Guy didn't ask for my number last night at the bar/club? Shady?

[Dodgersfan11]

I went out last night the bar/club, was suppose to meet up with a friend, but she bailed out on me and I decided to go and enjoy myself. This guy approached me, and introduced himself to me and we started talking and throughout the rest of the night we chatted, danced, he brought me a drink. He didn't ask me for my number nor did he hint that he wanted to hang out again. I was telling him about this last guy that I met at the same bar and that he took me out on a date, he then ask me, "did you want me to take you out on a date?" I was like ummm... weird question. I mean, if he wants to do that he should ask in a proper way. I told him that I was going to stay until the bar closes and he said that he had to leave like an hour before because he has to catch the streetcar because he parked his car like far away. He then told me that he wanted to leave the same time as me , but if he did that I would have to give him a ride to his car. I didn't want to do that. So, I said that I was going to leave early, then he got all defensive as to why I didn't want to give him a ride to his car. I was like wth? First off, I don't know him and throughout the night he asked me that I must have a "good credit score" if I'm able to buy a 2015 car. Weird. And he decided to go to the bars alone because none of his buddies were going and wanted to meet and find some ppl to hang out. He should get all angry because I wouldn't give him a ride to his car, him being a man, he could uber. Why the heck would I do him that favor? Anybody find this odd?

Edited June 17, 2018 by Dodgersfan11

[smackie9]

Maybe he left used because he bought you a drink and you didn't return the favor by giving him a lift. And he probably thought you liked him and you saying no to him, proved not so much. He's in a snit....He's a jerk. Forget about him.

Edited June 17, 2018 by smackie9

[Dodgersfan11]

Well, I didn't want to get him a lift to his car, so I told him that I would anyway, but I really wasn't going to, he still didn't ask for my number or asked to see me or hang out again. I told him that I had to use the restroom and he said that he also had to use the mens room, as soon as I saw him go inside the mens room, I made my escape and left the club in a hurry. I mean, after like 2 hours of chatted and dancing, he didn't say he wanted to see me again. I on the other hand wanted to go back on the dance floor/bars and meet other guys. He prevented me from doing that, after he made no effort in wanted to see me again.

[Arieswoman]

Dodgersfan,

Don't sweat this, it happened to me a lot when I was divorced and dating.

 

 

You did the right thing by not offering him a lift to his car. If you had done that then the next thing would be that he'd lost his keys and would you give him a ride home? etc etc

 

 

He was just looking for a pick-up and got mardy when you wouldn't play the game, forget about him

[basil67]

Have you considered that he was happy just talking with you but didn't want to date you? And that he offered a lift out of politeness?

 

For what it's worth, you talking about the last guy taking you on a date after meeting you at the club sounded like a great big fat hint. His response asking if you want him to take you on the date was spot on. If you want a guy to ask you unprompted, then don't prompt him.

[Versacehottie]

I went out last night the bar/club, was suppose to meet up with a friend, but she bailed out on me and I decided to go and enjoy myself. This guy approached me, and introduced himself to me and we started talking and throughout the rest of the night we chatted, danced, he brought me a drink. He didn't ask me for my number nor did he hint that he wanted to hang out again. I was telling him about this last guy that I met at the same bar and that he took me out on a date, he then ask me, "did you want me to take you out on a date?" I was like ummm... weird question. I mean, if he wants to do that he should ask in a proper way. I told him that I was going to stay until the bar closes and he said that he had to leave like an hour before because he has to catch the streetcar because he parked his car like far away. He then told me that he wanted to leave the same time as me , but if he did that I would have to give him a ride to his car. I didn't want to do that. So, I said that I was going to leave early, then he got all defensive as to why I didn't want to give him a ride to his car. I was like wth? First off, I don't know him and throughout the night he asked me that I must have a "good credit score" if I'm able to buy a 2015 car. Weird. And he decided to go to the bars alone because none of his buddies were going and wanted to meet and find some ppl to hang out. He should get all angry because I wouldn't give him a ride to his car, him being a man, he could uber. Why the heck would I do him that favor? Anybody find this odd?

 

Ok, 100% agree with basil. Not saying the guy is perfect and you certainly were right not to give him a ride to his car. That said, i think you can learn a lot from this encounter if you choose to see things from more than just your own point of view (which is good to do in general).

