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Guy best friend talks about marrying me? Interpretations?


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The title is self-explanatory, my guy best friend lately has been flirtatious and will constantly bring up our 'wedding' one day and the kids we will have. It is cute, and I don't find it particularly weird as I am low-key in love with him but I haven't shared the extent of my feelings yet. I have played along with it and we have joked around on the topics multiple times.

 

Lately, he has been doing it more. Basically during every conversation we have had. What could it mean? Does he perhaps have feelings for me too? For context, he is quite introverted and is not the most 'out there' person, he is very internal.

 

He hasn't clearly said "I love you and want to be with you" but he will call me wifey/other pet nicknames.

 

I don't initiate the marriage/kids banter, he always does. Is he trying to tell me something given they are not just a one off comments?

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doyathinkso

Oh come on now.

 

You know darn well what you're doing.

 

Stop stringing the poor sap along, or in other words, sh*t or get off the pot!

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Oh come on now.

 

You know darn well what you're doing.

 

Stop stringing the poor sap along, or in other words, sh*t or get off the pot!

 

Pardon? What do you mean?

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Are you open to going on a date with him? He's testing the waters, afraid to fully declare his interests because he doesn't want to lose the friendship. If he asks you out & you turn him down, then he can't be friends with you any more & he's not willing to risk that.

 

So if you want the date, the next time he waxes poetic about your wedding, marriage & kids, smile expectantly at him & remind him that there can't be a wedding date until there is a 1st date.

 

If you have zero interest in dating him, put him out of his misery gently.

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Are you open to going on a date with him? He's testing the waters, afraid to fully declare his interests because he doesn't want to lose the friendship. If he asks you out & you turn him down, then he can't be friends with you any more & he's not willing to risk that.

 

So if you want the date, the next time he waxes poetic about your wedding, marriage & kids, smile expectantly at him & remind him that there can't be a wedding date until there is a 1st date.

 

If you have zero interest in dating him, put him out of his misery gently.

 

We had a drink a few weeks ago, there was a lot of chemistry. In the lead up and after the drinks (ie days/weeks) the flirting has continued. I continue to partake in the wedding/kids banter as I have feelings for him, but unsure if he is just joking or if it has truthful undertones - it is a constant 'joke' however.

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FilterCoffee
there can't be a wedding date until there is a 1st date.

 

Haha that’s a great line don. You should totally use this OP if you’re interested in something more than a friendship.

 

What do you mean by “low-key in love with him”? I had a girl best friend for many years who unfortunately had to leave my country after her marriage but while we were still close, we would occasionally talk about how much fun it would be to live together and how beautiful our kids would look. It didn’t happen all the time like in your case and we both knew where the boundaries to our relationship were so there wasn’t any misinterpretation. You need to ask yourself what you want. If you’re interested in something more then say something like the line don gave you. Basically show him you’re interested.

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Thanks, FilterCoffee. It's not my line. I stole it from a friend. She & her husband still celebrate the anniversary of their 1st date because of that. It's a tradition DH & I adopted.

 

Anyway, girlinNYC make it easy for the poor guy. Next time you go out for drinks, kiss him goodbye. I'm not suggesting a game of sidewalk tonsil hockey, just a sweet peck on the lips. He'll get the hint.

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Haha that’s a great line don. You should totally use this OP if you’re interested in something more than a friendship.

 

What do you mean by “low-key in love with him”? I had a girl best friend for many years who unfortunately had to leave my country after her marriage but while we were still close, we would occasionally talk about how much fun it would be to live together and how beautiful our kids would look. It didn’t happen all the time like in your case and we both knew where the boundaries to our relationship were so there wasn’t any misinterpretation. You need to ask yourself what you want. If you’re interested in something more then say something like the line don gave you. Basically show him you’re interested.

 

I have thought so far that me playing along with the banter has reinforced my interest and that it would be obvious to him, maybe it isn't enough? He is nearby in college doing a PHD so I recently made him a study care pack - I told him about that too so I think that should convey something.

What do you think his constant references to marriage/kids mean?

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Men are clueless. Playing along with the banter is not enough. You need a proverbial 2x4 upside his head. Hence my suggestion that you kiss him.

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Men are clueless. Playing along with the banter is not enough. You need a proverbial 2x4 upside his head. Hence my suggestion that you kiss him.

 

Will do if the opportunity presents itself. Thanks!

Would you say he is interested going off the above information?

Edited by girlinNYC
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Yes he's interested! If I didn't think he was I would never encourage you to kiss him. Why do you have doubts? It seems obvious to me.

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coolheadal

Sounds like the OP has cold feet with her male friend there who's jumping the gun a little bit about marry etc. You don't have a real date just some drinks and shooting off your mouths at each other hopefully not drunk.. If he's serious he would show it and you have you kissed him yet? You sound like your interested but have cold feet or just not ready to go the full circle with him. He might be talking out his butt but in any case how do you feel all about this?

