Is this girl playing hard to get? What do you think.

[ma118]

Im freshman who is trying to learn from his past mistakes when it comes to dating. Recently this girl from my school started showing behavior that I haven't encountered before. She appears to be playing hard to get but I still want clarification.

 

This is a long post btw...

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

This girl (s) and I are between acquaintances and friends at my school club. Since she was a board member when I first met her, I would sometimes ask for access to the club building’s facilities. We never really talked that much but still communicated occasionally.

 

Sometimes she showed signs of attraction. When she and I were in the clubroom onetime - and I was talking to her - she stared into my eyes and it lingered afterward. In each case body was oriented toward me which is a sign of interest. Recently, she started complimenting me about the outfits I wore to school. And at an event she and I attended, we were splitting into groups when she asked which group she should join. The fact that she's now the president and can join any group shows it was an excuse to talk to me.

 

That night the signs grew more apparent. I texted her to ask a question about the event. After some brief exchanges of information, she kept continuing the conversation. She asked about my interests regarding the event. Then she asked about summer plans. She continued the conversation twice after it reached a dead end.

 

I realized that she liked me and asked her out. I asked when she was available for lunch. She said she'd let me know once she starts working. From reading pickup - but refusing to use it - I knew that she either had low interest or thought my time was abundant. I texted “it seems like your schedule is busy - mine is getting busy too, so we should do this another time. Immediately she responded "dammit your schedule is getting busy? (upset emoji) What about June 15?"

 

She asked personal questions after setting plans. She randomly asked how far I lived from the school. I knew that texting her more would put me in the friend zone, so I said, “30 minutes why?” That way she wouldn't ask additional questions and I wouldn't reveal too much about myself.

 

Later that night she ****-tested me. She asked, "can we change this to somewhere in the city.. or am I just over exaggerating lol?" Knowing that this was a **** test, I told her this was the only location that worked for my schedule. She agreed.

 

A few days later our date plans changed. We received an email about a promotion day for a company she is interning at. She texted she couldn't have lunch that day, however, she asked if I was free another day. When I was mid-way to responding to her text she asked if we could FaceTime the next day. I didn't know how to respond, so I just refused. She got upset as indicated by frown-face emojis but wanted to know when I was free. A few hours later, I agreed to FaceTime her.

 

Strangely, our initial plans were tracked via google calendar. She sent calendar invitations for the lunch plans. However, for FaceTime she never sent anything. I believe this was a hard to get technique to gauge my interest. Since I missed attraction windows in the past as a result of not asking her out, she didn't want to expose her full intent if I wasn't interested.

 

During the FaceTime "date" she appeared to be playing hard to get. I complimented her hair and she giggled immediately. She was always asking me personal questions such as where my family was from etc. She laughed at all of my jokes despite them not being funny. She never did this before. She kept the conversation going and filled dead silences. In one moment when we were discussing shows, she enthusiastically asked if I liked empire which I disagreed. She then changed her opinion by saying she likes it but isn't sure anymore (qualification). One time she mentioned having bad memory but remembered what I was wearing 5 days before. I called her Dory and she agreed saying she had a file on her computer called Dory. If she lied, she would be qualifying herself to me; if she's told the truth it she remembers what she finds important. Despite everything, she randomly mentioned an encounter on the street with a guy from her high school who complimented her. She she was happy but never pursued the guy. There were also times when she was getting things since she was going outside. However, when she came back she laid down on her side while giving full eye contact.

 

After FaceTiming her I tried setting up another "date." I texted her that we should do this again sometime to which she replied let’s keep this up.

 

 

After two days of no contact she texted me at unusual hours. It was 2am and she texted, "that Kanye album is some interesting stuff lol." No female friend has ever texted me past 12 to start a conversation. The subject of the text was also something I mentioned early in our FaceTime talk - which was 2 days before. I replied an hour later saying, "I thought you had bad memory were you lying to me (raised eyebrow emoji).

 

Strangely she didn't reply. In fact, the next day she was texting in the group chat but didn't reply to my message. This was the only time she didn't reply to my text. Granted, there’s a chance she fell asleep and forgot. But her never doing that tells me she used this as a technique.

 

Since I had low initial interest in her and ended up getting lost in mixed signals, I decided to put an end to this. I called her and said that I knew she liked me, but I wasn't interested in her and wanted to stay friends. She didn't chime in while I was talking which shows she was waiting for my response. When I told her, she repeated what I said word for word. She also created ridiculous excuses such as "come on ma118 we're 18." Another excuse was that she was sort of in something, but she thinks its one-sided. Irrelevant information is a telltale sign person is lying. She was also surprised that she gave a romantic vibe, yet she never gave these signs to me in the past.

