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He got so upset so suddenly, should I let it go?


Oceanwaves

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Hey there, i am new here and i need some advice.

 

I met this amazing man on a dating app, we talked for a week and we had a lot in common,but most importantly, we clicked. We had a connection, we were so similar.

 

We sent long messages back n forth! Last night I responded to his message in a very brief way. I did feel weird. I felt anxious somehow that day. he didn't like that at all. He told me I was being weird , and that my message was just not as nice as usual and all of a sudden he deleted me! I tried to explain that I felt off that day and that he misunderstood, I apologized for making him upset with being different to my usual messages. After a while he accepted.but he's still not okay.

 

We haven't talked anymore. I asked him if he'd rather like to stop this altogether then and he said " of course not". He also said he's upset because it went well and now he feels like he doesn't know what to say anymore. He said he didn't expect me to try to fix this.

He said he had weird girls in the past and that things just got worse then.

 

But

Im not them.I felt really shocked by all this sudden change , and the fact he just erased me so easily. He then added me back with a "yeah whatever. Maybe in a bit.no rush."

I'm added back now. Anyway, that was another quite hurtful thing to me.

He also accused me of looking for other guys already. It all happened within 2 minutes really! ;(

I tried to explain to him , all the things he misunderstood..

 

By apologizing and explaining, though I feel I didn't do anything wrong, I feel I am losing myself somehow.it shouldn't have to be like this :(

I said to him "why didn't u tell me instead of just erasing me?"

 

How could it be so nice and then that? It Really shocked me ... Should I let it/him go? He seemed so perfect but of course we haven't met.

 

 

On top of that he reassured me he'd never be like the guys I met before (also quite rude and cold so suddenly). He reassured me that those men were just bad people ...and Now he's doing the same thing.

I barely slept last night :'(

 

I feel so stupid. All this explaining and apologizing.

 

He even told me "ohhh, so is this all my fault now or what??!"

 

Jesus! :'(

Edited by Oceanwaves
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PegNosePete

Drama llama. Why are you involving yourself in all of this? You've never met him and he's creating all this drama! Imagine what he would be like after 3 weeks, 3 months or 3 years of dating!

 

If a guy on OLD wants to meet you he will ask to meet you very quickly (within a week). If he doesn't do so then you should move on. All this mental gymnastics is totally wasted on someone you've never met. You should just next him and move onto someone who is actually interested in meeting up rather than playing games over text message.

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No meet, no text. None of these long text messages all day, every day. You meet within a week, maybe two. Don't get locked into these really long messages and all day every day texting. Don't participate in a high level of texting unless it's something you can maintain for a long time. This guy sounds a bit off kilter and you don't even know him yet. You've never met. It's a lot of drama for someone you don't even know is real. Don't get locked into something like this. If he can't meet with you, move on.

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Marley Rizzla

Get away from this guy.

 

FAR FAR AWAY.

 

There are all kinds of red flags here. Don't ignore them. You did nothing wrong. You don't own anyone anything. From that brief summary he sounds like a highly controlling man and possibly possessive.

 

He's toxic and you should look after yourself.

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If a man ended up blocking me over something like that I would move on so fast his head would spin. Why do you put up with crap?

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bathtub-row

He’s abusive and this is his way of testing you out early on. If you tolerate this by continuing to be with him, he learns that he can push you and he’ll keep doing this until you discover that you landed into a huge mess. Run away from this guy.

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please do yourself a favor and remove him from your dating app and phone, the guy is full of drama and the abuse isn't far away.

next him, and quickly

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I want to thank you all for the replies. :love:

 

You're right. I will have to let this go.

 

Now I wish I hadn't explained and apologised (for nothing).

:eek:

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I want to thank you all for the replies. :love:

 

You're right. I will have to let this go.

 

Now I wish I hadn't explained and apologised (for nothing).

:eek:

 

You didn't do anything wrong- and he manipulated you to be the one in the wrong.

You were manipulated.

He is abusive.

 

Unless you'd experienced it before and had taken time to learn the signs you wouldn't have a clue about a guy like that so please don't feel bad for that apology or explanation. Plus, so many of these situations are so different and other factors could have been involved - he may have been having a bad day - in which case and if that was all it had been he would have come back to you so differently.

 

Cut ties, any explanation from you at this stage will only incur excuses, reasoning, love bombing and you'll be right back at square one but knowing deep down that you should run from this guy and fast.

 

Men like this can be tough to get away from so blocking all avenues is best.

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Others have already said it but I will reiterate nonetheless. He was grooming you for abuse. Do not accept it. Grooming leads to gaslighting which leads to control which leads to loss of self.

 

Get out.

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OK, why did you apologize?!! You did nothing wrong. This guy is AN ABUSER. I agree with Lurker, that weird message was him manipulating your emotions, and yes gaslighting you. He is a very very sick man. Please never talk to this person again.

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Set him adrift.

 

He's got problems you don't need to be saddled down trying to resolve. Let him do his own heavy lifting.

 

And I second what Smackie said--why are you apologizing to him when you didn't do anything to warrant an apology?

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I want to thank you all for the replies. :love:

 

You're right. I will have to let this go.

 

Now I wish I hadn't explained and apologised (for nothing).

:eek:

 

That's okay. It will only make him more regretful once you block him and he can't do anything about it. You don't need a guy who gets an attitude and acting bossy or possessive before you've even met. It is a red flag. He's a mess.

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I want to thank you all for the replies. :love:

 

You're right. I will have to let this go.

 

Now I wish I hadn't explained and apologised (for nothing).

:eek:

 

Nothing you did would ever change the fact he's toxic already. Listen you don't need that in your life right now. Mood swing. He's already have issues mentally you never want to go with anyone like that trust me I've been there and done it many times. They will never change and be the perfect someone. Block/reject and move on..

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Lotsgoingon

This guy cut off all conversation based on a non-mistake ... just a shorter than expected reply.

 

Translation: he's a jerk ... If he cuts you off based on that ... then imagine if you were with him and you were an actual human being ... you know ... the type of being who is occasionally tired ... or frustrated at work ... or distracted by a family member's illness ...

 

In other words, he's a jerk. Move on ... The reasons you feel bad is because your gut knows you should not be apologizing for a non-mistake ...

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TheFinalWord
{snip}

 

On top of that he reassured me he'd never be like the guys I met before (also quite rude and cold so suddenly). He reassured me that those men were just bad people ...and Now he's doing the same thing.

I barely slept last night :'(

 

I feel so stupid. All this explaining and apologizing.

 

He even told me "ohhh, so is this all my fault now or what??!"

 

Jesus! :'(

 

You're not stupid. Just inexperienced with OLD.

 

I advise not doing a lot of communication online. Use the apps to set up a date, and then leave it at that. Talking a bunch in between leaves you with nothing to say on the date either. Plus who wants to write 5 page letters everyday. That gets draining. Instead use that time to meet.

 

I still don't believe you can really build a relationship purely online. What happens is your brain fills in the gaps and creates a fantasy of the person, and you catch feelings for a person that doesn't exist. Try to meet with the person as soon as you feel safe doing so. Even at that, try not to do a bunch of pre-date chatting.

 

I am sorry for your hurt feelings.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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Thanks for your replies ♡

All very true.

 

It's been 2 days now and I am slowly not thinking about it anymore.

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