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Has my boyfriends identity really been stolen or is he just covering his [butt]?


Chellerenee13

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Chellerenee13

It all started about 3 months ago. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 2 years. A couple of months ago he was at work and his iPad (he had just gotten it a month prior as a prize at work) made a noise in the other room. Curious, I got up to check. It was a message from a random number. I opened his messaging app on his iPad and saw about 20 random numbers he’d been texting over a period of maybe 2-3 weeks... from what seemed to be prostitutes after reading them. All of these messages started with him saying “hey” or “what’s up” or “how much for 45mins/1hr” or “do you do ___?” And stating his age/location/ethnicity.

 

So obviously I was shocked. Totally shocked...he’s been the man of my dreams for over a year, nothing but honest and open with me. That’s why i love him so much. He has NOT seemed like the type of person to do that in the least. At all. So, it was so unbelievable. But I did the logical thing and packed my bags and called to tell him I was gone. That’s when he denied it all. He supposedly had no clue what I was talking about.

 

When he got home I showed it to him and he looked just as shocked as I was. All I could do was laugh. Because it’s all right there in front of my face... there’s no way he could deny it. I started to find it humorous. Over the period of the next few days, I had contacted every one of these numbers sending a picture of him asking if they’d ever seen him (pretending to be his friend “Tyler” looking for him because he’s “missing” and “Tyler” found their number on my boyfriend's iPad as the most recent person he’s contacted). Every one of them believed it and said they were sorry but they had never seen him before.

 

Also, I should say all of the messages I found were very short and although prices, times and locations were given, none of them stated they were on their way... his address was given a couple of times but never his actual apartment door number... long story short after some time passed and he mentioned contacting the police because he was just as freaked out as I was, I decided to stay with him because none of it made sense. I was WITH him during a lot of the times these messages were exchanged and he is NEVER on his iPad or phone and leaves his phone and everything with me when he leaves the room. It was all just very confusing and almost impossible... so I let it slide.

 

But yesterday a similar situation happened again. He was at work and his iPad made a noise, I looked and it was an email from some website for female escorts. So, of course, I started digging through his email. There are SEVERAL messages exchanged through craigslist emails with hookers... dating all the way back to 2013. He was 18 then! There are pictures of himself he’s sent through these emails over the years, none of them being recent photos, locations but never HIS exact address were given (only his town/city or THEIR full address).

 

Some of the old emails were from when he lived in another state a couple of years ago and some are from where he lives currently. Also, he was deployed in Japan half a year ago and some emails are even saying he was in Okinawa Japan and conversing with women from there and again in Peru where he just went for a week about a month ago. Emails with prostitutes in Peru... so obviously that just PROVED it was true all along.

 

When I told him what I’d seen he again had no idea (these messages go into a spam folder). And I laughed at him. Because you can’t deny any of that! I’m reading these messages plain as day! But he seemed very upset this was coming up again when he thought he had fixed it before. He’s very convinced someone’s stolen his identity and knows his every move... he’s contacted the FTC and is planning on talking to an IT tech on the military base he works at to see how this is possible.

 

I just need some sort of proof here... I don’t know what to believe anymore. I trust him so much but this is really messing with my trust for him. Has ANYONE ever heard of anything like this happening? How could someone pretend to be him for the past 5 years and have pictures of him and know his location and address (but not door number) and back into his iPad and email and what would the point be? What would the other person be gaining from this? He wants to prove to me that it’s not him and is taking steps to do that. Like filing a report and all... but I want someone to tell me how it’s possible!

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited for formatting and grammer ~ V
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Versacehottie

I saw an interview with an awesome police detective (for murders) once and he said that one of the theories they operate on to get to the truth is that "don't believe in coincidences".

 

Applying that to your story, there are FAR too many coincidences in his story for him not to be doing those things. No one stole his identity. He has a secret life & an iPad telling his secrets. Sorry it's not what you want to hear. But you should bail. (ps don't think any escort/prostitute is going to fall for the looking for Paul story; they have to be street savvy on a daily basis AND want to keep their own identities secret; just because they didn't acknowledge knowing him doesn't mean nothing happened with them).

