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FWB....Bad Idea???


Jennakay08

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Okay so I dated a guy brieftly for a few months, things turned sour and we ended and he immediately got into a relationship with someone else. Taking that rejection was hard but I can say I am over it.

 

We went a few months of no contact and of course when his relationship failed he contacted me. Just a how are you. Of course I responded as I am just that way and honestly really really enjoyed our times together. We were truly like bffs when we were dating, I was honestly kind of happy to hear from him. Well we end up going to a buffet chatting about things catching up I guess you could say, and he brings up being FWB. I told him I would think about it but not sure if it is something I would like. Well we end up having sex that night. This was two weeks ago and again recently. He has contacted me every single day since then, now I am not sure how FWB works but isn't a when you are bored or whatever you contact each other? Is it a bad idea as I had strong feelings for him previously?

 

I tried gauging my intentions here and I am not sure they are "pure", if that is the correct term.

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Yes, it's a bad idea because you have strong feelings. FWB only works when there is no emotion involved.

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Yes, it's a bad idea because you have strong feelings. FWB only works when there is no emotion involved.

 

I can't say for sure I STILL have those feelings though. However do you think because there is a past there that they will more than likely come back?

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You are in denial. You still have feelings/attraction which will only increase as you spend more time with him. FWB is simple sexually exclusive and being friends But you are free to date or hang out with whomever you want. Do not take his daily communication as more than friends. This is where you need to figure out if you can handle this arrangement. You do have the right to set rules/ boundaries with him. You can tell him you are more interested in more of a booty call arrangement where he contacts you when he wants to hang out and have sex.

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CautiouslyOptimistic

Sounds to me like a guy who wants to make sure he's still getting regular sex while he looks for his next girlfriend, which won't be you, and for whom you'll be dropped when he finds her. If you're cool with that, carry on.

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Yes, I think you have deeper feelings then you want to admit. If you have sex with him they will come rushing to the surface He wants a warm body. You want love. Those desires conflict & will cause you pain.

 

Not everybody is wired to be able to have a FWB. If you can be DTF when you see each other & not think about them at all other than gee I'm horny, wonder if they are DTF? don't even try it. Unless you can practically view this guy as basically a vibrator with arms & lips, trying to do this will only hurt you.

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What this guy is doing is wrong. He is using you and he knows it. He will hurt you and he knows it. A good person does not do that.

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losangelena

To answer your question, yes, it's a bad idea if you had strong feelings previously! FWB gets real dicey when one or the other party develops feelings, and you're already starting at a disadvantage b/c you and this dude used to date. That's not an ideal FWB partner.

 

Don't approach this as a way to potentially win him back. You will just set yourself up for heartbreak. Tell him to go find someone to f*** who he doesn't have history with.

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I just love LS you are all so honest. I think you are all right, every one of you. I tried to lie to myself and think I was okay with this arrangment, but after the last hookup I left feeling bleh, I don't think that is the point of FWB. The first hookup he left and I felt okay, happy, had a good time so I thought this could work.

 

I thought I was okay with using each other on one hand. On the other I think I had the motivation to get him hooked and be able to reject him like he did me. That is insane right? I guess I wanted the power back. But in all reality that is not how that works. :eek: And also in a sense like I said before I cannot explain the connection we have even on a friend level and I really missed that. There was no trying with him, from the start I could be myself, I don't stop laughing with him. So this sucks but I know it is just going to end in pain and most likely on my part. I just wish I could find someone has fun to be around as he was.

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I'veseenbetterlol

Terrible idea. He will not change his mind if you give him free sex, in the end you will be a lot more hurt if you pursue this.

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I only had one experience with this. I moved in with a girl from work who had a lease on a house and her girlfriend moved out to live with her boyfriend and I needed a place to live and so I moved in. She liked sex a lot. I have a high libido but it could not keep up with hers. I dated other women and she dated other guys. I know that she was having sex a few nights a week because I could taste the other guys on and in her. No big deal since I was doing the same with my dates.

 

The only house rule we had was no sex with anyone that the other knows. Long story short, she not only had sex with two of my friends but got them and another guy she was seeing to have sex with her one after the other with the other guy batting cleanup. Seems that he was into watching her with other guys or something like that. Everyone but me knew but me knew what was going on. I moved into my own apartment after that and severed my ties to my former "friends" for hiding it from me for so long.

 

The problem with a FWB is that sex releases a hormone that bonds you to your sex partner emotionally. That is why FWB sometimes fall in love with their FWB and why sex turns into making love. I said that I would never do that again but I did. Did not end well at all. She stalked me for a few months and then I never saw her again.

Edited by Steve51
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Bad idea.

 

Ive been that guy before. Not proud of it now but at time the sex was amazing.

 

You will end up getting hurt.

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thefooloftheyear
Sounds to me like a guy who wants to make sure he's still getting regular sex while he looks for his next girlfriend, which won't be you, and for whom you'll be dropped when he finds her. If you're cool with that, carry on.

 

 

This 100%

 

Forget about whether this arrangement is right or wrong, good or bad, etc...Forget about whether he's your best buddy or you find him drop dead gorgeous...

 

You have to have more self respect and dignity to allow a guy that discarded you to now basically use you for sex.....

 

TFY

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FWB can work if it is something that you set out to do. This sounds like a bad deal for you. Ex is lonely. Breakup stress. He hurt you and this could reopen old wounds especially if he bails for someone else again.

 

Even FWB involves feelings, even if that is just the physical, it is intimate. So it is sad when it ends as the friendship and benefits end. I dunno, I doubt anyone could serious feel nothing.

Edited by smiley1
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Yes, it's a bad idea because you have strong feelings. FWB only works when there is no emotion involved.

 

I partly agree. It's a bad idea in this case because you have strong feelings for him, so may want more than he is willing or able to give.

 

FWB certainly does involve emotions, though. There is usually friendship, liking, respect, enjoyment, trust, even love - just not romantic love with expectations of a full relationship. If you don't have some real feelings, then it's just a booty call or scratching the lust itch. You feel more for a Friend.

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