rcrljmg07 Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 So my girlfriend out of nowhere told me today some guy she used to know in high school gave her his number, we are long distance at the moment, she made a joke and said 8 months ago no one was giving me there number, before we got together, how it made her think of wanting to be with me. I just laughed it off, she said I didn’t want it, I want you and only you, but now later on I’m thinking this was quite annoying, why would she say this, it’s hard enough long distance, I don’t want those thoughts in my head. Do I have a right to be mad? Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 You can be mad if you want, but it's not healthy. Would you rather she not told you about it, and you found out later in another manner? She told you all the right things to reassure you; do you trust her? If she's not worthy of trust and wants to cheat, she surely doesn't need some former schoolmate looking her up. I'm sure she has other options. Be happy she chose you, and always, always encourage her to tell you these little things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rcrljmg07 Posted June 21, 2018 Author Share Posted June 21, 2018 I do understand, the part I didn’t like is she mentioned how hard it is to not see each other after this incident, something she wasn’t thinking off before and how she wants to be together, made me feel like if I don’t hurry up maybe I’d lose her I don’t know. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 I do understand, the part I didn’t like is she mentioned how hard it is to not see each other after this incident, something she wasn’t thinking off before and how she wants to be together, made me feel like if I don’t hurry up maybe I’d lose her I don’t know. Oh, I get you now. Yea, either she's cut out for long distance or she's not. Time will tell. If this incident is enough to give her a nudge away from you, then she's pretty weak. What's your time frame for closing the distance? Link to post Share on other sites
Author rcrljmg07 Posted June 21, 2018 Author Share Posted June 21, 2018 I’m not sure of the time frame, we haven’t decided this, it’s been 7 months, so I understand her frustration. Any tips Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 I’m not sure of the time frame, we haven’t decided this, it’s been 7 months, so I understand her frustration. Any tips How long distance? Why not go see her soon? Sure, it'll be awkward to plan something at short notice, but long distance is difficult anyway. No reason to be mad, if she was planning on cheating or anything she simply wouldn't have told you about it. What is it though, is a call for attention. Which is why seeing her soon, if you possibly can, would be worthwhile. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 So my girlfriend out of nowhere told me today some guy she used to know in high school gave her his number, we are long distance at the moment, she made a joke and said 8 months ago no one was giving me there number, before we got together, how it made her think of wanting to be with me. I just laughed it off, she said I didn’t want it, I want you and only you, but now later on I’m thinking this was quite annoying, why would she say this, it’s hard enough long distance, I don’t want those thoughts in my head. Do I have a right to be mad? It's not a matter of having a right to be mad. Either you are or you aren't. What's not right is to take that emotion and put action to it to punish your girlfriend. If she kept it to herself and you found out later that she didn't say anything, would you be here complaining about that, too? If you don't have the discipline to do LDR's, then you need to stay out of them. And if your thoughts have this much control over you, then you need to go speak to a professional. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 You are right to think if you don't hurry up you may lose her. What is the reason for the distance & when will you be able to see each other again? Long distance is only sustainable if there is a real plan to close the gap. I did one with the idea that when I finished grad school, I'd move to him; plus we saw each other approximately every 3 months so it was do-able. Perhaps work on your connectivity. For now, at least be comforted by the fact that she told you she was spending time with this old friend. While not ideal, that is better then her sneaking around behind your back. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 (edited) Soooooo would you rather hear about it from listening in on a conversation with her friend months later at a party? She's being transparent. But that's OK she realizes her mistake and won't tell you anything more about what happens after this. I guarantee you, this is only the tip of the iceburg.....there are plenty of other times, guys have hit on her, asked for her number, etc that you will never hear about anyways. Edited June 21, 2018 by smackie9 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rcrljmg07 Posted June 21, 2018 Author Share Posted June 21, 2018 Soooooo would you rather hear about it from listening in on a conversation with her friend months later at a party? She's being transparent. But that's OK she realizes her mistake and won't tell you anything more about what happens after this. I guarantee you, this is only the tip of the iceburg.....there are plenty of other times, guys have hit on her, asked for her number, etc that you will never hear about anyways. Why would she do that, it’s not like I made a big deal over it? Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 Why would she do that, it’s not like I made a big deal over it? You're here asking if you have a "right" to be mad---if you're at the point of being mad, then you're making a big deal out of it. You don't think she's aware of your demeanor? You're making a big enough deal of it to write to strangers about it asking if you have a right to be mad. I seriously doubt you're walking around happy go lucky if you're creating and investing in this thread--and if you are hiding how you truthfully feel, then you're being false and disingenuous with her and are willingly putting up a divide between you and her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rcrljmg07 Posted June 21, 2018 Author Share Posted June 21, 2018 I tend to obsess about things, but would I be out of line asking if she threw the number out, I’m leaning towards just letting it go. I didn’t show her any of this, I just laughed it off to be honest Link to post Share on other sites
RideTheLightening Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 I tend to obsess about things, but would I be out of line asking if she threw the number out, I’m leaning towards just letting it go. I didn’t show her any of this, I just laughed it off to be honest I think you should be more focused on giving out your own phone number. In my experience, she was telling you this story to gauge your reaction. Laughing it off could be perceived as permissiveness to contact him. I mean in this story it really sounds like she accepted the number instead of rebuffing him... am I correct in this? A quality woman would not have accepted the man's number at all. You MUST have rational standards for female behavior and hold women accountable to them! Link to post Share on other sites
Author rcrljmg07 Posted June 21, 2018 Author Share Posted June 21, 2018 I think you should be more focused on giving out your own phone number. In my experience, she was telling you this story to gauge your reaction. Laughing it off could be perceived as permissiveness to contact him. I mean in this story it really sounds like she accepted the number instead of rebuffing him... am I correct in this? A quality woman would not have accepted the man's number at all. You MUST have rational standards for female behavior and hold women accountable to them! Yeah, I’m not totally sure, I should have asked, she said she doesn’t want his number, only wants me etc. doesn’t want anyone but me. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 I tend to obsess about things, but would I be out of line asking if she threw the number out, I’m leaning towards just letting it go. I didn’t show her any of this, I just laughed it off to be honest Actually, this is relatively easy to navigate. When you talk to her next, tell her "I'm really glad we have open communication where you feel you can tell me anything. That lets me know you trust me to handle something I may not really want to hear. Having said that, what I'd like to tell you is I trust you (say it ONLY if that is true) to do right by me without having to alert me to what is going on. Now, if he or some other guy is making a nuisance of himself, then yeah, I need to know that so we can come up with a plan for you to put into action regarding them." That way, you let her know that she can miss you with this kinds of bulletins, but she can come to you if things get escalated by someone else and you'll have her back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RideTheLightening Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 Yeah, I’m not totally sure, I should have asked, she said she doesn’t want his number, only wants me etc. doesn’t want anyone but me. Ok, so she told you what you obviously wanted to hear. Let me give you a tip for life. Stop listening to what women SAY, and instead watch what they DO. She says she wants only you... but she took a phone number from another guy. Do you see how her words are not backed up by her actions? Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 Ok, so she told you what you obviously wanted to hear. Let me give you a tip for life. Stop listening to what women SAY, and instead watch what they DO. She says she wants only you... but she took a phone number from another guy. Do you see how her words are not backed up by her actions? THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS. Actions speak louder than words. Examples: She said she cut off old FWBS but still contacts him? ACTIONS She said she wants you but gives out her phone number? ACTIONS She says she'll do anything to be with you, but then can't find a way to see you? ACTIONS It's all in the actions they take, not what they say! Link to post Share on other sites
Author rcrljmg07 Posted June 21, 2018 Author Share Posted June 21, 2018 She said the guy just handed her a piece of paper, some guy she knew working at something near her I canÂ’t remember the story, after that I said you gonna call it she said no, I only want you, no one else, she then talked about our relationship and how she wanted to see me, all her talking, trying to,get me to think of a way to figure it out, since itÂ’s been awhile since We saw each other. Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 She said the guy just handed her a piece of paper, some guy she knew working at something near her I canÂ’t remember the story, after that I said you gonna call it she said no, I only want you, no one else, she then talked about our relationship and how she wanted to see me, all her talking, trying to,get me to think of a way to figure it out, since itÂ’s been awhile since We saw each other. Ok, that's different. Can't stop dudes hitting on your woman, especially if she's cute, The fact that she told you makes my previous post moot, You got a keeper, enjoy it, other men want what you have, I should have read the entire thread, that's completely my bad! Link to post Share on other sites
