AmalieRuby Posted May 16, 2018 Share Posted May 16, 2018 I met this guy about two months ago who was just one month out of a two year relationship. After telling me several times that he’s over his ex we started getting pretty serious very fast. He told me things like me meeting his parents and if I wanted to go on a city trip with him. Last week I finally decided that I was ready to have my first time with him. But right before we were about to do it he told me that a serious relationship would only be far in the future and that he first wants to enjoy being single and a free man. I was very hurt because for me a F+ kinda thing is not something I want. I told him that it couldn’t go on like this between us because it would only hurt me. He was very understanding and now asked me if it would be okay for me to still text and go for a drink from time to time. I am now very confused about what I’m supposed to do. Would it be better to completely delete him out of my life or should I take his “offer”? Link to post Share on other sites
Butterflying Posted May 16, 2018 Share Posted May 16, 2018 You know what you want. Don’t settle for less. He wants to keep you around as one of HIS options because you’re a great person. But he doesn’t care how that affects YOUR options. And you shouldn’t expect him to care. In general, people are selfish. That’s a sad fact in today’s world. How do you avoid being toyed around with? Don’t settle. Stand up for yourself. Say thanks, but no thanks. Being friends with someone is cool. But you can’t be “just friends” with a man that you’ve already developed romantic feelings for. It will only make you more confused & hurt when you see him dating other women. Part ways with him. Tell him if he ever decides to give a relationship with you a chance, call you. But he’s taking a huge risk by letting you go now because you might not be available the next time he comes around. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted May 16, 2018 Share Posted May 16, 2018 Given he's so recently out of a breakup, playing and not being tied down is a reasonable expectation, and of course you could very well be the rebound, even if he never said these things and wanted to be serious and exclusive...a couple months down the line, he might be breaking it off, so the timing alone is just not in your favor, OP. You want something different, and now he wants to have you around when he wants. Maybe he would contact you once in awhile. If you're up for a drink now and again and maybe some smooching, fine, but in this case you absolutely cannot expect anything from him and don't sleep with him. Don't entertain this buddy thing or even casual dating if it's not going to work for you. This can cause so much stress and anxiety when you want more and it hurts a great deal, and even worse when you know (especially if he talks about) seeing other women. Seek out a man who wants what you want and is ready for it. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 16, 2018 Share Posted May 16, 2018 You both know what you want, and unfortunately you do not want the same thing. No big deal, it's only been two months. At least he was honest with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 16, 2018 Share Posted May 16, 2018 He's hoping you'll just agree to have sex with him and that's all. You should just run him off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 16, 2018 Share Posted May 16, 2018 It's entirely up to you. Can you meet publically & stay out of his bed? If you want to go on a date with him, great. Go. Have fun. However, if you can't see him without giving him your heart or your body stay away. You can't part with either of those until you get a commitment & exclusivity from him which sounds like both will be a long time coming, if ever. This isn't about you playing hard to get; it's about you being hard to get. Link to post Share on other sites
ShaniaP96 Posted May 17, 2018 Share Posted May 17, 2018 Do not have sex with him. Especially if you want something more try not to be too available. I would let him have his single life and see where it goes Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted May 17, 2018 Share Posted May 17, 2018 He doesn't see you "that way". Why waste your time? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
girlinNYC Posted May 20, 2018 Share Posted May 20, 2018 You can and should only focus on what you can control, that is your actions/responses to each situation. Be dignified and graceful. You don't have to hastily cut him off. Have a casual drink with him here and there, hang out during the day. Show him that you are chilled and are a genuine companion, with time who knows what could blossom? Being so fresh out of a relationship he is clearly not ready for a new one so it is best to be understanding there. In my experience being in love with my best friend for a long time, having 'fun' with a girl is different to being 'into' a girl so don't let his single life worry you - when guys play the field they want cheap thrills. None of it is seen as 'hey, she slept with me within a few hours of knowing me - I am going to wife her!' guys don't work like that/nor do they find that attractive in a girl. You will stand out from the pack if you DON'T sleep with him, but remain a good friend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted May 20, 2018 Share Posted May 20, 2018 I met this guy about two months ago who was just one month out of a two year relationship. After telling me several times that he’s over his ex we started getting pretty serious very fast. He told me things like me meeting his parents and if I wanted to go on a city trip with him. Last week I finally decided that I was ready to have my first time with him. But right before we were about to do it he told me that a serious relationship would only be far in the future and that he first wants to enjoy being single and a free man. I was very hurt because for me a F+ kinda thing is not something I want. I told him that it couldn’t go on like this between us because it would only hurt me. He was very understanding and now asked me if it would be okay for me to still text and go for a drink from time to time. I am now very confused about what I’m supposed to do. Would it be better to completely delete him out of my life or should I take his “offer”? Tell him to go to you fill in the rest. But that's pretty much it.. Your not his side kitten. He's a free man he wants to test the waters and your just his girl on the side for now. You want more and he's not going to give you more now or maybe in the future and that's not the way to go or start any sort of relationship with this jerk! Listen to your heart and go with the flow. Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted May 20, 2018 Share Posted May 20, 2018 I view this as a slippery slope... You enjoy this person's company and want a relationship from him. Those feelings aren't going to go away quickly and you could end up being involved with him physically fairly easily if you're not careful. This will just result in more hurt and frustration and I, personally, would avoid contact with him. But, this is born out of my experience with these situations. I met a pleasant and kind woman a few months ago that I was attracted to but she didn't feel the same way. I enjoyed her company so we agreed to still hang out. Well, one thing lead to another, we slept together and she said that she wanted a relationship with me. A few weeks later, she changed her mind and it stung. She wanted to keep hanging out "as friends" but I told her no thanks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 20, 2018 Share Posted May 20, 2018 Sounds like a placeholder move to me. Guys who can do that and get positive responses are usually widely attractive, hence can keep a number of plates spinning at the same time. That the OP was considering becoming a plate to spin indicates to me the power the guy has. IMO, if they're OK with the occasional drink, continue dating other men and let things take their course. There's no dating involved, solid boundaries in place, it's all good. What do you think OP? Been a few days never seen you. Welcome to LS. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 20, 2018 Share Posted May 20, 2018 I agree with the with everyone here and out there. Doesn't matter how many sites you post on....the advice will be the same. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 20, 2018 Share Posted May 20, 2018 I met this guy about two months ago who was just one month out of a two year relationship. After telling me several times that he’s over his ex we started getting pretty serious very fast. He told me things like me meeting his parents and if I wanted to go on a city trip with him. Last week I finally decided that I was ready to have my first time with him. But right before we were about to do it he told me that a serious relationship would only be far in the future and that he first wants to enjoy being single and a free man. I was very hurt because for me a F+ kinda thing is not something I want. I told him that it couldn’t go on like this between us because it would only hurt me. He was very understanding and now asked me if it would be okay for me to still text and go for a drink from time to time. I am now very confused about what I’m supposed to do. Would it be better to completely delete him out of my life or should I take his “offer”? you should move on Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 21, 2018 Share Posted May 21, 2018 I wouldn't take him up on his offer, no. He was honest, so that is good. However, how will you feel meeting for a drink and finding out he was out with someone else the night before? Or has a date lined up the following day? You two want different things so I would end it here. Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted May 21, 2018 Share Posted May 21, 2018 Would it be better to completely delete him out of my life or should I take his “offer”? That's really up to you ultimately. But be aware that is is incredibly unlikely that he will end up in a relationship with you. Can you handle just being friends from this point onward? If you feel it's going to hurt too much then cut him out. In contrast to other posts, I have seen people go from romantically involved to just friends successfully. It is possible but very difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
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