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Is his behaviour Ok?


loney_girl

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Yesterday my boyfriend and I went to a BBQ. There was a beer pong tournament and while I was playing, I looked over and saw him sitting on the grass with another woman sitting between his legs, feeding him chips. I thought it was weird but ignored it. A few minutes later I heard her say "omg you have a girlfriend?!?! She's here?!?!?!"

 

I have no idea if something happened aside from her sitting between his legs with her back to him. He passed out as soon as we got back to my place because he was pretty drunk and I haven't spoken to him today. I'm not sure if this is worth bringing up or if it is just a stupid thing I should let go.

 

Thoughts?

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Yesterday my boyfriend and I went to a BBQ. There was a beer pong tournament and while I was playing, I looked over and saw him sitting on the grass with another woman sitting between his legs, feeding him chips. I thought it was weird but ignored it. A few minutes later I heard her say "omg you have a girlfriend?!?! She's here?!?!?!"

 

I have no idea if something happened aside from her sitting between his legs with her back to him. He passed out as soon as we got back to my place because he was pretty drunk and I haven't spoken to him today. I'm not sure if this is worth bringing up or if it is just a stupid thing I should let go.

 

Thoughts?

 

Do you also feed him chips? Maybe this is something he would like to get from you.

 

If my wife saw my with another woman sitting between my legs, I would become deceased. She would probably also think is was not worth bringing up, because she would go straight for the kill.

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Nope, I've never fed him chips. Maybe it is something he'd like from me that I hadn't realized.

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Two problems here -

 

First, he was blatantly flirting with another woman in your presense.

 

And second, he has a problem with alcohol.

 

If my boyfriend did this, he would be deceased. ;) Just kidding, but he wouldn’t be my boyfriend anymore... we wouldn’t need to talk about it, he would just be gone.

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Yesterday my boyfriend and I went to a BBQ. There was a beer pong tournament and while I was playing, I looked over and saw him sitting on the grass with another woman sitting between his legs, feeding him chips. I thought it was weird but ignored it. A few minutes later I heard her say "omg you have a girlfriend?!?! She's here?!?!?!"

 

I have no idea if something happened aside from her sitting between his legs with her back to him. He passed out as soon as we got back to my place because he was pretty drunk and I haven't spoken to him today. I'm not sure if this is worth bringing up or if it is just a stupid thing I should let go.

 

Thoughts?

 

Well it concerns you enough to post about. And I don't think you will be able to really just "let it go". Stuff like this doesn't just go, it builds resentment. So in your shoes I'd probably address it. Take is as an opportunity to have a conversation about boundaries and expectations with regard to flirting and getting close to the opposite sex.

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Nope, I've never fed him chips. Maybe it is something he'd like from me that I hadn't realized.

 

Don't even go into to the "maybe this is something missing from our relationship"!!!!!!

 

He needs to get slapped silly a few times for that behavior, by someone else, as you are out the door with him. And you need to evaluate your self worth to know that THAT was not acceptable!

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His behavior was questionable at best. For your sake, thank heavens the woman had integrity & appropriately freaked when she realized he was behaving like a cad. He gets 1-2 redemption points because he apparently told her you exist.

 

The whole mess warrants a conversation about boundaries & propriety but a break up is not required. Should he continue to solicit women to sit between his legs & feed them chips, well then a new BF may be in order.

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I'veseenbetterlol

That behavior is not Ok. I would be pissed if my bf did that and he would also be upset if I sat between another guy's leg's.

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ExpatInItaly

No, this behaviour is not okay for a man in a relationship. You feeding him chips between his legs is not the answer to this problem. He needs boundaries and he needs to behave in a respectful and appropriate manner. Clearly, he was giving the impression to this girl that he is single. Not good.

 

How long have you been together?

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We've been together almost 6 months.

 

This isn't the first time something has happened involving another woman which made me uncomfortable. The first time he played completely dumb and said he hadnt realized he was being inappropriate.

 

Time to take everyone's advice and say goodbye.

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ExpatInItaly
We've been together almost 6 months.

 

This isn't the first time something has happened involving another woman which made me uncomfortable. The first time he played completely dumb and said he hadnt realized he was being inappropriate.

 

Time to take everyone's advice and say goodbye.

 

I would end it, then.