Edited by coolheadal
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FilterCoffee
I have thought so far that me playing along with the banter has reinforced my interest and that it would be obvious to him, maybe it isn't enough? He is nearby in college doing a PHD so I recently made him a study care pack - I told him about that too so I think that should convey something.

What do you think his constant references to marriage/kids mean?

 

What you’ve done should have been enough but like don said, most guys are clueless at reading signs. About his constant references to marriage, i think he really wants it. After all, he is about to finish his Ph.D. which is a huge achievement and he could be planning for his next big goal which is presumably marriage and kids.

 

But be warned, relationships starting from close friendships can be wonderful and extremely messy as well. My last gf was my classmate in college and we were each other’s closest friends. The moment I crossed the friend zone by kissing her, things completely changed. The amount of drama increased a hundredfold and when we broke up 4 years later, we were both shattered. I would say we’re still recovering from it when it’s nearly been a year. Our communication has deteriorated to abysmal levels and even though I’d love to be on good terms with her, I don’t know if that will ever happen. When things are working, it’s truly wonderful but when things fall apart, it’s a horrible feeling because you’re not only losing your partner but your best friend as well.

 

You need to be certain if you want to have a relationship with him or not and act accordingly. Being indecisive just adds drama. So if you don’t want him, dial back all this marriage talk immediately. When he brings it up, tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable because you don’t want that with him. But if you do want him, either kiss him or take the flirting up a notch. Use the line that don gave you. If he talks about kids tell him “I need to be kissed first before I can think about kids”. That way you will be challenging him to make a move and in general guys like these kinds of challenges.

 

Think about all of this carefully because this is a big deal which will have major consequences.

Edited by FilterCoffee
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I have to agree with d0nn's suggestion as well. If he's not interested in you in that way, he will (hopefully) realize he needs to stop this marriage and children discussion, as it's giving off the wrong impression. I don't know why he would say such things if he wasn't interested, but you never know.

 

As stated, dating a friend has a bigger risk because you not only lose a lover but a friend if things don't work out, but if you are interested in taking this to the next level, it's not going to hurt you to put out some bolder hints, like what was suggested or giving him a kiss, maybe holding his arm while you walk, a little more affection.

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I can clearly see this guy on LS in a few months. "We were going to get married and have kids! Then suddenly, she has a boyfriend!" Meanwhile you've never gone out on a real date or kissed. Sigh.

 

If you think you could be romantic with him you better tell him if he wants to be a boyfriend to stop talking about it and start acting like it. If you don't, you need to tell him "We're never getting married. I don't feel that way about you."

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Lotsgoingon

He's definitely interested ... Trust me, men do NOT joke about marriage and kids with women they don't want to marry and have kids with ... Way too frightening! ... and actually rude ...

 

So he's totally into you ... Sounds like you are in that sorta rare situation where friends do move out of the friendzone to the romance/love zone ... The question is, what do you want? And it sounds like you also want to be more than friends ...

 

A few tips ...

 

One, do you feel nervous? ... when he discusses marriage and kids ... like good nervous?

 

Is it getting a bit more awkward to be with him? ... Often it becomes awkward with a friend if we're falling romantically for each other ....both people are afraid of ruining the friendship.

 

Here's a step you can take ... remember it's a HUGE move to go from friends to more than friends ... Next time you're out with him ... look for a moment ... and take his hand ... or physically enter his space ... Have some confidence ... maybe stop and smile at him ... tell him to come out and say what he wants in the relationship!!!! He'll get it out eventually.S

 

Or if you both are too wimpy to take the initiative .... you can do like some friends of mine once did ... Start the "hypothetical conversation." .. .Like, you turn to him and say, "I need to tell you about a situation of a woman I know. She has this male friend ... The friend is talking about marriage and kids ... Do you think this means the man wants to date this woman? ... "

 

He'll figure out that you're talking about you and him ... and most likely, he'll ask you if the woman in the story actually wants to date the man. If your feelings are yes, say yes! .... at some point, you guys are gonna stop and kiss. It'll happen if you both want it to happen.

 

Enjoy!

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He's definitely interested ... Trust me, men do NOT joke about marriage and kids with women they don't want to marry and have kids with ... Way too frightening! ... and actually rude ...

 

So he's totally into you ... Sounds like you are in that sorta rare situation where friends do move out of the friendzone to the romance/love zone ... The question is, what do you want? And it sounds like you also want to be more than friends ...

 

A few tips ...

 

One, do you feel nervous? ... when he discusses marriage and kids ... like good nervous?

 

Is it getting a bit more awkward to be with him? ... Often it becomes awkward with a friend if we're falling romantically for each other ....both people are afraid of ruining the friendship.

 

Here's a step you can take ... remember it's a HUGE move to go from friends to more than friends ... Next time you're out with him ... look for a moment ... and take his hand ... or physically enter his space ... Have some confidence ... maybe stop and smile at him ... tell him to come out and say what he wants in the relationship!!!! He'll get it out eventually.S

 

Or if you both are too wimpy to take the initiative .... you can do like some friends of mine once did ... Start the "hypothetical conversation." .. .Like, you turn to him and say, "I need to tell you about a situation of a woman I know. She has this male friend ... The friend is talking about marriage and kids ... Do you think this means the man wants to date this woman? ... "

 

He'll figure out that you're talking about you and him ... and most likely, he'll ask you if the woman in the story actually wants to date the man. If your feelings are yes, say yes! .... at some point, you guys are gonna stop and kiss. It'll happen if you both want it to happen.

