Is she the right person or do I have commitment issues

[jerrygordon3]

I’ll be ifront and say I had an abusive childhood. Lots of in dependable parents. I’m typing this on my phone and rushed so sorry for typos. But I’ve been w someone off and on. We met years ago. We’ve fixed a lot of problems and grown as a couple. She tries really hard and is good to me. But now that things are finally working out I don’t know if I want them to. I feel a little drained. She’s sassy and upset here and there. Generally a very needy woman though. And whn she’s doing her whining thing I just don’t care. It’s like she overwhelms me. I’m 31. I want to want a family and kids. I can’t remeber what it was like to love anyone else. I put my name on her car so she could get it cause I have better credit but now I’m the only one on finance but she has To make payments which is concerning. Her recent car got repoed cause she got fired from a job and couldn’t make payments. She has a great job now. But I do see she has a problem paying bills sometimes. But it’s been off and on for 4 years and every time it’s off it’s cause I get burnt out on having to be required to work through issues w us, there’s a fight and meltdown moment. There’s more energy FROM the fight so, I end up finall saying I don’t know if I want to be in a relationship right now. Which causes more crying and stuff on her end. When she’s not around I miss her. We get a long great most of the time. But there’s also been a lot of history. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Is this me and my commitment issues or do I just need to move on and heal or something Cliché

[smackie9]

No it's not commitment issues...it's just a $^&%&^ relationship. Red flags everywhere. You should have kept yourself out of it the first time when things went to $%^&. You are now paying for it because you were making poor life choices. Step back and take a good look at the mess you have kept yourself in, and get out of it. Moving on is the best thing you can do.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

You listed a bunch of reasons as to why you feel this won't work out,

You've only listed a few reasons as to why it should and they're filled with doubt,

Perhaps you should go old school and do a pros/cons list to evaluate what you can,

Then sit back and truly read the list over and over so you can better understand!

[Gaeta]

Jerry: Because you had an abusive childhood it's difficult for you to identify if a person is good to you or not. This woman is not good to you. You know it deep down that is why you have doubts. Listen to your little voice, it's telling you this is wrong. Good relationships do not have a history of 'on and off'. Good relationships are steady, they are patient, loving, kind, respectful. There is nothing of that in this relationship.

[BaileyB]

It's not a good realtionship for you, filled with drama and very unhealthy. Red flags flying everywhere!

 

Good relationship are not on again off again. They are secure and steady. Marry this woman and you will not find a happy or healthy future. Sorry

[I'veseenbetterlol]

This is an unhealthy relationship. I know because I was w/a guy like that who drained me. When I was w/him, I have never wanted to be single so bad. He was clingy, controlling and threw fits about how I wasn't paying enough attention to him. I felt super non committed, but this was just the wrong person. If you aren't feeling it, let her go.

[kendahke]

I end up finall saying I don’t know if I want to be in a relationship right now. Which causes more crying and stuff on her end

 

 

IF you don't want to be in a relationship now, then break up with her and let her go. Don't use her to make breaking up with her easier for you... meaning: stop prolonging the inevitable.

[jerrygordon3]

Hey, ya it’s not always that I’m not feeling it. I do feel like she’s possibly the only one I really WANTED things to work out with. Yes there have been massive issues throughout. Just today, the same recurring issue: she always wanted to be together, sometimes I don’t. She always wanted to sleep in and cuddle and I blow all my free time being “ cute” and I want her to wake up in the morning and go be an adult so I can too. Today she was like. Aweeee babe morning let’s get coffee and then lunch and then froyo etc etc. so.... I tend to be like... ya.... okay... but only cause I know saying no is going to start a fight. So a few minutes later I was like hey... I kind of only have a bit to hang out cause I want to gym and work before starting my shift ( I’m a nurse). She got super caddy and stormed out of my house and I said we can still get coffee?? Why do yo get mad if we aren’t attached at the hip every day? She ended up blocking my car door, sobbing, slamming my door, throwing my phone, and when I walked down the street to get away she was ten paces back jerryyyy how could you do this why are you I thought we weee hanging out and then you just cancel plans you just use me for sex, for ten plus minutes and the neighbors had started to look out the window while she’s balling and talking pretty loud in the street... . Nothing I say stops the onslaught. It just goes until I escape physically. I’ve gotten used to having to sleep in my car until 4 -6 am cause she has a middle of the night flip out cause I won’t get her water at 2 am... she has two legs and two arms and a brain. Don’t wake me up to complain or ask me favors? What in the actual **** is that?Finally I was like. Dude, I’m getting coffee. She walked around the passenger side to get in, I locked the doors and drove off. I’m completely insulted and just like WTF...? I just don’t understand how the **** I’m supposed to deal w that ****.

Edited June 18, 2018 by jerrygordon3
Cause

[BaileyB]

What part of this behaviour is ok with you? Dude, you are sleeping in your car because your girl is an absolute nightmare.

 

I think you must absolutely love the drama - there is no other reason for you to stay.

 

How many times do people have to say it... this relationship is unhealthy, filled with drama, and YOU NEED TO END IT!