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What are his intentions?


firestar

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Great to see LoveShack.org is back! Felt really lost for a while without this wonderful forum and the good advice I've gotten here through the years!

 

A couple of month ago I met a new guy, Mike, at my Meetup hiking group. We chatted and seemed to hit it off. When I got home I sent a message inviting him to a Mexican restaurant (he mentioned that he likes Mexican food). He said yes and suggested next Thursday night after work, which sounded like a date. I happily agreed, but 2 days before our dinner he said he forgot that he had a soccer game that night and need to reschedule to Friday. I said sure. But Friday morning he texted again that he was sick and suggested meeting the following week. I replied "Sorry to hear. Feel better soon" and ignored him. Two days later he texted me that he had fully recovered and if I was free on Tuesday. I said I was going to be busy for 2 month with grad school and maybe we can go to the restaurant in June. He said no problem and to let him know whenever I'm free.

 

A couple of weeks ago I moved my Meetup group to Facebook (Meetup is expensive!) Mike immediately joins the group, adds me as a friend, and texts me "Great idea to move to Facebook! When is the next hike? How are your finals going!" I said "Thanks, my finals are next week so it's really stressful right now. I'll be traveling for a couple of weeks after finals, so the next hike will be in June." He replies "good luck! (4 leaf clover emoji)".

 

The next day a long-time male Meetup member (who is attending the next hike that I'm organizing in June) posts a comment that he was sad that the Meetup will probably shut down after I step down. I tried to say something to make him feel better and said I would send him a message. Mike, who didn't sign up for this hike because it involves some rock climbing (he has no experience with it) suddenly RSVPs to the hike. Then on Facebook he likes one of my posts and my profile photo.

 

On Facebook Messenger I noticed that he turns off his activity, so no one can see the last time he was active. Then on Friday or the weekend he will suddenly turn on "show activity" and be offline from that afternoon until noon the following day (like he's out on a date having a great time hooking up) Then after he's done with his fun date he shuts down Messenger again, so you can't see when he was last active. He seems to be going to great lengths to prove that he's out having fun with someone.

 

How do you think he really feels and why is he doing this?

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CautiouslyOptimistic

On Facebook Messenger I noticed that he turns off his activity, so no one can see the last time he was active. Then on Friday or the weekend he will suddenly turn on "show activity" and be offline from that afternoon until noon the following day (like he's out on a date having a great time hooking up) Then after he's done with his fun date he shuts down Messenger again, so you can't see when he was last active. He seems to be going to great lengths to prove that he's out having fun with someone.

 

 

And you seem to be going to great lengths to keep tabs on him when you told him you were too busy to have Mexican food with him for two months!

 

My two cents....it's clear he's interested in at least getting to know you more, so why are you overanalyzing or making it so difficult?

 

(I didn't even know you could do this with Messenger. I don't like always appearing "active" so I'm gonna check it out and see if I can adjust my settings)

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And you seem to be going to great lengths to keep tabs on him when you told him you were too busy to have Mexican food with him for two months!

 

My two cents....it's clear he's interested in at least getting to know you more, so why are you overanalyzing or making it so difficult?

 

(I didn't even know you could do this with Messenger. I don't like always appearing "active" so I'm gonna check it out and see if I can adjust my settings)

 

Hah, I am interested in him, but don't want to end up being someone's backup plan (the one a person keeps around to feed their ego)!

 

Yes, you can do that with the latest Messenger app. Just download the latest version of Messenger, go to your round photo icon in the top left corner, tap, go to the first option "Availability", tap on it, then move the slider to the off position. This hides the "last active" status so nobody know when you were last online. We can than the European Union for passing new privacy laws that protects consumers and tries to prevent our data from being misused by companies!

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Why do you suspect he's out on a date? He could simply be busy and is one of those people who doesn't want people messaging him. You are only assuming things when nothing has happened. If this is driving you cray cray, then simply put him on ignore and try to meet someone else.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
Hah, I am interested in him, but don't want to end up being someone's backup plan (the one a person keeps around to feed their ego)!

