An experiment for you all

[DrReplyInRhymes]

I'm thinking of doing something quite radical for you all,

I want to do something quite different and hope it doesn't fall,

Would you all be willing to give advice on how to handle a date?

Would you all be willing to guide me on an experiment of my fate?

 

For instance, I can score a date easily by myself, but I want to see what it's like,

If I were to put a poll up for you all and see if I could attract her using your advice,

Using these polls and posts for every major decision from the start,

Do you think you could give me enough advice to win over a heart?

 

As I'm fresh out of a relationship, I don't actually have any intention of something serious right now,

I do, however, think it'd be fun to do something different and go out on a date trying this out,

Perhaps you could guide me on this and put all of your advice on the line,

Let's see if your advice is worthy or it's aged like a forgotten bottle of wine.

[Lotsgoingon]

We could certainly give advice ... because we're all advice givers.

 

But I don't know that the advice would be helpful ... There is no formula for ensuring that someone likes you.

 

So I'll start with the basic formula ... You go out on a date ... to see ... if you wanna go out on a second date. Period.

 

You then set up the second date and go out ... And the goal is to figure out if you have enough interest to go on a third date.

 

Of course, she has to want to go out on subsequent dates with you.

 

But basically that's it ...

[DrReplyInRhymes]

We could certainly give advice ... because we're all advice givers.

 

But I don't know that the advice would be helpful ... There is no formula for ensuring that someone likes you.

 

So I'll start with the basic formula ... You go out on a date ... to see ... if you wanna go out on a second date. Period.

 

You then set up the second date and go out ... And the goal is to figure out if you have enough interest to go on a third date.

 

Of course, she has to want to go out on subsequent dates with you.

 

But basically that's it ...

 

I meant as in choosing date venues, what to say vs what not to say, etc.

 

I would not be going out on a date in order to secure a relationship. The relationship I wanted was with a woman who chose someone else over me. While it sucks, I'm not going to sit around and wait for her to come back to me either (if she even does). I am devoid of emotion enough to not care and only want to show a woman a good time right now, and I am just crazy enough to know I won't develop feelings for anyone right now.

[Gaeta]

Of course l am willing.

 

As long as you understand the outcome of the date is dictated by if there is chemistry or not and little on our advise.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Of course l am willing.

 

As long as you understand the outcome of the date is dictated by if there is chemistry or not and little on our advise.

 

However, I want to see if the advice is worth the trouble it takes to even post here, otherwise, what's the point? I'd hate to wake up and realize this advice forum is just a circle jerk for retired guys pretending to be women with ****ty advice!

[Lotsgoingon]

In reality, it almost does not matter where you go on a date.

 

As long as the dating idea isn't terrible--like a violent bar with unbearably loud music and threatening people all around--it doesn't really matter where you go.

 

The only thing that matters is that you guys can talk to each other in a reasonably safe place.

 

A friend of mine once started a date at a bookstore ... a wonderful bookstore by the way ... and the woman he was with thought that was the strangest idea. She was literally offended. Bottom line: this woman was not a good fit for my friend, who was a reader and book-lover and very intellectual.

 

The bookstore just accidentally turned out to be a brilliant idea ... because had he taken her to some nice dinner, might have taken him a bit longer to figure out he had nothing in common with this woman. But most likely, he would have figured this out once he brought up how much he loved going to bookstores.

 

The purpose of a date is NOT to impress. That's the movies, man. When I was younger and more naive, I impressed people that I soon learned I did NOT want to impress. The purpose of a date is to be a good version of YOURSELF! ... as you really are ... and to see if this other person is someone you appreciate and who appreciates you ... such that you want to go on a second date.

 

If there's no common interests and no spark (which you can't really predict ahead of time) ... a date at the fanciest restaurant in the world ...will turn out to be a long, boring bust.

 

You don't "seal the deal" with a first date. You're literally introducing yourself to the person and she to you.

Edited June 22, 2018 by Lotsgoingon

[Versacehottie]

I think it would be fun. Though i do agree with the others: we could probably send you somewhat in the right direction but if she didn't feel it or you didn't feel it, all that won't matter. I think it could help in some way with your healing (sorry about your situation btw )

 

Some guys have taken me on perfect dates and I felt nothing and some guys have taken me on nothing dates or just in a seemingly insignificant quick meeting has felt like EVERYTHING

 

Maybe you should devise your experiment to include how to generate chemistry. Now to be 100% fair, i think since you only want casual, you should only accept women that only want casual (or at least say they do) so that we are not deviously pulling the puppet strings. Plus an real experiment you need control factors, and that would be a major one, that both parties are like-minded in what they say they want--because if you weren't then we'd be operating unethically and the experiment would fail perhaps just because the woman is seeking a different goal than you are. But herein lies the biggest hurdle, if you want casual, i think that the BIGGEST factor in that for most people wanting that casual situation is physical attraction. We could probably help you tweak looks/appearance/demeanor a little bit but your baseline level will be what you look like and what each girl looks like. So tough experiment to design. I'm down for it though as long as you don't do anything unethical/lead a girl on.