 

A few days later she randomly texted me. She found a guy on LinkedIn with the same role as me and texted "who's coming for you (laughing emoji). 8 seconds later she sent another text saying, " I lied he graduated in 2016 I think." The fact that she screenshotted the photo, opened her messages, clicked on my name, selected a photo, typed a message, and selected emojis and realized 8 seconds later that she was wrong tells me that it was an excuse to text me. In a way I caught her bluff: she was too eager to text me that she forgot to think.

[JDJ]

I am so glad I am not in this kind of dating hell. You should move on and find someone who will treat you with respect.

[ma118]

Yeah I moved on from it already but was curious about what happened.

 

It also gets complicated since we're both board members of my club. Im on break now but when we see each other late August its going to be awkward.

[ma118]

I am so glad I am not in this kind of dating hell. You should move on and find someone who will treat you with respect.

 

Yeah I moved on from it already but was curious about what happened.

 

It also gets complicated since we're both board members of my club. Im on break now but when we see each other late August its going to be awkward.

[JDJ]

Yeah I moved on from it already but was curious about what happened.

 

It also gets complicated since we're both board members of my club. Im on break now but when we see each other late August its going to be awkward.

 

Glad that you moved on. It is just my opinion, but I don't think you should take the time to analyze what happened. It will be much more pleasant and productive for you to solve some calculus problems than to wade back into the details of what each text might mean. That stuff will really mess with your head. The more time you spend in college on improving yourself instead of worrying about these kind of games, the better off you will be in the long run.

[Lotsgoingon]

Man you are so over-interpreting what she's doing ... and you're misunderstanding how to use the pickup stuff ... OK, a few good moves there ... like the "30 minutes. Why?" ... But you could have just as confidently said, "30 minutes." Period.

 

That's pretty good ... But you're missing something.

 

At some point, you need to just meet this woman. So you're applying the pickup stuff too literally. I actually find she was quite honest in saying we're only 18 ... and she implied that you are expecting way more out of her so early on ... than she is ready to give.

 

I thought that comment of hers was brilliant and showed some honesty and vulnerability ... and openness ... Dude, that was your opening! ..

 

And here's another point ... the goal also in these encounters is ENJOY THE CONVERSATION! ... Enjoy getting to know someone and to hear their ideas and learn about their families and learn about yourself as you're describing your family.

 

Add some fun to it brother.

 

Challenge question: put all the pickup stuff aside: What would you really have wanted to say to her ... or ask her? What would have been fun to talk about?

 

Another: What did you like about her? To keep communicating means you liked her ... but none of why comes through. What did you like about her?

 

 

 

She hasn't

[ma118]

Man you are so over-interpreting what she's doing ... and you're misunderstanding how to use the pickup stuff ... OK, a few good moves there ... like the "30 minutes. Why?" ... But you could have just as confidently said, "30 minutes." Period.

 

That's pretty good ... But you're missing something.

 

At some point, you need to just meet this woman. So you're applying the pickup stuff too literally. I actually find she was quite honest in saying we're only 18 ... and she implied that you are expecting way more out of her so early on ... than she is ready to give.

 

I thought that comment of hers was brilliant and showed some honesty and vulnerability ... and openness ... Dude, that was your opening! ..

 

And here's another point ... the goal also in these encounters is ENJOY THE CONVERSATION! ... Enjoy getting to know someone and to hear their ideas and learn about their families and learn about yourself as you're describing your family.

 

Add some fun to it brother.

 

Challenge question: put all the pickup stuff aside: What would you really have wanted to say to her ... or ask her? What would have been fun to talk about?

 

Another: What did you like about her? To keep communicating means you liked her ... but none of why comes through. What did you like about her?

 

 

 

She hasn't

 

 

I really never understood why she made the "18" comment until now. I thought it was just something she threw in the conversation once I told her I wasn't interested.

 

But I try to get to know her as well. I asked questions about her country and what she liked about it. The other questions I asked were follow ups that came from the topics constantly changing.

 

Despite this, I would've liked to know about her motivations behind majoring in accounting. I could have gone deeper and learn more about why she wanted to do it.

 

My initial interest wasn't too high in her. I liked that she was driven to becoming a public accountant. I also thought she was somewhat cute. However, I didn't like that she disrespected her own culture along with acting kind of dumb at times.

 

I agree with you in regards to me not bringing out my true intentions. I asked for a lot of advice regarding this experience - some telling to show minimal intent and others like what I learned through pickup. I just needed guidance.

 

I doubt we'll being going out anytime soon. We haven't talked since the LinkedIn thing which I still think is weird. And even if we do talk it'll be weird since I told her I wasn't interested. Or will it be?

 

I still want to know what her intentions were. If not hard to get, was she interested, not interested, or unsure?