 

A) don't think it was smart to talk about the other guy that you met at the same bar & that you went on a date with him. People like to think they are special and that his effort made the night special and that you don't just "do this as a regular thing". I mean how would you feel if you saw him doing that week after week and then one week it was your turn. Not that special, right? So err on the side of not talking about past bf's and other guys same as a first date. It has no relevance and certainly you have other subjects to talk about besides that to show how special you are in a variety of ways. This was also probably compounded by the fact that you went to a bar alone. I'm not judging but the fact is that people will/will rely on stereotypes & generalizations/be questioning the whole thing. In a way, any interaction is marketing. While it's a bold move to go out alone (bravo, shows confidence), it also can be perceived by others as desperate or curious--especially coupled with a dating story (unprompted) with another guy at the same bar. He doesn't know you so what you tell him, informs what opinion he makes of you.

 

B) You can kind of tell from his question in response to you telling that story that he is wondering if you are easy. Sorry, it's probably what he was thinking. And if he was being flirty, rather than judgmental, i see no harm in asking the question that way--after all, it is all in context of you having told the story you told (IMO not so appropriate one).

 

C) The fact that he was defensive and a bit aggressive with you shows that you were good not to give him a ride but also that he'd already formed an opinion of you where he was entitled to something from you. This in part was probably influenced by the story you told and his judgement of people who go to bars alone (doesn't matter if he has a double standard about it where he has one set of opinions for himself and guys and another for girls--all the better that you didn't end up dating him but if you want to learn how people come to perceptions)

 

D) I think you would also be wise to not hold double standards as well. Just because a guy talks to you doesn't mean he wants to date you. Like he said maybe he just wanted to make some friends and meet some people--neither of you is obligated to the other. His intention may never was to find a date. Also even if he was open to it, maybe he gathered enough info during your talk to decide he wasn't interested. That's a two way street--both of you are allowed to do that.

 

Anyway, good luck in the future

[Imajerk17]

Good grief. All this bickering already and you had just met each other a couple hours ago. Why would he ask for your number and why would you have given it to him anyway. It's clear you and he just do not get along.

 

(FWIW I thought you bringing up the other guy who took you on the date there was a bit strange too. And while the guy was a pushy clod asking you for a ride back to your car (and bringing up what he thinks of your credit score WTF), women I had just met actually *have* given me such a ride so it's not the nuttiest thing ever. So this sounds to be on both of you--you both sound rather argumentative frankly)

Edited June 17, 2018 by Imajerk17

[Shining One]

It's probably a regional thing, but over here it's common for people to give each other rides to their cars at the end of the night. Many of my first dates ended that way.

[Versacehottie]

It's probably a regional thing, but over here it's common for people to give each other rides to their cars at the end of the night. Many of my first dates ended that way.

 

Yeah, had the interaction been going better & she felt safe, it might have been ok. I'm assuming since her screen name is dodger fan that she could be from LA area (where i live too) and i agree with OP in that case the uber would have been the most normal way for this guy to make it to his next bar---plus she was done hanging out with him as she didn't feel like they were getting anywhere. I think in context of the discussions they had, the fact he knew she was alone with no one expecting her anywhere and the fact that there was a fair amount of hostility and entitlement, that she did the right thing to decline & err on side of safety.

 

If it was a date, and all was going well, yeah probably not a problem. With strangers I always go on my intuition and while it's a risk so far so good. I just think the situation was deteriorating and not productive for either of them when he asked. She certainly wasn't obligated to give him a ride nor should she have hung in there giving him that favor in hopes that she would get asked out by him. Even a really young guy who has respect for her knows how to take no for an answer like a gentleman & has the uber app. He was throwing a hail mary & hoping it would lead to a hook up that night IMO & had already decided he didn't want to date her, date her, though he wanted his investment of the evening to pay off. Potentially dangerous or unwanted situation.

[d0nnivain]

No I don't think it's odd that he didn't ask for your number. You were talking to him about another guy.

 

I do think it's odd that he asked you for a ride to his car & it's offensive that he got mad when you said no.

[Chilli]

This is a joke , right.

Have you even read back what you've written and looked at yourself.

So he didn't want your number, well he didn't want it that's why, meanwhile all you can think about is meeting other guys anyway.

 

Wth !

[ExpatInItaly]

Well, I didn't want to get him a lift to his car, so I told him that I would anyway, but I really wasn't going to, he still didn't ask for my number or asked to see me or hang out again. I told him that I had to use the restroom and he said that he also had to use the mens room, as soon as I saw him go inside the mens room, I made my escape and left the club in a hurry. I mean, after like 2 hours of chatted and dancing, he didn't say he wanted to see me again. I on the other hand wanted to go back on the dance floor/bars and meet other guys. He prevented me from doing that, after he made no effort in wanted to see me again.

