that to her. Too late, she called you a great guy too. Meaning your great but not what she wants to date. You made her aware she's single meaning she's still married or separated. Some else is in the picture. You need to move on and forget her!

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Your guess is as good as mine. I have no idea. Perhaps getting back into the world of dating makes her painfully aware of her single status...maybe freshly broken up or divorced or not yet recovered from a relationship she was involuntarily separated from? It does seem like a drunk text. If she pops back into the picture and explains, can you please share? I would like to know the interpretation as well. :)

 

It sounds like you're managing through all this quite well. I know how much it hurts when things head south out of the blue like that.

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Lotsgoingon
Quick summary, I went out with a woman maybe 7 times over the span of a few weeks. From the first moment on, any time we had free was with each other. Yeah probably a bad idea to rush it, but we got along so well. Or so I thought.

 

After our first "experience" together she started getting distant. Noticeably wouldn't answer calls, slow responding to texts, etc.

 

You answered your own question. Spending all free time with another person at the start of a relationship is a terrible idea. You suck the oxygen out of the emerging feelings.

 

You don't even know them well at that point ... And spending so much time together doesn't allow you to adjust to the other ways--gradually. There are certain sides of a person you SHOULD NOT see early on ... like someone's messy room ... See a messy room too soon .. your primitive side will panic ... even if this is otherwise a fantastic person.

 

If a woman wants to spend all her free time with me so early when she doesn't know whether or not I'm a hidden killer yet ... whether I abused all my previous girlfriends ... just tells me that she's desperate. I don't want a person who is desperate ... I want someone who has a good life, who has some balance.

 

Attraction requires some distance ... so that you come towards the other person, so you can want to see the other person ... That attraction gets killed if you spend all your free time together. It's called "suffocation."

 

So I don't think her withdrawal has anything to do with any quality of yours other than that you apparently want to spend all your free time with someone.

 

The answer: keep a life up outside of someone as you begin to know them. In order to do that, you've got to have a life independent of a woman. It's that life--hobbies, interests, reading, going out with friends, attending concerts, shows movies ... whatever ... that makes you attractive to the other person.

 

Go on dates with a person ... time-limited dates ... and then chill ...

 

By the way friendship works the same way ... people become great friends over time ... not right away ... if you see two friends who just met spending all their time together ... almost guaranteed that the friendship will bust after a month or two.

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Really good points, Lotsgoingon. Maybe just a lot going on and not enough room to take a breath and have some normalcy. It is a balancing act because it's normal with a new relationship to spend lots of time together, whenever there's free time, and text all day long or talk on the phone late into the night and having to turn around and get up early for work and be responsible the next day...and tired. It's not sustainable and can cause burnout. It's also normal for a relationship to slow down from the hot and heavy beginning to something more normal and sustainable, but this can cause some damage and issues because suddenly this person "doesn't care" or is pulling back...they used to be free and made efforts to be free, and now they're not. It's a good idea to set the tone from the start. If you're not the type of person who wants to text all day, every day, don't do it in the beginning. If you have priorities and obligations that can't be easily moved and switched, then don't. Maintain your normal schedule...of course there has to be an ability to move things around and compromise when incorporating a new person into your life, but it shouldn't be a burden, and if it's not something that can be maintained long-term, then don't start off with it.

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