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Falling for similar people?


JennFoss

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I have noticed and maybe that is just me; but that for many people they have a certain type they fall in love with? Kind of like a type in looks but also personality, culture, background?

 

I’ve friends that keep dating almost the same people in every relationship. Why is that? They don’t even notice it so it makes me think it’s something wired within us to make sense of comfort of the familiarity?

 

I have a friend who falls for only dark hair exotic women. He’s blonde and from a majorly blonde country and he has never dated a blonde. This is just one example.

 

Anyone noticed that in themselves or in others? Is there a reason you attributed that to?

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I was attracted to dark hair, fair skin, blue eyes, but I wasn't rigid about it. We all have a preferred type. It only makes sense to be attracted to people similar to you culturally who have common interests. That's how you bond. I mostly dated and hung around music people and otherwise creative people, friends and bfs. That was my niche. I've tried dating outside that with an open mind, but it never went anywhere and I didn't feel comfortable.

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heavenonearth

Yes. And i learned in therapy that i tend to fall for the same kind of man as well. Not in looks - but in character/personality.

I always dated softie looking, weak and effeminate men who were emotionally unavailable and immature - and Who lied.

 

I finally broke the cycle and am now happy with a very bearded manly man. Finally. :) i had to turn 30 to figure that out.

 

Yes i believe it is part of what we are taught in childhood. It influences our self esteem and or perception of what suits us and what is attractive to us. Unfortunately it can backfire...

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Definitely there are physical traits we are drawn to, race, hair, eyes, style, body type, etc. Some seem to be more rigid and narrow in what they are attracted to and who they date, while others are not as rigid, but still tend to migrate towards a certain "type" just the same.

 

How a person looks or speaks, outgoing or reserved, can be tied in to their culture, upbringing, religiosity, interests...notice how "all" people with certain interests tend to dress the same, a certain style...think cowboys and bikers...it's normal to be attracted to people in this way. They are more likely to have a personality that blends with yours and they have a similar interest and lifestyle.

 

Personality...looks and outward appearance don't necessarily present who they are as a person. You get someone who tends to migrate towards abusive or aloof men...don't know why. This can come from your own upbringing, your household growing up, who you hung out with growing up, your own actions and behaviors you acquired in order to survive, your thought processes, etc. This is a level of familiarity, and even though you meet this seemingly great person who's perfect in every way, something doesn't feel right or it feels different, and because it feels different, it feels wrong. You're not used to this type of personality and interaction. If you constantly find yourself in the most unsavory relationships, you have to step back and self-reflect, figure out what it is with YOU that's keeping you in these bad relationships and what draws you to them in the first place. You might decide to date someone who is physically different than what you typically migrate towards...and find excellent results...or not...but on a superficial level, you try something completely different.

 

Yes, it is normal to migrate to a "type" and physical traits will often times go hand in hand with personality, culture, familiarity, religiosity, and interests.

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littleblackheart

It's common to have a 'type' it seems.

 

I don't have one personally because I can't really be genuinely attracted to someone unless and until I know them very well so I don't quite understand how a hair colour or a particular height or race is enough for someone to be attracted.

 

I also was my exH's 'type' (he'd tell me that repeatedly) but this didn't really stop him from being abusive so I'm wary of 'types' unless it's a list of specific character traits (curious, kind, open-minded, smart, etc).

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I have always had a type & it generally worked for me.

 

Medium height men with dark hair & light eyes who exude confidence, are highly intelligent & have wicked senses of humor. If you line up pictures of my EXs side by side with a picture of my husband you'd think they were relatives. When my EX's end up crossing paths because we live in a small town & I work in a closed profession, they tend to like each other because of the similarities.

 

When you see a pattern & it's not working, then you need to break it.

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Great replies so far. I really love learning about what makes us as humans tick! I’ve also always have a type that I’m into, and they’re always into me too. Although my preference is dark hair, the guys I fall for have blonde hair even though I don’t find that trait on its own attractive! It’s so weird!

