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paying the bill at a restaurant


db1984

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I have been dating a guy for 2 months. We went out for dinner last night on his suggestion. The waitress of course asks him when its ok to bring the bill and he says yes. All things point to him paying for the meal. As he usually does. He makes twice as much money as me and he knows I am a single parent so he pays most of the time. Sometimes I have paid for things and declined his offer to pay back. I figure its all evening out one way or the other. I take his kids out or buy them things etc.

 

Anyway last night when the bill came he turned it upside down and pushed it closer to my side of the table. He already had his credit card out but to me it looked like an invitation to pay. So I said I would pay. He didnt argue the point much and let me pay the bill but to be honest I cant keep up this stream of paying for "stuff" anymore. I dont know how to say it nicely but its getting stupid. We have already had a few arguments so I dont want to start anymore friction. But....

 

 

What should I do or say the next time we go to a restaurant? He tends to rely on takeout or restaurants especially when his kids are with him. I cant keep up.

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Treat every 'outing' as if you're paying for it. If you can't afford outings, share that with him and, at the same time, offer an affordable alternative.

 

'Honey, I can't afford to go out this week but will be happy to make us a nice dinner at home'.... etc, etc.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
I have been dating a guy for 2 months. We went out for dinner last night on his suggestion. The waitress of course asks him when its ok to bring the bill and he says yes. All things point to him paying for the meal. As he usually does. He makes twice as much money as me and he knows I am a single parent so he pays most of the time. Sometimes I have paid for things and declined his offer to pay back. I figure its all evening out one way or the other. I take his kids out or buy them things etc.

 

<snip>

 

Just because he makes twice as much money as you doesn't mean he has twice as much money. He probably pays child support, which really cuts into his "fun money." []

 

You two should discuss this issue and come up with cheaper dates. I definitely do not think you should expect him to pay all the time because he makes twice your salary.

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[]Talk to him. Tell him you cannot afford to pay restaurants for 2 on regular basis so if he likes going out every week he'll have to pay and you're willing to pick up the bill once a month and to cook home meals for both of you to compensate.

 

Personally I think restaurants are such a waste of money and such a poor choice for dates.

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Easily communicated:

 

"Hey, I can't afford this eating out stuff anymore."

 

Most people can't. Eating out breaks the budget for most households, not to mention how unhealthy most of it is.

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RecentChange
I have been dating a guy for 2 months. We have already had a few arguments so I dont want to start anymore friction.

.

 

You have been dating for two short months, and you are already having arguments. []

 

Are you sure this is going to make it for the long haul? At 2 months, most coupled are too blinded by infatuation to fight... Dating is supposed to be a time to work out if two people are compatible.

 

Do you think you two really are? Do you foresee having a successful blended family with this guy? One which you see eye to eye on finances and parenting?

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I have been dating a guy for 2 months. We went out for dinner last night on his suggestion. The waitress of course asks him when its ok to bring the bill and he says yes. All things point to him paying for the meal. As he usually does. He makes twice as much money as me and he knows I am a single parent so he pays most of the time. Sometimes I have paid for things and declined his offer to pay back. I figure its all evening out one way or the other. I take his kids out or buy them things etc.

 

Anyway last night when the bill came he turned it upside down and pushed it closer to my side of the table. He already had his credit card out but to me it looked like an invitation to pay. So I said I would pay. He didnt argue the point much and let me pay the bill but to be honest I cant keep up this stream of paying for "stuff" anymore. I dont know how to say it nicely but its getting stupid. We have already had a few arguments so I dont want to start anymore friction. But....

 

What should I do or say the next time we go to a restaurant? He tends to rely on takeout or restaurants especially when his kids are with him. I cant keep up.

 

I'm confused. First you say he usually pays. Then you say you've paid sometimes, but declined his offer to pay you back. Then you say you can't keep up with this stream of paying for stuff anymore. So which is it, because it doesn't sound like he's usually expecting you to pay for stuff? How often has he asked you to pay?

 

It's only been two months. How much stuff and what kinds of things have you bought for his kids at this point? Are we talking about an ice cream cone or bottle of juice or a Barbie dream house? Is it possible that he just might've felt like it was your turn to pay for a date?

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Time to dump, like yesterday...

 

Now I realize that women are equals and all of that[]

 

When you take a woman out you pay for it. Bottom line, and guys, if it is a problem then don't go out.

 

If you don't have the money you do not go out.

 

And women, don't go out with me that do not pay for the outing.

 

I am sorry, I know I am old fashioned, but this is how (IMHO) it should work. (for actual dates, not just friends, but I usually pay for that too).

