CrazyKatLady Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 why do so many people worry about hanging out with an online partner a few times and then not hearing from them again? If you watch a few movies with someone, talk, text a few weeks and have sex, have you really done anything to earn the other persons affections, long term? I don't get why people think they have doned a whole lot to earn a commitment from someone with that minimalist type of behavior? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 Guess it depends if one felt there was a connection and the other one didn't. I mean, people can get in their feelings pretty quick, I agree, and I'm guilty of it myself. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 I don't worry but I can't imagine having sex with someone I didn't care about. ExW didn't teach that lesson well enough I guess. I imagine the why depends markedly on a person's attachment style and psychology. Some attach easier than others. More attachment = more complexity of emotion and more 'worry'. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 It's because they get caught up in the excitement and fun of speaking with a new potential partner. Link to post Share on other sites
MaleIntuition Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 why do so many people worry about hanging out with an online partner a few times and then not hearing from them again? If you watch a few movies with someone, talk, text a few weeks and have sex, have you really done anything to earn the other persons affections, long term? I don't get why people think they have doned a whole lot to earn a commitment from someone with that minimalist type of behavior? Watching a few movies, regular texting and sex: Well that is dating. Which normally has the sub context of exploring future possibilities. Earn the others affection? Earn a commitment? What? Do you want to be bought? Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 People worry when they are pursuing a long-term relationship, and they understand the situation to be mutual, and all of a sudden the other person disappears, and it hurts, and it hurts worse when things seem to be going well. If both walk into it expecting just a casual situation, no strings, no obligations, and you just move on to the next, then there probably shouldn't be much concern. However, if one person connects, even on just a casual level, friendship, FWB, then it's still going to hurt and be stressful when the other person fully disappears or calls it off. It really comes down to attachment, and if it's uneven or one person is done with the relationship and bails, it leaves the other person rather wounded. It hurts. Dating is hanging out, maybe sex, watch a movie, go out, form a bond...when the other person disappears or breaks up it hurts. This happens in platonic relationships as well...breakups hurt. I don't know why you find this a mystery. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 why do so many people worry about hanging out with an online partner a few times and then not hearing from them again? If you watch a few movies with someone, talk, text a few weeks and have sex, have you really done anything to earn the other persons affections, long term? I don't get why people think they have doned a whole lot to earn a commitment from someone with that minimalist type of behavior? Because to many people sex can mean commitment. The problems come because they engage in casual behavior without the communication foundations about their expectations & then when things go haywire they get upset. The causal stuff, chatting hanging out, seeing a movie etc. should not cause that much consternation but unless you are the one going in with the casual NSA attitude toward sex, it hurts when they ghost after that. It's why communication before sex is so important. Without a verbal acknowledgement that the sex means something people need to assume it's no more important than shaking hands & then decide if it's really something they still want to do. Link to post Share on other sites
caveman621 Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 By, "not hearing from them again" do you mean ghosting? I'm an old man (55) so ghosting is a newer concept to me. Someone had to explain it to me. But, anyway, just disappearing is, IMHO, rude. At least be considerate to tell the other person you don't wish to see them any longer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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