jjb117 Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 So let's cut to the chase. There's this girl i've been casually dating for a little over a month (talking for about 2 and a half). Things are great in person, but in between dates there is little to no effort on her part to communicate. I get the sense she's not completely into me, but still accepts my invites to go on dates (she pays sometimes too). I'm to the point where i'm very annoyed by her hot and cold behavior. At this point we should be either in the honeymoon phase or at least progressing towards it. But instead, we go in this endless cycle leading us to nowhere. Like I know she ignores my messages at times (and will respond much later) and I can sense i'm not a priority for her. I'm not one to ask for constant attention from someone, or for her to text me all day. But considering we only see each other once a week when it's convinient for her as well as barely communicate, I am starting to get disinterested myself. Should I have a talk with her? See where she stands and where she wants to go? Or should I just call/meet in person and tell her "Hey. It's not working out. You're giving me more reasons to leave than stay. So goodbye" or obviously something a lot nicer. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 Seems simple to me. Stop asking her out! And stop messaging her. If she asks what’s up, then tell her you’re not interested and all the best. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jjb117 Posted June 21, 2018 Author Share Posted June 21, 2018 Is there an etiquette to it? I feel as though we've dated enough to at least give our goodbyes either in person or over the phone. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 I don't think there is a good means to end things with people anymore, they just do what's most convenient or cowardly - emails and texting mostly. And they think they have done nothing wrong most of the time. But it sounds like this is just fading away so … Just stop contacting her. You say you want out of it, so just stop contacting her. Chances are she won't notice or care much. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 all you need to do is stop calling/texting her 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 So let's cut to the chase. There's this girl i've been casually dating for a little over a month (talking for about 2 and a half). Things are great in person, but in between dates there is little to no effort on her part to communicate. I get the sense she's not completely into me, but still accepts my invites to go on dates (she pays sometimes too). I'm to the point where i'm very annoyed by her hot and cold behavior. At this point we should be either in the honeymoon phase or at least progressing towards it. But instead, we go in this endless cycle leading us to nowhere. Like I know she ignores my messages at times (and will respond much later) and I can sense i'm not a priority for her. I'm not one to ask for constant attention from someone, or for her to text me all day. But considering we only see each other once a week when it's convinient for her as well as barely communicate, I am starting to get disinterested myself. Should I have a talk with her? See where she stands and where she wants to go? Or should I just call/meet in person and tell her "Hey. It's not working out. You're giving me more reasons to leave than stay. So goodbye" or obviously something a lot nicer. It sounds like you are trying to find a way to give her an ultimatum. You're saying its because of decorum, but it sounds like you want her to know she either is going to go to the next level, or you're out. It won't work. The only chance that you might have is to walk away. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. However, 99% chance, if she hasn't cared by now, she's not going to care going forward. If they don't care, or you're just entertainment when nothing better is going on, I don't think you owe them anything. But you do owe it to yourself to let them go so you can spend that energy investing in someone that is as enthusiastic about you, as you are about them. Link to post Share on other sites
fredflint Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 Sounds to me like you want more than a casual relationship? I mean surely the whole definition of a casual relationship is that you're not a complete priority for each other, that you have other people you're seeing or thinking of seeing. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 I agree...just stop contacting her and she will get the message. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jjb117 Posted June 21, 2018 Author Share Posted June 21, 2018 (edited) It sounds like you are trying to find a way to give her an ultimatum. You're saying its because of decorum, but it sounds like you want her to know she either is going to go to the next level, or you're out. It won't work. The only chance that you might have is to walk away. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. However, 99% chance, if she hasn't cared by now, she's not going to care going forward. If they don't care, or you're just entertainment when nothing better is going on, I don't think you owe them anything. But you do owe it to yourself to let them go so you can spend that energy investing in someone that is as enthusiastic about you, as you are about them. Welp, I asked her when would be the next time she would be free and she left me on read for about an hour. Not sure if she'll even respond because she usually gets back to me quickly on that kind of stuff. Wanted to give it another chance but I guess I have my answer. Edited June 21, 2018 by jjb117 Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 Honestly, I have been in exactly these shoes. It is unlikely to end well no matter which way you decide to go. I went through this for about six months, then things started to get wayyy better ... then BOOM she blew me off at a party I threw for her, and so I ghosted her, stopped texting, calling, blocked her on social media and I realized I probably should have done it months earlier. I find that these hot/cold things hardly ever go well. If she knows you're interested, she'll know how to toss just enough breadcrumbs your way to keep you on the hook. My advice would be to cut and run. If she's truly interested, she'll reach out. If she doesn't, then you have your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 Dear xxxxx, Welcome to splitsville. Population, you. Love, xxxx P.S. I'm gay. ----- That should just about do it, I'd think. Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 (edited) I don't think there is a good means to end things with people anymore, they just do what's most convenient or cowardly - emails and texting mostly. And they think they have done nothing wrong most of the time. But it sounds like this is just fading away so … Just stop contacting her. You say you want out of it, so just stop contacting her. Chances are she won't notice or care much. You've raised some good points there - but I also think that's why ending things should always be done in person. It's a lot scarier at first, but it lessens confusion on both sides, and thus both people can move forward quicker. I agree with the sentiment though. Time to end things OP, you want something more serious which isn't going to eventuate here. Edited June 22, 2018 by snowboy91 clarity Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 Casual relationships absolutely do NOT require some official notice. They rise, fall, come and go and fade out ... Totally natural. If you send her a text, you wanna say something like, "Hey, listen it seems clear things have faded between us. Just wanted to wish you well." The only benefit of sending her a note like this ... is that if you run into her at a club ... or out somewhere, things will be less awkward than if things just faded away with no official announcement. Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 It doesn't sound like you want to end things because you've lost interest, it sounds like you're butthurt because she's not meeting your expectations so you're going to lash out because of it. Not a good look, imo. Insofar as ending a casual relationship, it's El Basico. You just stop initiating contact. Given her apparent lack of interest, you'll probably never hear back from her. Link to post Share on other sites
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