 

If my GF insists that she pay, I will let her, but I am still mildly irritated.

 

And OP, what a punk for this guy to act that way, screw him. (and I do not mean sexually)

 

Women deserve to be treated like ladies and that includes paying for the meal.

 

I am so bad that I get mildly pissed when GF does not have at least some cash in her purse. I have asked her to keep some cash in her purse at least for emergencies. I put money in there just this morning because I woke up late and did not have time to make her breakfast.

 

Just dump the chump...

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You have been dating for two short months, and you are already having arguments. []

 

Are you sure this is going to make it for the long haul? At 2 months, most coupled are too blinded by infatuation to fight... Dating is supposed to be a time to work out if two people are compatible.

 

Do you think you two really are? Do you foresee having a successful blended family with this guy? One which you see eye to eye on finances and parenting?

 

 

 

Good questions. We are in our forties, so there is baggage to challenge things right off the hop. However, I am already considering that this may not make it past a few more weeks or months. For precisely the reasons you bring up.

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every time he pays make sure he gets a bj

 

:).... that's dating... maybe he was not getting any that night so he passed on paying :laugh:

 

 

I never understand the whole whose paying argument..

 

When I was single and dating I paid, for EVERY date for EVERY girl I EVER dated.. it's called being the man and putting your best foot forward.

 

The last thing as a man I wanted to do was look cheap and look like I couldn't take care of a woman...

 

Is my thinking dated ?.. sure it is but my thinking NEVER fails, the thinking of letting the girl pay half will fail some if not most of the times..

 

I wanted to date a girl and have fun, not worry about who was going to pay and if I looked cheap...

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every time he pays make sure he gets a bj

 

 

 

OH, he is treated very well and quite a happy camper let me tell you. Always taken for granted?

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Good questions. We are in our forties, so there is baggage to challenge things right off the hop. However, I am already considering that this may not make it past a few more weeks or months. For precisely the reasons you bring up.

 

It does sound like it is petering out from this end.. maybe he is feeling it too.

 

I would take the above posters advice and just let him know that going out isn't an affordable option for you and can you guys do something else, like cooking in...

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I'm confused. First you say he usually pays. Then you say you've paid sometimes, but declined his offer to pay you back. Then you say you can't keep up with this stream of paying for stuff anymore. So which is it, because it doesn't sound like he's usually expecting you to pay for stuff? How often has he asked you to pay?

 

It's only been two months. How much stuff and what kinds of things have you bought for his kids at this point? Are we talking about an ice cream cone or bottle of juice or a Barbie dream house? Is it possible that he just might've felt like it was your turn to pay for a date?

 

 

 

I've paid for dinner once or twice. He pays all the time. I pay for other Stuff like a $250 mirror (a gift from me) for his bedroom (adds to the ambiance if you know what I mean). Taking his children out, which means paying for meals that are only partially eaten or going to movies that they don't want to sit through. Buying them birthday presents or easter chocolate from expensive places. Stuff like that. If it's not appreciated, I don't have to do it. Time will tell.

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OH, he is treated very well and quite a happy camper let me tell you. Always taken for granted?

 

See, that to me is where the rubber meets the road with me..

 

Not only was he being cheap but the expectation was he gets to eat twice in one night ;)

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I think before you go, you need to know whether you're picking up the bill or not. If you're like me, some weeks you can and others you shouldn't. So if he can shove the bill over to you with no advance warning that you're paying for the date, you can muster the courage to ask next time you make plans, Who's paying this time, and I'll decide whether I can afford to go or not. Or maybe on a week you can't afford it, if he asks you somewhere, say "Not this week. I'm low on funds."

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When I was single and dating I paid, for EVERY date for EVERY girl I EVER dated.. it's called being the man and putting your best foot forward.

 

The last thing as a man I wanted to do was look cheap and look like I couldn't take care of a woman...

 

Is my thinking dated ?.. sure it is but my thinking NEVER fails, the thinking of letting the girl pay half will fail some if not most of the times..

 

I wanted to date a girl and have fun, not worry about who was going to pay and if I looked cheap...

 

that's what I do too. maybe we are old fashioned. as a man its your job to pay the bills

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I've paid for dinner once or twice. He pays all the time. I pay for other Stuff like a $250 mirror (a gift from me) for his bedroom (adds to the ambiance if you know what I mean). Taking his children out, which means paying for meals that are only partially eaten or going to movies that they don't want to sit through. Buying them birthday presents or easter chocolate from expensive places. Stuff like that. If it's not appreciated, I don't have to do it. Time will tell.

