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Different OLD Profile 'rules' for men and women?


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Hi all

 

Been trying to get my OLD profile right for a while now with mixed success. I mainly use Tinder - I'm a 26 year old male, 5 foot 9.

 

Sometimes changing my photos around gets me more success but when I say that it's like 20 matches a week rather than 12 or so.

 

At best I get 2 or 3 matches a day when my profile is at its best but I'd like a lot more.

 

After talking with a female friend she said that most women will not swipe with you if you take any selfies. A few of my pictures are selfies purely because as a male I don't really get many photos taken of me. That's the honest truth. Women tend to post more pictures of themselves.

 

My friend said I was good looking but that women want to see how tall you are in pictures, no posing, no selfies and try and get at least one photo with others.

 

I sort of get the one about how tall you are - I'll always try and get one or two pictures in there that show my whole figure. Tbh I feel like a lot of women rule me out based on my height - I'm not tiny but hardly 'tall' either and I know a lot of women want someone taller than them.

 

I just wonder why the other stuff is so important though. The majority of women I see on Tinder take a lot of selfies in their pictures and don't always show full body but it doesn't stop me swiping. I look more at anything they put in the profile bit, for tatoos/piercings which I am not a big fan of etc

 

So why do women rule guys out if there's a selfie or two? Does it really matter? Surely if they are good looking they are worth matching with and chatting to? If after that they come across in a negative light then fair enough.

 

I also wonder why most women hardly fill out their profile while men have this pressure to say something different just to stand out. Seems a little unfair.

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FilterCoffee

You should be happy you’re getting 12 matches a week. Some of my friends go weeks without any.

 

About the whole selfie thing, I’ve heard it before. I personally think it’s silly for a guy to take a selfie. You should get a friend to take photos of you. One of my closest friends has this incredible ability to take pics of himself without actually holding his phone. He just mounts it somewhere, puts on the timer and performs some action like playing basketball or sipping a cup of coffee while looking at his iPad. He almost never looks at the camera so all his photos look super natural which I think look cool.

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On the site l was on every chick on there did the good old bathroom mirror selfies,'

As far as your height and build , 90% of the women on mine only had 5 or 10 pics of themselves from the shoulders up and oh yeah , 4 of the effg dog.

The good old double standards still and always will reign strongly.

 

Don't worry about what anyone says just do what you effg want , they do.

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I don't know what the "rules" are, I'm not single and have never done OLD, but my $0.02... I personally would much rather see a guy with 4-5 good pictures of him travelling, having fun with friends, engaging in hobbies etc, than 10 pictures of which the majority are bathroom selfies. Frankly I think bathroom selfies are kind of lame, regardless of gender. If you guys are OK with women plastering their profiles with bathroom selfies that's entirely your prerogative, but if I was a man I'd be completely turned off by it unless there's something REALLY noteworthy about the photo (like their pet sitting on their shoulders or something).

 

Basically, to me pictures are more important in the sense of what they convey about someone's personality, I'm not fussed about the specifics of their body. A picture of someone skiing would be great IMO because I can see that they're engaging in a hobby that they love, even if their body is completely covered with a ski jacket. A picture of someone flexing half-naked in his bathroom is a total turnoff, regardless of how "perfect" his body is.

 

As for profiles, again if I was a man I would absolutely want to see well-thought-out paragraphs by the women I look at. If the "double standard" bothers you, then do something about it.

Edited by Elswyth
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PegNosePete
a female friend she said that most women will not swipe with you if you take any selfies

How does your friend know what "most" women will do? What sample size did her survey use? In fact I'd wager you're more of an expert than her since more women have swiped you than have swiped her, right? I'd recommend trying it for yourself. If having selfies works, great! If it doesn't, then don't do it.

 

A few of my pictures are selfies purely because as a male I don't really get many photos taken of me.

There are good selfies and there are bad selfies.

 

Selfies in the bathroom with artificial lighting, stains running down your mirror, shirtless, staring at the phone screen with an unflushable poking out the bowl = bad.

 

Selfies outdoors, smiling, taken with the front camera (no mirror), nice background, well lit, good quality = good.

 

My friend said

When I was dating, some of the worst advice I ever got was from women. Better to listen to other male, experienced, successful users of online dating. A young lion does not ask zebras how to catch zebras! He asks the old lion who is gnawing on a zebra bone.

