ffw Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 Hi All, I have reached a stage where I found stability, calmness in my life and within myself. Love my job and feel complete from inside. Presently, I am looking to share my completeness with someone. So, I tried speed dating 2 times till now. 1st time I got 2 success, but it never moved to 2nd date. 1st one just wanted to be friends and 2nd one never replied. I looked back and thought to cut the unnecessary, repeatable questions that I was making and that girls usually encounter. For the 2nd time, I was more prepared and at the end I thought it went pretty well. Even kissed a girl on the hand at the end because I thought we connected well. I got reply from dating organizers and I have 0 match. I am just not able to understand what happened? It's turning out be a disaster. I am now in high doubts whether I should SD another go? Thanks for any thoughts/advice. Cheers.... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 Not having seen you "in action" I can't say. Consider asking the organizers for an assessment. If you have a good female friend perhaps get her to critique your outfit or your conversations. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ffw Posted March 22, 2018 Author Share Posted March 22, 2018 Thanks donnivan. I'll ask a female friend, but I could love to have your valuable opinion as well. Looking back, I think I should have stuck with one topic, which itself is hard. For example; if she tells me she likes horse riding then it's hard to keep talking about the same topic for 3 minutes. At some point, I have to ask her want else she does in her spare time/fun, which I think breaks the mood. How does it looks? Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 (edited) "What's the most fun you ever had?"' "What is your biggest accomplishment?" "What's your favorite food?" "What do you love to do but are embarrassed to tell people?" "Which is your favorite sibling? Why?" "What's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you?" "What's the biggest lie you ever told?" I've found you are better off asking questions that illicit an emotional response from women..especially when your time is limited to make an impression. Women react on emotions and unless you are the best looking guy in the room you need to play to that. Word of warning, have responses when she throws the questions back at you...I wasn't prepared for that! Women decide in seconds if they will sleep with you. It's up to you not to talk them out of it. Granted, there are other factors (ex, other guy, etc) which you can't control, but a lot of guys talk the women right out of it. Chances are if she went on a date with you, you have met her minimum looks requirements. The more attractive you are, the more mistakes you can make. If you just meet the minimum you have to get her to emotionally respond to you and not mess up or you're out. Edited March 22, 2018 by SevenCity Link to post Share on other sites
Author ffw Posted March 22, 2018 Author Share Posted March 22, 2018 I hear and agree with you, Sevencity. Also, generally I stick with asking only positive questions. However, the point I am still a bit confuse is that is it good to stay with one topic/question. Sometimes, I feel like by the time we start another topic time is over. I heard this not a good way. What's you experience with this? Does it matter? Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 How are you at talking to women in a bar/pub situation?? Book Store?? Can you "break the ice"?? Keep the conversation going?? I tried "Speed Dating" and didn't like it. I didn't have much luck with it, either. I went back to talking to people in "Real Life"... It seems to work better for me. Do you think "Real Life" would be a better venue for you?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 Man, I had a long post queued up but computer crashed. Okay, here's the TLDR version: 1. Get female friend to take you out and buy two or three "date outfits" 2. Groom well, and smell good 3. Women are going to make up about 50% to 75% of their mind before you even say "hi". That's just human nature so make sure your appearance works in your favor. 4. In a short conversation the biggest thing you can do is make them feel at ease talking to you about something they care about. Get them to talk more than you. This is super easy. Smile. Make eye contact. Focus on them like they're the only woman in the room. Here i'll take riding horses as the example. When you're done reading it, swap our "riding horses" with "macrame", "flower arranging" or any other interest and it still works. Hi [name]. I see your passion is horseback riding. That's very cool. I don't know much about it. When did you start? And did you fall in love with it right away? Like did you know it was your_thing at first ride or did it grow on you? That's great! Do you get to do it often? Is it something you share with friends or is it a purely personal pleasure? How hard is it to learn/get started? I've always been curious. How does it make you feel? Like is it a thing you do to relax and be contemplative or is it something that gets you excited and fired up? Ya? I know exactly how that feels and I love how you light up when you talk about it. Tell me more. Sounds like it recharges your batteries for sure! That's awesome. Tell me, is there something else that makes you feel like that? [rinse] [repeat] 