Boyfriends borrowing

[catherine1]

Hi,

 

I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly a year and a half. He’s a good guy and works full time. He has always gambled on football bets ever since I’ve known him and it’s never been an issue within our relationship. However the past few weeks, since I have had my online banking set up he’s been asking to borrow £5 and £10 here and there for these bets. He has given me it back. The last three weekends we’ve had last minute night outs which I’ve paid for all due to bills he’s had to pay in the last two weeks.

 

I had paid for our drinks at the weekend, on our way home he asks if he can get some beers for when we get home. I joked saying my wages may as well go into his bank. He then said I make him feel small and bad for asking to borrow money and that he always gives me it back. I then feel bad, we get his beers and then he asks if I can send him £10 when we get home (for bets) the next day he asks for £5.

 

I don’t know if he’s being manipulative by blaming me for making him feel bad for asking.

 

I have just finished a temporary job and although I’m good with money and have savings, I feel very frustrated about this borrowing lately. We don’t live together and both currently live with our parents.

 

I’m asking for my money back on his pay day this week, regardless if he sends me it or not.

 

I want to feel looked after by a man, and lately I feel like the provider. I love him and we’re great together, but I need help in saying no to him.

 

I guess this thread was just to rant, I’m considering moving all my money into savings so I can say I have none to send him. I know it’s small amounts and he has paid me back but the last few weekends I’ve paid for everything and hardly received anything back for it. I feel I’m enabling him and the more I say yes the more he’s asking again and again.

 

Any suggestions on what to would be greatly welcomed, thank you.

[healing light]

What would bother me more than the occasional borrowing is that he's doing it to pay for a gambling habit. That's not okay in my book. I wouldn't want to enable it.

 

I would be clear and direct about what makes you uncomfortable; if you're okay with lending him some money that he pays back when it goes toward a necessary expense, that's one thing, but to pay for beers and gambling, that's your prerogative... Determine what your boundaries are and then communicate them accordingly.

[ExpatInItaly]

Stop allowing him to bet your money.

 

I would be concerned that he's working full-time, lives at home and somehow doesn't even have 10 or 15 pounds to his name - unless he's betting a lot more than you realize or spending his money elsewhere. Where does his paycheck go, exactly?

 

He's irresponsible. Plain and simple. It's not about making him feel "small." It's about him growing up and learning to manage his money. No way would I continue to enable this.

[d0nnivain]

Your BF has a gambling PROBLEM.

 

Go to a gamblers anonymous meeting & let them open your eyes to the fact that you are enabling his addiction.

[caveman621]

One partner "borrowing" from another is never good. It doesn't sound like he has a SEVERE problem, but if he's betting more than he can afford to pay off himself, then he DOES have a problem!