Jump to content

My boyfriend and i saw his ex in WalMart today...


ShaniaP96

Recommended Posts

My boyfriend and i have been together for over almost 5 months. On my end everything has been great but yesterday while out with him we ran into one of his ex’s. I know this is his ex because he’s showed me a phot of her before and after leaving the store i remembered who she was.

 

So at first it seemed like he wanted to avoid her. They eventually crossed paths and he said “hey” and she said hey and he went back to shop. My boyfriend and i had separate things to get so we were grocery shopping separately. She went down an aisle he was on and she started talking to him .. They started talking so i continued to do my shopping while they were talking. After a couple of minutes i glance over towards them and he started teasing her a little. My boyfriends ex was pushing her basket and he would grab the end of her basket then releases it and start laughing.

 

 

I went to the aisle nearest them and he was bringing up their old memories and their little inside jokes. He then told her randomly “you need a longer T-shirt “ she said “ why is there something on my butt?, is my underwear showing or something” she starts looking down . and he said “na“ and started smiling while kind of signaling to her butt size/they was her butt looked in the pants she had on. (he didn’t directly say her butt size/shape but i could see where he was going with what he was saying) He asked her about some job she had applied for and what was the status on it.

And basically they were joking on each other the entire time we were there. He asked her about her glasses and she said she wears contacts now and he said “oh you’re just trying to show off that face”. The whole time we were in the store he would randomly say things out of the ordinary to her to get her attention or say her name and just say something completely random that he could’ve kept to hisself. And right as she was leaving the store he walked behind her grabbed on her hair and yanked it...

 

Now i might be overreacting or reading too much into it but he obviously wanted her attention , i couldn’t believe how child like he was around her

Link to post
Share on other sites

OP: Your post sounds similar to Devenciann’s, especially the “hair grabbing” part. You might get some insights from the replies there.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

His flirty behavior is unfortunate. Can you CALMLY discuss it with him? Don't accuse. Don't attack. Just talk about how bad he made you feel because he was so flirty with her. Since it wasn't until you were leaving the store that you realized she was an EX from your perspective it must have looked like he was trying to pick up this other woman under your nose.

 

 

How much time elapsed between his break up from her & him starting to date you. If it wasn't at least 1/4 of their relationship then you have a problem. What I mean is that if he dated her for 2 years, if he hadn't been apart from her for at least 6 months before you came on the scene that doesn't bode well. Keep your eyes open.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
OP: Your post sounds similar to Devenciann’s, especially the “hair grabbing” part. You might get some insights from the replies there.

 

Can you link me to that post or user ?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
His flirty behavior is unfortunate. Can you CALMLY discuss it with him? Don't accuse. Don't attack. Just talk about how bad he made you feel because he was so flirty with her. Since it wasn't until you were leaving the store that you realized she was an EX from your perspective it must have looked like he was trying to pick up this other woman under your nose.

 

 

How much time elapsed between his break up from her & him starting to date you. If it wasn't at least 1/4 of their relationship then you have a problem. What I mean is that if he dated her for 2 years, if he hadn't been apart from her for at least 6 months before you came on the scene that doesn't bode well. Keep your eyes open.

 

Not sure what to say i keep going back and fourth with myself because i don’t want him to throw in my face I’m being “jealous/overreacting”

Link to post
Share on other sites
Now i might be overreacting or reading too much into it but he obviously wanted her attention , i couldn’t believe how child like he was around her

 

 

People always act weird around their ex's.

 

 

 

That's how it is, and nothing you say or do is going to change that, however you can work on your reaction- just let it go.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
People always act weird around their ex's.

 

 

 

That's how it is, and nothing you say or do is going to change that, however you can work on your reaction- just let it go.

 

I don’t act like this around people I’ve dated

Link to post
Share on other sites
Can you link me to that post or user ?

 

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/656524-i-m-23-my-boyfriend-31-girl-he-trying-date-21-a

 

Not sure what to say i keep going back and fourth with myself because i don’t want him to throw in my face I’m being “jealous/overreacting”

 

 

A little jealous is OK as long as you don't overreact. No screaming. You have to put it in your own words but I'd say something like:

 

 

Hey, can we talk about what happened in WalMart today?

