Grey40 Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 Is this like something common among women? I text a girl and they respond almost immediately (within 5-10 minutes) when I ask them how their day is going etc. and they sound super enthused to hear from me. Then I will send a text asking them out for a date (specific day, specific plan etc) and then they either respond 4-6 hours later or not at all. This has happened to me a few times, even with women that I know and have met in person before, so it’s not specific to OLD. I would normally chalk it up to low interest but I’ve had girls take that long and then agree to the date and we end up In bed together, and some respond and decline, some just ignore. Is there something I’m missing here? Why take so many hours to get back to someone? (I’ve seen these women all over social media for hours, so I know they are on their phone and could have replied). Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 It IS low interest. Even if they end up seeing you and sleeping with you, it doesn't mean anything. They were probably bored, lonely and/or other options aren't panning out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 you're not missing anything, that's just the way chicks are Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 you're not missing anything, that's just the way chicks are Yep. I made a policy to only go out with women who give me an enthusiastic yes. Why settle when there are women out there excited to go out with you? Women are strange creatures and trying to figure out why they do something is an exercise in futility. As a guy you search for a logical answer...but then you learn there is no logic in their actions. They are primarily emotionally based Instead, just recognize the patterns of what they do so you can get some warning of future behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grey40 Posted June 21, 2018 Author Share Posted June 21, 2018 Yep. I made a policy to only go out with women who give me an enthusiastic yes. Why settle when there are women out there excited to go out with you? Women are strange creatures and trying to figure out why they do something is an exercise in futility. As a guy you search for a logical answer...but then you learn there is no logic in their actions. They are primarily emotionally based Instead, just recognize the patterns of what they do so you can get some warning of future behavior. Yeah I agree with you 100%. In this particular case, I asked this chick out, met her at a concert—When she went to the bathroom, her friend gave me the lowdown that she’s been on and off with her BF and they’re “kind of” sti seeing each other but she’s not sure. But the chick is unhappy. So I may just be dealing with a situation where the girl just isn’t 100% available right now and even if she decides to be, clearly isn’t over this guy yet so probably best to not get involved. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Adiron Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 Yep. I made a policy to only go out with women who give me an enthusiastic yes. Why settle when there are women out there excited to go out with you? Because: a) Some women are guarded and keep their emotions and feelings close to their chest until they're comfortable with a guy. Doesn't mean they won't make a great partner just because they don't show a lot of initial enthusiasm. b) Who says it's "settling" if you go out with a girl who shows low interest? It's not like you can't go out with anyone else. Friday- go out with enthusiastic girl. Saturday- go out with low interest girl. See how easy that is? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 Yep. I made a policy to only go out with women who give me an enthusiastic yes. Why settle when there are women out there excited to go out with you? Women are strange creatures and trying to figure out why they do something is an exercise in futility. As a guy you search for a logical answer...but then you learn there is no logic in their actions. They are primarily emotionally based Instead, just recognize the patterns of what they do so you can get some warning of future behavior. women operate based upon their feelings SevenCity, whatever that means Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 Dude, the reason women sometimes take longer to respond to you is the same reason you probably don't reply quickly to everyone who texts you. She has a life and had one long before she met you. And yes these women are showing low interest ... Casual sex only is low interest. She might be hanging with friends, at a party ... doing a hobby ... and since it's "only sex" she is not invested in communicating consistently. (If you fall through, there will be another guy interested ... same with you and women.)_ So there's really no urgency. Sometimes a woman might just take some time to make sure she does wanna sleep with you ... Or ... she's getting texted by some other guy who wants to sleep with her ... or by some guy she's already slept with who wants to get with her again ... If this was serious dating--and she liked you--she'd make it a priority to get back to you ... but for b-calls, no ... you're not urgent or that important. And frankly, if you got a text from another woman 2 percent cuter than the one whose text you're waiting on, you'll be slow to respond to the original woman as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 Hard to say, truly. If the answer is no, then … I would say "Thank you but I'm really not that interested". I try to practice good communication rather than just ghosting or not responding, it's courtesy. But if he does ask to see me I would say to him "Sure what's a good time?". And I don't always respond immediately because I may not be 100% sure or maybe I am doing other things. But I learned to be more courteous over time rather than just cowardly when it comes to these things because it's happened to me and I don't want to treat others as badly as I have been treated in the past. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 When I was dating and delayed to answer an invitation it was because I was waiting to hear from another guy that had shown interest in taking me out on that same night and I favored him. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 Yeah I agree with you 100%. In this particular case, I asked this chick out, met her at a concert—When she went to the bathroom, her friend gave me the lowdown that she’s been on and off with her BF and they’re “kind of” sti seeing each other but she’s not sure. But the chick is unhappy. So I may just be dealing with a situation where the girl just isn’t 100% available right now and even if she decides to be, clearly isn’t over this guy yet so probably best to not get involved. I'd say yes to this^^^^. Guessing there are one of four issues going on: *She is still on and off with the one she really wants. Her heart is somewhere else and not open to you...yet. *She is someone that is trying to figure out her schedule (work or social) before she says yet and can't be bothered to say anything such as that to you. *She is flakey in general. *She is not that interested. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 When I wanted to accept a date, I didn't wait long to do so (barring simply being busy and unable to respond at the moment) Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 It could be nerves. It could be she's touching base with friends or family to see if tentative plans from before are going to happen. She doesn't want to text back with a "let me check my schedule and get back to you" because that seems so flippant of the potential relationship or she portrays she's too busy. She's playing hard to get or coy -- don't want to come across as too available or too eager. She has other men who are priorities and she's holding out on their availability before she concedes to your offer (low interest). She's not over a boyfriend or hasn't fully severed a relationship. There are any number of reasons, and take the date or don't. Put a time limit on response if you feel the need, and if they don't respond enthusiastically w/i personal guidelines, cut the rope...I think you'd be shooting yourself in the foot here if you decide on some narrow set of "rules" of which she won't know. You won't know about her and her life if you don't get the opportunity to meet her and get a little more personal. You may find she's so busy, you don't want to work around that...or she's generally too wishy-washy all the way around. You may find she's someone worth pursuing. Don't fret too much about this. You've expressed your interest and you've presented a solid plan. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoreSP Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 How dare them having a life and doing stuff like work, go out with friends, nap, talk to other people. Ugh. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 How dare them having a life and doing stuff like work, go out with friends, nap, talk to other people. yeah right?!?! that's ridiculous 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 Because: a) Some women are guarded and keep their emotions and feelings close to their chest until they're comfortable with a guy. Doesn't mean they won't make a great partner just because they don't show a lot of initial enthusiasm. b) Who says it's "settling" if you go out with a girl who shows low interest? It's not like you can't go out with anyone else. Friday- go out with enthusiastic girl. Saturday- go out with low interest girl. See how easy that is? My time is limited and valuable. Link to post Share on other sites
Adiron Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 My time is limited and valuable. No it isn't. No one is that busy that they can't fit in a handful of 30 minute meetups a few times per week. I looked at your previous threads and sure enough I found this: Friday and Saturday nights are the worst. I am a home body and an introvert so meeting people has not been a goal in my life I'm in my mid 40s and lost touch with friends for various reasons (my closest ones proved untrustworthy). The only close friend I have is married and out of state. So far I've just been watching movies at home but that is getting old. During the day I try to go out to the store just to keep myself busy and it helps to be out of the house. In summary: You're a homebody who has no friends and doesn't know what to do on Friday and Saturday nights, you sit at home and watch movies, and you go to the store just to keep busy. Stop making excuses for not meeting women, it's not going to get you any closer to your stated goal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 My time is limited and valuable. Everyone's is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 No it isn't. No one is that busy that they can't fit in a handful of 30 minute meetups a few times per week. I looked at your previous threads and sure enough I found this: Friday and Saturday nights are the worst. I am a home body and an introvert so meeting people has not been a goal in my life I'm in my mid 40s and lost touch with friends for various reasons (my closest ones proved untrustworthy). The only close friend I have is married and out of state. So far I've just been watching movies at home but that is getting old. During the day I try to go out to the store just to keep myself busy and it helps to be out of the house. In summary: You're a homebody who has no friends and doesn't know what to do on Friday and Saturday nights, you sit at home and watch movies, and you go to the store just to keep busy. Stop making excuses for not meeting women, it's not going to get you any closer to your stated goal. Good catch Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grey40 Posted June 22, 2018 Author Share Posted June 22, 2018 So I texted her today and just asked if she got my text from yesterday because I hadn’t heard back from her, she says “Hey! I’m in Vermont! I’d love to go, next time I’m around for sure!” Wish I never double texted how. Damnit. I just told her to let me know when she’s back and free and we’ll set something up. Doubt she will. Time to move on Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 Don't regret anything, at least now you've confirmed where she stands and you can move on and find other dates for the weekend. Don't give second-thoughts on how double-texting makes you look, you won't see her again anyway. It's just a matter of time before you meet someone worthy of your time. Don't give up! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grey40 Posted June 22, 2018 Author Share Posted June 22, 2018 Don't regret anything, at least now you've confirmed where she stands and you can move on and find other dates for the weekend. Don't give second-thoughts on how double-texting makes you look, you won't see her again anyway. It's just a matter of time before you meet someone worthy of your time. Don't give up! When I asked for her number and said I’d like to get drinks with her sometime, she said “sounds great” and gave me her number right away, not sure why she’d do that if she really didn’t want to go out. This was via online messaging, so it’s not like it was an in person reaction where she felt obligated to be nice, she could have just ignored my initial request. Weird Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 When I asked for her number and said I’d like to get drinks with her sometime, she said “sounds great” and gave me her number right away, not sure why she’d do that if she really didn’t want to go out. This was via online messaging, so it’s not like it was an in person reaction where she felt obligated to be nice, she could have just ignored my initial request. Weird Remember: she’s been on and off with her BF and they’re “kind of” still seeing each other but she’s not sure She simply liked the attention. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grey40 Posted June 22, 2018 Author Share Posted June 22, 2018 Remember: she’s been on and off with her BF and they’re “kind of” still seeing each other but she’s not sure She simply liked the attention. Good point. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 —When she went to the bathroom, her friend gave me the lowdown that she’s been on and off with her BF and they’re “kind of” still seeing each other but she’s not sure. But the chick is unhappy. So I may just be dealing with a situation where the girl just isn’t 100% available right now and even if she decides to be, clearly isn’t over this guy yet so probably best to not get involved. I don't want to beat on you while you're down but you knew better right from the beginning then to expect anything out of this woman. Remind yourself a lot of your hardships come from not trusting your instinct when it tells you *don't do it*. Link to post Share on other sites
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