Seraphina87 Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 I’ve been dating someone for about 3 months. So it’s very early days. I fell for him quite quickly & he was first to say ‘I love you’. However. He’s into this spirituality stuff and will repeatedly say that his ex wife is his twin flame. They are divorced and have been for some time. She’s with someone else. They were together a long time though. I was also married but I don’t say stuff like this about any of my exes. I think that although the relationship between us is new it’s hurtful for him to talk about his ex this way, as if anything with me will never be as good. In other ways he treats me very well. But I have a bad feeling that I’m never going to stop hearing about his ex wife. He’s only 10 years older than me but he acts like I’m a lot younger than him which to me I’m not. Would you be concerned about the above? Link to post Share on other sites
paloma22 Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 I’ve been dating someone for about 3 months. So it’s very early days. I fell for him quite quickly & he was first to say ‘I love you’. However. He’s into this spirituality stuff and will repeatedly say that his ex wife is his twin flame. They are divorced and have been for some time. She’s with someone else. They were together a long time though. I was also married but I don’t say stuff like this about any of my exes. I think that although the relationship between us is new it’s hurtful for him to talk about his ex this way, as if anything with me will never be as good. In other ways he treats me very well. But I have a bad feeling that I’m never going to stop hearing about his ex wife. He’s only 10 years older than me but he acts like I’m a lot younger than him which to me I’m not. Would you be concerned about the above? Absolutely I would be. Saying an ex partner is a 'twin flame' to someone you are now apparently in love with is kind of crap. Also re: partnerships where you are treated as a 'younger' person, almost like a little sister type role. I find when it gets to this point most of the respect is lost - and its hard to get it back. From here you may just doubt yourself and cycle in and out of sabotaging your own relationship, until it ultimately ends (likely on his doing). It sounds to me like you are just a bridge to get over his ex, until he finds his next 'twin flame'. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 I am into spirituality, and the fact that he talks about his ex wife a lot and refers to her as his twin flame would have me thinking he will always love her. I know what that term means and it's literally like they're your one true love through lifetimes... There are different articles that talk about the dynamics of true flames--that the passion burns extremely bright but often one is a runner and the other is a chaser, often they meet each other at inopportune times, that if they come together at the same point in their lives both willing to be completely vulnerable and grow, that they are destined to be together--otherwise it crashes and burns yet they never really get over each other as their love perseveres.Twin flames are rare to meet because they don't always incarnate together in the same lifetime. Blah blah blah. I was really into the whole twin flame thing at one point. Spirituality aside, life experience tells me that any person who repeatedly brings up an ex is usually not over them. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seraphina87 Posted March 11, 2018 Author Share Posted March 11, 2018 The thing is that he repeatedly complains about how difficult she was to live with and how self centred. He was with her for 20 years. He thinks you can only have one twin flame in your life too which was how I understood it. Either way, there aren’t many people who would feel secure in a relationship with someone who does this I think. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seraphina87 Posted March 11, 2018 Author Share Posted March 11, 2018 I think it’s more likely to be me who ends it tbh! Even though I love him. Link to post Share on other sites
heavenonearth Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 My boyfriend was with his ex for 15 years. He never talks about her. Neither of us are spiritual people but he says to me all the time how nobody could ever make him feel the way i do. You want to be number 1, no matter who came before you. Your situation sucks. You will always be second best. Don’t settle for a man who’s doesn’t think you’re THE best match for him. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seraphina87 Posted March 11, 2018 Author Share Posted March 11, 2018 The whole thing is confusing and upsetting. Do you think I should end it? Link to post Share on other sites
heavenonearth Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 The whole thing is confusing and upsetting. Do you think I should end it? Hard to say because I do not know all the other details, but I feel a lot speaks for the fact that you will not be happy in the long term with a person who only sees you as a second prize. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seraphina87 Posted March 11, 2018 Author Share Posted March 11, 2018 I think anyone would be hurt if their new partner kept referring to their ex as their twin flame wouldn’t they? He thinks he’s a very empathetic person yet strangely fails to see that saying this will hurt my feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
1fish2fish Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 Have you discussed with him how it makes you feel when he talks like this about his ex? If so, how did he respond? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 Meh, I would end it. You're always going to be hearing about this important role she plays/played in his life. I wouldn't be with a guy who lacked the empathy to see why this is a bone-headed thing to say to a new partner. Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 He's definitely not over her, and you'll never measure up. You don't want to be second best. Even if he stopped constant discussion of her and focused on you, I think the relationship is broken because you already know that he feels his ex his one and only true love for lifetimes even...I just couldn't do it. Link to post Share on other sites
