First Date - the got home safely text

[Sbla22]

Hi all, so glad to see this place back up and running!

 

So a question about the post first date which I sometimes place great value in to test how interested the woman was after the first date.

 

Last night I met a woman from Tinder (me 26, her 24). We went for drinks for a few hours and seemed to get on well. I am definitely attracted to her.

 

At the end of the night she said 'It was really nice to meet you, would you want to do this again?' So I said 'Yes definitely, maybe we could meet next week for some mini golf or something' to which she seemed keen.

 

She was getting a bus home so I said 'text me that you got home safely' and she said she would.

 

So it's now the next morning and she didn't text.

 

Most of the time I get this text - when they are really interested it comes pretty quick and might say they had a great time.

 

I sort of see this as a bad sign - I don't know whether to text her this morning saying I had a great time etc or wait, not text her and see if she gets in touch first. If she doesn't then I sort of have my answer?

[girlinNYC]

She may have just forgotten. There is nothing wrong with sending a text to say you had a great time, asking her if she would like to hang out again etc.

Since she initiated the 'would you like to do this again?' conversation signifies interest on some level, nobody would ask this of another person if they felt zero chemistry.

Send the text, what happens beyond that will give you an answer - at least you will know you have done everything on your end.

[d0nnivain]

The fact that you see this as some sort of "test" is a bad sign in & of itself.

 

In the days before cell phones & texts unless a great distance was involved this type of post date check in never happened. Granted, you two are of an age that you never dated without cell phones so that text should be part of her norm.

 

She may have forgotten. She may not have gone straight home & Instead went out with friends for more drinks.

 

You two had been drinking so who knows how that effected her short term memory & motor skills. There is probably some small chance that she did not make it home safely (but unless there is news of a major bus crash by you, that is unlikely).

 

If you like her, reach out Monday to set up the mini-golf game. If you are lukewarm move on to the next woman.

[FilterCoffee]

Hey Sbla22,

 

Nice to see you after the break! Her non response isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I don’t put too much emphasis on the “got home safe?” text. Did you kiss her during the date? I try to at least do that because if she enjoys the kiss then it’s a indicator she’s interested.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Were you actually concerned that she would get home ok or just wanting validation that she's interested? Meaning, I think your first concern should be that she actually DID make it home safely, no? Instead of fretting over whether or not she's interested in you?

 

Send her a text today to ask how her Sunday is going and set up a date for this week. Don't mention that she didn't text you when she got home. As long as she is ok, she likely just forgot. I do this all the time.

[Sbla22]

Ok so text her to say I had a good night etc - she replied 'had a great time too but didn't feel a connection to meet again.'

 

Suspicions confirmed. Every time I haven't got a text after the date it usually ends up this way.

 

That's a few times this has happened recently too - when pressed they say I did nothing wrong. Frustrating. Feel like I am never going to meet anyone that wont decide I'm not the right guy for them after a date :/

[d0nnivain]

Well at least she was polite enough to respond to tell you no thanks. That is more then some people get.

 

You will find somebody. It's just a bit of a numbers game.

 

Hang in there.

[coolheadal]

Ok so text her to say I had a good night etc - she replied 'had a great time too but didn't feel a connection to meet again.'

 

Suspicions confirmed. Every time I haven't got a text after the date it usually ends up this way.

 

That's a few times this has happened recently too - when pressed they say I did nothing wrong. Frustrating. Feel like I am never going to meet anyone that wont decide I'm not the right guy for them after a date :/

 

You have seen her answer in her text. Don't say what you want to do with them on the next date. Just say it's a surprise.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

You have seen her answer in her text. Don't say what you want to do with them on the next date. Just say it's a surprise.

 

This doesn't work for everyone. I'm a woman and I do not like surprises.....especially by someone who doesn't really know me after only one date.

[FilterCoffee]

Ok so text her to say I had a good night etc - she replied 'had a great time too but didn't feel a connection to meet again.'

 

Suspicions confirmed. Every time I haven't got a text after the date it usually ends up this way.