 

*not a retired man but probably some of them have good advice too!

[Lotsgoingon]

So let me clarify: are you simply looking to hookup with these women for sex? I'm assuming you wanted a long-term relationship.

 

Casual sex requires a slightly different dating strategy, though not totally different.

 

But clarify brother.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

No worries, really. I'm not broken up by it one bit. We had a wild ride and it was fun while it lasted. It didn't work out so I celebrate the time we had together and move on. Not phased by it at all. I was angry for a short while, now I'm over it.

 

I think you all are missing the point though. I just wanted to construct an awesome date (or dates) by ONLY using the advice given from this forum.

 

I am an attractive dude who generally doesn't have problem getting dates. I'm not asking for you all to find "the one" for me because I'll know it when she finds me.

 

Until then, I'm asking you all to dictate how some fun dates should go. I know how to woo a woman if I'm really into her, that's not a problem! No, I'm not really looking for sex but if it happens, it happens. I am just wanting to get out and have a good time after being burned by my ex girlfriend and meet new women and have a good time. I know how to do it already, I just thought it'd be fun to include this forum in planning "awesome" dates and whatnot and using only your advice via posts and polls.

 

Damn, am I really not making much sense? I should go back to rhyming!

[Versacehottie]

So let me clarify: are you simply looking to hookup with these women for sex? I'm assuming you wanted a long-term relationship.

 

Casual sex requires a slightly different dating strategy, though not totally different.

 

But clarify brother.

 

he said he wants to show a woman a good time & is too devoid of emotion for a relationship now (not verbatim but that's the gist). He may mean a grey zone type thing which is just too hard to quantify IMO--because there are enough d*mn variables already without having clear objectives. If his heart isn't open enough for a relationship (fair enough atm), how do you filter out which women can, will and should date him. That alone will cause multiple problems that the best advice in the world could not fix (and is a little unethical, just saying).

[burnt]

I would not be going out on a date in order to secure a relationship.

 

I am not a dating expert, but the only advice I'd have is making that intention clear to the other person.

 

Do No Harm, as they say.

Not every woman goes on dates with a casual mindset as that--I'm not criticizing what you are doing. But it can really drain and harm some women (as I myself belong to that group), who actually seek a lasting relationship, not just casual interactions.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

I am not a dating expert, but the only advice I'd have is making that intention clear to the other person.

 

Do No Harm, as they say.

Not every woman goes on dates with a casual mindset as that--I'm not criticizing what you are doing. But it can really drain and harm some women (as I myself belong to that group), who actually seek a lasting relationship, not just casual interactions.

 

Absolutely, but I'm not making that judgement based on a first date. I'm not looking for a relationship right now unless there's extreme chemistry or a few choice women from my past return to me trying to make it work. Considering I got burned and left for another dude by my ex, I really am not in the mood to jump into a relationship.

 

This would be solely to just have a good time with new people and see what happens using only the advice from this forum as to constructing a good date as well as showing a woman a good time out.

[Gaeta]

I agree you have to make it really clear in your profile that you are looking for casual dating.

 

 

 

I'm not a big fan of organizing a *real date* for a first meeting. You never know if the person will be like her profile and pictures. They could be rude, annoying, and it would be a shame you have to spend money and time on them.

[Lotsgoingon]

... I'm asking you all to dictate how some fun dates should go. I know how to woo a woman if I'm really into her, that's not a problem!

 

Literally as the scientists would say:

 

I see no correlation between amount of time planning a date ... and the result of the date--whether casual sex or longer-term connection.

 

Zero.

 

One more time, there is zero connection between how elaborate and imaginative a date is or how much money you spend ... and what happens (if anything) between the two people.

 

Zero.

 

What makes a fun date is the energy between the two people. Period.

 

Ok, here's something: bring an open mind. If you're having dinner and you're having a great time ... go do something more afterwards... if that's a good time and you still have energy ... go to another place ...

