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Why would you not contact while on holiday?


maestrok

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Been dating 3 months. exclusive.

He's traveling abroad. I messaged him before he departs "travel safe" and he responded "thanks." That was it - couple days ago.

He's been total silent since then.

 

I am trying to give him space but wonder why he wouldn't contact at all.

 

I see him online pretty frequently - so he has connection.

He usually talks to his friends constantly - so he doesn't hate text/messaging.

If he wants to be alone while on this trip particularly then I'd be totally fine/understandable with that but he is talking to his friends pretty consistently throughout the day while on this trip - so that leaves me to wonder why NOT me?

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Well, on one hand - it’s only been a couple days. It also depends on the extent of the ‘dating’ you’ve done in those three months - were you seeing each other often, how many dates have you had, were you exclusive, etc. I would give it some more time and see, or even reach out and ask if he made it safely. See how he responds or if he sustains a conversation.

 

On the other hand, I travel abroad often and it’s usually to visit family, and my time there is pretty hectic. Even with a serious significant other, I usually only check in briefly once a day. Right now I’ve been seeing a guy for a few weeks - only maybe a couple dates. He is out of town visiting family and said it’d be a busy time for him, so I told him to have fun and reach out when he is back in town. But again, compared to your situation mine is very new. Yours may be at a different stage and if so, I would give the benefit of the doubt. If he otherwise seems interested and reaches out when he is not traveling, I would let it pass on account of travel busy time.

 

Edited to add: just saw you did mention you were exclusive. Well, I will still stand by above - gauge it by how he behaves when he is with you/in town and draw conclusions from there.

Edited by Mystyry
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Since you are aware that he's on line & contacting other friends, him not contacting you is a choice or worse, you slipped his mind. At 3 months in you are not that important to him which is a shame because during this HM phase you'd think he'd be smitten & reach out.

 

Don't say or do anything while he's away. See how this plays out. When he gets home ask him about it. Don't accuse just point out that it hurt to see him contacting others but not you. See how he reacts & make your decisions from there.

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first 1.5 month - been seeing each other about 3 times a week. messaged everyday.

second 1.5 month - on date about 2 times a week. message everyday or every other day (but all were like short 2-3 messages a day types).

 

He's traveling alone.

 

He's sending photos and updating about his trip to his friends pretty constantly. So I wonder why not me?

 

At the same time if I were to give him a benefit of doubt - at the end of his solo trip (in 2 weeks), we will meet up for another short trip there so maybe he wants to update me all at once? Which still is a bit weird to me...

Edited by maestrok
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Me personally would take it that this relationship is nowhere near serious atm. If he was head over heels he would be missing you and letting you know it.....apparently he is not. After 3 months of steady dating I myself would expect and be at a more serious level than this. You may want to rethink where this is going.

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first 1.5 month - been seeing each other about 3 times a week. messaged everyday.

second 1.5 month - on date about 2 times a week. message everyday or every other day (but all were like short 2-3 messages a day types).

 

Your relationship seems to be declining instead of progressing.

 

This will be hard for you to hear but He doesn't contact you because he is not missing you and you're not on his mind. Sorry.

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CautiouslyOptimistic

 

He's sending photos and updating about his trip to his friends pretty constantly.

 

 

How do you know this?

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first 1.5 month - been seeing each other about 3 times a week. messaged everyday.

second 1.5 month - on date about 2 times a week. message everyday or every other day (but all were like short 2-3 messages a day types).

 

He's traveling alone.

 

He's sending photos and updating about his trip to his friends pretty constantly. So I wonder why not me?

 

At the same time if I were to give him a benefit of doubt - at the end of his solo trip (in 2 weeks), we will meet up for another short trip there so maybe he wants to update me all at once? Which still is a bit weird to me...

 

It would be one thing if he was incommunicado with everyone but if he has time and makes the effort to update his friends, but chooses not to when it comes to you, I would question his emotional investment in you.

 

Three months in, he should be excited and looking forward to sharing his adventure with you, even if to send you a picture or text.

 

Seems like part 2 of your 1.5 months together there were signs that he was already tapering off.

 

It doesn't look good. Step back and observe. His actions are telling you quite a bit.

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I think you need to take a step back and have an honest assessment of what you actually have.

 

Someone this early in the relationship not giving you equal to or more than what he gives his friends tells me that you think you have more going on with this guy than he thinks he has with you.

 

From what you've written, his behavior tells me that he considers himself single when he's not in your line of sight...

