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I’m 23 my boyfriend is 31 the girl he was “trying” to date is 21


Devencianna

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Devencianna

My boyfriend is 31 the girl he wanted is 21 and I’m 23 , my current boyfriend of two months left a girl he was dating in February to be with me. He told me he complained to her about standing up to her family and she never did it and how her family didn’t even like him to begin with. Her parents didn’t like his age and felt like he was using her because she was so young. He told me the main problem he had was they would have sex but she couldn’t spend the night with him because her parents told her she couldn’t stay. He told me he told her many times and begged her to stay but she wouldn't. my boyfriend and his ex work together too.

 

So the last day of February he left her and ten days later we were in a relationship. He bluntly told her he met someone else and was leaving her. He told me how she was upset and tried begging for him back but he told her it’s better if they move on considering her circumstances, he kept apologizing to her telling her he was sorry and that he still wanted to be there for her. i went through his phone. The day after he broke up with her though he texted her first saying “hey sweetie how are you doing” he initiated the conversation the next day after that too saying “hey sweetie how’s your day going so far” the week after he broke up with her she was still trying to see him and he was trying to clear his schedule to see her too from the text.

Two weeks went by and neither one of them texted each other until last Saturday he texted her first asking how she was doing she didn’t reply. I see text from him asking was she at work that particular day. today i see text from her saying she missed him and said she hoped he was doing good and he said i miss you too sweetie i hope you’re doing alright sweetie.

A few weeks ago while with my boyfriend we saw his ex in the store and they were laughing , flirting, talking abut their little inside jokes, smiling at each other, he was teasing her right behind my back. And before we left the store he tugged on her hair , looked like he wanted her attention

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You are the rebound, the place holder warm body to fill the void because he can't have her.

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You classified it as dating her & they were having sex. He's still reaching out to her. He jokes & flirts when he sees her. If she would stand up to her parents, & fight for them, he'd drop you like a hot potato & take her back in a heartbeat.

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Devencianna

But he told me she begged for him back and kept telling him she loved .. etc. she basically did ask for him back? And he told her to move on sort of ?

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She only wanted him back on her terms -- not sleeping over, not fighting for him to her parents. He wanted more & cut things off for his own sanity but he took up with you too fast which is why you feel like 2nd fiddle: you are.

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She's his back burner girl. He's going to keep her in the wings just in case things don't work out with you....keeping all bases covered.

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Devencianna
She only wanted him back on her terms -- not sleeping over, not fighting for him to her parents. He wanted more & cut things off for his own sanity but he took up with you too fast which is why you feel like 2nd fiddle: you are.

 

 

 

That’s crazy, he made it seem like he was over the situation and wanted someone available

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Devencianna
She's his back burner girl. He's going to keep her in the wings just in case things don't work out with you....keeping all bases covered.

 

I doubt that especially when he told her he met someone else, he told her to move on

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If he really doesn't care about her why is he still calling her "sweetie" & asking if she's OK? why was he flirting with her in the store?

 

 

I think you are kissing yourself about his level of attachment to you & I think you are going to get very hurt.

 

 

Please guard your heart.

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If he really doesn't care about her why is he still calling her "sweetie" & asking if she's OK? why was he flirting with her in the store?

 

 

I think you are kissing yourself about his level of attachment to you & I think you are going to get very hurt.

 

 

Please guard your heart.

 

I guess my mindset is he chose me over her

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I doubt that especially when he told her he met someone else, he told her to move on

What he has been telling you and what he does are two different things, no? Is it not why you are here? You are not seeing things if we all can see it.

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You've come here for some opinions and everyone agrees, but you're choosing not to believe it.

 

He's 31 and he's trying to date girls who are still under their parents' thumb because that's how young they are and then when it doesn't go his way, he moves on to the next one but keeps flirting with the last one.

 

Listen, many men are not looking for ONE woman. They're seeing how many they can juggle and hoping they can find a combination of mild, overly trusting women who will look the other way when they're keeping their options open and meeting and dating old and new women as well. It seems he has come to the right place because you can't see this situation for what it is.

 

Why is he upset because she won't stand up to her parents and spend the night? Because it's inconvenient for him. He comes home from a club where he didn't manage to pick up a new girl and it's late in the evening and he wants some company, that girl isn't able to come sleep with him.

 

He wants convenient sex. Truthfully, there are lot of guys like that, and that's why you constantly see them choosing quantity over quality.

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He didn't CHOOSE you over her. He settled for you because you were available and he couldn't have her on his terms.

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You've come here for some opinions and everyone agrees, but you're choosing not to believe it.

