Is she blowing me off or playing games?

[ascofield]

Hey everyone,

 

I've been flirting a little bit with my bank advisor via email. I had asked her if it was Ok to send her mails from time to time just to say hello and she said that it wouldn't bother her. An important thing to know is that the mails are recorded.

 

Right after a webcam session at her work I sent her a mail telling her that I had a great time and I teased her a bit and told her that if she wanted, I could send her a mail a week later to keep her posted on a budget management project. I got no response.

I was wondering if maybe she didn't answer because she was afraid of being caught flirting in the mails.

 

So a week later I sent her another mail to say hello and I asked if it was still OK to send her mails to say hello because I wouldn't want to send her mails just to say hi if she was too busy. Then I told her quickly about my interview about my budget management project scheduled for this friday. She answered with "Good luck for your management project !"

 

Why didn't she answer my question?

Is she being cautious about her work?

or is she letting me know that she's no longer interested?

Maybe she's playing games and stringing me along.

 

I w'd love your opinions. Thanks.

[guest569]

I don’t think she is playing games. Was the flirting going both ways? Sounds like she is keeping things on a professional level and is likely not interested or cannot act upon it regardless.

[act00]

I wouldn't call it game-playing. She is your financial adviser and the relationship is purely professional. Maybe she's attracted to you, and maybe she's also single, but it would be a conflict of interest to get romantically involved with a client. She may have just been being nice with her "okay" to touch base once a week or so, and she gets the emails, and sometimes responds to keep her client happy...avoiding anything personal (avoiding your direct question). Are you seeking free advice when you're sending her your financial plans?

 

If you want to date her, you probably need to seek professional services elsewhere. You have no idea if she's just being nice while trying to keep you at arm's length, not encourage you romantically, or if she is genuinely interested...you have to figure that one out. My guess is she is just being nice and she's not interested in you romantically.

[smackie9]

Your intrigue with her is making you short sighted.

 

 

 

She still has to deal with you sometime or another so she did responded to your professional message because it pertained to business. Your other messages she didn't respond to were not appropriate professionally.

 

 

 

If she was truly interested she would have contacted you with her personal email/cel#.

 

 

 

 

Again I have said this to many in your position: Just because a woman is being pleasant or friendly to you doesn't mean it's sexual/romantic. And being nice isn't playing games or leading you on..that's on you and your own personal perception.

Edited June 14, 2018 by smackie9

[Lotsgoingon]

You're flirting the wrong way. Your communication sounds needy and awkward and tentative.

 

Either say hello or don't say hello. Don't ask her if you can say hello. (BTW: an awkward question because ... no one can stop you from literally saying hello.)

 

The problem with asking if you can say hello ... is that it's a downright strange question ... if someone were to ask me if they can say hello, I have no idea how to answer ... Of course they can say hello! ... And of course, I can ignore the hello if I want ... So I would think, "well they must want to do more than say hello."

 

Asking if you can say hello reminds me of those slick salesman who try to trick you into going the next step in a sales conversation. "If I were to show you that you could save 50 percent on X, would you be willing to hear more?"

 

Instead, simply start by adding a tag to your routine mail ... "Always great to talk to you." ... or "Always great to talk to you ... Love your energy." ... That's adding a bit of personal feeling there ... without going too far past professional propriety.

 

Then let her react ... if she reacts and reveals a bit about herself, then you can respond ... and acknowledge her note and reveal something more about yourself ... and so on ...If she doesn't get personal, then you've got your answer ... She's not interested in flirting or checking you out.

[ascofield]

You're flirting the wrong way. Your communication sounds needy and awkward and tentative.

 

Either say hello or don't say hello. Don't ask her if you can say hello. (BTW: an awkward question because ... no one can stop you from literally saying hello.)

 

The problem with asking if you can say hello ... is that it's a downright strange question ... if someone were to ask me if they can say hello, I have no idea how to answer ... Of course they can say hello! ... And of course, I can ignore the hello if I want ... So I would think, "well they must want to do more than say hello."

 

Asking if you can say hello reminds me of those slick salesman who try to trick you into going the next step in a sales conversation. "If I were to show you that you could save 50 percent on X, would you be willing to hear more?"

 

Instead, simply start by adding a tag to your routine mail ... "Always great to talk to you." ... or "Always great to talk to you ... Love your energy." ... That's adding a bit of personal feeling there ... without going too far past professional propriety.