 

I do think we are hard wired to be attracted to someone who reminds us of a parent... maybe in something that our parent gave, or did not give. I noticed I always go for career successful stable men, because that’s who my dad was. Also I think your very first love does that too... your subconscious maybe tries to replicate.

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Definitely there are physical traits we are drawn to, race, hair, eyes, style, body type, etc. Some seem to be more rigid and narrow in what they are attracted to and who they date, while others are not as rigid, but still tend to migrate towards a certain "type" just the same.

 

How a person looks or speaks, outgoing or reserved, can be tied in to their culture, upbringing, religiosity, interests...notice how "all" people with certain interests tend to dress the same, a certain style...think cowboys and bikers...it's normal to be attracted to people in this way. They are more likely to have a personality that blends with yours and they have a similar interest and lifestyle.

 

Personality...looks and outward appearance don't necessarily present who they are as a person. You get someone who tends to migrate towards abusive or aloof men...don't know why. This can come from your own upbringing, your household growing up, who you hung out with growing up, your own actions and behaviors you acquired in order to survive, your thought processes, etc. This is a level of familiarity, and even though you meet this seemingly great person who's perfect in every way, something doesn't feel right or it feels different, and because it feels different, it feels wrong. You're not used to this type of personality and interaction. If you constantly find yourself in the most unsavory relationships, you have to step back and self-reflect, figure out what it is with YOU that's keeping you in these bad relationships and what draws you to them in the first place. You might decide to date someone who is physically different than what you typically migrate towards...and find excellent results...or not...but on a superficial level, you try something completely different.

 

Yes, it is normal to migrate to a "type" and physical traits will often times go hand in hand with personality, culture, familiarity, religiosity, and interests.

 

 

This sentence in bold, that’s it exactly! If someone doesn’t even talk in the manner I’m used to with the previous love partners of mine, it feels like something is definitely wrong with the connection. Doesn’t mean all my ex’s talk the same way cause they don’t, but there’s a charisma associated I think.

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Many crushes, plenty of falling in loves, a few relationships of length and one marriage of a decade or so and, so far, no discernible patterns in appearance or personality. I recall, as a young man, often hearing about men having a 'type' and thinking, OK, guess I'm atypical. Though out of the game, I still note base level attraction and it still hits me without commonality. Interact with 100 women, wow, cool, really nice ladies and maybe one, or even none, get that elemental gut reaction. Then, out of nowhere, something happens, so I take a look at the details and go, well, that's nothing like any before.

 

Perhaps that underscores the reality that all humans are unique, IDK. Anyway, interesting topic, wish I had a type to share.

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Yes I love latinos, and dark haired men most of the time dark eyes but light eyes are good too. Some times my taste changes but for the most part I am super attracted to latinos. It is a familiarity thing as my first love was latino and maybe I have created this attraction due to that? Oh no now you have made me think.

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Yes I love latinos, and dark haired men most of the time dark eyes but light eyes are good too. Some times my taste changes but for the most part I am super attracted to latinos. It is a familiarity thing as my first love was latino and maybe I have created this attraction due to that? Oh no now you have made me think.

 

Who isn’t attracted to beautiful Latin men and women!? They’d be an exception!

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Many crushes, plenty of falling in loves, a few relationships of length and one marriage of a decade or so and, so far, no discernible patterns in appearance or personality. I recall, as a young man, often hearing about men having a 'type' and thinking, OK, guess I'm atypical. Though out of the game, I still note base level attraction and it still hits me without commonality. Interact with 100 women, wow, cool, really nice ladies and maybe one, or even none, get that elemental gut reaction. Then, out of nowhere, something happens, so I take a look at the details and go, well, that's nothing like any before.

 

Perhaps that underscores the reality that all humans are unique, IDK. Anyway, interesting topic, wish I had a type to share.

 

Well maybe that’s actually your type, your type is completely different woman every single time! I think there are patterns to everything but they’re not too easy to detect unless you really really try to find it.

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