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Rejecting of potential


mortensorchid

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mortensorchid

I was at a party this evening for my friend's daughter who had returned from a semester abroad in South America. We were all having a good time but I was home by 11 because we're all older people now. Ha ha ha … But I digress …

 

One woman I know said to me when we were chatting "Hey, I think there's a really cute single guy here tonight, I think you would like him." I asked where. She pointed to him. I had met him earlier, we just said "Hi how are you" and shook hands. I said "Oh him? No, I don't think, not me and him." She asked why not. I said "I chatted with him earlier, he doesn't do it for me at all." She asked why not. I said "Because I'm smarter than he is and he'll eventually resent me for that and dump me for someone else." SHe asked how I knew that. I said "I just know immediately."

 

I am glad I am older and wiser now when it comes to these things. I'm sure he's an alright guy, but I just know he and I weren't a good match in that way.

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I agree with the above, you just made an assumption, a bitter sounding one at that.

Not only that but I certainly hope the woman was not any kind of friend or potential friend because you most definitely put her in her place. She would be very unlikely to suggest anyone or match you up with anyone in future.

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Happy Lemming
"Because I'm smarter than he is and he'll eventually resent me for that and dump me for someone else."

 

Why do you think a man would resent you for being smarter??

 

My long term girlfriend of 6 years is more intelligent than I am and I don't resent her one bit. In fact, I've learned a great deal from her. She was an English teacher and English is one of my weaknesses. We started our own little book club and I've enjoyed reading some of her favorite books from her personal library. I've learned a lot, in addition to expanding my vocabulary; I've enhanced my thought process and how I view certain works of literature.

 

We played a game of "Scrabble" this afternoon, of course she won, but we had both had fun. I didn't resent her for her intelligence, I embrace it.

 

My advice, don't be so quick to dismiss people based on your past experiences. Every person is different. I very much appreciate an intelligent woman, this gentleman may also have enjoyed getting to know and dating the same.

 

Just my two cents...

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mortensorchid
Why do you think a man would resent you for being smarter??

 

My long term girlfriend of 6 years is more intelligent than I am and I don't resent her one bit. In fact, I've learned a great deal from her. She was an English teacher and English is one of my weaknesses. We started our own little book club and I've enjoyed reading some of her favorite books from her personal library. I've learned a lot, in addition to expanding my vocabulary; I've enhanced my thought process and how I view certain works of literature.

 

We played a game of "Scrabble" this afternoon, of course she won, but we had both had fun. I didn't resent her for her intelligence, I embrace it.

 

My advice, don't be so quick to dismiss people based on your past experiences. Every person is different. I very much appreciate an intelligent woman, this gentleman may also have enjoyed getting to know and dating the same.

 

Just my two cents...

 

It's happened more times than I care to think about. And this guy practically had "redneck" written all over him. I should have pointed that out earlier.

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Happy Lemming
It's happened more times than I care to think about. And this guy practically had "redneck" written all over him. I should have pointed that out earlier.

 

I've always heard "you can't judge a book by its cover"....

 

But I guess its water under the bridge at this point... Opportunity lost, he may have been a really nice guy.

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All you did was shake hands and extend some pleasantries. You have no idea if this guy is intellectually stimulating at all. You passed a high level of judgement with not much to go on. Here you were at this party with a friend of yours trying to play a little bit of Cupid, and I'm guessing the same thing could have been happening on his end, and the group of you could have had a group conversation. You could have had the opportunity to get to know the guy a little better in a group setting. Missed opportunity, in my mind, but I guess if the majority of men out there are vastly beneath you intellectually, it's just going to take a lot longer to meet someone that checks all your boxes. I can't fault you for avoiding something you know will fail, but it seems to me you didn't even give it a try, and in a setting of friends, no pressure...not a date or a one-on-one meeting.

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I was at a party this evening for my friend's daughter who had returned from a semester abroad in South America. We were all having a good time but I was home by 11 because we're all older people now. Ha ha ha … But I digress …

 

One woman I know said to me when we were chatting "Hey, I think there's a really cute single guy here tonight, I think you would like him." I asked where. She pointed to him. I had met him earlier, we just said "Hi how are you" and shook hands. I said "Oh him? No, I don't think, not me and him." She asked why not. I said "I chatted with him earlier, he doesn't do it for me at all." She asked why not. I said "Because I'm smarter than he is and he'll eventually resent me for that and dump me for someone else." SHe asked how I knew that. I said "I just know immediately."

 

I am glad I am older and wiser now when it comes to these things. I'm sure he's an alright guy, but I just know he and I weren't a good match in that way.

 

Wow! Now you get it!I am in the same boat myself too.. I rather be free than to with a woman she is not right for me. Not sad but I feel I did the right thing. I gave it shot for me it was someone from work who turned to be a toxic woman. I can't have that in my life or in my home. Now to get on with my life in peace and harmony again. No rush for me now when the right woman walks into my heart I'll know..

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Are you aware of how poorly this recount reflects on you?

 

Wierd, I tried to click like on that but it didn't take.

 

Totally agree Basil. It really isn't a good look.