 

Why do you spend that much on a man you've only been dating 2 months?

 

At this point you should share some of the date expense but definitely not spend money on his children the way you do and that much on gifts for him! If you buy him $250 gifts at 2 months how much will you be spending at 1 year dating!!

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I've paid for dinner once or twice. He pays all the time. I pay for other Stuff like a $250 mirror (a gift from me) for his bedroom (adds to the ambiance if you know what I mean). Taking his children out, which means paying for meals that are only partially eaten or going to movies that they don't want to sit through. Buying them birthday presents or easter chocolate from expensive places. Stuff like that. If it's not appreciated, I don't have to do it. Time will tell.

 

If you choose to buy him a gift, you can't complain about it now. (IMO, that's way too much money to spend on a guy you've only been with for 6 months.)

 

At two months in, it's also way too soon for you to be paying for his kids' meals and movie tickets and Easter gifts. How is this even happening? Is he standing idly by while you pay? Why are you spending so much time with his kids at this point?

 

If you've only paid for dinner for him once or twice over the past two months and he pays for you all the time, then I really don't see a problem with him wanting you to buy dinner for him this time.

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See, that to me is where the rubber meets the road with me..

 

Not only was he being cheap but the expectation was he gets to eat twice in one night ;)

 

 

 

 

 

True dat. But some things just have to play out otherwise it's mere speculation. And when I can't stand it anymore, when it's suddenly over, he will be wondering "what did I do?" lol amazing

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If you choose to buy him a gift, you can't complain about it now. (IMO, that's way too much money to spend on a guy you've only been with for 6 months.)

 

At two months in, it's also way too soon for you to be paying for his kids' meals and movie tickets and Easter gifts. How is this even happening? Is he standing idly by while you pay? Why are you spending so much time with his kids at this point?

 

If you've only paid for dinner for him once or twice over the past two months and he pays for you all the time, then I really don't see a problem with him wanting you to buy dinner for him this time.

 

 

He introduced me to his kids way too early. I'm glad he did though because they need some parenting i.e. 7 and 10 year olds should not be eating so much sweets, takeout food, staying up til 11 and 12 and mouthing off at their dad who gives them everything they want. Good to know this, right? In any case, I took them out one on one last week to try and bond. I buy them gifts, yes. It does get tiring trying to be accepted and liked when I can just stay home and enjoy all my independence and freedom (my son is 19) without going broke or trying to win a popularity contest with these kids that has a bad ending. straight up! I am wondering what I'm getting into here.

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He introduced me to his kids way too early. I'm glad he did though because they need some parenting i.e. 7 and 10 year olds should not be eating so much sweets, takeout food, staying up til 11 and 12 and mouthing off at their dad who gives them everything they want. Good to know this, right? In any case, I took them out one on one last week to try and bond. I buy them gifts, yes. It does get tiring trying to be accepted and liked when I can just stay home and enjoy all my independence and freedom (my son is 19) without going broke or trying to win a popularity contest with these kids that has a bad ending. straight up! I am wondering what I'm getting into here.

 

Depends on you... I guess. My opinion is that he was acting jerky and weird about the whole thing. While I don't really approve of women paying for dates, at the very least he could have said, "Do you mind getting this?".

 

But you have to decide if it is worth it. But let me caution you on this one though...

 

I dated a girl that was younger and she had a 2 YO and a 12 YO. Now I'm 53 and a proud grandfather, and father of 21, 22, 25 YO's. And I love kids, a lot, especially toddlers, I think that is a great age.

 

I allowed myself to get attached to the kids, and the 2 YO especially, he really loved being with me a ton. He really needed a dad.

 

When I had to break up with her, and it had nothing to do with the kids at all, WOW that was the worst part of the breakup, not seeing the kids.

 

I hated that some much. It really hurt.

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IMO, people really shouldn't involve their kids at all until they are ready to get engaged. It's too chaotic for the kids, plus the kids will pick everyone apart and run them off sometimes. If they don't do that, they get attached and feel abandoned. But I realize it's hard to keep it all separate for some people.

 

Before getting engaged, then they meet the kids and see how the parent parents and whether they can live with that or not, because that breaks up a lot of couples.

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Really awkward the way it happened. He had his credit card out, so maybe he wanted you to pay the tip in cash? I don’t know. Many things unspoken. It was his idea to eat out. So the next time he wants to eat out, you can ask “your treat?”

If he doesn’t want to do it that way, then don’t go out. It’s just so weird to “invite” someone to go pay for your meal. If I ask someone (man or woman) to dine out with me, I pick the restaurant and I pay for us.

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