 

He's 31 and he's trying to date girls who are still under their parents' thumb because that's how young they are and then when it doesn't go his way, he moves on to the next one but keeps flirting with the last one.

 

Listen, many men are not looking for ONE woman. They're seeing how many they can juggle and hoping they can find a combination of mild, overly trusting women who will look the other way when they're keeping their options open and meeting and dating old and new women as well. It seems he has come to the right place because you can't see this situation for what it is.

 

Why is he upset because she won't stand up to her parents and spend the night? Because it's inconvenient for him. He comes home from a club where he didn't manage to pick up a new girl and it's late in the evening and he wants some company, that girl isn't able to come sleep with him.

 

He wants convenient sex. Truthfully, there are lot of guys like that, and that's why you constantly see them choosing quantity over quality.

 

This guy isn’t really like that he wants a girl with him 24/7 and he always almost wants me over. He gets lonely QUICK i think he’s one of those people who can’t bear to be alone.

 

I sort of fell like you’re saying he chose me because I’m a convenient option.

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Basically he wanted her to commit and a big part of being with him was sleeping over and waking up to one another. She couldn’t and he felt like he was being treated like a friend and not like a boyfriend.

 

 

Even though I’m in her age bracket I’m not restricted and my parents thinks he’s a good dude so far

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A 31 yo man dating a 21 yo girl and then complaining she doesn't have the same sort of independence that he has AND THEN rebounding to another younger girl within 10 days while still texting the ex....

 

 

This has so many red flags to me that you could throw it into the running of the bulls festival, but it sounds like you have your mind made up about him. So I guess you're going to have to learn from your own mistakes.

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Devencianna
A 31 yo man dating a 21 yo girl and then complaining she doesn't have the same sort of independence that he has AND THEN rebounding to another younger girl within 10 days while still texting the ex....

 

 

This has so many red flags to me that you could throw it into the running of the bulls festival, but it sounds like you have your mind made up about him. So I guess you're going to have to learn from your own mistakes.

 

I assumed he could’ve been using her for an ego boosts. Because i know she isn’t going to stay around knowing he met someone else .Which i need to tell him to cut it out. I don’t mind admitting i went through his phone because clearly there’s a problem and i caught it this early on.

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This guy isn’t really like that he wants a girl with him 24/7 and he always almost wants me over. He gets lonely QUICK i think he’s one of those people who can’t bear to be alone.

 

I sort of fell like you’re saying he chose me because I’m a convenient option.

 

Do you think it's healthy to want someone around 24/7 and get lonely that quick? Because I don't. I see red flags here. Sorry. Well, you are the only one willing to be available all the time so he isn't alone. But I don't call that love. I might call it dependence more like. You do realize how quick he'd beat a path to her door if she bent to his demands, don't you?

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Do you think it's healthy to want someone around 24/7 and get lonely that quick? Because I don't. I see red flags here. Sorry. Well, you are the only one willing to be available all the time so he isn't alone. But I don't call that love. I might call it dependence more like. You do realize how quick he'd beat a path to her door if she bent to his demands, don't you?

 

I’ve never been with someone who wanted me around all the time , just thought he really liked me and he wanted to be around me all of the time. And I’m not technically around him all of the time i have a full time job and i go to school. No, i didn’t consider that especially since he didn’t wait around asking me to be with him.. and the fact that he told her he met someone else i don’t think she’d stick around which it seems like she is falling back

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I could have sworn you just said they were totally flirting with each other right in front of you when you ran into her.

 

Look, if you like the way things are going, enjoy it for as long as you can. But there's some red flags here. He seems very fickle to me. I'm glad you have hours apart and keeping your life and career moving forward. What is he doing during those hours? Is he also working, I hope?

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I could have sworn you just said they were totally flirting with each other right in front of you when you ran into her.

 

Look, if you like the way things are going, enjoy it for as long as you can. But there's some red flags here. He seems very fickle to me. I'm glad you have hours apart and keeping your life and career moving forward. What is he doing during those hours? Is he also working, I hope?

 

Yes he has a full time job too

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Glad to hear that. You came to this board because something is bothering you about the situation and I do think there's reason to be cautious, but as long as you are having fun and he's treating you well, enjoy it and see what happens with your eyes wide open so you don't get played or hurt. Good luck.

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Devencianna

Thanks for your help guys, i do have a huge question about this that’s been bothering me. Why didn’t he just tell her the relationship wasn’t working out or he was tired of trying why did he throw me in there saying “i met someone” . Seems like he wanted to hurt her or something , most people would’ve just said it’s not working or whatever

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