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Do you think she took my joke wrong?


Heathsummesun

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Heathsummesun

Last night I asked this girl I have been on a few dates with if she wanted to grab a pizza (it was about 930), she replied at 10:00. "Sorry I cant gotta be at work at 7 am",I said "ah that sucks, an early start to your day" and she said "yea not looking forward to it"

 

Today I texted her and said "I just realized something. Instead of having the chance to hang out with me and seeing me you were more worried about work. Should I be insulted by that?! How can you choose work over me??!?! "(and then i did the whole laughing emoticon)

 

she read it but didnt reply and has been active on Facebook so she's clearly off work, so I'm wondering if she took my joke as serious? Like i was genuinely upset or coming off as I was way more important and that I am a priority? She is usually sarcastic so I figured she would get it

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Perhaps she really did had a rough day at work and was too tired to respond to your joke lol. But based on what you're saying, I would take your text as a joke especially since you included a funny emoticon. Wait a little longer and see if she responds. If she doesn't.. then either she is really forgetful and did have a very tough day or she's just not that into you.

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It sounded passive/aggressive....ya I doubt she found it funny....I don't think it was funny either. Sounds like you stewed on it through the night and finally dumped in on her. What were you thinking?

 

 

You were smooth as sandpaper.

Edited by smackie9
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The laugh emoticon should have showed that it you were being sarcastic. But yes, it could also come across as passive aggression.

 

I understand she's sarcastic, but sarcasm often doesn't translate well.

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Versacehottie

Sounds like a real statement cloaked in a joke--and not even that well done. Lots of sarcasm is like this & lots of people use sarcasm for their butt hurtness.

 

Here's what you should have done if you said it at all. Wait until the next time you were speaking in person, phone, or FaceTime. You would want there to be a genuine reason to be in touch APART from this statement. As the first thing you said to her the next am, yes it sounds like you were stewing and wanting an answer. (Plus there was a lot more in there that sure makes it seem like you are worried about your priority level, i.e. better to simplify it unless it truly is about all those other things in which case you shouldn't be trying to get an answer about status of your relationship through a joke). Also if you did it in person or over phone, the other person can hear your tone so a joke comes off as a joke not anything else. In black and white text it probably seems like you were just mad & passive aggressive. Hope she eventually answers you. Good luck

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CautiouslyOptimistic

Today I texted her and said "I just realized something. Instead of having the chance to hang out with me and seeing me you were more worried about work. Should I be insulted by that?! How can you choose work over me??!?! "(and then i did the whole laughing emoticon)

 

Inserting a laughing emoticon doesn't cover up the fact that you were dead serious, no matter how much you want to think you convinced her otherwise.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
If she dont reply should I just say

hey that was a joke, wasn't really upset!

 

No. You should say nothing. Because then not only are you pretending to be kidding about her choosing work over you (when in reality she was choosing SLEEP over you), but you'd be pretending to NOT be put off by it, when you clearly were.

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I don't think she took it wrong.... it seemed more like a swipe at her under the guise of a joke...

 

In comedy timing is everything...the next day it most likely didn't seem funny.

 

I would let it sit for a few days before texting her again...

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Heathsummesun
Inserting a laughing emoticon doesn't cover up the fact that you were dead serious, no matter how much you want to think you convinced her otherwise.

 

I wasn't serious?

 

I was literally joking and I would have had the same answer as her

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You were rude to her twice. One is waiting until 9:30 at night to ask her last minute to go get a pizza (or do anything). If you want a date, make it at least a couple of days ahead of time.

 

Then you got snarky with her, and I don't see anything funny about what you wrote. It sounded absolutely nothing like a joke, and I don't think telling her it was one is going to help. Freud would have something to say about you writing that to her and trying to pretend you weren't thinking it. It came out of your head, after all, so that thought, at a minimum, occurred to you. Most people can see through that kind of stuff.

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Versacehottie

I agree that most people can see through this kind of stuff like preprah said. Let's just think about it for a minute: is it normal that she hasn't replied? If it's not, then she is probably irritated that you are annoyed & making a fake joke to cover up your disappointment. Also agree that 9:30 was late if you were expecting her to say yes. Even if she didn't have to work--she would be out with friends & likely already eaten. The last minute stuff says to her that YOU are the one not prioritizing her & then you got snarky/sarcastic/calling her out when she didn't jump to be at your beck and call. Not so funny, no matter how you look at it.

