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Is it right to cancel dates when women show signs that indicate low interest?


Philosopher

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Philosopher

Over the past year and half, I have cancelled four dates when I have suspected they have low interest in going on the date. In general I have cancelled the date in the following circumstances:

 

1) They delay the dates to some considerable time in future, e.g one or two weeks after you first suggested meeting up. I will ignore this if they have a very good reason for not being able to meet sooner such as being on holiday.

2) They only agree to dates that are very convenient to them. For example say they finish work at 5:30 pm and they work in the Bloggsdale part of town, they will only agree to meet at 5:45 pm at some place in Bloggsdale. (I do not expect them to travel hours and hours to get to a date, however I do think a compromise is best on where and what time to meet).

3) They are very slow at replying to text messages (more than 24 hours) and do not return phone calls.

 

In the most recent example of this, the women said she could not meet up until eight days after I first suggested meeting up due to work. When that date came she had to cancel due to illness and suggested I reschedule. I suggested three days later, however she said she could only meet a week later due to work. With the rearranged date, she only agreed to meet up near where she lived. Three days prior to rearranged date she said she may have to cancel, but would only know on the day of the date. This was again due to work. At this point I told her I was calling of the date. Throughout the time she was very slow at replying to texts.

 

If a women does these, is it usually a sign that they have low interest and am I right to cancel dates in these circumstances? Or should I be giving them a bit more of a chance?

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Oh no I agree you shouldn't waste your time. Dating is a two way street. If they can't muster up an hour to meet for coffee, that screams not interested.

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Once the date is scheduled -- you two have already agreed on a time & place -- IMO it's rude to cancel.

 

However what you are describing is the inability to get the date scheduled in the first place. In that case -- the scenarios you described -- pouring more effort into something that is not working & clicking seamlessly is not required.

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I think cancelling a date that has been planned with a time and a place would be rude, especially last minute. However, when planning a first date is this difficult and impossible, especially given there may be low interest, it's not wrong to just drop the ball. It's not worth the aggravation.

 

As far as meeting close to home or close to work, sometimes it may be the only way for her to see you, as anything else could be a time constraint. It depends on the situation. If you can make the drive to her and it offers three hours instead of dealing with traffic and you only get one hour, it seems reasonable. Of course, when I sense someone has low interest, I don't want to make much of an effort, particularly if I sense there may be a last-minute cancellation or no-show, so I choose something more convenient for me. Mostly, though, unless meeting close to work or close to home makes more sense and offers more time, I try to pick a location that is about in the middle or doesn't put out one person too much.

 

Bottom line, if there's just not enough interest to put in some effort, it's not wrong at all to just let it go.

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In the last example you gave, the woman is plain rude. Even if her work excuses were genuine, she shouldn’t be on the dating site to waste people’s time. If I were you, I would wish her a speedy recovery when she canceled the second time, and let her do all the planning and initiation to set up the date.

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Philosopher
In the last example you gave, the woman is plain rude. Even if her work excuses were genuine, she shouldn’t be on the dating site to waste people’s time. If I were you, I would wish her a speedy recovery when she canceled the second time, and let her do all the planning and initiation to set up the date.

 

The strangest thing, it was her who messaged me first on the dating site and she seemed quite keen until we exchanged numbers. After that she appeared to lose interest. My suspicion is that she was trying to get me to cancel the date and would have flaked or kept on putting it off if I did not.

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Ruby Slippers

I think it's pretty obvious if someone is into you or not. I think people only ignore their instincts on this when they really like the person and really want to believe there's potential for more. I think you're right to move on if you're not feeling enthusiasm from their side.

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If plans are in place, no, don't cancel, but don't spend a huge amount of money on the date. But the time to cut it off is when they are dragging their feet. At that time is when to simply stop trying to reschedule. If they have high interest but truly have some life things preventing them from getting together and it's not disinterest or disorganization, as is so often the case with people who can't plan, they will come after you themselves.

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I think it's pretty obvious if someone is into you or not. I think people only ignore their instincts on this when they really like the person and really want to believe there's potential for more. I think you're right to move on if you're not feeling enthusiasm from their side.

 

 

See more and more I am starting to see this as my number one rule in dating. If you read my last thread you'll see I went on what I thought was a good first date on Thursday night. Since then I have got a pretty lukewarm vibe from her and she has agreed to another date but there's a 10 day gap as she said she had a busy week coming up etc.