Author rcrljmg07 Posted June 21, 2018 Author Share Posted June 21, 2018 (edited) Ok, that's different. Can't stop dudes hitting on your woman, especially if she's cute, The fact that she told you makes my previous post moot, You got a keeper, enjoy it, other men want what you have, I should have read the entire thread, that's completely my bad! I still am not the happiest that she didn’t say no to it , not sure if it was slipped to her or whatever, but idk the whole situation, I can’t recall it verbatim, one thing I didn’t like is she was like acting flattered to get hit on, ugh idk lol, she could of kept this to herself and I’d never had known Edited June 21, 2018 by rcrljmg07 Link to post Share on other sites
RideTheLightening Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 She said the guy just handed her a piece of paper, some guy she knew working at something near her I canÂ’t remember the story, after that I said you gonna call it she said no, I only want you, no one else, she then talked about our relationship and how she wanted to see me, all her talking, trying to,get me to think of a way to figure it out, since itÂ’s been awhile since We saw each other. Somebody hands you a note and you don't read it? Bullsh*t! She knew it was a phone number right away and could have rejected it, but didn't. Why? My best guess is that this dudes number is sitting on her desk right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rcrljmg07 Posted June 21, 2018 Author Share Posted June 21, 2018 Somebody hands you a note and you don't read it? Bullsh*t! She knew it was a phone number right away and could have rejected it, but didn't. Why? My best guess is that this dudes number is sitting on her desk right now. Yes you’re right she should have, but maybe she didn’t know the situation I think there may have been people around, we also haven’t told each other’s family’s too much about it. So idk Link to post Share on other sites
Rockdad Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 I still am not the happiest that she didn’t say no to it , not sure if it was slipped to her or whatever, but idk the whole situation, I can’t recall it verbatim, one thing I didn’t like is she was like acting flattered to get hit on, ugh idk lol, she could of kept this to herself and I’d never had known Let's just say you are correct and your GF was flattered by getting hit on. So?? If the actual problem is your personal insecurity deal with that issue and not project a problem on her. Please don't burn the house down over something like this. If I got upset everytime my wife was and is hit on I'd be walking around upset all the time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 This wasn't some random stranger. It's a classmate from long ago. She probably thinks it would have been rude to refuse. Her taking the # & telling you is not the problem. Now if she starts calling or texting the # a lot, that could be a problem. My Q remains, when are you going to close the distance? When you are closer this won't upset you as much because then there will be nothing some other guy can give her that she's not already not getting from you. Now, he's there & you are not so it's freaking you out. Don't ask her to throw out the number. That feels bossy & sounds like you don't trust her to have enough sense not to contact the guy. Let her show you that she is worthy of your trust. I think she was doing that by telling you about it. When I was first married based on advice I got off these boards, I went home that night I told my husband that some guy had flirted with me . . . just flirted, not even really hit on me. My husband looked at me like I was daft & asked why I was telling him this. He was dead serious when he asked if I was telling him because I needed him to go beat the guy up because he crossed lines & I was unable to defuse the situation. I was like of course not, I can take care of myself. My husband assured me that he knew that which is why he was so perplexed & didn't understand why I was telling him about this particular guy who flirted with me. My response was the Love Shack told me to. He laughed then joked that he's well aware that I get hit on regularly & I could no more stop flirting then stop breathing but he was also perfectly confident in my loyalty. Harmless flirting means nothing. Your GF not wanting to cause a scene by rejecting an old school chum's number is not a threat to your relationship. Breath. Trust her but keep your eyes open. Work on a plan to be together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rcrljmg07 Posted June 21, 2018 Author Share Posted June 21, 2018 I have no problem that she got hit on, what it is is how she told me, like she was flattered and got a number, it sounded insecure and immature Link to post Share on other sites
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