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Old 8th March 2018, 11:35 AM   #1
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Messaging Girl.

So everyone, this is my first time posting and I really need some help with this one.

So it all starts with a girl . We've basically been seeing each other for a long time, we'd been on a few dates though nothing happened and we just had a huge amount of chemistry, we had been chatting every day almost all day for a good month, with each of us initiating the conversation an equal amount.

I don't fall in love very often, and this gal I certainly was. She started being a little flirty with me, such as saying how much I cracked her up and how much I made her day. When someone who had a crush on her added me on facebook, she said to me "he's checking out the competition" which I thought was a dead cert that she liked me, as well as frequently inviting me over to her house for various parties, telling me that all her flatmates loved me as a person and made conscious efforts to go out with me. The only thing that made me hesitant was her ex boyfriend was still a bit a part of her life, although she once called me up at 1am in the morning, to tell me that she felt like she completely moved on.

So I thought, let's get this thing moving. So I messaged her asking if she wanted to go out on an actual date with me and how I really loved speaking to her and wanted to see where it goes, I had been told by friends who spoke to her a lot that this was months overdue, however when I said this, she rejected me and I was placed in the dreaded "friendzone". I was kind of hurt by this and as such have decided not to message her on any form of social media.

So here we are now, I'm still a bit low key in love with her and the way I left things with her was her saying "I just think we should be friends" which admittedly I didn't reply to, as I was so hurt that the stuff she did to me was not what friends should do. My plan was to leave it for a week and then drop her a message and see if I can go back to being some form of friends for now.

What do we all think?
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Old 8th March 2018, 11:40 AM   #2
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Sounds like she likes the chase and isn't quite ready to be caught.


I'd keep pursuing for a bit longer and if it wasn't going anywhere, find someone else to chase.
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Old 8th March 2018, 11:41 AM   #3
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Interesting, would you say a week is long enough to wait before messaging her again?
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Old 8th March 2018, 11:48 AM   #4
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She rejected you...for whatever reason, who knows why, but the fact is she plainly is no longer interested so stop thinking things will change if you "give it a week".
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Old 8th March 2018, 11:49 AM   #5
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Unrequited Love...

Quote:
Originally Posted by BluePainting View Post

I don't fall in love very often, and this gal I certainly was.

What do we all think?
This is plain and simple "Unrequited Love"

What do I think... I think she made herself perfectly clear. Personally, I don't have female friends, as I have a hard time not wanting to further the relationship. I have female acquaintances, but not friends. I think you should downgrade this individual to an acquaintance and look for a woman that wants to date you.

She may have been flirty and you fed her need for attention, but that was it.

Don't waste anymore time or thought on this one...

NEXT!!
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Old 8th March 2018, 11:57 AM   #6
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Urgh, it hurts when you say it like that. But you're probably right. I just can't get my head around how someone can string someone else along and then be like "actually no"
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Old 8th March 2018, 11:59 AM   #7
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Same old song and dance. Guy is timid and waits so long to ask a woman out that he's put in the friend zone. Do not hang around like some dog begging for table scraps. Move on. Be more bold with the next one.
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Old 8th March 2018, 12:00 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BluePainting View Post
Urgh, it hurts when you say it like that. But you're probably right. I just can't get my head around how someone can string someone else along and then be like "actually no"
Take responsibility for yourself. You strung yourself along.
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Old 8th March 2018, 12:06 PM   #9
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I'm a really nice guy but I also don't like to beat around the bush about things. I'm pretty much a non offense straight shooter kinda guy.

So I ask whats is going to hurt to call her and be straight forward but polite.

"I kinda like you and want to spend some real time together, are you interested in me in the way?" If you are, lets go get something to eat.

Let what happens dictate your next move.
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Old 8th March 2018, 12:12 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BluePainting View Post
I just can't get my head around how someone can string someone else along and then be like "actually no"
Its simple... You fed her need for attention. Some women crave attention!!

She told you she just wants to be friends, respect that and save your dignity. Don't beg!!

"Women are like buses. If you miss one there is always another on the way in 15 minutes"- Author Unknown.
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Old 8th March 2018, 1:08 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Me View Post
I'm a really nice guy but I also don't like to beat around the bush about things. I'm pretty much a non offense straight shooter kinda guy.

So I ask whats is going to hurt to call her and be straight forward but polite.

"I kinda like you and want to spend some real time together, are you interested in me in the way?" If you are, lets go get something to eat.

Let what happens dictate your next move.
He did that, nothing will have changed in a week. If she was interested she would never have said "let's just be friends". She knows what that does to guys. Move on OP, you are just setting yourself up for a rough couple of months and a lot of wasted time. Learn and move on.
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Old 8th March 2018, 1:41 PM   #12
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If you'd made a move about the first or second date in, she might have remained interested. Not doing so will put you in the friendzone. Yes, if you'd tried to kiss her at the end of the date, she might have said no, but most girls don't agree to go on a date if they aren't at least amenable at the outset to seeing if you're a good kisser or not at the end of the night. Wait and they start seeing you as weak or little brotherly, like they're more mature than you are or something. It's not good for romance.

She said no, so you just need to move on. I'm sorry. But lesson learned for next time. You sound fun, so things will get better soon.
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Old 8th March 2018, 2:01 PM   #13
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If she was really over her ex, she wouldn't be calling you at 1am saying she's over him, she'd be sleeping.

Some women who are in the process of getting over an ex, will keep a guy around, to go out with, so as not to be sitting home alone and feeling bad. They'd actually put in quite a bit of effort to maintain this amenity.
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Old 8th March 2018, 2:12 PM   #14
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Do you really want to just be her friend? If she started dating another guy would you be OK with seeing them together, hearing about him & being cast aside when he decides he doesn't want orbiters like you hanging around his GF?


I don't see where just being her friend has an up side for you. You may think if you stick it out long enough & hang around she will eventually date you. There are some women like that. They want to see how persistent you are & it's a test. You really don't want to date somebody who plays games like that.
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Old 8th March 2018, 6:48 PM   #15
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Not going to lie, it was tough reading all of this, but it was needed. I don't think making the move was the problem, as there was some genuine progression in our relationship. I think the problem was her

Cheers guys.
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