 

He is in the habit of crossing boundaries, and now he's trying to excuse that behaviour. He's not boyfriend material.

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A girl sitting between his legs and flirting, feeding him chips?? No...just no. That was inappropriate at best. She obviously didn't know he had a BF, and her behavior wasn't something that came out of nowhere -- he was flirting with her and giving her the green light up until the point he had to come clean...question if he would have come clean that quickly, if at all, if you were not there.

 

No, it's time to cut him loose. He's not interested in you enough to be in committed relationship. I mean, you don't have to cut the cord just yet, in hopes he is truly that dense and can work on some behavior modification, but I just don't see good things right now...he wants to play.

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Before bring it up with him I wanted to get all the facts straight. When I got to work this morning I asked my friend/coworker who hosted the BBQ if she had noticed anything. She said it was all probably innocent, I'm over reacting and that the woman has a bf and 3 kids.

 

I felt like she kind of turned it around on me and compared it to a scenario where her and her fiance had a rough patch and he started talking to another woman but she brought it on herself.

 

She also said the woman probably exclaimed "you have a girlfriend!" Because she isn't very bright and hadn't realized he had come with someone.

 

I had hoped to feel better but I just feel put off by the entire conversation.

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ExpatInItaly
Before bring it up with him I wanted to get all the facts straight. When I got to work this morning I asked my friend/coworker who hosted the BBQ if she had noticed anything. She said it was all probably innocent, I'm over reacting and that the woman has a bf and 3 kids.

 

I felt like she kind of turned it around on me and compared it to a scenario where her and her fiance had a rough patch and he started talking to another woman but she brought it on herself.

She also said the woman probably exclaimed "you have a girlfriend!" Because she isn't very bright and hadn't realized he had come with someone.

 

I had hoped to feel better but I just feel put off by the entire conversation.

 

This friend is trying to make herself feel better about the time her own partner strayed. She's talking to you, but the words reflect how she tried to rationalize the pain of her finace's own bad behaviour.

 

In other words, she is not unbiased in this. I can't fathom most objective parties thinking this was all innocent.

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Some people will justify anything to continue on with their cheating partner. These people have low self esteem and obviously feel they can't get or do better.

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She said it was all probably innocent, I'm over reacting and that the woman has a bf and 3 kids.

 

I felt like she kind of turned it around on me and compared it to a scenario where her and her fiance had a rough patch and he started talking to another woman but she brought it on herself.

 

With all due respect, this makes no sense.

 

Besides, who does that? Who sits between another person's legs and feeds that person chips while at a public gathering - particualarly if you are not in a relationship and you do not know that person.

 

The whole situation is just bizarre...

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Before bring it up with him I wanted to get all the facts straight. When I got to work this morning I asked my friend/coworker who hosted the BBQ if she had noticed anything. She said it was all probably innocent, I'm over reacting and that the woman has a bf and 3 kids.

 

I felt like she kind of turned it around on me and compared it to a scenario where her and her fiance had a rough patch and he started talking to another woman but she brought it on herself.

 

She also said the woman probably exclaimed "you have a girlfriend!" Because she isn't very bright and hadn't realized he had come with someone.

 

I had hoped to feel better but I just feel put off by the entire conversation.

 

It's called flirting and teasing my dear really open your eyes and mind. What sort of relationship if any do you have with this guy? Is it open to play and fool around with others. Sounds like it to me what you describe. You don't say anything about it. So are you okay with this type of behavior. I wouldn't be if I was you. What you doing is nothing you don't even confront him when he does it. Shame on you my dear. You do realize you just gave him and option to fool around with flirting, playing, teasing and don't care what he tells you he shouldn't be doing it if he's with you. If you two are just friends not seriously involved, seriously in love or deeply involve or loved beyond words then you are right not to say anything. But you can have the same as he is getting from another man then. Why should he have all the attention he's getting. My point is this you allowed him and he's doing it because you allowed it. You should have put a stop to this when if first happen. Now he's out of control and not your asking others what you should do about it.

 

First tell him you done with him because of what's he's doing and because he has no care or respect for your needs. Your needs are not being met and your so call relationship is not working out. He knows what he's doing do not get fooled by any man and their behavior. Why would you stand for this? The only reason I can think of right now because of your 6 month relationship is not strong enough for you to stop him or he just doesn't care really deeply about you.