 

No, he didn't prevent you from doing that. You could have easily wished him a good night and carried on to the dance floor. You choose how you nights go.

 

He wanted a ride, not your number. Don't get too worked up over it; he was just a random guy at a bar you didn't click with.

[Dodgersfan11]

Ok, 100% agree with basil. Not saying the guy is perfect and you certainly were right not to give him a ride to his car. That said, i think you can learn a lot from this encounter if you choose to see things from more than just your own point of view (which is good to do in general).

 

A) don't think it was smart to talk about the other guy that you met at the same bar & that you went on a date with him. People like to think they are special and that his effort made the night special and that you don't just "do this as a regular thing". I mean how would you feel if you saw him doing that week after week and then one week it was your turn. Not that special, right? So err on the side of not talking about past bf's and other guys same as a first date. It has no relevance and certainly you have other subjects to talk about besides that to show how special you are in a variety of ways. This was also probably compounded by the fact that you went to a bar alone. I'm not judging but the fact is that people will/will rely on stereotypes & generalizations/be questioning the whole thing. In a way, any interaction is marketing. While it's a bold move to go out alone (bravo, shows confidence), it also can be perceived by others as desperate or curious--especially coupled with a dating story (unprompted) with another guy at the same bar. He doesn't know you so what you tell him, informs what opinion he makes of you.

 

B) You can kind of tell from his question in response to you telling that story that he is wondering if you are easy. Sorry, it's probably what he was thinking. And if he was being flirty, rather than judgmental, i see no harm in asking the question that way--after all, it is all in context of you having told the story you told (IMO not so appropriate one).

 

C) The fact that he was defensive and a bit aggressive with you shows that you were good not to give him a ride but also that he'd already formed an opinion of you where he was entitled to something from you. This in part was probably influenced by the story you told and his judgement of people who go to bars alone (doesn't matter if he has a double standard about it where he has one set of opinions for himself and guys and another for girls--all the better that you didn't end up dating him but if you want to learn how people come to perceptions)

 

D) I think you would also be wise to not hold double standards as well. Just because a guy talks to you doesn't mean he wants to date you. Like he said maybe he just wanted to make some friends and meet some people--neither of you is obligated to the other. His intention may never was to find a date. Also even if he was open to it, maybe he gathered enough info during your talk to decide he wasn't interested. That's a two way street--both of you are allowed to do that.

 

Anyway, good luck in the future

 

Well, he was talking to me about other "girls" He was telling me about how this other girl was grinding on him at another club and was saying how much fun he had when he went to Twin Peaks. So, I was telling him about the other guy. But after 2 hours of him not making a move on asking for my number/or wanting to hang out again. This was a waste of my evening. And I know I could have told him that I didn't want to talk to him anymore, I was kind of afraid of doing this sort of "confrontation" with him. Seeing how he got all hostile and defensive that I didn't want to give him a ride to his car-which of course I didn't say that-I told him I was initially going to leave when the bar closes then when he suggested I give him a ride, I changed my mind and told him I was going to leave earlier so he can catch the train to get to his car. Seeing how he got all hostile, it made me uncomfortable. He seriously wasn't going to leave my side, I can't stand these creepers that won't take hints. I mean, if he got all hostile with me not giving him a ride, what kind of reaction would he have given me if I said to him that I didn't want to talk to him anymore? Not sure if this guy was a c***blocker or just wanted to waste my time.

[SmartDude]

I was telling him about this last guy that I met at the same bar and that he took me out on a date, he then ask me, "did you want me to take you out on a date?" I was like ummm... weird question. I mean, if he wants to do that he should ask in a proper way.

 

Lot's of women are home alone on a saturday night because they were waiting for some guy to ask her "the right way". It is possible that this was his way of asking you on a date in that moment, and that you rejected him. Sometimes you take what you can get and work with it or you choose to go home with no prospects.

[Lotsgoingon]

It was weird for you to bring up a previous date at the same bar.

 

That throws off the other person ... who has to then read into why you are saying this ... Discussing a previous date does indeed sound like a hint. But your mention of the date also could be read as an attempt to push this guy away.

 

Now his reply of "do you want me to ask you on a date" is also strange. But no stranger than you mentioning the date in the first place ... .

 

I do think this guy was just having fun dancing. I go social dancing and I dance with lots of people I don't wanna ask out on a date.

 

I tell my women friends not to drive guys they have just met ... So I think that was smart.

 

And yes, you had the right to ditch him on the dance floor. Song ends. You smile, say a loud "thank you for dancing. I'm gonna dance with some other people." Totally polite and doable.

