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i finally started having feelings for someone but he said he is not over his ex


toomanyquestions123

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toomanyquestions123

After one year of dating and meeting new guys and not feeling anything to anyone, i finally met someone i am really attracted to. So i came to Egypt for work, and I met this really cute guy at work. I knew that he is attracted to me as well so i did the move and initiated a conversation.

 

He immediately asked me out on the same day and we went out for a coffee and to see his dogs. When he dropped me back at my hotel, i suddenly felt like i think i like this guy, he's handsome, he is tooo funny, he is tooo smart. Then 2 days after he came to my hotel and we sat on the pool and had a bottle of wine.

 

We really enjoyed our time and that's when he kissed me. I felt so much attraction to him that i was really worried the next day.Then my mom came to visit me on the weekend, yet he tried to see me many times but i declined because i didnt want to leave my mom. Yesterday at work, he was really nervous and he was asking me to meet him in the garden every now and often and he even tried to kiss me at work and he asked me to go with him to a beach destination for the next weekend. Before finishing work, he texted me if he can drop me at my hotel, i told him i will go alone but thank you.

 

Out of a sudden, he told me that he was thinking about it and that he thinks some misinterpretation has happened and he wish we can stay only friends. I told him we re only friends but i thought we are enjoying our time together, he then said he is into me and really likes spending time with me but he is not sure he is ready for something serious since he is not over his EX yet. (They broke up in October and she was his first love, the reason why they broke up is because she was older than him and she wanted to get married; he says that they had to break up and they were yet still in love. )

 

He then asked me if i can allow him to take me still to this beach destination and he asked me if i want to spend time with him ? i really like this guy that i told him i dont like labeling now and we re just having fun. Thats when he asked me if he can see me tonight and told him yes. He came to my hotel room, we watched netflix, had some wine and ended up having really great sex.

 

He had to leave to his place evantually and i couldnt sleep thinking what is really happening and what can i do about it ! i finally met someone i am really attracted to, that i like, and that really stimulates me and that he is emotionally unavailable !! do guys who are not yet over their exes are totally emotionally unavailable? does this mean he only wants sex ? some help please !!!

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The issue here is that he’s telling you he’s not ready for a relationship and just wants to be friends with you. You on the other hand are catching feelings. I can’t help but wonder if he’s still in contact with his ex. You’re setting yourself up to be a rebound. Granted he likes his time with you - sex, fun, distraction, companionship, etc., and that may be all it is on his part while with every interaction you have with him, the more emotionally invested you’re becoming.

 

Don’t date people that still have unresolved emotional attachments to others. I’ve been in both positions and it never ends well.

Edited by Zahara
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toomanyquestions123

Thank you for the reply. The thing is, i really think he likes me too. The way he looks at me, the way he always wants to see me. And i really appreciated his honesty from the beginning, but i was just wondering if this is gonna be a waste of time or things may change from both sides ?

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ExpatInItaly
Thank you for the reply. The thing is, i really think he likes me too. The way he looks at me, the way he always wants to see me. And i really appreciated his honesty from the beginning, but i was just wondering if this is gonna be a waste of time or things may change from both sides ?

 

You are applying your own hopes for something more here, OP.

 

He is probably attracted to you, yes, but listen to what he's told you: he is still into his ex.

 

Don't do this to yourself.

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RideTheLightening
Thats when he asked me if he can see me tonight and told him yes. He came to my hotel room, we watched netflix, had some wine and ended up having really great sex. He had to leave to his place evantually and i couldnt sleep thinking what is really happening and what can i do about it ! i finally met someone i am really attracted to, that i like, and that really stimulates me and that he is emotionally unavailable !! do guys who are not yet over their exes are totally emotionally unavailable? does this mean he only wants sex ? some help please !!!

 

Uh... at the moment he wants nothing more than sex and some companionship.

 

Notice how he dropped the "Im still into my X" line after you put him off for a bit? That should tell you something.