Edited June 22, 2018 by ma118

[Lotsgoingon]

She was interested in going out with you and talking to you ... to see if there was more a deeper interest worth pursuing.

 

One of the best strategies to figure out how much we like people is to talk to them and to go out with them.

 

You're sorta acting like she's already got to know she was to buy you, the product. No ... talking to you ... is like a family looking to buy a new home. The home looks great on the web ... but you know that's only a superficial picture ... So the family goes to the house to see if this house is what they want.

 

To me, she genuinely was responsive, she adjusted plans when you played the tough pickup psychology on her ... She was somewhat insecure in agreeing with you about Empire ...

 

But the point of meeting someone is to figure out ... or start the process of figuring out if you like them. You clearly had passed the first threshhold, which is figure out if someone is worth meeting up with to learn more in the first place.

 

And yes, start asking those questions YOU really want to ask ... as long as they're not totally crazy. That's one way you can see if you like the way she thinks ... and she can figure out you and your interests by the questions you ask ...

 

Anyway, good luck. I think you're doing fine ...

[ma118]

She was interested in going out with you and talking to you ... to see if there was more a deeper interest worth pursuing.

 

One of the best strategies to figure out how much we like people is to talk to them and to go out with them.

 

You're sorta acting like she's already got to know she was to buy you, the product. No ... talking to you ... is like a family looking to buy a new home. The home looks great on the web ... but you know that's only a superficial picture ... So the family goes to the house to see if this house is what they want.

 

To me, she genuinely was responsive, she adjusted plans when you played the tough pickup psychology on her ... She was somewhat insecure in agreeing with you about Empire ...

 

But the point of meeting someone is to figure out ... or start the process of figuring out if you like them. You clearly had passed the first threshhold, which is figure out if someone is worth meeting up with to learn more in the first place.

 

And yes, start asking those questions YOU really want to ask ... as long as they're not totally crazy. That's one way you can see if you like the way she thinks ... and she can figure out you and your interests by the questions you ask ...

 

Anyway, good luck. I think you're doing fine ...

 

Thanks

 

This wasn't my first time on a date but the whole FaceTime thing was something I wasn't used to.

[Lotsgoingon]

I think we all are getting used to the new forms of communication and the role they play in romance and dating.

[smackie9]

She didn't really have romantic interested, all she was interested in was the game and gaining your attention...that's it. She was testing her skills out on you. You walking away was no skin off her nose. It was all for amusement. Sorry you got caught up in it. You were wise to be cautious instead of chasing a ghost like a lot of guys do.

[ma118]

She didn't really have romantic interested, all she was interested in was the game and gaining your attention...that's it. She was testing her skills out on you. You walking away was no skin off her nose. It was all for amusement. Sorry you got caught up in it. You were wise to be cautious instead of chasing a ghost like a lot of guys do.

 

Crap. I had feeling early on that this might be the case but refused to believe it.

 

But how can you fake subconscious signs. The **** tests, laughing, body orientation, etc. - it seems highly unlikely to have been faked by her.

[preraph]

No one gets to be class president without schmoozing people and acting friendly to everyone and asking them about their life so they think they're really interested in you and flirting even when they're not interested.

 

She has someone she likes but they're probably not together, but that's why she wants.

[mortensorchid]

There is playing hard to get and not interested, and she is in the second category. To clarify what the difference is:

 

1) Playing hard to get - A woman makes the man work for something but does not say yes immediately or chases to get what she wants. For example, a man asks to see her tomorrow night. She says "I'm sorry, I have plans tomorrow but another time would be better." Believe it or not, some guys would storm off in a huff if some woman said no to that (whether or not it's true if she did have plans the next day). Then he gets her phone number and things can go from there.

 

2) Not interested - This can be a variety of things : reasons or excuses why they can't do something (even something as lame as the cat being sick), waiting until the last minute to tell you they can't come, acting like they don't know what they should or shouldn't be doing, acting distracted, talking about others they may want to date or someone from the past who's hurt them, etc. And in this case, remember she is just being friendly towards you because she's a politician. No one gets to be class president by not being well liked. She is very popular. But don't think of it as we have always thought of the word "popular" because that also implies being snotty and excluding others from your group (think Mean Girls - they thought they were better than everyone and would not allow others to sit with them). She's popular in that she has a lot of friends and knows everyone and most everyone she knows things highly of her. Including you.

 

 

But she's not interested. It's time to move on.

[smackie9]

Crap. I had feeling early on that this might be the case but refused to believe it.

 

But how can you fake subconscious signs. The **** tests, laughing, body orientation, etc. - it seems highly unlikely to have been faked by her.

Women who love attention will go through the seductive moves and body language to pull you in to get it. She did all the things to keep you thinking you have a chance. Boom! ego boost for her.

