Casual Relationships

[LoverOfDance]

So I'm curious as to how people do this stuff and stay happy. I value my body A LOT. As in, my body is precious to me. It actually hurts to give my body to someone I know does not truly value me as a person or even this precious body of mine. How do people do this casual sex thing without feeling a little hurt or sad inside?

[alphamale]

How do people do this casual sex thing without feeling a little hurt or sad inside?

 

one word - Alcohol

[Imajerk17]

It's hard to answer this question without considering your other threads. If you are looking for a serious relationship, then why are you on Tinder?

 

You may keep insisting this isn't so, but truth is, MOST view Tinder as a hookup site and treat it as such. It may explain why you are coming across a disproportionate number of sex-focused guys.

 

That said, getting back to your question, I think our gender just tends to have a much easier time w casual sex.

[Crow795]

So I'm curious as to how people do this stuff and stay happy. I value my body A LOT. As in, my body is precious to me. It actually hurts to give my body to someone I know does not truly value me as a person or even this precious body of mine. How do people do this casual sex thing without feeling a little hurt or sad inside?

 

Sex is not special, Love is.

If you are talking about pointless sex between drugged people then this is your answer.

[GuitarGuy7]

It's hard to answer this question without considering your other threads. If you are looking for a serious relationship, then why are you on Tinder?

 

 

 

 

Yeah you're right, Tinder should mostly be treated as a hookup app, anything more than that is merely a bonus. And the reason it should be treated as such is because of the way it's set up.

 

Tinder is 95% looks. You can be the most interesting man in the world, run a succesful business, give back to the community, be an all around good person, but if you're physically unattractive, then don't even bother using the app. You only get three pictures, and a short half-ass written bio to convince someone to swipe yes to you.

 

And that's the reason Tinder is a hookup app.

 

You want to be a 7/10 at least if you want to be going on dates on a frequent basis.

Edited March 13, 2018 by GuitarGuy7

[central]

Sex is like dancing - a joyous celebration of life and movement. It doesn't have to be for a lifetime - it's all in the moment. No drugs or alcohol are needed to share pleasure and connection, even if temporary!

[LoverOfDance]

I find it interesting how everyone is so casual about sex yet in real life, we are more careful with it. There is nothing casual about the way we handle sex - we do it in our most vulnerable form and behind close doors where no one or at least not a lot of people can see, yet we still claim there's nothing special about it.

[littleblackheart]

For context, I've only had 1 LTR (my marriage) and have exhaustingly high standards for myself, yet I lost my virginity to an ONS at the age of 24 because I didn't want to be emotionally attached to first time guy (long story).

 

I met that guy in a club (I don't usually go), we got chatting, there was this strong pull that I've never experienced before or since, a kind of electric energy that is quite surreal, he was a smooth operator, very handsome and it was totally fine. No regrets, no bad feelings, no sadness, no guilt - really just a bit of fun.

 

I don't think I would make a habit of it but as a one-off, that was a really cool experience to be able to let your hair down without much thinking. Doesn't mean you don't value yourself, though.

[LoverOfDance]

@littleblackheart - exactly, it's something that might be ok if you do it VERY infrequently. But there is something sad about doing it constantly - frequently giving your body to different men or even one man who really could care less if you suddenly fell off the face of the planet tomorrow.

[PRW]

So I'm curious as to how people do this stuff and stay happy. I value my body A LOT. As in, my body is precious to me. It actually hurts to give my body to someone I know does not truly value me as a person or even this precious body of mine. How do people do this casual sex thing without feeling a little hurt or sad inside?

 

Casual Dating is not "casual sex".

Casual Dating is not a "Relationship", casual dating ends where the relationship begins.

Casual Dating is not Friends-with-Benefits.

Casual Dating is not the Friend-zone

 

Casual Dating means you are not boyfriend/girlfriend,...but may be open to the idea. It does have a romantic intent, but is just one-step-up from "just being friends".

 

Causal Sex, not to be confused with Casual Dating, is generally destructive,...more so to women.