 

Yes, you can do that with the latest Messenger app. Just download the latest version of Messenger, go to your round photo icon in the top left corner, tap, go to the first option "Availability", tap on it, then move the slider to the off position. This hides the "last active" status so nobody know when you were last online. We can than the European Union for passing new privacy laws that protects consumers and tries to prevent our data from being misused by companies!

 

Sweet!! Thanks for that tip. I just did it :).

 

I don't think this guy is playing games.

 

And I agree, Meetup is expensive! The last group I was in eventually went to a FB group as well. It dissolved when the leader tried to pass the baton....I hope you can find someone to keep yours going :).

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Why do you suspect he's out on a date? He could simply be busy and is one of those people who doesn't want people messaging him. You are only assuming things when nothing has happened. If this is driving you cray cray, then simply put him on ignore and try to meet someone else.

 

It happens consistently on "date" nights and never from Sunday through Wednesday, so seemed like a reasonable conjecture.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
It happens consistently on "date" nights and never from Sunday through Wednesday, so seemed like a reasonable conjecture.

 

So are you thinking that he's just pretending to be out having fun, or he actually is? And does either one bother you more than the other?

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Sweet!! Thanks for that tip. I just did it :).

 

I don't think this guy is playing games.

 

Why do you think he flaked on me twice? When someone reschedules a first date twice, doesn't that show a lack of interest? I do hope he's interested, but want to be realistic!

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CautiouslyOptimistic
Why do you think he flaked on me twice? When someone reschedules a first date twice, doesn't that show a lack of interest?

 

Well, it is possible he was telling the truth....he did try to reschedule with you, and then you're the one who said you couldn't for two whole months....

 

If you're asking if he wants to start dating you exclusively and marry you and have babies, I would say no it doesn't seem that way :). Yet :). But it sounds like he's interested in getting to know you better, so where is the harm in that?

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So are you thinking that he's just pretending to be out having fun, or he actually is? And does either one bother you more than the other?

 

I thought that maybe he's pretending to be having fun. I guess it doesn't matter either way. I might be a little jealous because I'm not having fun with anyone else. :laugh:

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CautiouslyOptimistic
I thought that maybe he's pretending to be having fun. I guess it doesn't matter either way. I might be a little jealous because I'm not having fun with anyone else. :laugh:

 

Ya know what they say about assumptions...

Honestly, I feel like he could be here making a post about you.

 

"I met this girl a few weeks ago and I was excited that SHE actually asked ME out. In my excitement, I said yes immediately but then I remembered I had a soccer game that night, so I rescheduled. Then I got sick and had to cancel for the second time. :mad: I asked her out for the following week so she'd know I wasn't trying to flake, but then she told me she can't for TWO MONTHS! Then I found out she's been accusing me of manipulating my Messenger status to make it appear like I'm Mr. Popular or something when I really just don't want to be bothered with instant messages when I'm at my dying grandmother's house for the weekend for one last visit before she croaks! Is this chick crazy or what???"

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao: OK, maybe not quite that bad :).

 

But, still, I think you should analyze less, and just plan a date with him and see where it goes :).

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Ya know what they say about assumptions...

Honestly, I feel like he could be here making a post about you.

 

"I met this girl a few weeks ago and I was excited that SHE actually asked ME out. In my excitement, I said yes immediately but then I remembered I had a soccer game that night, so I rescheduled. Then I got sick and had to cancel for the second time. :mad: I asked her out for the following week so she'd know I wasn't trying to flake, but then she told me she can't for TWO MONTHS! Then I found out she's been accusing me of manipulating my Messenger status to make it appear like I'm Mr. Popular or something when I really just don't want to be bothered with instant messages when I'm at my dying grandmother's house for the weekend for one last visit before she croaks! Is this chick crazy or what???"

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao: OK, maybe not quite that bad :).

 

But, still, I think you should analyze less, and just plan a date with him and see where it goes :).

 

Ok yes, point taken. :D

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This is the thing about dating...most people are not going to come out and tell you they met someone else they would rather go out with, or they got a hookup planned. It is what it is. You don't have to waste anymore time on this guy. You gave it a shot, he changed his mind, and instead of telling you that he came up with some excuses.

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Then I would tell him that since you screwed up by canceling TWICE for a potential first date, the onerous is on you to be extra proactive if you are interested.

