Is it possible to still love a habitual liar and stay safe?

[TRUTHPLEASE]

With same guy for 5 years and he has a history of always underestimating his financial matters (tells me he owes less than he does on cards, etc.). I have a nice nestegg I've built by working my whole life and saving. I'm a few years from retirement and he wants to marry me (or at least live with me in a few months).

While he is much better at budgeting (because I've taught him and he knows I do check from time to time) and he appears to be more truthful in some of his finances (what he owes on his cards but maybe b/c he is using some inherited money to finally pay them off), he stills lies about certain things. For example, he is the POA for his elderly mother and he used her cards (he says with her permission) on numerous occasions when he was unemployed for various items some of which are food (which I understand) but also liquor and car washes (that's not critical in my mind). He understated how much he used her cards when I asked and also understated what she still owes (which she can't afford to pay in full). He mishandled her cards in terms of allowing late fees and interest to accrue. He has sent one of her accounts to a lawyer who will negotiate it down and the other one he pays a decent amount b/c he wants her to have at least one card should she need it (but hopefully he won't use it for his own now that's he employed again and collects social security as well).

Last night I asked him about what he is doing to address his mom's credit cards and inquired as to the balance of her 1 card he is paying with her money. While I know the amount is about $7,100 (with added late fees when he didn't pay it on time a few months ago) and ongoing interest, he said "about $6,000" to me and seemed reluctant to say anything to me. WE HAVE AN EXPRESS UNDERSTANDING THAT TO MOVE FORWARD WITH THIS RELATIONSHIP EVERYTHING MUST BE TRANSPARENT.

 

Therefore, the question is: do I just let this go and move forward with him or is this just another example of his persistent lying and finally give up even though we love each other????

[CptInsano]

The guy is mishandling his own mother's finances. I'm not sure what you want to hear, but based on this fact alone I highly doubt that he wouldn't defrauds you if the need arises. Is he aware of your nest egg?

[smackie9]

OK this is what you do...don't get married. If you plan on living together, keep your bank accounts, cards, etc separate, and get a common-law perceptual agreement through a lawyer. Make everything 50/50. You figure out what the living expenses are and give him a monthly bill to pay you to cover his share. YOU have everything in your name, and only you have access to. Dept will be his and not your responsibility....creditors cannot come after you. If he wants to sink himself, at least you will be OK and can move out and move on with your fiances/credit intact.

[S2B]

There is no way to feel safe when someone lies.

 

 

Please do not plan a future with this guy. He will always have you wondering where his truth is.

 

If he does that to his Mother - he will definitely do it to you. Never, ever allow him any access to your home/finances.

Edited March 16, 2018 by S2B

[Rockdad]

If the guy is bad with money and "borrows" funds from his mom when he mismanages money, what makes you think he wont do the same to you?

[Zahara]

How can he be transparent when he's an habitual liar? That's an ingrained behavior trait. You need to lower your expectations and don't share finances.

[kendahke]

No. Nope. Non. Nein. Нет. いいえ. 아니. 没有. Không.

 

Let this go and move forward.

[Arieswoman]

TRUTHPLEASE,

Therefore, the question is: do I just let this go and move forward with him or is this just another example of his persistent lying and finally give up even though we love each other????

 

IMO all relationships should be based on love, care, trust and mutual respect.

 

Ask yourself how many of these are present in your relationship?

 

And ask yourself how it is you can love a liar?

 

Liar lie about everything, so do you even know who he is, really?

 

If you really want to be with him take smackie's advice, at least then the baliffs won't be chasing you for his debts.

[S2B]

How much of the living expenses does he plan to pay you when he moves in? How can you be certain he will pay?

[Calmandfocused]

I beg you not to marry this man. Take it from someone who married a narcissist and whose habitual lying came with the narcissist territory.

 

Shal I tell you what will happen? Due to his lies and lack of responsibility you will end up paying. Eventually due to more lies and subsequent manipulation strategies, you will end up paying for everything and bailing him out. As a final kick in the face he will plead poverty in court and insist that everything you own and have paid for is half his.

 

Don’t do it. Liars do not make good husbands. Due to my ex husbands lies it cost me thousands to disprove his lies and get rid of him.

[newheart]

You've posted this before under a different user name and received the same advice. (although I recall more details about him fraudulently using his mothers CC) Are you are just looking for someone to tell you what you want to hear? I am really sorry, but why would you want to move forward with this person? And I really am not trying to be mean, but if you stay, you have to expect to be treated the same from him eventually. If that is okay with you, then go for it.

[introverted1]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/653725-what-point-do-financial-lies-become-unforgivable

 

You received good advice in your first threads.

[mmb4love]

Love is acting in the best interests of the other; showing you love by what you do or what you don’t do. It’s less of a feeling or emotion, but more of an action. Defining it that way doesn’t sound very romantic, does it? But it is the true definition. Take care!