 

I also wonder why most women hardly fill out their profile while men have this pressure to say something different just to stand out. Seems a little unfair.

There are 2 fundamental factors which are at play here:

  • People are lazy. Everyone wants to put in the minimum amount of effort to get what they want. In fact people feel more desirable and better about themselves if they can attract mates without putting in much work.
  • There are a lot of men just looking to get laid who will message anyone with 2 X chromosomes.

Many women figure that all they need to do is stick up a non-terrible pic or two, and they will get loads of messages. And it works! However they also think (usually incorrectly) that Mr. Right will be waiting there amongst them. Of course their inbox gets full of NSA seekers and players, and they blame the men and ask where all the decent ones are. To which the answer is, if you want to catch a quality man then you need better bait. But they simply say no this place is full of idiots and players, and carry on with their rubbish profile, or even worse put up a lot of junk about not wanting a one night stand and being quite vocal about where the reader can go if they are looking for that -- which again, puts off the decent men. Until they get sick and tired of all the men being players and quit the site.

 

Whereas for most men it works differently. Like women, they initially put up a terrible profile in about 10 seconds, and get no replies even when they send hand-crafted messages. They get frustrated that all the women are too picky and up themselves, and start to send more and more messages to women, putting in less and less effort, hoping the carpet bombing approach will work. Until they are just sending bulk emails saying "hi wanna chat" or whatever. When that doesn't work get sick and tired of all the women having ridiculous standards and quit the site.

 

As you can see neither is getting what they want. It is a positive feedback loop for both genders. Lack of success encourages tactics which cause even less success. The best way to get success, for both genders, is to break that cycle. Put up a GOOD QUALITY profile which attracts good quality matches. Since so few people do that, you can easily get your profile into the top 10% on almost any site.

Edited by PegNosePete
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Shining One
If the "double standard" bothers you, then do something about it.
Most men don't want women to have it as difficult as they do. They want it to be as easy for them as it is for women. Unfortunately, there's nothing one can do about that.
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the average male in the US is 5'9"...so your height is average. Height means everything to chicks. Look for chicks who are 5'4" or shorter.

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Most men don't want women to have it as difficult as they do. They want it to be as easy for them as it is for women. Unfortunately, there's nothing one can do about that.

 

 

"Easy" is relative. I'm sure there are women who find it easier to write a witty, engaging, unique profile message than it is for them to take good pictures. Those women might find it a welcome change for men to be actually reading their profiles.

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On the site l was on every chick on there did the good old bathroom mirror selfies,'

As far as your height and build , 90% of the women on mine only had 5 or 10 pics of themselves from the shoulders up and oh yeah , 4 of the effg dog.

The good old double standards still and always will reign strongly.

 

Don't worry about what anyone says just do what you effg want , they do.

 

I only message women with toothpaste splatter on their bathroom mirrors.

 

edit: i'm 5'8" I get laid enough to be content.

I never knew i was short until internet dating forums.

Please don't tell the women who don't go online all that much.

 

FYI - you are the same height vertical and taller doesn't equal bigger wang. ;)

Edited by phineas
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Hi all

I also wonder why most women hardly fill out their profile while men have this pressure to say something different just to stand out. Seems a little unfair.

 

Internet dating is hideously unfair simply because women are in higher demand.

 

The average girl can put up whatever pictures she likes, be very selective, and still get plenty of matches with attractive guys. There is no need for her to relax her 'rules' and be less selective about who she swipes.

 

The average guy is the opposite. If he doesn't play by the rules and is too selective about his swipes, he'll get few or no matches whatsoever. Hell, many guys do play by the rules and still do this badly. Given he is then fighting for the attention of his match against anyone else she swiped right to, the odds are often not favourable.

 

The flipside of this is that from a girl's perspective, the majority of her matches most likely just want to get laid, and if she wants more than that it'll take some good skill and character judgement to pick the right ones.

 

Guys on the other hand, don't need to worry about this so much. If you're looking to date rather than just get laid, even the girls who aren't looking for anything serious are usually open to just dating and going with the flow.

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like l say 100 times/

At the end of the day real , is no easier for anyone.

Hell don't guys read LS or other forums, l mean wtf , it's all there, the women usually end up just as frustrated and knocked around and with burn out too.