 

 

I'
m
glad that you are a kind enough person that you can be cordial to your EXs but I was a little bothered by what I saw. You seemed awfully flirty & it kinda hurt my feelings.

 

Then see what he says / how he reacts.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
I'd say something like:

Hey, can we talk about what happened in WalMart today?

 

 

I'
m
glad that you are a kind enough person that you can be cordial to your EXs but I was a little bothered by what I saw. You seemed awfully flirty & it kinda hurt my feelings.

Then see what he says / how he reacts.

 

 

Most guys including myself would reply to the effect of "What are you talking about it was nothing, we were just chatting you are totally over reacting she doesn't mean anything to me you really need to get over it".

 

 

Note that this response will occur in either of 2 situations 1) she really didn't mean anything to me or 2) she really did mean something to me but I'm going to lie about it

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Most guys including myself would reply to the effect of "What are you talking about it was nothing, we were just chatting you are totally over reacting she doesn't mean anything to me you really need to get over it".

 

 

Note that this response will occur in either of 2 situations 1) she really didn't mean anything to me or 2) she really did mean something to me but I'm going to lie about it

 

I’ve seen his other ex before he didn’t act like this at all he didn’t even speak to her lol

Link to post
Share on other sites
I’ve seen his other ex before he didn’t act like this at all he didn’t even speak to her lol

 

 

Ok well that's different. You have seen him interact with 2 different ex's and it was a very different reaction this second time.

 

 

 

He's obviously still into her but don't expect him to admit it, all you'll do by questioning him is coming across as needy and insecure even if your concerns are valid.

 

 

 

Sure you could try the upfront honest "you hurt my feelings approach" but I highly doubt it will get you what you're looking for which is an honest response and validation. You'll get deflection, misdirection and if anything push him further away.

 

 

Besides, he's with you, right? He chose not to be with her, right? Or wait a minute maybe he was dumped and he'd go back to her if he had the chance. Do you know how they broke up? Who dumped who?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Ok well that's different. You have seen him interact with 2 different ex's and it was a very different reaction this second time.

 

 

 

He's obviously still into her but don't expect him to admit it, all you'll do by questioning him is coming across as needy and insecure even if your concerns are valid.

 

 

 

Sure you could try the upfront honest "you hurt my feelings approach" but I highly doubt it will get you what you're looking for which is an honest response and validation. You'll get deflection, misdirection and if anything push him further away.

 

 

Besides, he's with you, right? He chose not to be with her, right? Or wait a minute maybe he was dumped and he'd go back to her if he had the chance. Do you know how they broke up? Who dumped who?

 

He dumped her so he says , he said he was a forced dumper, I’ve never heard of a forced dumper

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

He told me he didn’t dump her for her personality or cheating but outside influences forced his hand. I don’t believe him especially if he acted this way seems like she would be the dumper

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm trying to boil it down to basics. It was rude of him to flirt with his ex basically in front of you. Honestly, not sure I'd even talk to him about it. Might be better off if he thought you were so confident you didn't care, but then if he does it again or you think he's sneaking around, bail. If you do say something, say, "I'm not sure how I feel about it, but I'm just curious: If the situation at Walmart was reversed and you saw/heard me having that flirtation with my ex-bf, how would you feel about that?"

 

I will say that some depends how serious the relationship was and also how friend-based it was. Like I've had bfs who were also kind of pals and we might never ever have sex again, but we would also say how good each other looked and tease a little because we had no ill feelings. Pulling ponytails, to me, isn't all that romantic, but more little sistery, but it's still touching, I get that.

Link to post
Share on other sites
coolheadal
He told me he didn’t dump her for her personality or cheating but outside influences forced his hand. I don’t believe him especially if he acted this way seems like she would be the dumper

 

Caution here OP with this guy. Trust has to be earned and he shouldn't have spent all his time with his ex in the store without you. The way he acted sounded like he has missed the old times he had with her. But again we all over react who cares if you get jealous we all do. I would have walked up to him and say in front of her. Listen "if you want to be with her fine I am out of this" This is what your suppose to do. This way you would see if expression on his face. Would he just drop her and come running after you or not? That is the answer you would have to figure out yourself. If he had stayed in the store with her and continue on then you know he isn't the guy for you. I am grounded here when it comes to situations like this. I know what I want and if this was my gf with her ex acting like this in the store I would have told her listen let's go if not I am out the door! You got to find out what going on in their minds. There suppose to be with you not their ex. There their ex for a reason.

