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Asking a girl out after being rejected for second date


themancamino

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themancamino

I recently asked out a girl from my university. The date went well for the most part. We had good chemistry, with teasing and a bit of physical contact. I messed up though, when I started drinking, and I acted sillier than a man trying to attract a woman should (even though she got a good laugh out of it, I don't think my actions were doing much to raise her attraction level). A couple days after the date, I'm sure I came off as needy when I told her that I really liked her and would like to see her again. That's when she told me she just wanted to be friends.

 

I've learned a lot from this experience and I am currently dating other women. I do still have feelings for this girl though, which leads me to my question: when is the appropriate time frame to ask this girl out again? And what would be the best way about it? I won't do it anytime soon because if she does have a change of heart, it will take time and it won't happen unless there is something different about me the second time around.

 

We run into each other at the same student club often, and I think she is giving me the cold shoulder on purpose (whereas before the date, she used to hug me and acknowledge me every time we saw each other). I should note that I've kept my contact with her minimal to respect her boundaries, and to help me move on.

 

I know that some people will tell me it just wasn't meant to be, and maybe that's true. In hindsight, I think it was more so that I just lacked the experience and maturity to understand how attraction works for women and I didn't court her properly.

 

Thanks for hearing me out

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Well, instead of making your next contact with her an attempt to ask her out, could you not instead try and talk to her....?

 

I mean, you express that you feel you messed up with the alcohol. So you could say to her that you'd like to talk to her - this ideally should be a one - on - one conversation. Then maybe try and explain that you feel embarrassed about the way you acted when you were drunk, but that you'd really like to see if you and her could start again, start hanging out and go from there?

 

I think if you approach her with another date request, it will be too much.

Also, if you ask her to talk and she doesn't want to, then you have to leave it.

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I don't think you should ever ask her out. She has already said no. It's like disrespect to do it anyway. It's like you're telling her you know better what she should do than she does. When someone says no, move on.

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I don't think you should ever ask her out. She has already said no. It's like disrespect to do it anyway. It's like you're telling her you know better what she should do than she does. When someone says no, move on.

 

The advice on this website is so conflicting. But when you're dating a woman, you must push and push for physical contact - if she doesn't reciprocate on that particular occasion, on that minute within that hour on that day, dump her and jump to the next 'girl'! It's almost like you're trying to get her to do something she doesn't want to do, as if you know what she should do more than she does. Hmmm.

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Scarlett.O'hara

In my experience, if a woman says she just wants to be friends, she means she doesn't want to date the guy.

 

However, if she asked to take things slower or start off as friends and see how it goes, that comes across as a bit more encouraging. See the difference? One closes the door, while the other leaves it slightly open.

 

If she was interested, she would leave him with some hope, not outright friend-zone him. That coupled with giving him the cold shoulder when she next saw him sends a pretty clear message not to bother.

 

Sorry, that isn't the answer you are hoping for, but I can only go by experience of how women handle these types of situations.

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She went out with you on a date one time, that means to her, physically you’re not undatable. You can try to change your hair and clothing style that makes you look less silly and more mature? Dress well and carry yourself with confidence. But do find your own style. Show up where she’ll see you. Be friendly but don’t approach. Let that stew for a while.

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The advice on this website is so conflicting. But when you're dating a woman, you must push and push for physical contact - if she doesn't reciprocate on that particular occasion, on that minute within that hour on that day, dump her and jump to the next 'girl'! It's almost like you're trying to get her to do something she doesn't want to do, as if you know what she should do more than she does. Hmmm.

 

If a woman is normal and healthy and is attracted to you, you don't have to push at all. If that's how it usually is for you, you may be going after women who just aren't attracted to you.

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The advice on this website is so conflicting. But when you're dating a woman, you must push and push for physical contact - if she doesn't reciprocate on that particular occasion, on that minute within that hour on that day, dump her and jump to the next 'girl'! It's almost like you're trying to get her to do something she doesn't want to do, as if you know what she should do more than she does. Hmmm.

 

It is honesty disturbing to me that you think what you are saying is the truth. If there is mutual attraction, things will become physical when mutually agreeable. I can't believe the Me Too movement hasn't raised your awareness at all that pushing for physical contact when the desire for that is not reciprocated is not only wrong but can border on harassment or assault if it goes too far, and "too far" is very subjective. How can you think that "you must push and push for physical contact"???