 

My guess is that he makes a lot of contact with prostitutes, acts on probably a much smaller percentage of it. Guessing his behavior will escalate as he becomes more comfortable, makes more money, has more opportunity. Also the identity stolen doesn't make sense in that the escort situation has followed the various locations HE's been in and around. Too coincidental. Nope, no one else but him. Plus easiest thing in the world to create an anonymous email address to communicate with hookers, i.e. no need to steal an identity for that. It's on his devices because he is the one communicating with them. Sorry:sick:

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Assuming that someone has stolen his identity, why would they be messaging prostitutes? Is he not more concerned about his finances, because that is the usual crime associated with stolen identity. His story makes no sense to me...

 

It certainly appears that he has been soliciting sex. I would never be able to trust this man again. And without trust, there is nothing.

 

I would encourage you to get checked for STD's. I'm sorry.

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PegNosePete
Assuming that someone has stolen his identity, why would they be messaging prostitutes? Is he not more concerned about his finances, because that is the usual crime associated with stolen identity. His story makes no sense to me...

Exactly. People don't steal identities to message prostitutes. They can do that perfectly fine with their own identity, or make up an anonymous one.

 

If it makes no sense, it isn't true.

 

I would kick this guy out so hard, you have to FedEx his shadow to him.

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ExpatInItaly

Nobody stole his identity. Any identity thief worth their salt (so to speak) is not going to be spend five years of their time fraudulently hiring prostitutes. That's not how they operate. You don't need to steal someone's identity to use their email address to cover your tracks.

 

He has been looking for prostitutes and he got caught. He is scrambling to figure out how to keep up the lie. Filing a report? Yeah, right. Asking someone on a military base how this happened? Pfft. They might propose a theory, sure, but does that mean your boyfriend didn't do this himself? No.

 

I'm sorry but he is plainly lying to you. Please get yourself to a doctor and have an STI check. Your boyfriend has been leading a double life.

Edited by ExpatInItaly
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DrReplyInRhymes

He's doing this while in a relationship with you,

While he's away, he's obviously thinking of ****ing around too.

No need to really explain or dive into it, you've your answers in hand,

Just tell him you're over and that you don't really have to understand.

 

PS - Be wary for identity thefts do not always carry the motivation for profit. Sometimes, there's just some ****ed up person who wants your world to burn. Trust me.

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Michelle ma Belle

This is 100% bullsh*t. Plain and simple. Up to you if you want to find reasons to trust his story but anyone with an ounce of common sense would see this guy is such a baaaad liar.

 

I know it's painful to wake up one day and realize the man of your dreams is basically living a lie and feeding you crap for years but it's really not as uncommon as you might thing. Thanks to the digital age where sex and debauchery are just a click away, it's made monsters of many. Too many people out there living double lives.

 

I'm sorry for what you're going through but the fact that he's been so active on these types of sites for years, regardless if is ever met up and paid for sex, and the extent to which he is lying (and not very well) shows how devious and shady he is not to mention disrespectful to you and your relationship.

 

That is a deal breaker in my world. Should be in yours too.

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He's seeing prostitutes. If he was hacked, he'd have been doing something about it and hollering about being hacked. He looked surprised because you caught him.

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heavenonearth

I second what everyone else has been saying, and believe he is lying to you.

 

Even though he says he is 'taking steps' to look into the matter, how does he prove to you he is actually doing this? Maybe he is just telling you this to appease you.

 

I am sorry this guy turned out such a terrible sneaky person!

You deserve better.

 

I could never imagine my boyfriend doing something like that, but I remember having an ex who did similar stuff, and there were signs that I wanted to ignore so hard that I just did not see them!

 

Think again, think hard, were there signs you CHOSE not to see?

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CautiouslyOptimistic
Every one of them believed it and said they were sorry but they had never seen him before.

 

 

No, they didn't. They didn't want to get involved. They are protecting their butts, too.

 

I assume you followed up with his "mentioning he called the police?"

 

This guy is lying through his teeth.

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Lotsgoingon

The prostitutes you emailed are extremely cautious most likely: police sometimes use Craigslist (before CL closed down personals) to track down sex crimes ... So the prostitutes most likely thought you were a cop.

 

I wonder if he in fact went to prostitutes earlier before he met you ... Some of those sites are fake sites and once you interact with the site, you will get constant offers ... But let's say your bf no longer goes to those sites? Why hasn't he sent those messages to spam ... or put on a blocker. And for those sites to be sending his messages 2 years later, no ... that makes no sense.

 

I can feel that this is a tough situation for you ... you find him trustworthy other than this ...