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 Speed dating. I always remember that scene in The 40 Year Old Virgin when they go speed dating. One woman (in the outtakes scenes) is on her phone laughing that this is where daters come to die. I have never experienced this myself but I'm too afraid to, thinking it reeks of desperation. But hey, you're trying. Who's to say that if you met these women outside of the situation that they would be the same? The OLDs I have been on have been lifeless to say the least. Sometimes the man has been decent enough (based on that one meeting), but I never hear a word from him again. Other times it's like talking to a brick wall and I also never hear from him again. And others have simply walked away from me without even a polite good-bye. One guy just walked away from me once and said "Bye." Talk about rude. They say everything changes when you least suspect it. I'm still waiting for this day / moment to happen that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Agonistes Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 Speed dating. I always remember that scene in The 40 Year Old Virgin when they go speed dating. One woman (in the outtakes scenes) is on her phone laughing that this is where daters come to die. I have never experienced this myself but I'm too afraid to, thinking it reeks of desperation. But hey, you're trying. Who's to say that if you met these women outside of the situation that they would be the same? The OLDs I have been on have been lifeless to say the least. Sometimes the man has been decent enough (based on that one meeting), but I never hear a word from him again. Other times it's like talking to a brick wall and I also never hear from him again. And others have simply walked away from me without even a polite good-bye. One guy just walked away from me once and said "Bye." Talk about rude. They say everything changes when you least suspect it. I'm still waiting for this day / moment to happen that way. Wow. That sounds horrible. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 What’s Speed Dating?? You interrogate another person? Sounds horrible! The organizer decides who gets interrogated? If I get interrogated I’ll just clam up What an awful way to find a date. Even if I match up with someone, I wouldn’t go out with him after he treated me this way. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 What’s Speed Dating?? Basically, it is 10-15 men and 10-15 women, and there are 10-15 tables. Each man and woman is given a number. The women stay seated a their respective table and the guys rotate every 8 minutes. If man number 4 likes woman number 2, he puts that on his sheet. If woman number 2 likes man number 4, she puts that on her sheet. The organizer collects all of the sheets at the end of the night after everyone has rotated and had 8 minutes with each participant. If two people like each other, then the organizer will give them each other's contact information. You can match/like more than one person. In my example, man 4 will get woman 2's contact information and woman 2 will receive man 4's contact information. It is up to the participants to contact each other and plan a real date. No one is interrogated... During the 8 minutes you can ask whatever questions you want?? I did it once (quite a while ago) it may have changed a little since then, but that is the basic concept. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 Speed dating is a great method for finding someone to share your life with. In fact, finding her with random phone calls to wrong numbers, will give you much better results because then you can at least hear a natural real laugh, which can tell a lot about her, regardless of the fake smiles you get through speed dating. And seriously, this process doesn't respect you or anybody who participates in this spectakle. You consult this forum how to act and behave anything except being yourself. You can assume that girls do the same. These events are top class of pretending. I advise you to go to places when you can meet girls naturaly. Nobody expects you to be 100% yourself in the process, but seed dating is 100% the opposite. I could understand if you said that it's fun. But it's not even fun for you. So why bother? Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ffw Posted March 23, 2018 Author Share Posted March 23, 2018 (edited) Thanks for your replies. I feel like SD is one of the best ways, at least the place where I am currently, to meet another singles. I don't know how fair is the system itself. I am also new to this, but it seems the last experience had hit my self confidence at least for a while. Happy lemming: Personally, I don't have problems with breaking the ice. Now, after last experience I have to go back to the "real world" and see how does the conversation flow TLDR: Thanks for the great tips. I think I'll use them next time. I dressed myself properly for the occasion. I found personally that in order to keep 3 min interesting I switch on topics I guess there is where I am making mistakes. Next time, I'll try to stick with 1 topic of her interest. Even though it's a bit exhausting process, but I think I have to keep on trying. I am learning and trying to improve with every event despite getting burn a bit, but that's life. Edited March 23, 2018 by ffw Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 Basically, it is 10-15 