What does he want from me

[Simone9899]

I'll try to make a long story short.

 

About 1,5 years ago I started chatting through our work messenger chat with a male co-worker. This eventually lead to almost 24/7 chatting and whatsapp messaging about nothing and everything. There was also a lot of sexting involved.

After about 6 months we also started sleeping together. Not on a regular basis, and it was just kissing and sex. No sleep-overs or dating.

 

During this time I fell head over heels in love with him. I always thought (hoped) he felt the same, because otherwise why would you spent so much time talking to someone?

 

After about a year, everything ended abruptly one night. I couldn't do the casual thing anymore, he didn't want a relationship. He doesn't like me enough he said.

 

I was absolutely heart broken. Devastated. He is not to blame, he didn't lead me on. I just felt that he invested so much time in me as well there must be something there. I saw him everywhere I went, like the universe wanted us together. I really believe I saw love in his eyes when we were together. But I always thought he was afraid of commitment.

 

Anyways, we stopped seeing each other privately and stopped texting. I felt (and still feel) I had lost the love of my life. I see him every day at work but we ignore each other and that made it bearable. I suffered deeply for 5 months and now 7 months later I started to be semi-okay.

 

 

And then the following happened:

 

My job is a 2-person job. It involves 40 hours of working closely together, also day trips together in the car.

My co-worker is leaving and his name was mentioned as a replacement.

 

I told him (he knew this already) again that I still have deep feelings for him. That it is hard for me and if he would please not apply for the position. He was very nice about it and said he wouldn't apply.

 

Then some work stuff happened, he did apply and now he is sitting next to me. I started texting him again asking him how he felt this was going to work, but he seems to think it will be great.

 

All the getting over him for the last 7 months is gone. I am once again totally in love. I don't want to hurt that much again, but I really feel we belong together and it seems the universe does as well.

 

My question to you is: what do you make of this?

 

Is it possible that he does like me and only applied because he wanted to be close to me again? Why else would he put me through that much pain. This will be long term 40 hours together.

He never showed interest in my line of work before. Ever. Even when I asked him.

 

Or is this just a man, trying to get a promotion, doesn't care if he hurts me or not?

 

He is definitely not a cruel man, but he does seem a little off in the emotions department.

 

I don't know what to do, or how to work with him and not love him. He is the most wonderful man I have ever met.

 

Please advice.

[smackie9]

Find work somewhere else.

[ExpatInItaly]

The universe doesn't think you belong together, or he would reciprocate your feelings. Listen to what he's told you, rather than what you want to believe - which is that he doesn't want to date you. I know it's hard to hear, but you need to believe him.

 

Yes, he is just trying to get a promotion. It's not an issue for him since he doesn't feel the same way about you. I doubt it's a deliberate attempt to hurt you, but unfortunately, this is big risk of mixing business with pleasure. His professional opportunities are his priority.

 

Your best bet is to keep all interactions strictly professional. Don't communicate with him off-hours and don't engage in personal chatter. It's not going to be easy, given your history. But working side-by-side, you might just start noticing things about him that you don't like too.

 

EDIT: Is this the same coworker from your previous thread in November 2016? I just went back and read that, and unfortunately there were red flags all over this even then. Also, I assume you are now divorced?

Edited May 25, 2018 by ExpatInItaly

[act00]

I can't believe that you told him not to apply for a job and that you feel he's deliberately stomping all over you and your feelings because he has the audacity to advance his career goals by applying and accepting a job. It's time for you to grow up and be professional. This is one of the risks of getting involved with a coworker. No sleeping with him or getting touchy-feely, and you have to keep those boundaries clear if you're going to be spending so much time together. Your other choice is to step down or find other employment, but are you going to allow him to dictate your career goals and aspirations? No, I don't think so. This should not be expected of him either.

 

I know it's hard, but it's over, and you just need to keep it professional and maintain that bubble. Hopefully the pain will lessen over time, and maybe you'll find he's really not "all that" when you spend so much time with him. If you truly feel this is meant to be, just allow it to blossom on it's own, but don't get your hopes up and work on changing your thinking so you can work with him without being a disaster area. I don't envy you, but you can do this and you're not going to let him derail your job.