 

If I were talking to a friend, I would say ... time to be defensive ... as if to lean toward assuming he's "guilty." ... Some guys do a "splitting" thing ... you know the Madonna-Whore Thing ... they date one kind of woman ... but still are haunted by fantasies of prostitutes who trigger their kinky side ... Some guys do this so well that the wife or girlfriend would never suspect their behavior ...

 

Just my thinking about trust issues ... it's up to the person to reassure you ... and what you want is to not only be intellectually/logically be reassured ... More important, you also want a physiological sense of reassurance. What I mean is that his explanation is so convincing that your entire body and nervous system immediately relaxes ... I find my nervous system is quite a good judge of character--way better than my "logical" brain. My logic brain will concoct all kinds of foolish stories ...

 

If I'm having to ask about this behavior, as you are doing here, that means my nervous system is NOT satisfied with his reasons ... and he has had ample chance to convince you ... So ... basically ... I think it's safer to cut things.

Edited by Lotsgoingon
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He was foolish to take that ipad because they automatically link up to your phone, and emails. He's lying to you. and ya anyone of them would deny talking to him...they know GFs and wives snoop. They are not stupid.

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ExpatInItaly
No, they didn't. They didn't want to get involved. They are protecting their butts, too.

 

I assume you followed up with his "mentioning he called the police?"

 

This guy is lying through his teeth.

 

Also this.

 

Prostitutes have been down this road a million times with cheating men or the police. They know all the tricks in the book (so to speak!) when it comes to a betrayed wife, girlfriend or undercover law enforcement.

 

They would never have admitted to knowing him

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I just need some sort of proof here... I don’t know what to believe anymore. I trust him so much but this is really messing with my trust for him. Has ANYONE ever heard of anything like this happening? How could someone pretend to be him for the past 5 years

 

 

It's sad that he's able to totally pull the wool over your eyes for over half a decade and you still question whether your suspicions are valid even though it couldn't possibly be more obvious that he's being completely dishonest with you and almost seems to be enjoying it.

 

 

 

It's like you're brainwashed by a sociopath.

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Romantic_Antics

This is a class 5 sh*t storm so head for the hills, bolt the doors, and don't look back. Sorry, but his story smells fishier than a Kardashian's underpants.

Edited by Romantic_Antics
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What's more likely?

 

A) Your BF has been hacked for five years by an identity theif that uses his stolen identity to order prosututes for your BF, or...

 

B) your BF is ordering prostitutes for himself and is lying?

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It's entirely possible that he never met anyone but just got off on the idea of messaging. If that were the case, it may be forgivable. But then he lied about it. Yes, he lied. Of course he's lying. And that, my friend, is something that you can't forgive - largely because he hasn't stopped.

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Lotsgoingon

Lurker makes a good point. He could be getting off on sending messages ... some kind of sexual compulsion.

 

But my thinking is that messaging prostitutes IS a bad sign, shows some kind of unhealthy coping mechanism ... perhaps a history of going to prostitutes in the past.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
Lurker makes a good point. He could be getting off on sending messages ... some kind of sexual compulsion.

 

But my thinking is that messaging prostitutes IS a bad sign, shows some kind of unhealthy coping mechanism ... perhaps a history of going to prostitutes in the past.

 

Yeah. My ex-H "got off" on looking for strange on CL and "Adult Friend Finder" and it was "just messages".......until it wasn't.

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Romantic_Antics
The OP has left the building... the OP has posted and dashed.

 

A drive by posting? The old post and ghost? An OP who's PO'd at OPP?

 

 

Legit possibilities.

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Romantic_Antics
Yeah. My ex-H "got off" on looking for strange on CL and "Adult Friend Finder" and it was "just messages".......until it wasn't.

 

One man's loss is another man's gain. ;)

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Chellerenee13

Oh don’t worry the OP is still here, gathering everyone’s opinions, waiting to read them all to him to see what he says ?

Anyone got anything to say to him? Lol

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Oh don’t worry the OP is still here, gathering everyone’s opinions, waiting to read them all to him to see what he says ?

Anyone got anything to say to him? Lol

 

 

He's here?!

 

:lmao:

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Why would you need to read him any of this?

 

Just tell him it's completely over because he's a bold faced cheater and a liar!

 

Help yourself and leave him immediately! Get tested for std's.

 

You can't trust any man like that - he's risking your future and your life - no man is worth that!

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