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mortensorchid

I would strike ASAP. If you (as the woman) have not heard from the man within 48 hours after the first get together, you will not hear from him again 90% of the time. And CALL her, do not send a text. Texting is a passive form of communication, calling is direct. If he calls any later than 48 hours after the first get together, that means he kind of liked me but he's not that into me. I may even have a second get together with him, but he doesn't really care if I say yes or no to it. And I will not hear from him again after the second get together. Facts are facts here. SO strike while the iron is hot.

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I'veseenbetterlol

Do not ask her out again. She friend zoned you because she isn't interested, leave it at that. Nothing more annoying then rejecting someone and they keep coming back.

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I know that some people will tell me it just wasn't meant to be, and maybe that's true. In hindsight, I think it was more so that I just lacked the experience and maturity to understand how attraction works for women and I didn't court her properly.

 

Thanks for hearing me out

 

I think it's more that the attraction wasn't there for her. If she was attracted to you in both personality and looks, and she sees you as a good partner, she might forgive a little bit of silliness. If she doesn't, then there isn't really anything you could have done differently.

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Do not ask her out again.

 

One thing I wish I knew when I was an inexperienced student is not to waste time on girls who are not interested in you. She is not interested. There are plenty that will be. Spend your time finding them instead.

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Romantic_Antics
I think it's more that the attraction wasn't there for her. If she was attracted to you in both personality and looks, and she sees you as a good partner, she might forgive a little bit of silliness. If she doesn't, then there isn't really anything you could have done differently.

 

I agree with this. The attraction just wasn't there for her and it may or may not have anything to do with you getting drunk. Although if you were getting corked while she's drinking refreshments of the non-alcoholic variety then I would say that it's certainly possible.

 

For now you've just crossed over into No Man's Land aka the Friend Zone. It is possible to get out of it, but since you're at a university I would encourage you to just date other women. There are plenty of fish in that particular sea.

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It is honesty disturbing to me that you think what you are saying is the truth. If there is mutual attraction, things will become physical when mutually agreeable. I can't believe the Me Too movement hasn't raised your awareness at all that pushing for physical contact when the desire for that is not reciprocated is not only wrong but can border on harassment or assault if it goes too far, and "too far" is very subjective. How can you think that "you must push and push for physical contact"???

 

You've misread my post. I'm critiquing those on sites like this who push people asking for advice to 'escalate' and to push for physical contact. I'm very socially aware, thank you.

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If a woman is normal and healthy and is attracted to you, you don't have to push at all. If that's how it usually is for you, you may be going after women who just aren't attracted to you.

 

Nah, not at all. That isn't how it usually is for me. I'm critiquing the advice given on this website. Cheers.

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My thought is to socialize with her and talk to her through this group or other gatherings, or if opportunity arises, after class while walking to another or share notes or study groups. If there's a chance she'll turn around, it will be getting to know you outside of any potential romance.

 

Getting tipsy and silly isn't necessarily a bad thing, it just really depends on how loaded you got and what this behavior was. The college life carries with it some over-drinking, and as long as it's not a constant issue, it's usually something that can be overlooked...again, it really depends on what played out that night.

 

I also don't think telling her how much you liked her and want to see her again was a bad thing, but you did present an issue for her in that she simply didn't click with you, so she had to put a stop to it...not lead you on...which is good.

 

If she has the opportunity to socialize with you without the romance aspect, she could very well determine you're not some party boy and she could turn around, but don't keep too much hope up on that, as she has defined her non-interest...no guarantees. Otherwise, enjoy your little crush from afar and meet and date women who are interested.

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Once a girl has friend zoned you, which is what this girl has done to you, she isn't likely to look at you any other way. She is being cold to you now because she doesn't want you to approach her and ask for that second date. Just be cordial when you see her and continue to date other girls who are interested in you. I don't know why people get hung up and can't move on from those who are not interested in them.

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My theory is your best chance is your first chance. We are brought up on culture that suggest you an get away and then have a better second chance but the reality I think is so.

 

 

You can try win her over again and do that but also realise you are trying to beat the odds so to speak in doing so.

 

 

Think of it this way, you can get value from a friend, perhaps more value than from a date.

 

 

I don't think anything is impossible but on a ranking of probability this is quite low in my view.

 

 

And I am one who chased people over time spans ranging from months to years.

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