heavenonearth Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 I think anyone would be hurt if their new partner kept referring to their ex as their twin flame wouldn’t they? He thinks he’s a very empathetic person yet strangely fails to see that saying this will hurt my feelings. He's not over his ex, sees you as second best -- now add to that the fact that you already do not feel understood by him. You really want to be with this man? Think! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seraphina87 Posted March 11, 2018 Author Share Posted March 11, 2018 I have told him and he said he’s sorry perhaps he shouldn’t have told me and that he does not want to get back with his ex because they fight all the time. And that he does love me. Whichever way you look at it he has unresolved baggage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 I think anyone would be hurt if their new partner kept referring to their ex as their twin flame wouldn’t they? He thinks he’s a very empathetic person yet strangely fails to see that saying this will hurt my feelings. YES!!! The last man I dated was not over his ex. He complained about her nonstop, and in the beginning, I was ok with it as I thought he was just really communicative, telling me all about what happened with them. But, it never stopped and he got himself worked up over and over and over and over. They had been married 11 years, she cheated multiple times, and they have two kids together. We dated for about ten months, and we have been broken up for just as long, and he is STILL talking about her. I'm actually seeing him this afternoon because I'm doing some administrative work for his business, and I guarantee he will be bitching about her again because he just found out for sure that the man she's married to now was indeed her boyfriend while they were still married when she insisted he was not. He's not over her, and I don't think he ever will be. And it gets so tiring to hear about an ex, whether she's his twin flame or his nemesis. Link to post Share on other sites
Fair Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 He thinks he’s a very empathetic person yet strangely fails to see that saying this will hurt my feelings. Empathetic my ***. Constantly talking about his 'twin flame' shows he's not even thinking of you. This type of behavior is typical of men who are not over their ex's. I met one on OLD who thought he was the greatest specimen on earth in terms of being a good man, and giving and compassionate. But he wasn't even tolerably thoughtful... not to me... because he was too caught up in his feelings for his ex. He wanted to date me, but really, he wanted to use me for a distraction. I said no and walked. You should too. OP, ten years is quite a bit older, and he's looking down on you, disrespecting you in many ways. No, he's not over his ex. But you know it already. Find someone your own age without an ex wife. If you're young, this should be easy. You don't need this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seraphina87 Posted March 11, 2018 Author Share Posted March 11, 2018 He always says I’m beautiful but I don’t feel he likes my personality. He is of the opinion that he’s a very spiritually gifted person who is destined to heal people and yes as you say I think maybe he does look down on me. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 He always says I’m beautiful but I don’t feel he likes my personality. He is of the opinion that he’s a very spiritually gifted person who is destined to heal people and yes as you say I think maybe he does look down on me. You need to end this. If you don't feel built up by your partner in the beginning, it will only get worse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 (edited) I think you're wasting your time with him. He sounds like a run-of-the-mill commitphobe, except he's hiding behind spirituality. Don't waste your best years on a commitphobe. Dump him and find someone else. Edited March 11, 2018 by Popsicle 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 He always says I’m beautiful but I don’t feel he likes my personality. He is of the opinion that he’s a very spiritually gifted person who is destined to heal people and yes as you say I think maybe he does look down on me. Well, he's got a high opinion of himself, doesn't he? I wouldn't be able to date a man who I felt looked down on me. If he's so awesome, why was he not able to repair the marriage with his ex-wife before it ended? And how does fighting all the time square with his "twin flame" theory? I am also curious to know how you even came to realize he felt this way about her. I am gathering he talks about her a lot? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 In my experience people who talk of "twin flames" never get over them. They think that person is their one true love through many lifetimes. Why did his ex break up with him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
heavenonearth Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 Don't waste your time with a man who compares you to his ex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seraphina87 Posted March 11, 2018 Author Share Posted March 11, 2018 He said they grew apart & I deduced that he went off with another woman because he was lonely and his ex wife asked him to leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seraphina87 Posted March 11, 2018 Author Share Posted March 11, 2018 Yes he does talk about her a lot. He also talks about his most recent ex a lot. And in the midst of this I feel ‘where do I fit in?’ Link to post Share on other sites
heavenonearth Posted March 11, 2018 Share Posted March 11, 2018 Yes he does talk about her a lot. He also talks about his most recent ex a lot. And in the midst of this I feel ‘where do I fit in?’ No way. Why would you want this? My boyfriend gets annoyed when I mention his ex (or my exes). We don't talk about exes unless it is necessary. It should be about YOU TWO now. I think you deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
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