 

Enjoy!

 

Hi there,

No I don't find it weird or awkward at all as I have feelings for him. I enjoy those fun and hypothetical conversations. We talk almost every day but I feel I am in a tough situation because lately he talks about the future but its like he is almost too scared to see me in person? We talk over text but haven't seen each other in person in a while. I have suggested (indirectly) that we catch up again but nothing has been planned as yet. I don't want to ask again to not be pushy but I do miss his presence and want to chat. I just wonder if it's because he's nervous, as he is quite introverted.

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Posting about the same person (introverted guy best friend) -

 

Recently there has been a dynamic shift in our friendship, he is 'joking' a lot more about marriage and kids, even though we are not exclusively dating. We are really close friends and talk almost every day. I take part in the flirty banter and I constantly tell him that I care for him.

 

I haven't seen him in a little while and we haven't made any concrete plans to catch up again yet, even though he talks about the future a lot. I don't want to be pushy by asking to catch up, since a few weeks ago I indirectly suggested it as I have to give him a belated gift.

 

Could it be that he's suddenly too nervous to see me? I don't see any other logical reason why he wouldn't be suggesting we catch up, since we talk all the time?

 

I am in a hard situation because I miss his presence, but I don't want to be annoying and push. It is making me sad because I feel our friendship is now reduced to texting and I don't know how to break his barrier. Thoughts?

Edited by girlinNYC
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FilterCoffee

Isn’t he completing his Ph.D.? He may be too busy hence why he hasn’t made any plans. But if that’s not the case and he is indeed nervous, why don’t you just tell him you want to see him? You could say something like:

 

“Hey bum, it’s been weeks since we last met and I’m missing you!”

 

I send messages like this to my close friends all the time and it’s never been weird.

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Isn’t he completing his Ph.D.? He may be too busy hence why he hasn’t made any plans. But if that’s not the case and he is indeed nervous, why don’t you just tell him you want to see him? You could say something like:

 

“Hey bum, it’s been weeks since we last met and I’m missing you!”

 

I send messages like this to my close friends all the time and it’s never been weird.

 

He is, but he still goes out for drinks with his work friends occasionally and he hasn't exactly invited me to come. He will text but never about actually doing something. I'm not sure how we can have a real chat about 'us' if not in person.

I still have to give him his gift so I can always send out a text this week, I'm just not sure if he's suddenly nervous.

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FilterCoffee

It’s hard to say if he’s nervous because if he were, he would be nervous to text you as well. I don’t like what he’s doing because he’s being so ambiguous. If he’s interested he should be showing it by now. What’s his history with women been like? Is he one of those guys who’s hardly dated or had no serious girlfriends?

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Lotsgoingon

You know ... you can as aggressive as you want.

 

The whole "don't too aggressive" thing ... doesn't apply to this kind of evolving relationship.

 

You say he's been a bit distant ... well ... he's already gone pretty far along to communicate his desire to you ... men do not casually talk about marriage and kids. He has taken a big step in doing that. HUGE, risky, revealing step.

 

If anything, I think it's your turn to take a big step towards him. This is just my judgment and I could be completely wrong ... But why not tell him you want to go out for dinner ... or a walk ... pick something slightly slightly romantic ... like a walk ... go to some favorite place you'd like to go to ... Time to get in his face.

 

You would not be scaring him away ... that's for a whole different scenario.

 

My question about nervousness was a question about "butterflies." Do you feel nervous butterflies as you think about him? ... and the possibility becoming his girlfriend? Butterflies are good in this situation.

 

But it's time for you to take a step. Here's the thing ... Even if we're misreading, there's no harm ... your friendship is already changed just because of your feelings ... So go for it.

 

I used to be ridiculously slow and cautious ... Literally one day, a woman I had a fling with ... tells me ... YOU WAITED WAY TOO LONG! ... Very helpful feedback, as they say.

 

But if you want this, time to go for it, assuming you want to be with this guy. Is that really true?

Edited by Lotsgoingon
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He just sounds like one of those guys who can't have a real-life relationship to me because he's too fearful. But in his mind, he probably thinks this is a big relationship. He may have sexual problems as well, in fact, I'd pretty much guarantee it or he'd be wanting to "see" you.

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You sound like your interested but have cold feet or just not ready to go the full circle with him. He might be talking out his butt but in any case how do you feel all about this?

 

yeah, a woman who is keen knows how to show it. maybe it's because your 50/50, he keeps carrying on as he does.

 

He needs to get a stronger signal from you if you are keen. A bit of fire, the smoke signals aren't working.

 

He will continue to joke around and not deviate until he sees that signal.

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