Dilemma and pain

[Pain3009]

I am in so much pain. I can’t find any peace. Here’s the situation. Was in a relationship with me and for several years. We were in love and lots of chemistry. Good family man and left my adult kids. I’m a widow so that means a lot. I’ve broken up with him a few times because I learned about financial lives it freaked me out knowing also get very little saved for retirement and I am the other hand can retire comfortably. I thought maybe he was after my money and either way I don’t want to take on a potential liability. I did it in between our breaks. sometimes while I was still seeing him on but others.

 

However each time we could reconcile. It is clear to me that no one could love me like him. I was ashamed of the break ups so I can I’ve had it for my family and friends and talk about his dating others. I even dated another guy for the last year and I have a learned he really didn’t want a full relationship with me. I don’t want to reconcile with him unless it’s going to be transparent and I got to be allergies and he has limited funds. He is greatly improved his financial decisions he says because it means appears that he has done so. I really want to find a man is well-established like me so there can’t be money issues but the men I have found to have had money like me and they’re being really cheap and reality. and sometimes while I was still seeing him on but instead. However each time we could reconcile. It is clear to me that no one could love me like him. I was ashamed of the break ups so I can I’ve hid it for my family and friends and told them I was dating others. I even dated a guy ocer the last year and but it turned out really he didn’t want a full relationship with me.

I don’t want to finally reconcile with my bf unless it’s going to be transparent and I can live and with his limited funds. He is greatly improved his financial decisions he says because it means appears that he has done so. I really want to find a man is well-established like me so there can’t be money issues but the men I have found to have had money like me were really being cheap and reality

Don’t know what to do. Do I make the decision to stay with him or not? Will I regret it either way?

Edited June 17, 2018 by Pain3009

[smackie9]

Number one, if you two consider living together, seek out legal council and get a cohabitation prenup contact made up where he can't touch your finances or assets (your house/car/inheritance/lottery winnings), and you are not responsible for him financially or other wise ie: credit card debt, he gets ill, or injured.

 

 

 

Split all the household expenses right down the middle, monthly. 50/50...that's bills, property taxes and groceries. Any personal stuff like loans, cel phone bill or car payments, debt. etc is on that person alone.

 

 

Do not purchase big ticket items together. In the event of a split up, he can leave with what he had purchased. If that means with the clothes on his back, then so be it.

 

 

 

 

Do not share bank accounts, credit cards, loans or property ownership. You don't need joint anything. If you own your house, make sure you name is the only name of that title.

 

 

If you stay I recommend you follow my advice. You can adjust it as you go along. If it doesn't work out after a year, then there has been no real loss financially and you are protected. Remember you all good for retirement....you don't have to combine fiances with anyone anymore.

Edited June 17, 2018 by smackie9

[Chilli]

Well , if it was me and she had no money l couldn't care less but yaknow, l'd be crazy not to cover my ass though especially early in , just in case non the less.

 

No way known l would pass up true love if that's what it is , just for the almighty dollar though, that's for sure.

No use growing old alone cuddling your precious money is it.

 

You can do the stuff smackie said until your married or forever if you want , and still be together.

[Gaeta]

To me it doesn't matter if the man I love doesn't have a lot of money as long as he is responsible with the little bit of money he has.

 

 

If I make twice the money my bf makes then I don't expect him to shed 50-50 on everything. That's unfair. That will leave him completely broke after paying the bills. You find a way to make it work by charging a global amount per month to participate the the expenses of the house. Once you live togehter make sure you have a Will to protect your children and have a paper done protecting your assets in case of seperation.

[Lotsgoingon]

Your ex bf doesn't have his financial act together ... to the extent that you have your financial act together.

 

But I don't hear you say that he's using you. I hear you say that knowing about his finances triggers something upsetting in you.

 

Sounds like your fears about money and all of that are getting in the way more than his behavior ... or habit of using you.

 

I'll cut to the quick: Why not go see an accountant and run your money numbers and your ex's money numbers by the accountant to see if your money together will work, can support you guys in a fun life?

 

But maybe you do feel used by him financially? If so, say more about that, and we'll be able to better respond.