 

One of my favorite dates ended up with us walking through the city until 4 a.m. in the morning ... Wasn't planned. Could NOT have been planned, but the energy and conversation was so good, we just stayed out, didn't want the night to end.

 

Be able to respond to the energy of the moment--that's the best advice I can give. The other side of this ... is accepting that some dates will be busts ... and there's nothing you can do ... but say good night, and go the heck home.

 

So really the question is:

 

What would YOU like to do on a date? ... Where do YOU feel comfortable? What sounds like fun to you?

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Literally as the scientists would say:

 

I see no correlation between amount of time planning a date ... and the result of the date--whether casual sex or longer-term connection.

 

Zero.

 

One more time, there is zero connection between how elaborate and imaginative a date is or how much money you spend ... and what happens (if anything) between the two people.

 

Zero.

 

What makes a fun date is the energy between the two people. Period.

 

Ok, here's something: bring an open mind. If you're having dinner and you're having a great time ... go do something more afterwards... if that's a good time and you still have energy ... go to another place ...

 

One of my favorite dates ended up with us walking through the city until 4 a.m. in the morning ... Wasn't planned. Could NOT have been planned, but the energy and conversation was so good, we just stayed out, didn't want the night to end.

 

Be able to respond to the energy of the moment--that's the best advice I can give. The other side of this ... is accepting that some dates will be busts ... and there's nothing you can do ... but say good night, and go the heck home.

 

So really the question is:

 

What would YOU like to do on a date? ... Where do YOU feel comfortable? What sounds like fun to you?

 

I can't tell if you're serious or not. Like, seriously, this whole thread is over your head.

[planb1973]

I think your experiment will backfire miserably.

Anything scripted will be seen as inauthentic.

You can not really think that the advice, which is based on a whole lot of people with different views, from people online you have never met or have any connection with will help you attract a complete stranger.

What people here think

What your date thinks

What you think

ARE ALL WAY TOO DIFFERENT!

Mathematically someone could come up with some sort of statistic as to the success of your experiment, and I think statistically you would be better off just relying on your own intuition.

 

How do you think your date would feel to find out she was just a lab rat in some sort of experiment of yours?

[todreaminblue]

i think bruce lee had really good advice when he wrote the be like water thing(im a quote junkie a word wanna be smith) specifically to dating.....i feel this quote applies.....you need to go with the flow....the main aim is to make the other person calm and comfortable enough to travel on that flow with you....conversations are mystery flights..... journeys.....you travel with another..they arent meant to be predicted ......you shouldn't have a set destination or time or even place .trust in the higher power to have put you in that place at that time ...for everything positive and good to flow......you travel conversations with a sense of excitement and wonder ....of discovery about the person you are with when you are in the moment with your whole mind and heart....and you listen ....instead of thinking what to say next...and you go with the flow.... not before

 

be like water....warm water that feels good on your skin...for conversations to touch hearts within....ha.:0).thats my advice.........deb

Edited June 23, 2018 by todreaminblue

[Lotsgoingon]

... you need to go with the flow....the main aim is to make the other person calm and comfortable enough to travel on that flow with you....conversations are mystery flights..... journeys.....you travel with another..they arent meant to be predicted ......you shouldn't have a set destination or time or even place .trust in the higher power to have put you in that place at that time ...for everything positive and good to flow......you travel conversations with a sense of excitement and wonder ....of discovery about the person you are with when you are in the moment with your whole mind and heart....and you listen ....instead of thinking what to say next...and you go with the flow.... not before

 

be like water....warm water that feels good on your skin...for conversations to touch hearts within....ha.:0).thats my advice.........deb

 

Wow todreaminblue ... beautifully poetic!!!!

[DrReplyInRhymes]

So if I post on here a poll asking if I should take someone to a comedy show or improve show or an escape room, and I had you all give me advice on which one would be best to plan for them, you all agree it would be unauthentic, scripted, and somehow that translates to me wanting to hurt someone emotionally by leading them on?

 

I'm honestly confused and quite horrified that those are the conclusions being reached!

[Lotsgoingon]

So if I post on here a poll asking if I should take someone to a comedy show or improve show or an escape room, and I had you all give me advice on which one would be best to plan for them, you all agree it would be unauthentic, scripted ...

 

I don't think a single person said planning a date would be inauthentic ... What people said, myself included, was that great dates are unpredictable ... and require both people to feel a spark and both people to allow themselves to, as one responder put it, go on a journey.