 

That's a few times this has happened recently too - when pressed they say I did nothing wrong. Frustrating. Feel like I am never going to meet anyone that wont decide I'm not the right guy for them after a date :/

 

Did you kiss her? I think it’s really important for a guy to show physical intent to avoid getting into the dreaded friend zone. A colleague of mine recently told me that her first date with her ex didn’t go so well but he kissed her towards the end of the date and her perception changed. They dated for a year. I’ve had similar experiences. I’ve lost out on a couple of hotties because I was too scared to make a move.

[coolheadal]

This doesn't work for everyone. I'm a woman and I do not like surprises.....especially by someone who doesn't really know me after only one date.

 

But you can't tell them what your going too do. That's you and your not her. Again we can't say otherwise wise here. What's wrong with a surprise? Can't say i have great place to take you and the rest I'll surprise you? Thus your saying you have the entire date under control and you know how to treat a woman. I would never say I going to take you mini golf and etc. This tells them you like to do something that might not be fun for her. Average date. Mini Golf would be if you both are settle and might shoot some golf at the mini part it's also called Putt-Putt here...

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I would never say I going to take you mini golf and etc. This tells them you like to do something that might not be fun for her. Average date.

 

lol, and what about if you plan a "surprise" and it's also something that might not be fun for her?

[carhill]

If two people are really into each other they can watch paint dry and enjoy it. Clearly not the case here.

 

OP, presuming you're attracted and sense she is, act on that next time and take the lead, both physically and in flowing the interaction into another date. Sure you might get shot down. Happens. Each time hones your perception and communication skills.

[hippychick3]

But you can't tell them what your going too do. That's you and your not her. Again we can't say otherwise wise here. What's wrong with a surprise? Can't say i have great place to take you and the rest I'll surprise you? Thus your saying you have the entire date under control and you know how to treat a woman. I would never say I going to take you mini golf and etc. This tells them you like to do something that might not be fun for her. Average date. Mini Golf would be if you both are settle and might shoot some golf at the mini part it's also called Putt-Putt here...

 

I’m pretty sure most women, including myself, would not like being “surprised” in the early stages. With someone fairly new, I not only prefer to drive myself and meet somewhere, I want to know exactly where we are going. I like to plan how I dress accordingly and mentally prepare.

[Logo]

You might find this absurd, but I dated a woman who was a 12 on the narcissism scale and resentful with a heart made of ash.

 

When I asked her to text me that she got home alright, she took that as a slight because she fancied herself a self-reliant, independent, adult.

 

 

That veneer of affection she first displayed, later turned out to be fake.

 

 

I’m not saying that this was the case here, but next time, just play it cool. Act as if she’s one of your buddies. Don’t make her feel too special or put her on a pedestal as early as the first date.

 

 

Yes, some women appreciate chivalry, but the younger generation of today sees that as a weakness, at least based on personal research.

 

 

Next time take the lead, depending on her non-verbal cues, and ask her if she’d like to go out again.

 

 

And like others have said, if it’s a good date and you get to that moment at the end of the date when she’s facing you, gently lean in and kiss her. But leave her wanting more. So don’t over do it. Just make sure it’s not a peck on the lips. If you notice that she’s getting into it, then just go for it and make out for a little. If the moment doesn’t naturally present itself, then create it. She won’t mind.

 

 

That will lay the groundwork for the next date and leave her wanting more.

 

 

Some people talk about a spark, about chemistry, but they don’t know what it really means. For them, a spark might as well be a great kiss.

[FilterCoffee]

You might find this absurd, but I dated a woman who was a 12 on the narcissism scale and resentful with a heart made of ash.

 

When I asked her to text me that she got home alright, she took that as a slight because she fancied herself a self-reliant, independent, adult.

 

Jeez, I hope she was hot at least!

[act00]

Sorry about the no-go update. That hurts, especially when she initiated seeing you again. I would agree that a text quickly is a good sign and no text is a bad sign, but it's really hard to judge this. Some text more, some less, and some are trying to play it cool and not seem desperate, and in the case of women, she may be waiting on you to make that move after a date and say it first. For me, I would have texted on the bus/train home (I'm female). If I've had a nice time, I don't want to lose that momentum and will text as soon as I get home. There are times that I get a text from him before I even get home.

 

Of course the quick text is no indication of interest either.

 

So before the update, I was going to tell you not to wait on her and to reach out to her in the event she expects the man to make that move. Show your interest. Go from there. There's not much more you can do but express your interest in seeing her, and at least you tried.