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Am I just overly thinking or dunno...


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Old 7th March 2018, 4:40 PM   #1
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Am I just overly thinking or dunno...

I been dating this guy who is like my best friend for six months but been friends with him since 2014.

I had always liked him but We didn't date back then due to me leaving into a different state and he moved to the same exact state as I am last year with his soon to be ex wife and son.

I am no OW, if anything We both made it clear that We both have feelings with each other.

His son mom knows about us since of last year and apparently doesn't care who he dates is also informed about their divorce has nothing to do with me.

My point on venting on here is last month, I was with him on my birthday where his son mom knew while she watched the baby and a week after that We both said our I love you's together on Valentines Day where I been getting a lot of weird facebook messages like request on messenger and I asked him if it was her, he text me saying it is not due to her having to be recently into a car accident and he has been raising their son while she recovers from surgery.

I said okay, as the days go by I had asked if he could do my resume and he said sure. I had asked him if Were okay recently cause I notice he was being dry, distant through text where I remember him being an introvert and nontalkative in general then he was like YUP to us being okay then he finally did my resume and I said to him I miss you and hope you are okay along with his son where he said I am okay but busy with my son which was two weeks ago.

I confronted him how I felt about him being distant, how he doesn't show much love or anything where I am sure he read my text to the point I had decided to message him on Facebook where he read my apology if I had offended him by confronting about what I felt and he kept me on read where days later from that message where this past sunday he deactivated his account and I worried so I did the normal thing by calling and texting twice, email too yet no reply.

I called Monday a few times, where he blocked my number and I was upset with a side of hurt and sad then I called again today also that number from my google voice has been blocked too. So, I don't know what is going on?

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 7th March 2018 at 9:10 PM.. Reason: language/paragraphs ~T
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Old 7th March 2018, 8:50 PM   #2
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You may not have been his OW at one time, but you are now, and he doesn't really have time for it. He's got a wife and child and he's trying to look after them, as he should be. He's got bigger fish to fry trying to take care of his son and the son's mother, who was injured. She will always be in his life and the child will always be their responsibility together. Whether they divorce or separate, that fact remains. If he's half a man, you will never be as important as his child to him. Sometimes when there's a crisis, it brings you to realize what's really important and what's not.
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Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 7th March 2018 at 9:16 PM.. Reason: language ~T
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Old 7th March 2018, 8:51 PM   #3
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Sounds like he is done with you. Maybe he reconciled with the mom and is blocking you at her request.
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Old 7th March 2018, 9:12 PM   #4
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Well, I don't think he is done with me cause He mentioned his laywer to me and explained some stuff about custody over his son. So, dunno if he did decide to reconiceted with her or not.
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Old 7th March 2018, 9:13 PM   #5
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The child is okay, the mom only had back surgery and I know she and the kid will always be first but He had mentioned that she knows about us.
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Old 7th March 2018, 9:34 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by CheskaOX View Post
Well, I don't think he is done with me cause He mentioned his laywer to me and explained some stuff about custody over his son. So, dunno if he did decide to reconiceted with her or not.
He may still be going ahead with his divorce but that doesn’t mean he can’t be done with you. When someone blocks you everywhere, they’re telling you that contact is not welcome.

Maybe you asking for more made him realize he can’t give you what you want and has decided to step away. Or maybe they’ve reconnected and he’s had to sever ties with you

Regardless, don’t text, email or call anymore.
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Last edited by Zahara; 7th March 2018 at 9:38 PM..
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Old 7th March 2018, 9:48 PM   #7
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Well, I made a fake number after commenting back not from you but above and his google voice says I am blocked. His page is still deactivated on Facebook where others besides myself still shows on our pages. I just don't understand what went wrong, everyone I know says it is not me but it is him and that he could be stress out or whatever the case may be. He never had a problem of me telling him that I love him or him repeating it back, he could tell me what is going on though.
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Old 7th March 2018, 9:54 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by introverted1 View Post
Sounds like he is done with you. Maybe he reconciled with the mom and is blocking you at her request.
That to me sounds like a strong possibility because if she is recovering from a car accident, there is a different dynamic that is going on than has been the rest of the time. Life changing events can bring people who were never getting back together, back together. Feeling needed, in a real way, can cause a guy to fall back in love with his ex.

