There's no way I should tell her to bring her kid on a 3rd date right?

[Kris12rizzo]

Been on a few dates with this girl who is a single mom and the dad is out of the picture.

 

We've been on 2 dates and have been planning a 3rd date but we can't get one in. Her mom always watches her kid but her mom and her had a bit of a falling out

 

So she doesn't have anyone to watch him.

 

My sister, who asked what was going on, said I should just say to her "well why don't we just go mini golfing or to a park or something and you can bring your son"

 

I said there's no way that sounds right but she said it sounds really mature and that you aren't just looking to get in her pants

 

Forum what say you?

[smackie9]

A close friend of mine took her kid with her on a first date with her future husband. She was a single mom of very little resources....he just told her to bring her daughter along and I think she was not even two yet. This impressed her so much because he was understanding and willing to accept her child. They have been happily married for something like 30 years. So the moral of the story is...if she is worth it you will do it...they come as a package deal right?

[introverted1]

Depends on the age of the child. If young (say, under 5) and you can be just friends with the mom on the date, then it's fine. I wouldn't bring an older kid, as s/he will know it's a date and that's awkward all around.

 

What happened between the woman and her mom? I'd be slightly concerned about a drama-filled mother-daughter relationship, particularly one where there's been a falling out significant enough to alter child care arrangements.

[Kris12rizzo]

Depends on the age of the child. If young (say, under 5) and you can be just friends with the mom on the date, then it's fine. I wouldn't bring an older kid, as s/he will know it's a date and that's awkward all around.

 

What happened between the woman and her mom? I'd be slightly concerned about a drama-filled mother-daughter relationship, particularly one where there's been a falling out significant enough to alter child care arrangements.

 

Her mom has been having some health issues so she has good days and bad days

[Lotsgoingon]

My first reaction is to ask, can she get a babysitter other than mom?

 

But ... I don't see any "rule" about her not having her child along. Look, you are dating a single mom ... so you're gonna be spending a lot of time with the kid anyway--assuming the relationship keeps going ...

 

Assuming you and this woman like each other, the next hurdle will be ... do you really like the kid? ...

 

The kid might be fun as hell to have around ... The zoo is a great venue for a visit with a date and kid ...

 

Lots of single parents plan to delay introducing the kid to the dating partner ... and then ... just as you report ... babysitting problems get in the way ... and the kid is introduced early ...

 

To look at this from her angle, I don't think she'd allow you to meet the kid if she didn't really respect you and trust you some ...

 

Your call ... but she's not pushing you away ... or disrespecting you ... And ... you will get a chance to see how she mothers ... and that's key ... So you'll see her in action and will get a real sense of what she's like much faster than you would through standard dating ... And you'll see if she's able to pay attention to you and her child at the same time. That's gonna be key if this relationship is gonna work.

Edited June 10, 2018 by Lotsgoingon

[phineas]

3rd date?

easy, dinner and a movie at her place.

Kid goes to sleep, make your move.

[Kris12rizzo]

I'm more worried about how she will feel. Like if I say "hey bring your kid along" she might think its weird? plus im still getting to know her. Her bringing her kid doesnt give awhole lot of getting to know one another I feel

[Chilli]

3rd date , are you kidding.

you don't even know each other and you'll probably be gone in a few weeks or months,

Then what for the poor kids, meanwhile they've gotten attached to you ?

Another man in mums life , poof , vanished and he has to go through it all again.

 

So nope , you should have nothing to do with the kids for at least 12mths because it's at least that long before you know if there's even a future between you .

lf she's got any common sense at all she should say def' not if you asked anyway,

[Kris12rizzo]

3rd date , are you kidding.

you don't even know each other and you'll probably be gone in a few weeks or months,

Then what for the poor kids, meanwhile they've gotten attached to you ?

Another man in mums life , poof , vanished and he has to go through it all again.

 

So nope , you should have nothing to do with the kids for at least 12mths because it's at least that long before you know if there's even a future between you .

lf she's got any common sense at all she should say def' not if you asked anyway,

 

 

you got goood points

[preraph]

A careful mother won't let a man she's only known briefly be near her kids for a myriad of reasons. So if she does, she isn't using good sense. If the kid is 2 or under then it's probably okay, but she just needs to find a babysitter.