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at the end of his solo trip (in 2 weeks), we will meet up for another short trip there so maybe he wants to update me all at once? Which still is a bit weird to me...

 

Nope. That would not fly with me. I would be too incensed over how he treated me to want to do/go anywhere with him after the fact.

 

At the very least, he could keep up with you through Whatsapp if he's concerned about roaming charges (or he could get an international plan on his phone so that it wouldn't make a difference one way or the other); but his excuses are rather lame--facebook has a messaging feature that he could use if it's like that for him.

 

There are solutions around texting fees while traveling and the fact that he doesn't figure out how to keep in touch with his girlfriend of 3 months is rather telling.

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There are solutions around texting fees while traveling and the fact that he doesn't figure out how to keep in touch with his girlfriend of 3 months is rather telling.

 

Maestrok, my gf is on a private island, halfway across the world with her boyfriend. With very spotty service and sometimes zero service, she has still managed to text me every other/two days with a short update or a picture. Whatsapp works great in these type situations. But it seems he does not have an issue with that since his friends are getting updates.

 

When people are interested and invested in whatever type of relationship they have with you, they look forward to sharing with you.

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I'd have no problem contacting him and saying "Hey send me some pictures!" If I like him a lot I'd have no problem saying "I miss you!". Everyone is so afraid of expressing pure and innocent feelings. It's the people too afraid to be judged, and overthinking everything, that are actually the most clingy.

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bathtub-row

If this is a relationship where the two of you are exclusive, then he’s very cold and I’d dump him very quickly. And please do not text him and ask him to send photos. If it were me, I’d end it with him when he returns. In the meantime, I wouldn’t reply to anything from him. Any man who treated me this way wouldn’t last long — and I don’t care about his excuses. This is cold, uncaring behavior. Period.

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Ruby Slippers
Your relationship seems to be declining instead of progressing.

 

This will be hard for you to hear but He doesn't contact you because he is not missing you and you're not on his mind. Sorry.

Pretty much.

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You havent really explained your relationship, but it may be more of a FWB dating than an emotional dating. I would think if he were even a little bit emotionally involved, he would contact you.

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Versacehottie

I was going to say he's in vacation mode and for some people that means stepping away from what they do regularly and not keeping in contact with even people they care about but they just don't want to be in their regular life mentality (i definitely do this).

 

Not sure how you are finding out that he is in touch with friends etc--that to me seems to be like a bit of monitoring--and when people monitor it's usually because they aren't getting a level of contact that is justified for the relationship point that they are at or they are clingy/worried and the other person feels that and pulls away--or a combo of both.

 

So I would agree with the others that part one of your relationship is different than part two and it seems like it is slipping backwards. Combined with no contact (when he has a way to) and the fact that he is in contact with others, he is already kinda treating you like an obligation vs. his friends. This is not progress, i.e. not great.

 

I'm not sure of what you should do exactly. I am leaning a bit toward what Maggie said to maybe be in touch with him yourself. In a way it's a little test (not to be thought of badly but to see where you fit into his life and there are TWO of you in this!). If you do this though, I'm going to say: make sure your message is well-crafted, not needy, and with positive good intentions or it may backfire. Anyway, you really shouldn't have to tiptoe around a guy you have been dating this long so much--don't be so afraid. Though it is a little odd that he just took off on the vacation without giving you any idea of if you would hear from him, etc (again it shows a backslide, to me or a relationship not in line with how long/frequently you have been dating). Goodluck

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heavenonearth

When my boyfriend and i were dating for about 5 weeks, he went on a 10 day vacation he had planned before we met.

It was a place in the forest away from civilization and electricity.

He promised himself to not even bring a laptop and he didn’t want to use his phone on the trip.

Didn’t work. Because we were already crazy for each other he ended up bringing his laptop and phone and he kept me updated about the stuff he did while away.

 

There were a few days where he tried hard to adhere to his initial promise to himself and we had no contact. But it was insanely hard for both of us and in the end he just wished that i had been there with him.

 

If you date someone for 3 months and they go away and don’t contact you for several days on end - they can’t be that crazy about you.this should be the honeymoon phase still. You should be head over heels

For each other.

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There could be a thousand reasons why not, but it boils down to you are not his priority. The relationship is new though. Only a couple of months. Preoccupy yourself in the meantime. Don't wait on his call. If he does call great. If not, it doesn't mean somethings wrong. Guys are spacey. They need time. Go live your life.

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Thanks everyone for sharing your views. And indeed you guys were right. Guess I also kind of knew that it's a dead-end but didn't want to admit it. Thanks all again.

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