 

Ya know what they say about assumptions...

Honestly, I feel like he could be here making a post about you.

 

"I met this girl a few weeks ago and I was excited that SHE actually asked ME out. In my excitement, I said yes immediately but then I remembered I had a soccer game that night, so I rescheduled. Then I got sick and had to cancel for the second time. :mad: I asked her out for the following week so she'd know I wasn't trying to flake, but then she told me she can't for TWO MONTHS! Then I found out she's been accusing me of manipulating my Messenger status to make it appear like I'm Mr. Popular or something when I really just don't want to be bothered with instant messages when I'm at my dying grandmother's house for the weekend for one last visit before she croaks! Is this chick crazy or what???"

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao: OK, maybe not quite that bad :).

 

But, still, I think you should analyze less, and just plan a date with him and see where it goes :).

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I wouldn't assume any of that was him trying to make you feel any particular way. I mean, after all, he did cancel your date. Of course, he's probably dating other women. That's one reason you do meetups. So he'll probably go out with you but he is probably going out with someone else in the group as well, so it may be tricky.

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This is the thing about dating...most people are not going to come out and tell you they met someone else they would rather go out with, or they got a hookup planned. It is what it is. You don't have to waste anymore time on this guy. You gave it a shot, he changed his mind, and instead of telling you that he came up with some excuses.

 

At this point do you think he is still interested in me? If he did ask me out again on a date, should I go?

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At this point do you think he is still interested in me? If he did ask me out again on a date, should I go?

Hey that's up to you.

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Lotsgoingon

I hear your thinking and analyzing.

 

Really, just relax and when you next see him, pay attention to how he acts and how you feel and go from there ...

 

He might be out dating ... or he may not be ... He might have dumped you twice for dates with others ... or he could be could have forgotten the game and really gotten sick ...

 

There's no way to know ... and really ... no need to know ... because you don't even know how much you would like him if you spent an evening with him ... So you can put all this on hold until you meet him and see what it's like.

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CautiouslyOptimistic

 

There's no way to know ... and really ... no need to know ... because you don't even know how much you would like him if you spent an evening with him ... So you can put all this on hold until you meet him and see what it's like.

 

Yep. So chill out :).

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If someone told me they were busy for 2 months and not 1 minute to spare for a coffee I'd think they're blowing me off. If you put together all that time you analyzed his online activity you would have gathered enough time to go on a date with him.

 

 

 

Yes he re-scheduled twice but he did not re-scheduled you 1-2 weeks later it was all in the immediate, his reasons appeared legitimate to me.

 

 

 

He's not going to ask you out after you telling him you're busy for 2 months. The ball is in your court if you want to repair what you've done then invite him out.

 

 

 

About him dating it's not your concern, he's not your boyfriend, you told him to forget about you for 2 months so don't expect him to sit around and wait this time out without dating others.

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wow you are stalking him. this is not healthy behavior. i think you should not date him because in case things go wrong, you will not be able to handle it in a mature way and will have 1000 times this stalking behavior you have now. you need to work on yourself first to have a more healthy and mature approach to guys before going on dates. also, the way you blew him up for rescheduling a dinner almost non-date thing... was slightly revengish and also looked like a big inability to handle rejection and taking everything personally.

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Who knows why he does what he does with IM on FB. Being the weekend, maybe he just wants to be more available with messages and availability on the weekend? Not that people can't message him anyway, but I find it hard to believe he's doing anything specifically towards you. Possibly he spends too much time on FB the rest of the time and doesn't want people to know, particularly at work. If he is doing this to appear busy and out on the weekend, I doubt this is for your eyes alone...it's for everyone.

 

I have to agree that to push back a date for two months is excessive and screams not interested. I know that after two cancelled dates, I wouldn't be putting much hope that he's interested, but I would probably have taken him up on the Tuesday date or another day in the week if Tuesday was bad. To push back for that length of time, you lose that momentum and of course he's not going to wait around either. You appear noninterested, so he'll be more inclined to find someone else. I know this is how I would be.

 

Do you ever IM at all outside of FB or the group because you could just message him to keep up an interest level here and there and/or just wait it out for this next hike and see how things go and how he acts; hopefully arrange another date.

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