[Kris12rizzo]

A careful mother won't let a man she's only known briefly be near her kids for a myriad of reasons. So if she does, she isn't using good sense. If the kid is 2 or under then it's probably okay, but she just needs to find a babysitter.

 

The kid is 7. I have met him once fo rlike a hour but this would be a total different thing.

 

Im afraid she will think i'm taking it way to serious way too soon

[carhill]

These days, IDK. Seems like safety is a big issue. Lotta creepy guys out there.

 

Back in the day I did a number of early (before sex) family dates with ladies. All of the women I dated had kids and most had at least two. The most memorable ones were true family dates like to the park or day trips to the coast. I remember taking one lady, her son and daughter over to Santa Cruz to ride the steam train and the rides on the boardwalk. That was a lot of fun. I was dabbling in videography back then and still have the 8mm video I shot on some of them.

 

I guess the women deemed me safe since there were never any real issues. I didn't press for anything or offer anything, that's just how things worked out. Those were back in the days I moved too slow and got dumped for not getting to sex fast enough. The kids piling on me probably didn't help.

 

In your case OP, unless she's a full time stay at home with no visible means of support, she's got to have some backup for her mother, paid or otherwise. Be careful of falling into funding her dating life. One alternative is covering a paid sitter and doing a cost-free date; one I often did was taking on of my vintage cars out, driving the lady up to a park on the river and walking around and watching the sun set. Just cost me gas and I'd bring some munchies, or she did.

 

Be creative. If she wants to date you, and you her, you'll figure it out. Getting to know each other and enjoying your time together is the gift. The other stuff can be worked out.

[Kris12rizzo]

These days, IDK. Seems like safety is a big issue. Lotta creepy guys out there.

 

Back in the day I did a number of early (before sex) family dates with ladies. All of the women I dated had kids and most had at least two. The most memorable ones were true family dates like to the park or day trips to the coast. I remember taking one lady, her son and daughter over to Santa Cruz to ride the steam train and the rides on the boardwalk. That was a lot of fun. I was dabbling in videography back then and still have the 8mm video I shot on some of them.

 

I guess the women deemed me safe since there were never any real issues. I didn't press for anything or offer anything, that's just how things worked out. Those were back in the days I moved too slow and got dumped for not getting to sex fast enough. The kids piling on me probably didn't help.

 

In your case OP, unless she's a full time stay at home with no visible means of support, she's got to have some backup for her mother, paid or otherwise. Be careful of falling into funding her dating life. One alternative is covering a paid sitter and doing a cost-free date; one I often did was taking on of my vintage cars out, driving the lady up to a park on the river and walking around and watching the sun set. Just cost me gas and I'd bring some munchies, or she did.

 

Be creative. If she wants to date you, and you her, you'll figure it out. Getting to know each other and enjoying your time together is the gift. The other stuff can be worked out.

 

Thats the thing we've only been on 2 dates, still getting to know one another. lso maybe she doesnt want to bring her kid around guys she is going on dates with cuz it might confuse him?

[Kris12rizzo]

is there more positives or negatives to ask?

[Simple Logic]

Lots of single parents do not introducing their children early on, but just ask “what would you think about ......

[Mrin]

No

 

Ten characters.

[Kris12rizzo]

I guess I'm leaning more towards no for this

[kendahke]

How do you feel about other people's children?

[preraph]

Just look into the future. If she lets you be around her seven year old, who is plenty old enough to get attached immediately, and not really knowing you that well, and you have kids together, will you trust her judgment with your kids? No. You need to see what she would do so you'll know, but not be around her kid yet.

[Gaeta]

A lot of you forgot what kids of 7 are like.

 

 

 

Offer her to play mini-golf, to bring her kid and a friend of her kid. The 2 kids will have a blast and won't care about you.

 

 

 

Playing mini-golf with her and the kids on a 3rd date doesn't mean the child needs to be involved from there. Just go back to your 1 on 1 dating after that.

 

 

 

My good friend met a man online and he brought along his 6 years old on their first meeting. She did not expect it. He had scheduled a babysitter and she let him down. They were meeting for an ice cream so the kid tagged along. My friend and this man have been together for 15 years now. She tells everything her date was nice but she fell in love with his son at the moment she saw his big eyes.

