kalliek Posted June 8, 2018 Share Posted June 8, 2018 I have very strong trust issues and so does my boyfriend. We have both been cheated on in the past and we are both just scared for that to happen again. we love each other to death and we know we want to be together, but lately a lot has been happening. at the beginning of our relationship i booked a my senior trip with 8 other girls in panama. he told me he was fine with me going but a few months later he admitted to me that he doesn’t want me going at all because he is scared for drunk guys to try their hardest to do something with me. he knew i wouldn’t do anything to hurt us but he just didn’t trust the guys. he told me he really didn’t want me to drink and i said i wouldn’t but on the first night being there i got peer pressured into drinking and got super drunk. this automatically made him lose all trust for me. shortly after i realized that having a good time isn’t worth losing the guy i love so i drove 8 hours back by myself to fix things. this was about a week ago. today he told me he was going to a music festival in our town with one of his friends (Bonnaroo). at this festival it is basically filled with a ton of crazy half naked people, drugs, and alcohol. i told him i didn’t care if he went but i know he is only going to get back at me for going to the beach. deep down i really don’t want him to go AT ALL cause he was just telling me last week he doesn’t want me to go to Bonnaroo without him. A few months ago he said he would never go to Bonnaroo unless i’m with him. he is a VERY attractive built guy and i know girls will be all over him so i’m just very worried.. he said he MAY not drink or smoke but he gets crazy when he is drunk.. i’m just very worried and i need someone to help me and talk to.. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 8, 2018 Share Posted June 8, 2018 To be very honest, it sounds like you both have some maturing to do before you are really ready to commit to a serious relationship. I say this, because if you are mature adults in a relationship he would be able to trust you when you go on a girls trip, he would not try to dictate what you can or can not do on the trip, he would not have guilted you when you broke the unrealistic promise that he made you make to him that ultimately caused you to drive home and ruin your trip, and he would not be going to a drunken party-fest to get back at you for what he perceives as a "wrong" on your girls trip. The simple truth is, if someone is going to cheat, they are going to cheat. No rules or controlling demands will change that. You simply, can't control what another person will do. If you love each other and treat each other with respect, it will not matter if he goes to a music festival. Unless, you question his self control and his judgment - which you clearly do when you say that he gets crazy when he is drunk. Personally, I would let him go to the festival and I'm not sure I would be waiting at home for him when he gets home. Its probably not what you want to hear, but I just don't have much patience for immature and irresponsible behavior. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 8, 2018 Share Posted June 8, 2018 Trying to control each other is not going to work and you'll both get out of this relationship defeated and bitter. You need to be kind toward each other and what will be will be. If he cheats you'll cross that bridge when you get there. Let him go to his festival, let him do as he wishes, he knows what is acceptable or not in a relationship you don't need to guide him or give him rules. If he fails and cheats you'll break up and survive. You want someone to be faithful to you because they make the decision of being faithful, not because you control them into it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 8, 2018 Share Posted June 8, 2018 Kallie, I'm so sorry you felt you had to leave the week with the girls. You should be able to have a good time AND have a boyfriend. And no excuses about peer pressure getting you drunk. You drank because you wanted a good time with your friends - which is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 8, 2018 Share Posted June 8, 2018 You have to calm down. If you trust the other you have to give them space to do stuff without you. Neither you nor your SO can control the behavior of those around you. Just because some drunk person hits on either one of you at the beach or at this music festival doesn't mean either of you lose the ability to reject those advances. Later this summer I'm going to an out of town wedding & my husband will be flying across the country to have a drunken reunion with a bunch of his buddies. I'm scared that DH will get lost on the way to / from the airport because he has a lousy sense of direction, I have absolutely no doubt that cheating will not occur. He's just not that type of guy. He's probably worried that I will get tipsy & slip on the dance floor & twist my ankle, but he has no qualms that I would ever dishonor him or our marriage. I'm not that type of girl. You have to be able to trust in your partner. If you can't, get a new partner. Just because somebody else cheated on you does not mean that your present SO will cheat. Your present So is a different person. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 8, 2018 Share Posted June 8, 2018 Kallie, I'm so sorry you felt you had to leave the week with the girls. You should be able to have a good time AND have a boyfriend. And no excuses about peer pressure getting you drunk. You drank because you wanted a good time with your friends - which is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. Amen. And to be clear, I think he has some maturing to do because he needs to learn that it's not fair for him to tell you that you can't enjoy your time with your friends and then make you feel guilty about it. I'm very sorry that you did not feel that you were able to stay and enjoy this trip with your friends. Basil is so right, you should be able to enjoy a trip with your friends and have a boyfriend. Two wrongs don't make a right. Tell him to go to the music festival and have a good time. Plan something fun to do with your girlfriends while he is away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted June 8, 2018 Share Posted June 8, 2018 (edited) he doesn’t want me going at all because he is scared for drunk guys to try their hardest to do something with me. he knew i wouldn’t do anything to hurt us but he just didn’t trust the guys. that translates to "I don't trust you to exercise good judgment when you're not in my line of sight". If he can't trust you, then why is he with you? Edited June 8, 2018 by kendahke 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted June 8, 2018 Share Posted June 8, 2018 Yeah there’s more to this story because clearly you both don’t trust each other... sounds like neither of you is really ready to date if you ask me 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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