kevinjinha Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 I have been dating this girl for about 6 months and it's really hard to put this into words, but I will just say that she is a very toxic person. I'm scared to tell her that I'm out with my friends, I'm scared to tell her if I'm simply playing games, I'm scared of her getting mad at me. I'm always afraid of her and how she reacts to anything, and I've picked up lying to make her happy. Obviously that isn't a good sign, but I'm just scared of her. When we argue, I am always the first person to give in and apologize, because I believe that it simply isn't worth it. Why is it that I constantly get beat down but I still find that speck of "goodness" in this person, convincing myself over and over again that it's going to work. No matter how much I tell myself that I want this to end, why is it that I still love her? How do you escape this constant loop of toxicity? If you guys have had similar experiences , please let me know. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 I have been dating this girl for about 6 months and it's really hard to put this into words, but I will just say that she is a very toxic person. I'm scared to tell her that I'm out with my friends, I'm scared to tell her if I'm simply playing games, I'm scared of her getting mad at me. I'm always afraid of her and how she reacts to anything, and I've picked up lying to make her happy. Obviously that isn't a good sign, but I'm just scared of her. When we argue, I am always the first person to give in and apologize, because I believe that it simply isn't worth it. Why is it that I constantly get beat down but I still find that speck of "goodness" in this person, convincing myself over and over again that it's going to work. No matter how much I tell myself that I want this to end, why is it that I still love her? How do you escape this constant loop of toxicity? If you guys have had similar experiences , please let me know. You escape by walking away. She is not going to change. You hold onto specks because you're desperate to be accepted and validated. I used to love my abuser. I actually didn't love him. I just conditioned myself to accept being treated poorly because I was fearful of being alone. Stay longer with this person and she is going to rip your self-esteem to shreds, if she hasn't already done so. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
I'veseenbetterlol Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 I have been dating this girl for about 6 months and it's really hard to put this into words, but I will just say that she is a very toxic person. I'm scared to tell her that I'm out with my friends, I'm scared to tell her if I'm simply playing games, I'm scared of her getting mad at me. I'm always afraid of her and how she reacts to anything, and I've picked up lying to make her happy. Obviously that isn't a good sign, but I'm just scared of her. When we argue, I am always the first person to give in and apologize, because I believe that it simply isn't worth it. Why is it that I constantly get beat down but I still find that speck of "goodness" in this person, convincing myself over and over again that it's going to work. No matter how much I tell myself that I want this to end, why is it that I still love her? How do you escape this constant loop of toxicity? If you guys have had similar experiences , please let me know. Simple, you leave! She is NEVER going to change. If you move in together/get married, you'll be living in a prison. Get out before its too late. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 I have been dating this girl for about 6 months and it's really hard to put this into words, but I will just say that she is a very toxic person. I'm scared to tell her that I'm out with my friends, I'm scared to tell her if I'm simply playing games, I'm scared of her getting mad at me. I'm always afraid of her and how she reacts to anything, and I've picked up lying to make her happy. Obviously that isn't a good sign, but I'm just scared of her. When we argue, I am always the first person to give in and apologize, because I believe that it simply isn't worth it. Why is it that I constantly get beat down but I still find that speck of "goodness" in this person, convincing myself over and over again that it's going to work. No matter how much I tell myself that I want this to end, why is it that I still love her? How do you escape this constant loop of toxicity? If you guys have had similar experiences , please let me know. You said it right here "No matter how much I tell myself that I want this to end, why is it that I still love her? You can't help yourself you put up with because of your love for her. Others here won't get it but I understand what you going through. Takes one to know one all I can say. Just don't get her upset or mad at you. Shouldn't be scared of her either shows your weakness my friend just stand-up to her most likely she'll say sorry she didn't mean it. But does she really mean it? Loop you speak of is normal to her you just have to live it or just walk away but it isn't easy to do.. You wish how life would be so better without her but then you realize you don't want that too happen. Just let her do whatever she wants don't push it otherwise the yelling and swearing might start. Take her out and do things with her to keep her at bay.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 Don't date people who scare you. If she's that toxic & this relationship isn't bringing you joy, get out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kevinjinha Posted May 31, 2018 Author Share Posted May 31, 2018 You escape by walking away. She is not going to change. You hold onto specks because you're desperate to be accepted and validated. I used to love my abuser. I actually didn't love him. I just conditioned myself to accept being treated poorly because I was fearful of being alone. Stay longer with this person and she is going to rip your self-esteem to shreds, if she hasn't already done so. I really need to convince myself that it is not going to work. Whenever we talk again, I start to feel I guess a little bad for hurting her. I guess I care too much. Thanks for the input Link to post Share on other sites
Author kevinjinha Posted May 31, 2018 Author Share Posted May 31, 2018 You said it right here "No matter how much I tell myself that I want this to end, why is it that I still love her? You can't help yourself you put up with because of your love for her. Others here won't get it but I understand what you going through. Takes one to know one all I can say. Just don't get her upset or mad at you. Shouldn't be scared of her either shows your weakness my friend just stand-up to her most likely she'll say sorry she didn't mean it. But does she really mean it? Loop you speak of is normal to her you just have to live it or just walk away but it isn't easy to do.. You wish how life would be so better without her but then you realize you don't want that too happen. Just let her do whatever she wants don't push it otherwise the yelling and swearing might start. Take her out and do things with her to keep her at bay.. Yeah exactly how I feel! I'm just really thinking hard about what to do. Whenever I see her my thoughts pretty much reset and everything is okay again. It happens over and over again, and I don't think it's healthy. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 You guys always go for the crazy ones... But I hope you realize that the best thing is to cut your loss and walk away, right? Because she's not going to change and there's nothing you can do about this. Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 (edited) You gotta ask yourself , how much do you love this women ,a lot , like a lot, a real lot ? Because unless you learn how to handle her which will take a lot of time and patience you didn't know you had, and manning up and stopping taking her shyt ,she'll drive you insane in the end and your really best to just get out now. Edited June 1, 2018 by Chilli Link to post Share on other sites
caveman621 Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 She is toxic and you're in constant fear of her reaction to ANYTHING you do? What are you getting out of this relationship? You say you love her. But she's toxic. I know love doesn't always make sense, so I won't ask WHY you love her. But you're not sticking around just for sex are you? As jaded as it sounds, that might make a little sense. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 You put up with her behavior because on some level you like it. She treats you that way because she doesn't respect a man who let's her walk all over him. She will only get worse until you get in her face and tell her to STOP IT or you're walking away and then walk away if she does it again. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 She treats you this way because you have a good heart and will forgive easily but you have to give that love that you've been giving to her back to yourself instead. Once you start to do that you'll be able to walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 1, 2018 Share Posted June 1, 2018 Are you afraid of being "alone?" (I mean not coupled-up) If so, that's probably why you stay. Link to post Share on other sites
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