 

When I was a younger man I would get myself into these situations with some frequency. None of them ever turned into more than a fling. Not saying that is your destiny in this situation, but I'd say you have less than a 20% chance of going the distance on this one.

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toomanyquestions123

Yes, I am aware of that. I know right now he is only attracted to me sexually and thats it. But i am attracted to him on all the other levels. So I'm not sure if should do this to myself and proceed especially that i am really ready to get into a relationship unlike him.

 

He told me that he still talks to his ex and they may meet for a closure....

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PegNosePete

I'm not sure what the confusion is here. He has told you to your face that he is not ready for a relationship and is not over his ex. You need to tell him "Okay well I am looking for more than just casual dating and sex so when you're all done with your ex and ready for a new relationship too, give me a call".

 

And then don't talk to him again until/unless he is fully single and available for a relationship. Don't put your life on hold waiting for him either because chances are you'll never hear from him again.

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toomanyquestions123
I'm not sure what the confusion is here. He has told you to your face that he is not ready for a relationship and is not over his ex. You need to tell him "Okay well I am looking for more than just casual dating and sex so when you're all done with your ex and ready for a new relationship too, give me a call".

 

And then don't talk to him again until/unless he is fully single and available for a relationship. Don't put your life on hold waiting for him either because chances are you'll never hear from him again.

 

That what should happen ! but im having a conflict with my feelings since im alone in this country and im really enjoying my time with him. On the other hand, he told me that before falling in love with his ex, it all started the same. He was emotionally unavailable and then he started falling for her. I dont want to wait for anyone to fall for me. I didnt spend the last year getting over my ex-fiancé to break my heart again BUT it's not easy for me to cut him off especially that i see him everyday. I was thinking since i still have 2 weeks left in egypt maybe i enjoy my time with him and go back home and see what happens without any high expectations or just try to ignore him....:(

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toomanyquestions123

I guess it just sucks because I didnt feel this way long time ago...

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all I need do is read the title to give my answer

 

If he's not over his ex, then leave him alone. The day may never come where he is over her and all that time spent trying to convince him of something he's not willing to consider will be youth lost to you forever that you can never reclaim.

 

Invest your youth wisely. It's a finite resource.

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PegNosePete
I didnt spend the last year getting over my ex-fiancé to break my heart again

That's what you say, but you're setting yourself up for exactly that.

 

When your heart gets broken you can't even blame him for leading you on or hurting you or acting like a jerk. He's told you exactly where you stand, yet you're not listening!

 

Imagine you're buying a new car and the salesman says oh by the way this car doesn't work. Would you still buy it??

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toomanyquestions123

i guess you are all correct. I should not proceed with this. He told me he can't be in a "serious" relationship so when my heart will be broken i cant blame him. I just need to try to avoid him now. it's hard but i have to.

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That what should happen ! but

 

but nothing.

 

It should happen and you need to make it happen. No excuses. You're a big girl now.

 

He doesn't want what you want, even though the sex was great, it wasn't a contract to anything more.

 

Take it as a lesson learned and move on. He's not going to give you the chance if he's still in love with his first love.

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ExpatInItaly
i guess you are all correct. I should not proceed with this. He told me he can't be in a "serious" relationship so when my heart will be broken i cant blame him. I just need to try to avoid him now. it's hard but i have to.

 

Yes, that's exactly what you need to do.

 

You will get hurt again if you don't.

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Thank you for the reply. The thing is, i really think he likes me too. The way he looks at me, the way he always wants to see me. And i really appreciated his honesty from the beginning, but i was just wondering if this is gonna be a waste of time or things may change from both sides ?

 

He's already told you he isn't ready for a relationship and though him and his ex are broken up they are still in love with each other. There is no guessing here as he has told you the truth of his situation. Sorry you caught feelings for him but it seems he found you attractive, had fun with you and wanted to experience sex with you. Do not set your hopes on him because his heart is somewhere else.