 

I think you could apologize and explain. But to say "it was a joke", not so cool, you are kinda turning it around on her like she doesn't get a joke. Maybe if you are a little vulnerable, open and genuinely sorry--as if saying something to the effect of it was a poorly worded joke, easily misinterpreted and truthfully I was a little disappointed because of course i would have loved to see you last night & then make some self-deprecating little joke on yourself to make things lighter and show that you TRULY have a sense of humor and regret. To me, if you just leave it for a few more days hoping it will blow over, she will just think you are continuing to stew. Gotta take down some of your walls :)

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Heathsummesun

Really? I mean.

 

Wow

 

I'm a sarcastic person. i was literally tryng to be funny. I'm not mad at all about this

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Really? I mean.

 

Wow

 

I'm a sarcastic person. i was literally tryng to be funny. I'm not mad at all about this

 

Has she called you yet?

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Versacehottie
Really? I mean.

 

Wow

 

I'm a sarcastic person. i was literally tryng to be funny. I'm not mad at all about this

 

Let's hope she knows & understands you better than we do. Anyway, if you've offended someone, it's not that hard to say sorry. Being a sarcastic person means you might have to do this more often than someone who is not.

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mortensorchid

I was just saying to someone not too long ago "Remember when you could offend people and we all just laughed about it?" I do remember that. It seems like just yesterday we could do that, but things are very different now.

 

I'm not saying that this is the case with the situation you just described, but we are now living in a world where people are very narcissistic, do not listen to reason, and everything is all about ME ME ME. I would not have made the joke, I would have stated my interest again hope she would reschedule. How long have you known this gal? You never know how people are going to react unless you know them.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
Really? I mean.

 

Wow

 

I'm a sarcastic person. i was literally tryng to be funny. I'm not mad at all about this

 

Yet you created an account and posted specifically about this issue, so on some level you realize what you did (and it wasn't just "literally trying to be funny."

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Heathsummesun
I was just saying to someone not too long ago "Remember when you could offend people and we all just laughed about it?" I do remember that. It seems like just yesterday we could do that, but things are very different now.

 

I'm not saying that this is the case with the situation you just described, but we are now living in a world where people are very narcissistic, do not listen to reason, and everything is all about ME ME ME. I would not have made the joke, I would have stated my interest again hope she would reschedule. How long have you known this gal? You never know how people are going to react unless you know them.

 

about 2 months. i mean i've been sarcastic with her before

 

she discussed us going to a paint night, and i told her i suck at painting so i expect her to totally talk crap about my painting and that i wouldnt admit hers is better than mine and she laughed

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Versacehottie
about 2 months. i mean i've been sarcastic with her before

 

she discussed us going to a paint night, and i told her i suck at painting so i expect her to totally talk crap about my painting and that i wouldnt admit hers is better than mine and she laughed

 

if that is the extent of your "sarcastic" jokes with her--yeah she doesn't know your sarcasm. I would also say that above is more of a teasing or ribbing each other statement--flirty and playful, hardly sarcastic. Also there is an element within the joke above where YOU are the subject of the joke (self-deprecation) rather than poking at her--within that above the implication is that you do suck at painting but playfully will be stubborn so as not to admit it. It's playful AND a compliment to her painting or her being good at stuff. And I take it this was in person or on the phone--no laughing emoji necessary--you were hearing each other's tones....

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It’s a strange thing to say, even sarcastically, to make that link (putting work before me?) it sounds needy and disappointed. Why would she want pizza at 2130hrs??? I am in a coma by then.

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about 2 months. i mean i've been sarcastic with her before

 

she discussed us going to a paint night, and i told her i suck at painting so i expect her to totally talk crap about my painting and that i wouldnt admit hers is better than mine and she laughed

 

The painting comment, perfectly fine. The comment in your OP, very likely to come across as an underlying subtext of being a bit put out.

 

Can you see the difference between the two?

 

Reality check here - if you're going to frequently make comments which could easily be taken the wrong way or interpreted as passive aggressive, expect a lot of girls to be put off by it, not necessarily because of a single comment, but by the prospect of it happening again and again in future, and causing communication barriers or arguments in a future relationship. Some people just don't want that sort of drama, or to be second guessing your motivations

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Your timing was waaaaay off. It would have been fine if you said that right after her having to cancel......you did it the next day...the joke lost it's flavor by then.

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Sounds like a real statement cloaked in a joke--and not even that well done. Lots of sarcasm is like this & lots of people use sarcasm for their butt hurtness.

 

 

 

This^^^^. Doesn't matter if you had been sarcastic with her before...people can turn ugly with insecurity or "butt hurtness" showing their true colours.

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