 

So you have your guy on the grass with another woman on grass between his legs or her legs which ever position they're in and she's feeding him. Come on now REALLY!

 

If you want that to continue then something is wrong with you. That's not how it's suppose to be that you be you and not her. That's true fact my dear wake-up and dump this jerk. He's playing with you and he's also playing with other women at a party while your with him.

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bathtub-row

I think the bigger problem here is that you had to ponder about whether his behavior was ok or not. Most people would have an immediate gut reaction, whether they reacted to it or not. What he did was so off the charts wrong that I would’ve broken up with him the moment we left the party. Better yet, I would’ve called a cab and simply left and let him figure it out.

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You've been dating 6 months and he's a repeat-offender. I have an idea, change your lock today it's just a few bucks and put his stuff outside your door. Then block and delete his number.

 

 

 

What your bf did is unacceptable and disrespectful. He had no problem doing that in front of you and in front of everybody so imagine what he does behind closed doors. How can you show yourself again in public with him? He's an embarrassment.

 

 

If your friend/colleague wants to be in a relationship with a rat it's her business. It doesn't mean you should to.

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Versacehottie

Take what your co-worker said with a grain of salt. Sounds like she just doesn't take well to anything less than a perfect party and not willing to acknowledge she has questionable friends. So what if the woman who was sitting with your bf has 3 kids and a partner--so neither your bf or her should have been doing that in theory--and yet they were! In public! Imagine what he would do if he thinks he can get away with it, i.e. in private. Also the drinking to that level sounds super messy.

 

At 6 months in, with doubts about things with other women previously,i would probably break up. Life is short and this looks like it's going in the wrong direction. If he straightens himself out, and comes back more mature and loyal, and you are still single, you can consider him then. I think you have the most leverage now rather than to put up with his silly excuses and humiliating behavior (so this was a BBQ of your co-workers, yeah that's low!). Good luck

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Yesterday my boyfriend and I went to a BBQ. There was a beer pong tournament and while I was playing, I looked over and saw him sitting on the grass with another woman sitting between his legs, feeding him chips. I thought it was weird but ignored it. A few minutes later I heard her say "omg you have a girlfriend?!?! She's here?!?!?!"

 

I have no idea if something happened aside from her sitting between his legs with her back to him. He passed out as soon as we got back to my place because he was pretty drunk and I haven't spoken to him today. I'm not sure if this is worth bringing up or if it is just a stupid thing I should let go.

 

Thoughts?

 

I'm shocked that he's still breathing. Did she remain seated or did she spring up and leave him alone?

 

He thought it was OK to bring you to a public social event where he left you to go sit on the grass with some chick between his legs feeding him chips. Is that what you're saying here?

 

There is something wrong with your boyfriend. How would he feel if you'd done that to him?

 

I think you need to make that brazen display of public disrespect the reason why you stopped seeing him yesterday.

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Before bring it up with him I wanted to get all the facts straight. When I got to work this morning I asked my friend/coworker who hosted the BBQ if she had noticed anything. She said it was all probably innocent, I'm over reacting and that the woman has a bf and 3 kids.

 

I felt like she kind of turned it around on me and compared it to a scenario where her and her fiance had a rough patch and he started talking to another woman but she brought it on herself.

 

She also said the woman probably exclaimed "you have a girlfriend!" Because she isn't very bright and hadn't realized he had come with someone.

 

I had hoped to feel better but I just feel put off by the entire conversation.

 

That's because she's full of $#!+. She knows damb well that if she'd walked outside and saw her boyfriend sitting on the lawn at a party where all of her friends were, being fed potato chips by some chick she didn't know sitting between his legs as if she was his girlfriend, her hair would be on fire.

 

Understand this: you brought NOTHING on yourself. Deciding to act inappropriately is a choice that neither you have nor she had anything to do with--your boyfriends made that choice. Period.

 

There is nothing innocent about your boyfriend allowing any other woman than you to sit in such an intimate way in his personal space. And if his excuse is "aw, shucks folks, he's drunk again...", then he needs to stop drinking because he does really stupid mess when he is drinking.

 

Put some distance between you and this coworker. She means you no good. Chances are, the chick was her cousin or niece or friend or someone she knows and that's why she seems to be defending her and putting this all on you--that's how that game gets run.

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