 

Now although people on here would say that's perfectly fine in the early stages of dating, from 3 years experience of OLD the small number that turned into relationships (lasting 6 months or longer) the interest from the woman's part was glaringly obvious after the first date. The second date always happened within the same week, they initiated some in between texts and the communication in general just seemed 'warm' if that's the right word.

 

I really liked the woman I went on the date with the other night. I'd say every ten first dates I go on there's one that I really think I hit it off with. I find them very physically attractive but also feel that 'spark'. So in this case I'm willing to see if she is serious and actually goes through with the second date in 10 days time. If there's any sort of flaking then I will sadly pull the plug as that is how most women now tell you they aren't interested. A few have given me the next day 'had a good time but felt no connection' which I really appreciate now even if I liked them a lot. Saves a lot of time wondering, hurts for a day or two then you forget them by the next week.

 

I would now cancel any date where there's been a clear lack of interest before it. Almost like a 'let's get this over with' kind of vibe from the woman. I think a lot of women go on the second date if there's not that many other offers about at the time and then they can say they didn't feel a connection after giving the guy a second chance.

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The woman in your example sounded very iffy and I would have given up on her too. I understand people preferring to meet on their days off rather than a busy day at work, so I would given some leeway about people wanting to meet within a week or two. But if they keep moving about and can’t plan then regardless of their interests levelt, it is just too frustrating.

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It is right to cancel everything, walk out the door and never look back at any stage of a connection or relationship, should the other show low interest.

 

Only a mutual high interest, is worth your time.

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am I right to cancel dates in these circumstances? Or should I be giving them a bit more of a chance?

 

Why are you questioning this?

 

If this works for you, then what does it matter what anyone else thinks about it?

 

Do you feel you're being too harsh? If so, then scale back your intensity. If not, then "lay on, MacDuff and damb be her who cries out 'enough'".

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Philosopher
Why are you questioning this?

 

If this works for you, then what does it matter what anyone else thinks about it?

 

Do you feel you're being too harsh? If so, then scale back your intensity. If not, then "lay on, MacDuff and damb be her who cries out 'enough'".

 

A part of me does think that I am being too harsh as I really hate when women cancel dates on me so I feel that it wrong it to them, even if it could be argued that they bought it on themselves.

 

Also there is the concern that they may have had genuine reasons for the behaviour I mentioned and therefore I may have missed out on although unlikely, a good promising date. I have after all in the past meet up two months after I first suggested meeting up.

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You're asking the wrong question. "Is it right?" to cancel a date for whatever reason. It's not about being right, it's about what you're willing to put up with in order to meet someone.

 

You don't know what this person has going on in her life, she could have legitimate reasons for canceling or not getting right back to you, she could be multiple dating or very busy with work or relatives with issues and you aren't the top priority because they hardly know you.

 

You could say "screw this it's too inconvenient I'm done with this girl" or you could give her the benefit of the doubt and it could simply be a matter of timing and you could catch her between other multiple dates or family illnesses and you could hit it off and end up being together for the next 10 years.

 

Whatever you choose, it's not because it's right or wrong, it's about what your dealbreakers are. And also if you've got other options. If your phone isn't ringing off the hook and your online email box isn't filling up regularly with messages you might not want to be so quick to pull the plug.

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I thought was a good first date on Thursday night. Since then I have got a pretty lukewarm vibe from her and she has agreed to another date but there's a 10 day gap as she said she had a busy week coming up etc.

 

Great example of a date worth cancelling Sbla. And even if they are keen, when on earth would they be able to fit you in to their life?

 

No time to meet = no time to date.

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Interstellar
A part of me does think that I am being too harsh as I really hate when women cancel dates on me so I feel that it wrong it to them, even if it could be argued that they bought it on themselves.

 

Geez, women cancel dates on us men ALL THE TIME. That’s a fact. You shouldn’t feel bad if you know it’s like pulling teeth just for a measly coffee/first date. It’s okay to feel that way because you’re human and have feelings. They only care about their feelings not ours. That’s just the way it is.

 

Also there is the concern that they may have had genuine reasons for the behaviour I mentioned and therefore I may have missed out on although unlikely, a good promising date. I have after all in the past meet up two months after I first suggested meeting up.

 

You’re rationalizing guy. You gotta play it hard with this rule man. You only need one good woman anyway. Someone who’ll be consistent with her words and actions and has high interest in you, otherwise why bother. Look at it as time, money and energy saved which will get you closer to the One.

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