max3732 Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 I was looking at Match.com events and one of them was a webinar from a matchmaker and I've seen other videos and websites where people claim to be matchmakers. Does anyone have any experience with someone like that? I've seen videos where news anchors are interviewing matchmakers and there's a one I saw that's in England where the woman is actually walking with this guy and coaching him about talking to women and how to touch them on dates. I'm just not meeting that many people with eharmony, match, bumble, or tinder. I know I can get better on how to act on a date or going up to women I don't know, but I also really need help just meeting people. The free sites don't have much of a filter beyond age so I go through person after person i'm not interested in. Could I describe what I'm looking for to a matchmaker and have her actually find good matches for me? Or is it mostly a scam to separate me from my hard earned money? Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 A professional matchmaker? They existed, you know. You've heard that song from Fiddler on the Roof. The purpose of the matchmaker in Jewish tradition was that they would study the family trees of clients and match them together so that their offspring would not pass down genetic diseases. But I digress ... I did internet dating like everyone else has at some point, and I can tell you that you're not going to meet The One there. You're barely going to meet Mr./Miss Right Now on it. Most of the time it's just chatting about things in texts (either on your phone, the app, the website, etc.) and maybe meeting once, then ... They go poof. It's pretty depressing. Remember that OLD is a product being marketed to us, and like a lot of other products when you actually try them out there's not as great as or do what it is that they were promised to do (ex. tooth whitening strips). Do you mean a matchmaker that will actually put two people together or do you mean like a dating coach who will observe you while you are with others? If it's the second, I would say save your money. Why pay someone to get depressed? Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted May 31, 2018 Author Share Posted May 31, 2018 A professional matchmaker? They existed, you know. You've heard that song from Fiddler on the Roof. The purpose of the matchmaker in Jewish tradition was that they would study the family trees of clients and match them together so that their offspring would not pass down genetic diseases. But I digress ... I did internet dating like everyone else has at some point, and I can tell you that you're not going to meet The One there. You're barely going to meet Mr./Miss Right Now on it. Most of the time it's just chatting about things in texts (either on your phone, the app, the website, etc.) and maybe meeting once, then ... They go poof. It's pretty depressing. Remember that OLD is a product being marketed to us, and like a lot of other products when you actually try them out there's not as great as or do what it is that they were promised to do (ex. tooth whitening strips). Do you mean a matchmaker that will actually put two people together or do you mean like a dating coach who will observe you while you are with others? If it's the second, I would say save your money. Why pay someone to get depressed? I've been doing regular online dating and as you said it's pretty depressing. Recently I've met up once, called someone, and had got to the stage of making plans with 3 women and then either day before or the day of the 1st date they just stopped responding or cancel and then never respond. I've probably got hundreds of unanswered 1st messages and have wasted countless hours swiping on bumble/tinder. They have services that are supposed to set you up with someone after either meeting you or talking to you on the phone. Supposedly they understand what you're after and find someone like that. I don't understand how they have a pool of women ready to date. Another issue is that some of these services are in the thousands of dollars. As part of the webinar with Match.com it gives you a free talk with a matchmaker. I don't know if I should consider hiring her or how to evaluate a service like that. Link to post Share on other sites
fredflint Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 I was looking at Match.com events and one of them was a webinar from a matchmaker and I've seen other videos and websites where people claim to be matchmakers. Does anyone have any experience with someone like that? I've seen videos where news anchors are interviewing matchmakers and there's a one I saw that's in England where the woman is actually walking with this guy and coaching him about talking to women and how to touch them on dates. I'm just not meeting that many people with eharmony, match, bumble, or tinder. I know I can get better on how to act on a date or going up to women I don't know, but I also really need help just meeting people. The free sites don't have much of a filter beyond age so I go through person after person i'm not interested in. Could I describe what I'm looking for to a matchmaker and have her actually find good matches for me? Or is it mostly a scam to separate me from my hard earned money? A great picture and profile goes a long way on dating apps. Try that first. You can buy services that will help you create a great profile for a reasonable one off fee. You might also try speed dating. I've had success with that. Its relatively inexpensive and fun. Steer clear of expensive matchmakers, I don't believe they provide anything like the value of dating apps. I've had very bad experience for example with ItsJustLunch (they are outright scammers with class action lawsuits upheld against them on the web). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 Once years ago I went to The Rules website and they offered a dating coach. I figured since this was from a bona fide "dating brand" like The Rules were/are, I could get some real answers out of it. But ... They wanted to charge me for something beyond a quick consultation. I did talk to someone on the phone to see what it was about, she told me to watch that video The Secret, which is about determining happiness for yourself. And ... I did watch the section she told me about when I got it from the library, and it said that you should only love those who love you. Easy? Well, yes. This will help someone determine whether or not someone is "into you" or not, but it leaves you high and dry. It doesn't tell you where/how to find someone who is that into you. Like all the others can't tell you. I promise you that if I knew the answer, I would tell you the answer. But like all the rest, I don't have it. All I can say is that you are fishing in the wrong pond like all the rest of us in or outside of this forum most of the time. If I knew the right pond, I would steer you towards it, but I don't know of that pond's location or what to do once you are there. I can tell you that the internet is not the answer, that I know for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 Closest I had was working with a couple FSU agencies in-country to narrow down compatible choices. Given the amount of scams that went on back in the 90's and perhaps still do it was beneficial to work with a well-referred screener. My driver also functioned as a matchmaker of sorts, mostly giving me the nudge to steer clear of some. IMO, if you can meet people through self-service portals you otherwise wouldn't meet, and can triage them yourself, a matchmaker would be an unnecessary layer of expense. It makes sense for some people, especially from the value of time angle. For some, time for romance/dating/mating is very sparse and valuable and they seek to maximize it when mating. If you need 'coaching' with interpersonal relationship skills, there are plenty of professionally licensed therapists and psychologists to assist you. They can provide both the map and the tools to get you there and such assists you throughout life, not just with romance and mating. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 I think anything that allows you to meet new people increases your odds of success in finding a partner. It really is a numbers game, and unfortunately you have to have a little luck in your side... Be wary of professional matchmakers that charge a lot of money. There is no magic to what they do and they often have a small pool of applicants because of the cost of their service (especially in the age of free internet dating sites). Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 They "work" in the sense that they will provide you with introductions to new people. The better ones also give you coaching. There was a TV show The Millionaire Matchmaker who for a large fee would help you dress for the date, give you some small talk skills, & help pick out the place. This person would also explain why you previously always picked the wrong people. It's not a guaranteed relationship but you may learn things about yourself. You are paying for the intros & to some extent, if you get a good one you can afford, for the education to develop new skills you haven't mastered. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 Knew one guy that tried it. He was pretty rich and joined some supposedly up market type place, Cost him 5k. He could get all the girls he wanted he was always chatting them up and no it wasn't because he was rich he'd actually never tell them that, hid everything, He was always worried about getting used, wanted them to like him for him. But he couldn't find a relationship so he tried some agency . They were literally suppose to find you a perfect match , a life partner. He did have a few intro's from them but never found that special one and quit it 4mths later. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 They "work" in the sense that they will provide you with introductions to new people. The better ones also give you coaching. There was a TV show The Millionaire Matchmaker who for a large fee would help you dress for the date, give you some small talk skills, & help pick out the place. This person would also explain why you previously always picked the wrong people. It's not a guaranteed relationship but you may learn things about yourself. You are paying for the intros & to some extent, if you get a good one you can afford, for the education to develop new skills you haven't mastered. Loved that show lol....the thing is tho she couldn't keep a man herself Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 Loved that show lol....the thing is tho she couldn't keep a man herself Those who can't, teach. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted May 31, 2018 Author Share Posted May 31, 2018 Closest I had was working with a couple FSU agencies in-country to narrow down compatible choices. Given the amount of scams that went on back in the 90's and perhaps still do it was beneficial to work with a well-referred screener. My driver also functioned as a matchmaker of sorts, mostly giving me the nudge to steer clear of some. IMO, if you can meet people through self-service portals you otherwise wouldn't meet, and can triage them yourself, a matchmaker would be an unnecessary layer of expense. It makes sense for some people, especially from the value of time angle. For some, time for romance/dating/mating is very sparse and valuable and they seek to maximize it when mating. If you need 'coaching' with interpersonal relationship skills, there are plenty of professionally licensed therapists and psychologists to assist you. They can provide both the map and the tools to get you there and such assists you throughout life, not just with romance and mating. Good luck! I don't have any issue with normal interpersonal skills, just dating skills. I'm great at making guy friends and participate in a lot of social activities where everyone else is looking forward to a guys night out away from the wives. Of course I'd give anything to have a wife. I'm also good at just talking to women I'm not interested in. My problem is with things like flirting, holding hands, getting to a 1st kiss, or things that only come up in relationships. I basically only get 1 shot at it a year and I tend to choke when I realize it's a big moment like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted May 31, 2018 Author Share Posted May 31, 2018 A great picture and profile goes a long way on dating apps. Try that first. You can buy services that will help you create a great profile for a reasonable one off fee. You might also try speed dating. I've had success with that. Its relatively inexpensive and fun. Steer clear of expensive matchmakers, I don't believe they provide anything like the value of dating apps. I've had very bad experience for example with ItsJustLunch (they are outright scammers with class action lawsuits upheld against them on the web). I was actually thinking of ItsJustLunch so good to know it's a scam. The other one is SelectiveSearch. As far as speed dating I tried it last year and only met one women in my age range, but she was a bit strange to say the least. I signed up for a Match speed dating event. Hopefully it will go better than last time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted May 31, 2018 Author Share Posted May 31, 2018 A great picture and profile goes a long way on dating apps. Try that first. You can buy services that will help you create a great profile for a reasonable one off fee. . Can you give some examples of legitimate services that help with your profile? Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted May 31, 2018 Author Share Posted May 31, 2018 They "work" in the sense that they will provide you with introductions to new people. The better ones also give you coaching. There was a TV show The Millionaire Matchmaker who for a large fee would help you dress for the date, give you some small talk skills, & help pick out the place. This person would also explain why you previously always picked the wrong people. It's not a guaranteed relationship but you may learn things about yourself. You are paying for the intros & to some extent, if you get a good one you can afford, for the education to develop new skills you haven't mastered. Are there legitimate matchmakers like that one you described that don't charge a large fee? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 Are there legitimate matchmakers like that one you described that don't charge a large fee? I have no idea. Remember that was a television show & the "clients" were already millionaires. I'd search for a dating "coach" maybe & set a budget in your head about what you think is a reasonable amount to pay. When I googled the phrase I found an interesting NY Times article from 2018 which profiled several different "coaches" & platforms. One guy gets $3,000 for 3 months of coaching. I have no personal knowledge about any of these people & I am not suggesting you hire any of them but they may places to start looking. (N.B. Mods I am really not trying to promote anybody's business) Link to post Share on other sites
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