 

Then let her react ... if she reacts and reveals a bit about herself, then you can respond ... and acknowledge her note and reveal something more about yourself ... and so on ...If she doesn't get personal, then you've got your answer ... She's not interested in flirting or checking you out.

 

I get your point. But when things are too vague, it can drag for too long so I tried to make things clearer by asking her directly.

 

Do you think her answer "Good luck for your management project !" is a rejection or do you have no idea too?

I feel like if she didn't want me to send her mails to say hello, she would have told me clearly instead of leaving things in the air.

[JDJ]

This woman has a job to do. She is required to interact with you and keep you as a happy customer. So of course she is going to go along with a certain amount of banter, within limits. But I am pretty sure she doesn't enjoy it and finds it creepy coming from you.

 

If your only contact with her is by email, there is no way for you to legitimately get to know her personally. You are just harassing her by trying to do so. You should cut it out and try to find a woman somewhere else.

[ascofield]

I should add that it was her idea to send to her emails on the pretense of keeping her posted and she insisted upon it even though it wasn't necessary at all. She even said that I could send her mails at 3 in the morning! She had also said at the beginning that she will send to me "smoke signals" as hints to make me send emails to her. And she said that in a flirty way. At one moment during our first interview, she held eye contact with a big smile during what felt like an eternity. It was obvious that she was flirting.

 

During the webcam session, she also said that I shouldn't send emails when she's absent because it would be "delicate" since they're transferred to her colleagues. So it seems like she's OK with it but just tries to avoid consequences since it's her work.

 

If I didn't have these signals, I would have never flirted back with her nor would I have sent her these emails. Now I'm wondering if her not answering clearly my questions is her way of making me understand that she's no longer interested or if she's just trying to stay discreet since the emails are recorded. She said during the webcam session of last week that she will send me another rendez-vous for a webcam session in July.

[JDJ]

I should add that it was her idea to send to her emails on the pretense of keeping her posted and she insisted upon it even though it wasn't necessary at all.

 

Understood that this is a bit of a different situation then. But she is being recorded, at work. So in that case she can't do anything more. You should, one time and one time only, give her your personal info (cell phone # or social media id) and say that she is welcome to contact you there. Then she is not to blame for anything she did at work, but she can "take it offline", so to speak.

 

If she chooses not to follow up, then just let it go.

[Lotsgoingon]

So now there's a problem.

 

If she has encouraged you to email her, why the heck are you ASKING her if you can email her? ... That's more strange than the original description you gave.

 

Email her or don't ... Don't ask if you can email.

[smackie9]

She's not engaging, she's not interested.

 

 

If she was she would have ask you to update her on your progress....you got the "good luck" blow off.

[ascofield]

Understood that this is a bit of a different situation then. But she is being recorded, at work. So in that case she can't do anything more. You should, one time and one time only, give her your personal info (cell phone # or social media id) and say that she is welcome to contact you there. Then she is not to blame for anything she did at work, but she can "take it offline", so to speak.

 

If she chooses not to follow up, then just let it go.

 

If I do that, I don't think she will contact me even if she wants to. I think the man is supposed to lead things in the beginning and make the first moves (calling first, texting first...). I think she would feel like an "easy woman" if she contacts me first even if she would want to.

[ascofield]

So now there's a problem.

 

If she has encouraged you to email her, why the heck are you ASKING her if you can email her? ... That's more strange than the original description you gave.

 

Email her or don't ... Don't ask if you can email.

 

She encouraged me to email her under the pretext of updating her (even though it wasn't necessary at all).

Now I asked her if I could send her emails just to say hello, so we could drop the pretexts. During the webcam session she told me it wouldn't bother her but since she hadn't replied to one specific mail (where I was flirting, so she might have not responded to avoid trouble in her work), I've asked her if it was still OK to send her mails to say hello.

[Lotsgoingon]

Again, one doesn't ask if one can send emails ...

 

Anymore than walking down the street I approach someone and ask, "can I say hello to you."

 

Or ... anymore than I would ask a friend or colleague or anyone I encounter "Can I send you an email."

 

Human beings send each other emails and cards and notes and say hello ... all the time without asking for permission.

 

The etiquette is as follows.

 

I send someone an email.

 

If they respond and seem friendly, I may send another ..

 

If they don't respond I stop.

 

But I don't ask permission ahead of time. The way we say no at the initial stages is to ignore people ... that's the way of saying I'm not interested ... You don't ask people to say hello. Say hello and see what happens.