Edited March 13, 2018 by PRW

[MsJayne]

one word - Alcohol

 

:laugh:

[MsJayne]

Who says you have to do casual sex? Some people are OK with shallow interactions, some aren't. It doesn't make you a freak if you don't like hooking up with strangers.

[grays]

I think the key is to not have casual sex with someone you have more than casual feelings for. I have had a lot of casual sex and I have no regrets at all. It didn't generally make me feel sad or lonely except for the couple of times that I had casual sex along with strong feelings. But even then, I didn't regret it. It was all a learning experience. And even with the guy I had real feelings for... I still think he was an awesome person who I had a lot of fun times with. If I didn't have a boyfriend I'd probably still happily see him once a month or so halfway wishing for more of him but knowing that just wasn't what we had.

[littleblackheart]

@littleblackheart - exactly, it's something that might be ok if you do it VERY infrequently. But there is something sad about doing it constantly - frequently giving your body to different men or even one man who really could care less if you suddenly fell off the face of the planet tomorrow.

 

Well, I have 15 year long experience with the latter from start to official divorce and that was much more soul destroying than that one-off experience so it's probably a matter of perspective.

 

I don't know that having a series of encounters with strangers is better or worse but if it's a conscious choice and no-one is getting hurt, it's one way of expressing your sexuality. Some people (men or women) are just better than others at compartmentalising, I guess.

 

Is there a personal context to your question?

[Andy_K]

So I'm curious as to how people do this stuff and stay happy. I value my body A LOT. As in, my body is precious to me. It actually hurts to give my body to someone I know does not truly value me as a person or even this precious body of mine. How do people do this casual sex thing without feeling a little hurt or sad inside?

 

Just because someone doesn't want a relationship with you or to date you for some reason, doesn't mean they don't still value you as a person.

 

It's likely the majority of guys out there looking for casual sex won't respect or value you at all, but there are guys out there who will still treat you as a human being.

 

So how do you do it? Well, next time you date/meet someone and decide they're perfectly nice but there's no future in it for whatever reason (maybe they're moving soon, have kids, or have discounted you for some reason), then try proposing something more casual instead.

[WomenWubber]

People have different views on sex. They range from "sex is the deepest and most intimate manifestation of emotion and love for blablablah..." to "sex is a call of nature, akin to eating pizza or taking a crap".

 

Casual sex would almost fall on the "taking a crap" side of the spectrum and you don't exactly feel hurt or sad after eating your favorite meal or defecating, do you? I'm sure that for some people it may be so, but that's the beauty of diversity.

[bathtub-row]

I say it all the time - there’s no such thing as a casual relationship when sex is involved.

[bradt93]

Yeah you're right, Tinder should mostly be treated as a hookup app, anything more than that is merely a bonus. And the reason it should be treated as such is because of the way it's set up.

 

Tinder is 95% looks. You can be the most interesting man in the world, run a succesful business, give back to the community, be an all around good person, but if you're physically unattractive, then don't even bother using the app. You only get three pictures, and a short half-ass written bio to convince someone to swipe yes to you.

 

And that's the reason Tinder is a hookup app.

 

You want to be a 7/10 at least if you want to be going on dates on a frequent basis.

Can you look average on twitter, you know not too ugly or not too attractive?

[GuitarGuy7]

Can you look average on twitter, you know not too ugly or not too attractive?

 

 

I don't know anything about twitter, I didn't know it was a dating/hookup site.

[Sunlight72]

So how do you do it? Well, next time you date/meet someone and decide they're perfectly nice but there's no future in it for whatever reason (maybe they're moving soon, have kids, or have discounted you for some reason), then try proposing something more casual instead.

Yep ^^^ just transitioning into this now. We definitely click on 8 of 10 levels, but she wants children and eventually to devote her life to building an elaborate orphanage (which I admire greatly). That's not where I can honestly feel passion, so through a few conversations, we're no longer talking marriage and matching tombstones, but are both interested to see each other for low intensity dating, still exclusive, but understanding either of us may be busy with work/family, and our time together is bonus time, not a promised priority time, and at some point either may meet someone else and this will end.