 

 

 

There are security rules but once in a while think outside the box, it will bring you beautiful surprises.

[Kris12rizzo]

A lot of you forgot what kids of 7 are like.

 

 

 

Offer her to play mini-golf, to bring her kid and a friend of her kid. The 2 kids will have a blast and won't care about you.

 

 

 

Playing mini-golf with her and the kids on a 3rd date doesn't mean the child needs to be involved from there. Just go back to your 1 on 1 dating after that.

 

 

 

My good friend met a man online and he brought along his 6 years old on their first meeting. She did not expect it. He had scheduled a babysitter and she let him down. They were meeting for an ice cream so the kid tagged along. My friend and this man have been together for 15 years now. She tells everything her date was nice but she fell in love with his son at the moment she saw his big eyes.

 

 

 

There are security rules but once in a while think outside the box, it will bring you beautiful surprises.

 

 

but as a guy don't you think that

 

1)she could be creepe dout if i said bring your kid along

 

2)she might think im taking things way to fast?

[Gaeta]

but as a guy don't you think that

 

1)she could be creepe dout if i said bring your kid along

 

2)she might think im taking things way to fast?

 

 

I am a woman but I'll put myself in a man's shoes for you.

 

1) Offer it in a casual way. Tell her it could be a date in an amusement part, the mini-golf (where ever), or just sitting in a park and *if she is comfortable* with it you don't see anything wrong with her bringing her child and there is no need for any *official introduction*, she can tell her child you're a friend from work.

 

2) Like I said, you offer an outside date for the 3rd date, something convenient if she wants to bring her child BUT after that you go back to your regular dating. This is NOT introducing a child into your life. If 2 months down the road you want to do the same with the kid go ahead but I am not suggestion you start involving this child in your regular dating.

 

Moms go to the park and watch their kids play and start-up conversations with other *unknown* parents all the time, what's the difference? You just happen to be there at the same time.

 

You meet at the mini-golf, you let her drive there, you don't leave together. You're a friend from work and you're gonna play golf together. End of story. How is that going to traumatize the child?

 

If she thinks you're a maniac for offering then let her go *poof* on you. Nothing lost.

 

 

.

[smackie9]

Ya I don't think it's going to kill anyone if you make it a nice afternoon at the park. Like do a picnic or something and let the kid run off and play while you two talk.

[Kris12rizzo]

I am a woman but I'll put myself in a man's shoes for you.

 

1) Offer it in a casual way. Tell her it could be a date in an amusement part, the mini-golf (where ever), or just sitting in a park and *if she is comfortable* with it you don't see anything wrong with her bringing her child and there is no need for any *official introduction*, she can tell her child you're a friend from work.

 

2) Like I said, you offer an outside date for the 3rd date, something convenient if she wants to bring her child BUT after that you go back to your regular dating. This is NOT introducing a child into your life. If 2 months down the road you want to do the same with the kid go ahead but I am not suggestion you start involving this child in your regular dating.

 

Moms go to the park and watch their kids play and start-up conversations with other *unknown* parents all the time, what's the difference? You just happen to be there at the same time.

 

You meet at the mini-golf, you let her drive there, you don't leave together. You're a friend from work and you're gonna play golf together. End of story. How is that going to traumatize the child?

 

If she thinks you're a maniac for offering then let her go *poof* on you. Nothing lost.

 

 

.

 

I like this. So basically offer it as a suggestion if she's comfortable with it if not that's fine it was just a suggestion for us to meet up and have fun

[clia]

I don't really think it's appropriate at this stage of the game, and you don't want to set yourself up so that it's the norm.

 

I also don't understand how she has no one else who can watch her kid for a few hours so she can go on a date with you. Does she have friends or other family? Does her kid have friends so she could have a date with you while her kid is on a play date? Can she sign her kid up for a summer activity so she has a few hours to spend with you? Can she find a local neighborhood teenager to watch her kid for a few hours so she can go on a date? (Where I live, teenagers are constantly posting on the NextDoor app looking for babysitting jobs.) Can she use a site like Care.com to find someone?

 

I don't know...it sounds like an excuse to me.