Also just a note that quizzing him about the weird messages you were getting (don't know how you did it or how it was received regardless of how you did it) but that could have been something that turned him off to you. Consider that possibility.

You wrote about your current circumstances as if they were puzzling but pointed out a few key things that have happened recently--which to be honest, the truth usually is somewhere within those changes. Even seemingly good ones--like exchanging I love yous and spending your birthday weekend together--these are all potentially turning points for which a person often changes their mind. They say I love you but then panic that it is getting too serious or don't want to be tied down again (after all he is not even officially divorced yet so this would make sense). And having spent more time together like a vacation is often a breaking point for couples.

Also not only how you asked about the weird messages--that could have been a problem but assuming it was not--the fact that you were getting them, may indicate that some OTHER woman is interested in him. Doesn't necessarily mean the ex, could be someone totally new--didn't you say he just moved to a new place. New place, new people.

Lastly, he could simply be overwhelmed since he is doing full time dad for real at the moment. Some people shut down completely when they are overwhelmed.

Sorry this is happening to you. hang in there. Focus on yourself and distract yourself from this situation with friends, family, activities you like, exercise. Good luck
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Old 7th March 2018, 10:07 PM   #9
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The child is okay, the mom only had back surgery and I know she and the kid will always be first but He had mentioned that she knows about us.
Back surgery is about the most major debilitating surgery you can have. It incapacitates you a lot going forward and during your recovery period. It's a big thing. He is probably learning how to take care of his kid by himself right now, which probably comes as a rude shock to him!
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Old 7th March 2018, 11:21 PM   #10
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Maybe the shift in roles and responsibilities... caused him to appreciaate all his wife does for their family. Maybe he is getting a different perspective and feels grateful for what he did not appreciate prior.
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Old 8th March 2018, 4:27 AM   #11
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I am with the others who suspect he's reconciled with his ex.

I'm sorry he's been so cowardly as to just cut you off, OP. I agree that this isn't about you specifically, but I know that doesn't help it hurt less.
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Old 8th March 2018, 5:54 AM   #12
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I find it difficult to read the OP due to poor grammar. Thus, I don’t fully understand what is going on.

But it sounds like the guy is a bit too cowardly to walk away with dignity and thus does the slow fade.

Btw a friend of mine is going through a divorce right now. But he still lives with his wife and two kids and it’s still like they are a family.
In his free time tough, he’s dating around a lot and has been with over ten different women throughout the past year.
I don’t think he will ever go back to his wife because he realizes she is not the love of his life — but still, he canceled on us hanging out many times because his wife got sick and he had to watch the kids — or something similar.


Families are complicated. You don’t wanna get involved with that.

Last edited by heavenonearth; 8th March 2018 at 5:56 AM..
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Old 8th March 2018, 11:43 AM   #13
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Stop justifying his crappy behavior. If he really loved you he would have communicated to you about everything. He hasn't, instead he's blocked you.....get the hint, it's over.
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Old 8th March 2018, 12:14 PM   #14
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I have spoken to him last night, since he unblocked my number on WHATSAPP and he had mentioned that he is terribly sorry by all means especially ghosting on me and others that include his kid and his soon to be ex wife. He is overwhelmed especially the fact the divorce that is about to happen where his son mom is telling him that she doesn't want their son around me and he is afraid to loose his son over sole custody plus he is afraid that she might move the baby out of state/country if she wins sole custody where he hopes not. I had spoken to a lawyer for him this morning during orientation that I had to attend for work this morning and it seems that his baby mama is threatening him to scare him.
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Old 8th March 2018, 12:16 PM   #15
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I have spoken to him last night, since he unblocked my number on WHATSAPP and he had mentioned that he is terribly sorry by all means especially ghosting on me and others that include his kid and his soon to be ex wife. He is overwhelmed especially the fact the divorce that is about to happen where his son mom is telling him that she doesn't want their son around me and he is afraid to loose his son over sole custody plus he is afraid that she might move the baby out of state/country if she wins sole custody where he hopes not. I had spoken to a lawyer for him this morning during orientation that I had to attend for work this morning and it seems that his baby mama is threatening him to scare him.
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