How do you guys not know this , it's everywhere. Don't you notice with single women you know, don't you even talk to the women you meet, they'll all tell you, mine were the pick of the crop yet they all had the same stories.

My gf's best friend any man would be lucky to have and she's not only a really decent lady and person, but gorgeous yet 45, single for years. l've known or know dozens of women like that friends of friends or just friends even my own sisters.

Don't worry about superficial numbers or effg bs it means absolutely nothing in the end.

Finding love is hard for anyone and anyone can write and demand whatever they please on some date site but at the end of the day life still has to get real at the other end for them before anything can happen. All fluff

Edited by Chilli
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MaleIntuition
like l say 100 times/

At the end of the day real , is no easier for anyone.

Hell don't guys read LS or other forums, l mean wtf , it's all there, the women usually end up just as frustrated and knocked around and with burn out too.

How do you guys not know this , it's everywhere. Don't you notice with single women you know, don't you even talk to the women you meet, they'll all tell you, mine were the pick of the crop yet they all had the same stories.

My gf's best friend any man would be lucky to have and she's not only a really decent lady and person, but gorgeous yet 45, single for years. l've known or know dozens of women like that friends of friends or just friends even my own sisters.

Don't worry about superficial numbers or effg bs it means absolutely nothing in the end.

Finding love is hard for anyone and anyone can write and demand whatever they please on some date site but at the end of the day life still has to get real at the other end for them before anything can happen. All fluff

 

I will have to disagree with this one. Online dating is just a reflection of our modern dating culture which definitely favours the ladies. Of course there will be cases of unhappy and unsuccessful women, but statistics tells us the true story. It’s about 3,5 times more common for men to commit suicide than it is for women (US/Europe), loneliness definitely plays a part here. In Norway 1 out of 4 men wind up without children, it’s 1 out of 10 for women.

 

In the dating game men have to chase. We have to overcome over fear of rejection, learn how to escalate, plan dates, etc, etc. None of these things are natural, they are consequences of society. No one instinctively knows this **** and I’ll guess the only guys whom enjoys this are the players - and therefore they tend to become good at it.

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In the dating game men have to chase.

 

Not really, it's women that start most relationships.

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The expectations are different: women like to see photos of the guy being social, playing sports, chopping wood, doing manly things, Men prefer full body shot of women in tight yoga pants and a tank top (bikini maybe), selfie with bedroom eyes looking up (submissive) so they can see what they could be getting. I'm being general of course but you get the jest of it.

 

 

 

Whether it's online or in person, when looking you have to present yourself to attract the opposite sex. So it is what it is. You are selling yourself. That is the only rule TBH.

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PegNosePete
Men prefer full body shot of women in tight yoga pants and a tank top (bikini maybe), selfie with bedroom eyes looking up

That might be true of men who are just looking for sex but not those who want a real relationship. They look for the woman being social, playing sports, doing womanly things. OK maybe not chopping wood.

 

If a woman is looking for relationship material then she should rig her line with the right kind of bait. If she chooses tight yoga pants with bedroom eyes then she will attract players, and put off those looking for a relationship.

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That might be true of men who are just looking for sex but not those who want a real relationship. They look for the woman being social, playing sports, doing womanly things. OK maybe not chopping wood.

 

If a woman is looking for relationship material then she should rig her line with the right kind of bait. If she chooses tight yoga pants with bedroom eyes then she will attract players, and put off those looking for a relationship.

 

Not sure I agree. I want a relationship with a woman that is sexual

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MaleIntuition
Not really, it's women that start most relationships.

 

I should have said; men are usually the ones chasing - at least to begin with. Not sure what you mean by “starting a relationship”, sounds to me like something that requires two people...

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I should have said; men are usually the ones chasing - at least to begin with. Not sure what you mean by “starting a relationship”, sounds to me like something that requires two people...

 

what I meant was that women send non-verbal signals to men they are attracted to. the man is then supposed to go over and introduce himself

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That might be true of men who are just looking for sex but not those who want a real relationship. They look for the woman being social, playing sports, doing womanly things. OK maybe not chopping wood.

 

Disagree... other than extreme examples the pictures just tell me what she looks like, no more and no less. The profile and conversations are for finding out her interests, if she's sporty, social, etc.

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