 

I have gone on a number of dates to performances and comedy shows.These were good times ... but these show dates produced no more chemistry than ... sitting in the park ... or going for a walk around the city or going to a movie and for a drink afterwards.

 

I find nothing inauthentic about planning a date. I'm simply saying that spending a lot of energy planning a great date is a waste of time and energy. And thinking that elaborate date plans matter misunderstands what leads people to experience chemistry.

 

Two people with chemistry will make the night fun and funny without going to a comedy show. Two people without chemistry can laugh all night at a comedy show and the relationship will go nowhere.

 

Go to a comedy show because you like the idea of going to a comedy show and you think she'll enjoy it. If you really enjoy comedy (I do) and want to have that experience with someone, that's quite authentic. Just don't think that going to a comedy show is going to raise the chance of successfully connecting with someone more than randomly picking a date idea out of a hat. It won't.

 

The implication here: if you seek chemistry and romance, you're much better off going on a lot of dates with a lot of different women ... at the same coffee shop ... than you are spending time, energy and hope trying to make a date special.

 

I'm honestly confused and quite horrified that those are the conclusions being reached!

 

Yes, but your confusion and horror don't follow from what we said.

Edited June 23, 2018 by Lotsgoingon

[coolheadal]

I can't tell if you're serious or not. Like, seriously, this whole thread is over your head.

 

My friend you know what you want and you know how to get it your way or no way. Everyone on LS has their own little way tell you what you should do or not to do. That is the question here. For me I kind of read people. Your just going from date to date, but your don't want a serious relationship. So more like casual one. It's your life to pick what you want and how to go about landing that first date. Like you say you don't have problems getting a date so that speaks for itself right there.

[Gaeta]

So if I post on here a poll asking if I should take someone to a comedy show or improve show or an escape room, and I had you all give me advice on which one would be best to plan for them, you all agree it would be unauthentic, scripted, and somehow that translates to me wanting to hurt someone emotionally by leading them on?

 

I'm honestly confused and quite horrified that those are the conclusions being reached!

 

 

I would vote any type of shows is a bad idea. You want a date that will allow you to interact together.

[Versacehottie]

So if I post on here a poll asking if I should take someone to a comedy show or improve show or an escape room, and I had you all give me advice on which one would be best to plan for them, you all agree it would be unauthentic, scripted, and somehow that translates to me wanting to hurt someone emotionally by leading them on?

 

I'm honestly confused and quite horrified that those are the conclusions being reached!

 

I personally don't mean that you have bad intentions. I just think if you want it to be an "experiment" it would need to follow things that are done in experiments (control factors, i.e. both want casual) and that it is ethical. Let's say one of us or several posters has the magic formula (unlikely for reasons I described in that there are just too many variables that are non-quantifiable in attraction & wanting casual will actually make it harder not easier IMO construct a good date because it is less of a concern in casual dating). But let's say we did, it would only make sense to use it for good purposes not like PUA stuff and trick women--you can negate that issue by picking women who only want casual as well and then all bets are off, i.e. experiment is ethical.

 

So I definitely don't mean that you personally have bad intentions. I just know a little about designing experiments. And for the record, having followed your posts for the few years I've been here, I know you are a good guy (i mean your a poet after all! among other kind-hearted things I've seen you do on here). Maybe it's better to say that you offer yourself up as a dating guinea pig to follow dating advice for casual dating to have and show a girl a good time. Shift in perspective Anyway, i think you are awesome, good luck

[kendahke]

I can't tell if you're serious or not. Like, seriously, this whole thread is over your head.

 

 

In what way? Because Lotsgoingon's advice is pretty on point.

 

Exactly what is it you want us to tell you?

 

Because if everything people post in their effort to help you has you recoiling in horror, then you need to take this to your friends IRL and put it to them, seeing people here are all failing you miserably.

 

For my part, I don't think taking someone to an escape room for a first date is a good idea. I've done those with people I know and some folks can get really vicious when competition is on the table and they want to win. I think that activity is a bit intense with someone you know, let alone someone you're spending time with in person for the first time.

 

I'd meet up with them at a popular spot in your town set up for gathering like this. Now that it's summer, there's plenty going on in most cities around the country.

[Babeindawoods]

I can't tell if you're serious or not. Like, seriously, this whole thread is over your head.

 

Hey friend... I mean no disrespect, but my first advise to you in any dating situation is to not use the term "like, seriously" in conversation, if you are, in fact, a man.

 

Unless for some bizarre reason you are trying to attract high school girls by pretending to be their gay best friend.