[Versacehottie]

Well, he was talking to me about other "girls" He was telling me about how this other girl was grinding on him at another club and was saying how much fun he had when he went to Twin Peaks. So, I was telling him about the other guy. But after 2 hours of him not making a move on asking for my number/or wanting to hang out again. This was a waste of my evening. And I know I could have told him that I didn't want to talk to him anymore, I was kind of afraid of doing this sort of "confrontation" with him. Seeing how he got all hostile and defensive that I didn't want to give him a ride to his car-which of course I didn't say that-I told him I was initially going to leave when the bar closes then when he suggested I give him a ride, I changed my mind and told him I was going to leave earlier so he can catch the train to get to his car. Seeing how he got all hostile, it made me uncomfortable. He seriously wasn't going to leave my side, I can't stand these creepers that won't take hints. I mean, if he got all hostile with me not giving him a ride, what kind of reaction would he have given me if I said to him that I didn't want to talk to him anymore? Not sure if this guy was a c***blocker or just wanted to waste my time.

 

So what if he is telling you about another girl grinding on him? Instead of lowering yourself to his level of lameness, why not hold true to some behavior that shows you're dateable and girlfriend material by not trying to one up him with your own story about another guy. All that really says is that you make the rounds, especially without the context of him knowing you.

 

What i bolded is interesting? It's funny how you think it was a waste of an evening. First off, it's on you to manage your time. If you think someone is wasting it, he's not there holding you hostage--you two aren't even on a date--so walk away, excuse yourself. Also if you think he was so lame & not worth your effort, so what if he didn't ask you out? Why would you want to go out with someone that you have concluded is not for you? Personal responsibility.

 

I find it a little scary that you are still harping on him "wasting your time" when at the same time you are indicating that you are uncomfortable around him, almost scared of him. He is exploiting a weakness you are showing him. You are showing him that despite his bad and questionable behavior you kept hanging in there--coupled with the fact that you came alone and told him those stories, he made assumptions and came to conclusions about you.

 

Girl you've got to get your head right: which is it? Did you want him to ask you out or leave you alone completely? Your mixed messages and interpretations are part of what caused this situation and you sound like you are still mad he didn't ask you out. He's not interested and/or determined you guys didn't want the same thing that night. That's fair. If you wanted to meet other guys, that's on you. So he definitely did not waste your evening--you did that on your own.

[kendahke]

I would think you'd be relieved he didn't ask for your number, considering how far south everything went.

 

I think he didn't appreciate you telling him about the other guy you met there who took you out--that was completely random and didn't need to be discussed with him because it made you sound like you had an expectation that he wasn't prepared to meet, and that set him on the road to where you found yourself later on. Like Versacehottie said, your playing one-ups-manship with him didn't work on him--he didn't find it an attractive quality and instead went into competition mode like he would have with another guy trying to best him.

 

But to answer your thread's question: no, it wasn't shady, considering your contribution to the gutting of the situation.

Edited July 7, 2018 by kendahke

[Versacehottie]

I would think you'd be relieved he didn't ask for your number, considering how far south everything went.

 

I think he didn't appreciate you telling him about the other guy you met there who took you out--that was completely random and didn't need to be discussed with him because it made you sound like you had an expectation that he wasn't prepared to meet, and that set him on the road to where you found yourself later on. Like Versacehottie said, your playing one-ups-manship with him didn't work on him--he didn't find it an attractive quality and instead went into competition mode like he would have with another guy trying to best him.

 

But to answer your thread's question: no, it wasn't shady, considering your contribution to the gutting of the situation.

 

I think he was showing you who he was, OP, talking about girl grinding on him last time he was at that place. It's either low-class, shows that he thinks you are low class therefore you will be ok with conversation on that subject, poor judgement because he is not savvy OR a test. Yeah that's right a test. Bolded above. Some guys will do that to see what type of girl you are, what you are down for that evening. I would say you failed at the point that you divulged back and expected him to treat you like he was going to date you. What you said talking about another guy, signals that you might be down to hook up, that's why his behavior was aggressive and disrespectful. Maybe not the only reason because he could just be like that, but it sure was like opening a door. If you wanted him to treat you more ladylike & respectful for a date type thing, then shut that kind of conversation down, don't indulge it & add to it. It's a mixed message, especially in combo with being there alone.

[FMW]

Not sure it had anything to do with anything here, but I never accept drinks from men I don't know well, and really not even then unless I return the favor on the next round.

 

Some guys think paying for a drink entitles them to something more than just a chat. In this case, a ride to his car.