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toomanyquestions123

today i met him at work, came and said hello. But he is behaving weird. It seems like he is backing off after the sex. If he doesn't initiate the convo anytime soon especially that we planned to go this weekend for a beach trip, then it was really a quick fling for him. I dont know why i really feel bad about it. I even went outside the office to cry a little bit to feel better...i guess i really like this guy...now i just wanna go back home

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He probably talked to his ex and is now feeling guilty about having sex with someone else. Just keep your head up and try to put this behind you.

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ExpatInItaly
today i met him at work, came and said hello. But he is behaving weird. It seems like he is backing off after the sex. If he doesn't initiate the convo anytime soon especially that we planned to go this weekend for a beach trip, then it was really a quick fling for him. I dont know why i really feel bad about it. I even went outside the office to cry a little bit to feel better...i guess i really like this guy...now i just wanna go back home

 

Forget about the beach trip, girl. That would be a terrible idea, under the circumstances.

 

I am sorry you're hurting. But you must stop trying to make something happen with him. It's not going to end the way you hoped.

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today i met him at work, came and said hello. But he is behaving weird. It seems like he is backing off after the sex.

 

That's him demonstrating to you that emotionally, as far as you're concerned, he's as dry and barren as that desert that surrounds you. He's not going to carry your expectations of him being in a relationship with you. (Expectations are future resentments under construction)

 

He got was he was after, that's why he's backing up and acting weird.

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

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toomanyquestions123

It feels really bad, because when we went the first 2 dates he did not mention his love to his ex girlfriend and was already so delighted that i finally found someone that i like AND single. Then he told me this yesterday before coming to my room and spending the night together. Plus im here for a short term assignment and im away from my family and friends and im really alone here and i feel worse because of that especially that i dont like anyone here at work and work is already stressful. Maybe thats why im giving him excuses to spend time with him...

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toomanyquestions123
Forget about the beach trip, girl. That would be a terrible idea, under the circumstances.

 

I am sorry you're hurting. But you must stop trying to make something happen with him. It's not going to end the way you hoped.

 

I just thought that some relationships start like that but again im old enough for that and i have to save my heart from another heartbreak. I owe it to myself. Plus i was really excited for this trip, we have been talking about since we started talking ( 1 week lol )

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toomanyquestions123

Plus if they really love each other that much why they just cant find a way to be together FML:laugh::lmao:

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Well thank God you have a short term assignment there and it won't be long until you leave. You don't like any of the women you work with either? If you make a female friend you can have someone to hang out with and go places. Considering the short amount of time you are going to be there trying to date someone should be inconvenient for you.

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Plus if they really love each other that much why they just cant find a way to be together FML:laugh::lmao:

 

Perhaps this is a part of their path back to one another...

 

It may have taken him messing with you for him to realize that she's the one his heart wants and he can't just replace her as easily as he thought he could.

 

Well, you used to didn't know him when you first got to Egypt and you can go back to that mindset. How were you going to get through this assignment away from your home and family when you didn't know him? Do that.

 

I'd be wearing out FaceTime til the assignment is finished or looking into finding employment back where my emotional support network is well established.

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toomanyquestions123
Perhaps this is a part of their path back to one another...

 

It may have taken him messing with you for him to realize that she's the one his heart wants and he can't just replace her as easily as he thought he could.

 

Well, you used to didn't know him when you first got to Egypt and you can go back to that mindset. How were you going to get through this assignment away from your home and family when you didn't know him? Do that.

 

I'd be wearing out FaceTime til the assignment is finished or looking into finding employment back where my emotional support network is well established.

 

I came here for work not to fall in love with the wrong person and not hurt myself. So im upset this happened to me when i was really really over my ex-fiancé and just living my life. PS: he just passed by my office and kept staring at me until i had to look at him. He is really acting weird. OH MY GOD, i have to focus on my work !!!

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