 

 

 

Why can you seal the deal? because pickup only teaches you how to get your foot in the door for their phone number or that first date. What they don't teach you, is how to be charming and charismatic. It's a great skill to have, tough to learn. It has a lot to do with personality, social skills, and being able to adjust to that person you are interacting with. Kinda like the software they put out on the net, that reads peoples habits, and pop ads and topics that appeal to that person. It's about quick thinking/analyzing/knowing your next several moves=smooth operator.

[TheFinalWord]

A few days later she randomly texted me. She found a guy on LinkedIn with the same role as me and texted "who's coming for you (laughing emoji). 8 seconds later she sent another text saying, " I lied he graduated in 2016 I think." The fact that she screenshotted the photo, opened her messages, clicked on my name, selected a photo, typed a message, and selected emojis and realized 8 seconds later that she was wrong tells me that it was an excuse to text me. In a way I caught her bluff: she was too eager to text me that she forgot to think.

 

Just my two cents. You are over-analyzing her psychology. Schedule the date. If she can never make it, you know she's either unorganized or not interested. This way you won't waste a bunch of time doing face chats and texting for hours on end. Sometimes I've found, the timing is not right. You can have mutual attraction, but life factors can prevent a meet up from occurring. In these circumstances, a lot of times the chemistry will fade eventually and it's gone.

[ma118]

Women who love attention will go through the seductive moves and body language to pull you in to get it. She did all the things to keep you thinking you have a chance. Boom! ego boost for her.

 

 

 

Why can you seal the deal? because pickup only teaches you how to get your foot in the door for their phone number or that first date. What they don't teach you, is how to be charming and charismatic. It's a great skill to have, tough to learn. It has a lot to do with personality, social skills, and being able to adjust to that person you are interacting with. Kinda like the software they put out on the net, that reads peoples habits, and pop ads and topics that appeal to that person. It's about quick thinking/analyzing/knowing your next several moves=smooth operator.

 

I get that

 

And I always thought it was in the nonverbals? Eye contact speaking slow etc.

 

Most of this interaction was from her pursuing me. Whats strange is that she never acted this way to me. Sure we had short conversations in the past - but nothing serious. Sometimes she initiated short conversations, however these were based of knowing how I did in webinars etc. This time she kept it going. The conversations were never this long in the past.

[ma118]

Just my two cents. You are over-analyzing her psychology. Schedule the date. If she can never make it, you know she's either unorganized or not interested. This way you won't waste a bunch of time doing face chats and texting for hours on end. Sometimes I've found, the timing is not right. You can have mutual attraction, but life factors can prevent a meet up from occurring. In these circumstances, a lot of times the chemistry will fade eventually and it's gone.

 

So I should have stuck with an in person arrangement and waited to see if she showed?

 

And yeah I know what you mean. I had to take away a date plan from another girl because her work schedule required long shifts. There was attraction and but it wasn't going to work then.

[smackie9]

I get that

 

And I always thought it was in the nonverbals? Eye contact speaking slow etc.

 

Most of this interaction was from her pursuing me. Whats strange is that she never acted this way to me. Sure we had short conversations in the past - but nothing serious. Sometimes she initiated short conversations, however these were based of knowing how I did in webinars etc. This time she kept it going. The conversations were never this long in the past.

Women need to be kept intrigued, by your body language/posturing, conversation (is so key), humor, friendly banter, a good pair of shoes (yes women look at the shoes), and a multiple of other things that triggers attraction. Our brains pickup and analyze things in split seconds, and measure it with out emotions...very tricky stuff because we are like snowflakes, none are ever alike.

[ma118]

Women need to be kept intrigued, by your body language/posturing, conversation (is so key), humor, friendly banter, a good pair of shoes (yes women look at the shoes), and a multiple of other things that triggers attraction. Our brains pickup and analyze things in split seconds, and measure it with out emotions...very tricky stuff because we are like snowflakes, none are ever alike.

 

Right - I get that.

 

I've also heard that if a woman likes you she will make time for you. This was true for the majority of girls that liked me in the past. In the case of this girl, she made time in her schedule and provided an alternative despite giving a wishy washy response in the beginning.

 

If that was the case, doesn't it mean that she was interested?

[coolheadal]

Crap. I had feeling early on that this might be the case but refused to believe it.

 

But how can you fake subconscious signs. The **** tests, laughing, body orientation, etc. - it seems highly unlikely to have been faked by her.

 

This happen to us men all the time you just don't know who your dealing with like girls, women and ladies act like this. You got played, but now you have learn another trick of the trade. Never contact her ever no more text or cell. If you see in person just look down and walk away. Don't even think she's worth your time anymore. Call this head games, mind games, childishness behavior, or just another toxic woman. She like you to have fun with her, you were her side kick, you keep going until you figured out what the heck she was up too!