men and 10-15 women, and there are 10-15 tables. Each man and woman is given a number. The women stay seated a their respective table and the guys rotate every 8 minutes. If man number 4 likes woman number 2, he puts that on his sheet. If woman number 2 likes man number 4, she puts that on her sheet. The organizer collects all of the sheets at the end of the night after everyone has rotated and had 8 minutes with each participant. If two people like each other, then the organizer will give them each other's contact information. You can match/like more than one person. In my example, man 4 will get woman 2's contact information and woman 2 will receive man 4's contact information. It is up to the participants to contact each other and plan a real date. No one is interrogated... During the 8 minutes you can ask whatever questions you want?? I did it once (quite a while ago) it may have changed a little since then, but that is the basic concept. Oh ok, thanks, that actually sounds it can be ok if the people are not nasty. But with only 8 minutes, talking about hobbies is boring, asking personal questions is rude. One should either state the deal breakers (such as having children), or just flirt. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 Oh ok, thanks, that actually sounds it can be ok if the people are not nasty. But with only 8 minutes, talking about hobbies is boring, asking personal questions is rude. One should either state the deal breakers (such as having children), or just flirt. If memory serves... Generally people asked about jobs/careers, sports/hobbies, where are you from... stuff like that. No one was rude or nasty, that I can recall. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ffw Posted March 23, 2018 Author Share Posted March 23, 2018 If memory serves... Generally people asked about jobs/careers, sports/hobbies, where are you from... stuff like that. No one was rude or nasty, that I can recall. Yes, I second that, but to stand out you have to ask something unique/approach differently. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 Yes, I second that, but to stand out you have to ask something unique/approach differently. I guess I didn't stand out... I matched 3 people, two of them did NOT return my phone calls. The third one met me for an actual date, but she was a complete mess. She filled me in about the rest of her story and I couldn't wait for the date to end. I went back to meeting people in "real world". I had much more success and met people I was more compatible with. In my opinion, I think you'll do better with "real world" introductions. Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 Yes, I second that, but to stand out you have to ask something unique/approach differently. Yes. Basically you have to cut through the b.s. and not ask any of the boring questions and just have fun. You are just trying to create a reasonably lasting impression (and also to try to see if she is someone *you* would want to meet again). When I did it it was 4 mins, so even less time to waste talking about jobs! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 Yes, I second that, but to stand out you have to ask something unique/approach differently. Listen to joseb. he did it in 4 minutes. You need to turn on the charm. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 I can’t wait to try speed dating in a few months! Link to post Share on other sites
Zippy2000 Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 FFW! Good on you for putting yourself out there. Howeer to ask the question "what happened"? We will never know. Human beings are a complicate species. It could be lack of attraction, chemistry, the way you talk or they don't like the way you walk. It could be a billion other different things so I d ask you not to over think this. Like your own circle of friends. Some of them you are closer because you might have things in common or you like them because there is something that attracts you to them. Its like that with a partner your looking for so to ask what happened? That's a difficult one to answer. You just have to move on to find that one person who wants to share your life with you. It takes lots of time and patience to do so. In the meantime keep yourself busy if you enjoy speed dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 (edited) Cancel this one Edited March 23, 2018 by Chilli Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 Well, if I was a woman and you kissed my hand I might have kicked you in the nuts,...but that is just me. It doesn't "fit" the speed dating atmosphere. It is corny, silly, and makes you look like you don't know what you are doing. My advice,...get away from the speed dating non-sense. I think that is the stupidest thing that anyone ever came up with. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 I would find it heartwarming if a guy kissed me on my hand. The only thing that would take away from it is if he went right next door and kissed the next girls hand, which he probably did. Lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 I would find it heartwarming if a guy kissed me on my hand. The only thing that would take away from it is if he went right next door and kissed the next girls hand, which he probably did. Lol Kinda like double dipping the chips 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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