 

In the future, it's possible we'll find reasons to become closer, or it could end. For now, for me and for her, we're happy to cool out a bit, but both want the other in our lives.

Edited March 19, 2018 by Sunlight72

[Agonistes]

Casual sex is pretty easy when its a one nighter or some fixed duration. Think vacation sex with someone you just met but won't ever see again after the two weeks is up. It gets tough when you carry it on for too long. Someone usually catches feelings because when we have sex we have to make ourselves vulnerable. And being vulnerable is a recipe for catching feelings. Either love love and affection if we are treated well or anger and hatred if we are not.

[SmartDude]

I was also like this most of my life. Beleiving that not having casual sex and just saving myself for one person that I loved was the moral high road. It really is not. In a way it could be looked at as quite the oposite. Monogomous people get attatched to each other for reasons that go unexamined. Long-term relationships are habitual. People stay together because they got so emeshed in each others life that now seperation would cause pain. Its not because they are still in love, its because its too dificult to seperate.

 

People who have this ability and orientation to just "love anybody" are pretty rare though. There are your artisitic people who tend to be sexual explorers. You might have some people who will go through a period of a few years were a "sexual awakening" happens. Others just like to have sex as an activity and will seek out others who have this same mindset. Just like you might have a male friend and you enjoy playing golf with them, its kind of like that..But just with sex. It does not have to exclude the romantic sensuality of sexual love just because you are not commiting to a life together. You love yourself and the other person enough to make it a good experience. There is an art to making another person happy, It does not count less when it is a stranger.

[lana-banana]

Sex is not see kind of religious mystery or reward for people who are in love. There aren't rules on how consenting adults should have to feel or think to engage in sex. For lots of people it's just a hobby! If you aren't seeking a long-term partner and don't believe sex needs to involve emotional intimacy, casual relationships are easy. It's perfectly possible to enjoy someone's company for a while without wanting to build a future with them.

 

For me, sex is, well, sex. It can be anything from mechanical to awe-inspiring, but it doesn't change how I feel about myself or my body. Sex is only as intimate and meaningful as you want it to be. When I chose to have a one-night stand I didn't feel disrespected or have any desire to see him again. (That junk about women ~*releasing oxytocin and bonding*~ with their partners during sex is not true for all women. It certainly isn't for me!) It was just a thing I wanted to do, and I left feeling as sexy and confident as ever.

 

During the first few months of dating my now-husband, the sex was incredible, but it was some time before we had a very emotional and vulnerable experience. Heck, I dated one guy for a long time and the sex never made me feel any kind of connection, which was probably something that should've bothered me sooner, but I was willing to overlook it. I didn't feel like searching for Mr. Right and was content with Mr. Right Now.

[happyhusband0005]

OK it's 2018 now. Women should at this point realize they hold the cards in the sex game. From my experience the reality is a lot of women enjoy sex. Sometimes its just for fun casual sex sometimes it's not. Men having casual sex doesn't get a second thought but women are judged. This bothers me.

 

Sex really is our most primal desire and instinct. Well maybe breathing and eating are up there also but the desire for sex is an instinctual thing. Now the best sex I have ever had has been with my wife (by far) but if I were single i wouldn't shy away from a basic one night stand if the chemistry was there. You know it is ok for sex to just be fun.

[joseb]

Sex is not see kind of religious mystery or reward for people who are in love. There aren't rules on how consenting adults should have to feel or think to engage in sex. For lots of people it's just a hobby! If you aren't seeking a long-term partner and don't believe sex needs to involve emotional intimacy, casual relationships are easy. It's perfectly possible to enjoy someone's company for a while without wanting to build a future with them.

 

.

 

I dont understand why this is so hard for some people to see.

Like we must aspire to a permanent relationship with everyone we meet.

 

For the record, my most spiritual, awe inspiring, special, memorable sex ever was on a weekend hookup. We both knew this was not going to last, it was probably going to be this weekend only, and were both fine with that.