Nadine123 Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 Hello everyone. I'm really looking for advice so I hope you take the time to read this. I am currently traveling through South America and I met this amazing guy. We ended up traveling together for two months and we spent all our times together. He was more than amazing to me and I was really nice to him as well. I even remember there was this one incident where I liked a necklace and he went and bought it for me as a surprise. He also bought me medicine when I was sick and the pharmacy was so far away. Nothing physical happened between us (there were times where we slept on the same bed) and he never told me he liked me or anything. He used to tell me I look beautiful every now and then and that Im very physically attractive. He was a bit distant the last couple of days and I had to leave to another town so we separated. He messaged me saying he's flying home tommorow and that he wants to see me before he leaves. When he came, I noticed he was a bit touchy than usual and long story short we got really drunk and he asked if he can sleep next to me. We ended up hooking up and next day it really stressed me out for some reason just because I don't like having sex when I'm drunk and I was a bit disappointed in myself because I let my hormones take over if that makes sense. I ended up being super weird the next day and he kept on asking me if I'm okay or not. He keeps on checking up on me and eventually I tell him that I really regret what happened and that I usually don't have sex with good friends and that it meant nothing to me. He looked really upset when I said that but he tells me that he's really glad it happened and that he's sorry I feel this way and that he will message me later. He also said that we were both traveling so he didn't get a chance. I haven't heard from him since and it's been a week. I'm just really confused as in why he would choose to make a move the day before he goes home? And was I mean to him by saying I regret it and it meant nothing? I know it doesn't matter now but if I was mean and misunderstood his intentions I would message him to apologize. The last thing I would want is to hurt anyone. You guys can be harsh as much as you want if I was wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 Listen you did what you had to do in that situation. He got some now so but you didn't want it to happen like it did so that has bothered you. Men have their pride and ego at stake Women have they're right to choose when to do or not. Drunk or not it happen. Did you enjoy it or just didn't want it because you were drunk having it. He sound like he enjoyed it like most men would say to their mates. You two are travelers on a train and you both got drunk and let each one go into fornication. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 Yes I think what you said to him was hurtful. You spent 2 months together and he was nothing less than wonderful to you. You felt a mutual attraction and he wanted a moment to remember. You cannot call this hooking up when you had just spent 2 months together! It's more time spent together than most couples meeting and dating locally before sex. I don't understand your regrets. You could go back home and remember this later in your life as an amazing moment but you decided to ruin it for him and for you with *I regret it cause I am not that kind of girl*. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Casio167 Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 Ah god the poor guy! I really think you should contact him and apologise. He sounded like he was really into you and was nothing but a gentleman for the time that you knew him. I feel bad for him! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Saracena Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 And was I mean to him by saying I regret it and it meant nothing?. Jeez, I'm frankly amazed you have to ask! Of course what you said was very hurtful and mean. Think if how the tables were turned how you would feel. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 (edited) You are an adult, it's ok to enjoy an evening with a man drunk or not. I agree with Gaeta, he was no stranger, you spend two months of getting to know each other, even shared the same bed! He never looked at you as an easy lay ever....it was quite special for him. He must have been horrified and emasculated by your comment. Poor guy! So ya you better apologize to him asap. If he was "that kind of guy" he would have been pawing at you in the middle of the night. He was very fond of you...maybe more. Edited June 23, 2018 by smackie9 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 Welp, if you were looking for a way to deflate his self-esteem and hurt his feelings, you succeeded. I wouldn't be contacting you after that, either. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 And was I mean to him by saying I regret it and it meant nothing? I know it doesn't matter now but if I was mean and misunderstood his intentions I would message him to apologize. The last thing I would want is to hurt anyone. You guys can be harsh as much as you want if I was wrong. No if the sex didn't mean anything to you then you told the truth. Don't ever regret telling the truth. Imagine if you had sex with someone and they told you it didn't mean anything to them. Would you be in a hurry to get back in touch with them? You weren't wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 (edited) The question is, did you regret having drunk sex? or did you regretted having sex with him? If you simply regretted being drunk and having sex, then apologize. If you are worried about him not contacting you, does this mean you are pining for him a bit? Edited June 23, 2018 by smackie9 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nadine123 Posted June 23, 2018 Author Share Posted June 23, 2018 Thank you all for the feedback. Just to be clear, I was nothing but amazing to him as well if not more. The reason I got upset is because he chose to make a move on me the day before he goes home, knowing that he won't see me again and with me being really drunk. I'm a bit confused as in why everyone is ignoring this part. I engaged in it too so I take full responsibility but this was the part that hurt me the most. If you guys still think I don't have the right to be a bit annoyed about when he made a move then do let me know and I'll text him right away. The last thing I want is to hurt someone's feelings. Thank you so much Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nadine123 Posted June 23, 2018 Author Share Posted June 23, 2018 Welp, if you were looking for a way to deflate his self-esteem and hurt his feelings, you succeeded. I wouldn't be contacting you after that, either. I clearly didn't mean to which is why I'm posting on this forum. The last thing I would want is to do that to someone and I'm not ashamed to apologize if I'm wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 Thank you all for the feedback. Just to be clear, I was nothing but amazing to him as well if not more. The reason I got upset is because he chose to make a move on me the day before he goes home, knowing that he won't see me again and with me being really drunk. I'm a bit confused as in why everyone is ignoring this part. I engaged in it too so I take full responsibility but this was the part that hurt me the most. If you guys still think I don't have the right to be a bit annoyed about when he made a move then do let me know and I'll text him right away. The last thing I want is to hurt someone's feelings. Thank you so much I don't know how old you are but if you are over 21 you are a grown woman and should know how to tell a man you don't want sex even after you have drank alcohol. He has every right to make his move toward sex if he wants it but it is up to you to reject it. Now, you gave in and had sex which didn't mean anything to you which I assume you were telling the truth about. Now you are all of a sudden questioning your actions which tells me you in fact didn't mean it when you told him the sex didn't mean anything to you. Is this correct? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nadine123 Posted June 23, 2018 Author Share Posted June 23, 2018 I don't know how old you are but if you are over 21 you are a grown woman and should know how to tell a man you don't want sex even after you have drank alcohol. He has every right to make his move toward sex if he wants it but it is up to you to reject it. Now, you gave in and had sex which didn't mean anything to you which I assume you were telling the truth about. Now you are all of a sudden questioning your actions which tells me you in fact didn't mean it when you told him the sex didn't mean anything to you. Is this correct? I don't think you understand where I'm coming from. Maybe it's my English since it isn't my first language so sorry about that. I'm not victimizing myself as I said in my post I did want to have sex with him and I let my hormones take over. I regretted it because it didn't mean nothing to me and I felt like my comment was hurtful to him because he looked like he was about to cry when I said it and hasn't contacted me since. I do care about him as a friend which is why I would apologize if I was mean or hurtful. I'm just confused as why he ONLY chose to make a move before he goes home that's all. If his intentions was just to have sex with me before he goes home then everything he did to me was fake. Again, I take complete responsibility for all my actions and words and have no problems apologizing if I'm wrong even if he doesn't want to speak to me again. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 Why would you think someone had such devious plans when you spent two months, 24/7 together and he was always wonderful? Plus deciding to sleep together was mutual choice--then after the fact you took it all the wrong way. I think he waited til the last night because he may not have wanted to mess with the friendship and good time you were having before. And it took him up to that point to take the chance in a romantic way. Pretty normal if you ask me. He knew he needed to do something to keep the connection going and it was something you both seemingly wanted. I think your reaction was really bad. And he was still a gentleman. You messed up with a great guy. So yes, apologize. (TBH, i think you are going to need help wording that if you decide to do it because you've got things quite twisted!) 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 What you said was hurtful. However, much depends on this: Does that guy have a woman waiting for him at home? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 I don't think you understand where I'm coming from. Maybe it's my English since it isn't my first language so sorry about that. I'm not victimizing myself as I said in my post I did want to have sex with him and I let my hormones take over. I regretted it because it didn't mean nothing to me and I felt like my comment was hurtful to him because he looked like he was about to cry when I said it and hasn't contacted me since. I do care about him as a friend which is why I would apologize if I was mean or hurtful. I'm just confused as why he ONLY chose to make a move before he goes home that's all. If his intentions was just to have sex with me before he goes home then everything he did to me was fake. Again, I take complete responsibility for all my actions and words and have no problems apologizing if I'm wrong even if he doesn't want to speak to me again. Look, if you feel you were mean and hurtful in your comment then apologize. You don't need other people to tell you this do you? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nadine123 Posted June 23, 2018 Author Share Posted June 23, 2018 Why would you think someone had such devious plans when you spent two months, 24/7 together and he was always wonderful? Plus deciding to sleep together was mutual choice--then after the fact you took it all the wrong way. I think he waited til the last night because he may not have wanted to mess with the friendship and good time you were having before. And it took him up to that point to take the chance in a romantic way. Pretty normal if you ask me. He knew he needed to do something to keep the connection going and it was something you both seemingly wanted. I think your reaction was really bad. And he was still a gentleman. You messed up with a great guy. So yes, apologize. (TBH, i think you are going to need help wording that if you decide to do it because you've got things quite twisted!) Because it doesn't make sense to me personally. There's no connection to keep going and we both know we weren't going to see each other again for at least two years. I just felt that if he liked he or wanted to have sex we could have done things before he goes home. I'm starting to realize that I was wrong and if you can help me with what to say I would be very grateful. Thank you so much in advance Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nadine123 Posted June 23, 2018 Author Share Posted June 23, 2018 Look, if you feel you were mean and hurtful in your comment then apologize. You don't need other people to tell you this do you? Has nothing to do with people telling me to do it or not. I just wanted to know what people think of the situation and if I was in fact mean or I was blowing this up for no reason. People have the right to post here about what they want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nadine123 Posted June 23, 2018 Author Share Posted June 23, 2018 What you said was hurtful. However, much depends on this: Does that guy have a woman waiting for him at home? No he doesn't at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 Why he waited the last night is easily explanable, it took that much time and a bit of alcohol for him to have enough courrage to make a move on you. I don't understand why you felt the need to tell him it didn't mean anything to you! You both knew you were going your seperate ways, he knew pretty well having sex didn't mean an instant relationship why the need to be so nasty with him for nothing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 Why he waited the last night is easily explanable, it took that much time and a bit of alcohol for him to have enough courrage to make a move on you. I don't understand why you felt the need to tell him it didn't mean anything to you! You both knew you were going your seperate ways, he knew pretty well having sex didn't mean an instant relationship why the need to be so nasty with him for nothing. This^^^ exactly. There have been plenty of guys posting on here that liked a girl very much but were way too shy or uncertain to make a move. They come here in a panic because the last day is coming up, and they want some confidence and advice in how to make their move. And yes start something long distance possibly. I don't know how you could come to the conclusion he took advantage of you when he was being so amazing to you, and so respectful for two bloody months! I agree you should have kept it to yourself. No need to be that nasty. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nadine123 Posted June 23, 2018 Author Share Posted June 23, 2018 Why he waited the last night is easily explanable, it took that much time and a bit of alcohol for him to have enough courrage to make a move on you. I don't understand why you felt the need to tell him it didn't mean anything to you! You both knew you were going your seperate ways, he knew pretty well having sex didn't mean an instant relationship why the need to be so nasty with him for nothing. I didn't mean to be nasty to him at all. If I was a mean or nasty person I wouldn't think about it or be posting here, knowing I won't see him again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nadine123 Posted June 23, 2018 Author Share Posted June 23, 2018 Can someone help me with what to say or the wording. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 I didn't mean to be nasty to him at all. If I was a mean or nasty person I wouldn't think about it or be posting here, knowing I won't see him again. Do you understand why you felt the need to give him a big rejection like this when he didn't ask how you felt about it? That could help with what to tell him for an apology. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 Can someone help me with what to say or the wording. Speak from the heart. mention things like how amazing he treated you during the trip, and you regret how you spoke to him last, explain what you were were feeling, etc. Just be open and honest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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