[basil67]

Well, he was talking to me about other "girls" He was telling me about how this other girl was grinding on him at another club and was saying how much fun he had when he went to Twin Peaks. So, I was telling him about the other guy. But after 2 hours of him not making a move on asking for my number/or wanting to hang out again. This was a waste of my evening. And I know I could have told him that I didn't want to talk to him anymore, I was kind of afraid of doing this sort of "confrontation" with him. Seeing how he got all hostile and defensive that I didn't want to give him a ride to his car-which of course I didn't say that-I told him I was initially going to leave when the bar closes then when he suggested I give him a ride, I changed my mind and told him I was going to leave earlier so he can catch the train to get to his car. Seeing how he got all hostile, it made me uncomfortable. He seriously wasn't going to leave my side, I can't stand these creepers that won't take hints. I mean, if he got all hostile with me not giving him a ride, what kind of reaction would he have given me if I said to him that I didn't want to talk to him anymore? Not sure if this guy was a c***blocker or just wanted to waste my time.

 

Sounds like you feel entitled to being asked out if you spend two hours chatting with a guy. I can't begin to explain how messed up this is. Going back to what I said originally, perhaps he was just happy chatting with you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with just talking to another person.

 

Imagine if a man came complaining "I spent two hours talking with her and she refused to go out with me. What a waste of my time". We'd be tearing him to shreds for his entitled attitude.

[Versacehottie]

Sounds like you feel entitled to being asked out if you spend two hours chatting with a guy. I can't begin to explain how messed up this is. Going back to what I said originally, perhaps he was just happy chatting with you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with just talking to another person.

 

Imagine if a man came complaining "I spent two hours talking with her and she refused to go out with me. What a waste of my time". We'd be tearing him to shreds for his entitled attitude.

 

Totally agree 1000%. I have to believe that on some level the more he talked to the OP, he wasn't interested romantically. The results bare that out. If he found her to be someone he was interested in dating, he would have asked her out period. He's allowed to gather his information and make a choice, just like she is. And like you are saying there is enough reason to believe that perhaps finding a date wasn't what he was after at all, with OP or anyone. It's all plausible. Next we will be debating at what time point (2hours, half and hour, 2 minutes) must a guy decide he is asking a girl out. He's not obligated, period. His conversation with you doesn't imply nor obligate him to ask you out or for your number. Just like OP isn't obligated to oblige either. Seriously. Personal responsibility. Where is eye roll emoji?!?

[Dodgersfan11]

Totally agree 1000%. I have to believe that on some level the more he talked to the OP, he wasn't interested romantically. The results bare that out. If he found her to be someone he was interested in dating, he would have asked her out period. He's allowed to gather his information and make a choice, just like she is. And like you are saying there is enough reason to believe that perhaps finding a date wasn't what he was after at all, with OP or anyone. It's all plausible. Next we will be debating at what time point (2hours, half and hour, 2 minutes) must a guy decide he is asking a girl out. He's not obligated, period. His conversation with you doesn't imply nor obligate him to ask you out or for your number. Just like OP isn't obligated to oblige either. Seriously. Personal responsibility. Where is eye roll emoji?!?

 

Okay, he was probably looking for someone to hang out with that evening and just talk, but aside from that, he payed for my cover charge at the club, he payed for my drink, and to top that off, when we danced, what gave him the right to put his hands all over me and grind on me and tell me that I "made him hard?"

[Noproblem]

I feel you dodged a bullet here, he could have done something to you during the ride!

 

I am glad you didn't accept to give him a ride!

[Versacehottie]

Okay, he was probably looking for someone to hang out with that evening and just talk, but aside from that, he payed for my cover charge at the club, he payed for my drink, and to top that off, when we danced, what gave him the right to put his hands all over me and grind on me and tell me that I "made him hard?"

 

If you didn't stop him, you did.

 

And still, I maintain he found out enough to decide he wasn't interested in pursuing you further. I'm not sure why you don't understand this. It's not complicated. Along the way, he discovered he wasn't into you like that. I can definitely guess a few reasons why on my own, some of which I have tried to explain here. And some are becoming more obvious as this thread goes on.

[coolheadal]

Okay, he was probably looking for someone to hang out with that evening and just talk, but aside from that, he payed for my cover charge at the club, he payed for my drink, and to top that off, when we danced, what gave him the right to put his hands all over me and grind on me and tell me that I "made him hard?"

 

Well you had interesting night at the bar/club.. You think too much over some guy who wanted you to take him to his car. More on to the next guy if you want. Waste to much time fussing over one guy..