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Funny , if she's smarter than me l couldn't care less, good , she can do all the thinking. The thing l wouldn't tolerate though is if she has that look and high horse way about her , you know the one, oh l'm just so effg intelligent :bunny:

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Mortensorchid, have you ever been told that you've been dumped for how smart you are? Or could there possibly be other reasons at play?

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Mortensorchid, have you ever been told that you've been dumped for how smart you are? Or could there possibly be other reasons at play?

 

Yeah, what reasons have you been dumped for MO?

 

You do seem to have many issues socially with men and with women.

What have people 'told' you so far?

 

It may give us insight into subtle changes you could make to make life a lot easier for yourself.

 

I became aware that I needed to change for the first time at 18, following a trauma in my life. I just did it.

Since then I have studied and learned to read body language (and facial expressions) etc. And it has served me well. I used to be very shy and I did the work (over many years now) to be the best person I can be.

I understand people much better and give them a lot more time and I do my best to be considerate towards others. It's made a lot of difference to my friendships, including family and relationships too.

 

You appear to be in downwards mode just now, blocking and ending friendships. There is a 'why' but you seem to be a common denominator. Help us help this to stop happening.

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Eternal Sunshine

It’s obvious that for whatever reason OP wasn’t really feeling the spark. Why force things with a random that you don’t feel particular affinity to? Is that what single women are supposed to do :rolleyes:

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I became aware that I needed to change for the first time at 18, following a trauma in my life. I just did it.

Since then I have studied and learned to read body language (and facial expressions) etc. And it has served me well. I used to be very shy and I did the work (over many years now) to be the best person I can be.

I understand people much better and give them a lot more time and I do my best to be considerate towards others. It's made a lot of difference to my friendships, including family and relationships too.

 

You appear to be in downwards mode just now, blocking and ending friendships. There is a 'why' but you seem to be a common denominator. Help us help this to stop happening.

 

Yep, first realisation at age 18 too. Though it took the ditching of a negative husband to really understand how negative and opinionated I had become. Constant quest for self improvement followed. Hence my comment in another thread about how I received flack from other women when I was younger and more obnoxious. But since I learned to pull my head in and be a nicer and more thoughtful person, it has not happened.

 

Greater awareness of how others perceive us can be the driver for improving how they treat us.

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Don't worry about it OP. Flash assessments based on physicality are normal and you know what you like and don't like. As a real 'red neck', a man who works outside and with his hands, I applaud such discrimination and have seen it plenty in my life. The worst? Oh, I'll give the redneck 'a chance'. Bleh.

 

However, pushing sixty, I was a bit shocked when partying recently to hang with the younguns until two or three in the morning. In one case, to try to break me, they got me up the next morning and we went on a six mile mountain hike. No lie, I about died :D So, don't feel 'old' yet. You've got a ways to go. There's a guy out there for you. When you meet him you'll know it. Makes life fun.

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If you are not interested in the guy, then you are not interested but...

 

This is a HUGE assumption to make after talking for just a few minutes of knowing someone. It’s very judgmental and quite bitter. It is not the fact that you weren’t interested in this guy, but the way you said it... To say that HE will resent YOU because you are smarter is a very arrogant assertion for you to make. If I was your friend, I would have been quite taken aback by your comment.

Edited by BaileyB
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mortensorchid
Mortensorchid, have you ever been told that you've been dumped for how smart you are? Or could there possibly be other reasons at play?

 

Yes I have. I have been told by others I have been with they felt intimidated by me - I have too much charisma. There is such a thing. I don't think of myself as a ravishing beauty, but I am young looking still and I am often times mistaken for a woman in their 20s (I am the living proof of 40 Is The New 30). Only some grey hairs and not a wrinkle on my face.

 

And … It's not what others want. That's all I can say.

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I'veseenbetterlol
I was at a party this evening for my friend's daughter who had returned from a semester abroad in South America. We were all having a good time but I was home by 11 because we're all older people now. Ha ha ha … But I digress …

 

One woman I know said to me when we were chatting "Hey, I think there's a really cute single guy here tonight, I think you would like him." I asked where. She pointed to him. I had met him earlier, we just said "Hi how are you" and shook hands. I said "Oh him? No, I don't think, not me and him." She asked why not. I said "I chatted with him earlier, he doesn't do it for me at all." She asked why not. I said "Because I'm smarter than he is and he'll eventually resent me for that and dump me for someone else." SHe asked how I knew that. I said "I just know immediately."

 

I am glad I am older and wiser now when it comes to these things. I'm sure he's an alright guy, but I just know he and I weren't a good match in that way.

 

You sound full of yourself. For a lot of guys that is a total turn off and pretty mean to just say that instead of just stating you weren't feeling it. That a much nicer way of saying things. I understand you didn't feel a connection, but why go assuming things about the guy w/out knowing anything. People will be hesitant to set you up w/anyone because they see that you feel you are too good for them. When guys talk that way, it is a huge turn off no matter how smart or good looking they are.

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Shining One
I am young looking still and I am often times mistaken for a woman in their 20s (I am the living proof of 40 Is The New 30). Only some grey hairs and not a wrinkle on my face.

 

And … It's not what others want.

I don't think I've ever heard of a man saying he wants a woman who ages poorly. When I went through my phase of dating women ~10 years older than me, all of them were women who aged well.
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