whatwhit Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 This post is going to seem silly. So I’ve hung out with this guy i met on tinder for almost a month now. We hang out once a week, text a few times throughout the week, but this whatever it is, is definitely different then anything I’ve done before. Usually my relationships are fast paced, texting all day, and hanging out everyday. I am confident that the guy likes me because he tells me and acts like it. This guy is pretty hard to read - he’s a realtor and owns a company so I know he’s extremely busy. He’s not a huge planner - I am just because it’s in my DNA. So I make up most of the plans. We don’t fight and have a good time together - I guess we are taking things slow. And I’m trying to do things differently this time by not bringing up feelings talk too early or what we are too early. I know it’s scared guys in the past. So anyways, today while we were laying in bed I don’t know why we were talking about this and it’s going to sound random cause I don’t remember the full context. But he mentions how when he lives with someone he worries about a girl leaving their hair straightener on. I told him I’m soooo bad about doing that. He was like, people are going to be like “why did you guys breakup because the straightener was on”. Now, how can we break up if we are not anything, we haven’t even talked about anything. I like him, we have hooked up, and we actually couplely. He’s just hard read. I’ve read that you shouldn’t bring about the DTR relationship and let it just happen organically. Is that’s what’s happening here? How should I go about asking him without scaring him off . . and is a month too soon to ask something like that? Thanks!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 He didn't mean you. He was referring to someone in his past. I mean, he was just making a joke in kind of a hypothetical based on something that triggered this thought in the past. You're focusing too hard and picking everything apart trying to make it into something. It's always too soon for that, so try to just relax and see what he does or doesn't do. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author whatwhit Posted March 24, 2018 Author Share Posted March 24, 2018 What you just said made zero sense. I know it’s hard for me to type of the full context but why would he be talking about someone else, when we are mentioning my habits? I told him I had a hard time leaving the straightener on. And he was like you know you can burn your house down? And he was like people are going to be like, sooo why did you break up? Because she left her straightener on. And we laughed but it caught me off guard cause we re not together so how could we break up. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 I'm not sure what your question is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whatwhit Posted March 24, 2018 Author Share Posted March 24, 2018 Was he alluding that we were kind of dating Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 Was he alluding that we were kind of dating Oh, well of course you're kindof dating. You were IN BED while having this talk, right? Is there something keeping you from just bringing up the topic if you guys as a couple? Having a conversation about it is a lot better than guessing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author whatwhit Posted March 24, 2018 Author Share Posted March 24, 2018 Yeah I guess I’m just afraid of bringing it up too early and scaring him off. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 Yeah I guess I’m just afraid of bringing it up too early and scaring him off. Maybe he's afraid . Maybe the flat iron comment was a hint. Which I guess was the whole point of this thread and your question, duh. I get it now lol . One of you has to bring it up. How's your communication overall? Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 When he brought up the possibility of breaking up that would have been the perfect moment to seek clarification. You could smile and say, "So you see this as a relationship then?" His answer would confirm things one way or the other. There should be no reason to be scared off by someone asking for clarification. If he stopped seeing you just for asking the question, is that really the type of man that you want to be in a relationship with anyway? It sounds pretty weak to me. This isn't just about him figuring out if you a girlfriend material, it is about whether he is boyfriend material for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 You’ve hooked up. So what do you want now? A declaration of love? Or do you want to see him more often? You want him to act more smitten? Or you want an exclusivity agreement? It seems you are somewhat dissatisfied. When you pinpoint exactly what you want, then you can decide if it’s something you can actually ask for. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 How about you just unplug the stupid hair straightener or curling iron when you're done with it? Let's be realistic; this thing can damage counter tops, tile, and carpet, and can catch your house on fire. Unplugging small appliances is pretty much a normal thing...and just a responsible act, dontcha think? Maybe this is his deal-breaker for him. He doesn't want to be with someone who thinks, "no biggie," as you spend a couple hundred dollars, if not more, repairing the damage over something so simple as unplugging the hair device...but no biggie, not your dollar, not your problem. Just unplug. It's really a very simple task and something you should be doing anyway. Grow up and unplug or spend the extra money on a device that shuts itself off or spend the money on a timer-plug. You're fretting over a comment over a normal, responsible task...unplug. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 How old are you two? Link to post Share on other sites
Author whatwhit Posted March 24, 2018 Author Share Posted March 24, 2018 Funny how the hair straightener is a strong part of the conversation hahaha. You’re all right leaving it on is bad - I’m so absent minded early in the morning and on auto pilot that I just forget. I’m 30 and he’s 31! Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 Scaring him off? I never understand this. So guys are brave enough to sleep with you and do everything else but they are scared to even discuss about a potential relationship? That is a pretty huge red flag and should not be used as an excuse because of which a woman feels like she is doing something wrong because she wants to talk about it.!! I am tired of reading all these posts where women are so worried to scare a guy off.... why do you need a guy who is so easily scared? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 If clarifying a statement such as this scares him off, then he wasn't that interested to start with. That said, it's very awkward to come back to it now. You would have been far better off continuing the discussion as it was happening. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 Scaring him off? I never understand this. So guys are brave enough to sleep with you and do everything else but they are scared to even discuss about a potential relationship? That is a pretty huge red flag and should not be used as an excuse because of which a woman feels like she is doing something wrong because she wants to talk about it.!! I am tired of reading all these posts where women are so worried to scare a guy off.... why do you need a guy who is so easily scared? So much this! I wonder what is happening to women to make them so scared of losing someone who's easy to lose. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 So much this! I wonder what is happening to women to make them so scared of losing someone who's easy to lose. I agree that there does seem to be a lot of women who won't ask the right questions because of the fear of running the guy off. If it's that easy to run off then go. OP it sounded like he was just talking about a random gf leaving on the curling iron and possibly setting fire to his house. I would hope if he wants you to be his gf he would be more clear and direct than that. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 Scaring him off? I never understand this. So guys are brave enough to sleep with you and do everything else but they are scared to even discuss about a potential relationship? That is a pretty huge red flag and should not be used as an excuse because of which a woman feels like she is doing something wrong because she wants to talk about it.!! I am tired of reading all these posts where women are so worried to scare a guy off.... why do you need a guy who is so easily scared? If they seem scared to talk about a relationship it's either because they don't want a relationship with commitment and obligations, or because you're not who they had in mind for that. If you think that was him basically saying you're his girlfriend, then act like his girlfriend. How many dates has he taken you on? Or are you just hooking up? If you want a real bf, you can't keep going along with only hooking up because why then would he ever think, OK, now I'm going to start dating her? And never forget guys will act or say whatever they think you want them to sometimes just to get sex. Anyway, back to my former post, it still stands. It's too soon to know anything. It's too soon to really expect any commitment. So you should just relax and see what he is willing to do and see if he treats you like a date or a freebie withing being prodded into lying about it to keep you happy. That's what I mean when I say "see what he'll do." But don't just keep waiting if it seems to be running in place. Link to post Share on other sites
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