Edited by coolheadal
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
I'm trying to boil it down to basics. It was rude of him to flirt with his ex basically in front of you. Honestly, not sure I'd even talk to him about it. Might be better off if he thought you were so confident you didn't care, but then if he does it again or you think he's sneaking around, bail. If you do say something, say, "I'm not sure how I feel about it, but I'm just curious: If the situation at Walmart was reversed and you saw/heard me having that flirtation with my ex-bf, how would you feel about that?"

 

I will say that some depends how serious the relationship was and also how friend-based it was. Like I've had bfs who were also kind of pals and we might never ever have sex again, but we would also say how good each other looked and tease a little because we had no ill feelings. Pulling ponytails, to me, isn't all that romantic, but more little sistery, but it's still touching, I get that.

 

That’s the thing i don’t want it to be a second time. Honestly this particular situation i feel like he knew what he was doing. He seemed so happy to talk to her

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Caution here OP with this guy. Trust has to be earned and he shouldn't have spent all his time with his ex in the store without you. The way he acted sounded like he has missed the old times he had with her. But again we all over react who cares if you get jealous we all do. I would have walked up to him and say in front of her. Listen "if you want to be with her fine I am out of this" This is what your suppose to do. This way you would see if expression on his face. Would he just drop her and come running after you or not? That is the answer you would have to figure out yourself. If he had stayed in the store with her and continue on then you know he isn't the guy for you. I am grounded here when it comes to situations like this. I know what I want and if this was my gf with her ex acting like this in the store I would have told her listen let's go if not I am out the door! You got to find out what going on in their minds. There suppose to be with you not their ex. There their ex for a reason.

 

Agree with your answer 100% i could tell he missed her or at least missed talking to her. His face lit up just talking to her and he kept bothering her the whole time we were there??*♀️

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
He told me he didn’t dump her for her personality or cheating but outside influences forced his hand.

 

 

That's a good one I gotta remember that one.

 

 

 

Honey its nothing personal but I need to break up with you due to "outside influences forcing my hand".

 

 

 

I wonder how many lines of BS he feeds you on a daily basis that you don't see the need to question until his behavior becomes so obvious that you just have to ask random strangers what they think about it.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
That's a good one I gotta remember that one.

 

 

 

Honey its nothing personal but I need to break up with you due to "outside influences forcing my hand".

 

 

 

I wonder how many lines of BS he feeds you on a daily basis that you don't see the need to question until his behavior becomes so obvious that you just have to ask random strangers what they think about it.

 

 

I have broken up with someone because of outside influences... family,not being ready for a relationship.. not being able to juggle one while in school and work and the fact that i had a child at an early age

Link to post
Share on other sites
I have broken up with someone because of outside influences... family,not being ready for a relationship.. not being able to juggle one while in school and work and the fact that i had a child at an early age

 

 

Let's delve a bit more deeply into those reasons and evaluate them for merit, shall we?

 

 

First, the family. If you are in a serious committed relationship with a person you love and who loves you in return, with whom you are compatible, with no major issues, then why on earth would you break up with them simply to satisfy your family members?

 

 

 

Secondly, not being ready for a relationship. If you are involved with a person in a healthy, satisfying, beneficial relationship, then why on earth would you simply end it because you have decided you "aren't ready?". If that was the case why get involved in the first place. If nothing else it's not fair to the other person.

Link to post
Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic
Let's delve a bit more deeply into those reasons and evaluate them for merit, shall we?

 

 

First, the family. If you are in a serious committed relationship with a person you love and who loves you in return, with whom you are compatible, with no major issues, then why on earth would you break up with them simply to satisfy your family members?

 

 

 

Secondly, not being ready for a relationship. If you are involved with a person in a healthy, satisfying, beneficial relationship, then why on earth would you simply end it because you have decided you "aren't ready?". If that was the case why get involved in the first place. If nothing else it's not fair to the other person.

 

I don't think it's necessary or helpful to delve into OP's past relationships and reasons for breaking up.

 

OP, how long have you been dating this guy? I agree he's still way into that girl, was disrespectful to you in the way he acted, and there's probably very little chance he'll apologize if you bring it up :(.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...