LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating

Why would you not contact while on holiday?


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

Like Tree27Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 7th March 2018, 8:35 AM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 230
Why would you not contact while on holiday?

Been dating 3 months. exclusive.
He's traveling abroad. I messaged him before he departs "travel safe" and he responded "thanks." That was it - couple days ago.
He's been total silent since then.

I am trying to give him space but wonder why he wouldn't contact at all.

I see him online pretty frequently - so he has connection.
He usually talks to his friends constantly - so he doesn't hate text/messaging.
If he wants to be alone while on this trip particularly then I'd be totally fine/understandable with that but he is talking to his friends pretty consistently throughout the day while on this trip - so that leaves me to wonder why NOT me?
maestrok is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2018, 8:44 AM   #2
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 115
Well, on one hand - it’s only been a couple days. It also depends on the extent of the ‘dating’ you’ve done in those three months - were you seeing each other often, how many dates have you had, were you exclusive, etc. I would give it some more time and see, or even reach out and ask if he made it safely. See how he responds or if he sustains a conversation.

On the other hand, I travel abroad often and it’s usually to visit family, and my time there is pretty hectic. Even with a serious significant other, I usually only check in briefly once a day. Right now I’ve been seeing a guy for a few weeks - only maybe a couple dates. He is out of town visiting family and said it’d be a busy time for him, so I told him to have fun and reach out when he is back in town. But again, compared to your situation mine is very new. Yours may be at a different stage and if so, I would give the benefit of the doubt. If he otherwise seems interested and reaches out when he is not traveling, I would let it pass on account of travel busy time.

Edited to add: just saw you did mention you were exclusive. Well, I will still stand by above - gauge it by how he behaves when he is with you/in town and draw conclusions from there.

Last edited by Mystyry; 7th March 2018 at 8:46 AM.. Reason: Clarification
Mystyry is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2018, 8:47 AM   #3
Established Member
 
d0nnivain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 28,086
Since you are aware that he's on line & contacting other friends, him not contacting you is a choice or worse, you slipped his mind. At 3 months in you are not that important to him which is a shame because during this HM phase you'd think he'd be smitten & reach out.

Don't say or do anything while he's away. See how this plays out. When he gets home ask him about it. Don't accuse just point out that it hurt to see him contacting others but not you. See how he reacts & make your decisions from there.
d0nnivain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2018, 8:52 AM   #4
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 230
first 1.5 month - been seeing each other about 3 times a week. messaged everyday.
second 1.5 month - on date about 2 times a week. message everyday or every other day (but all were like short 2-3 messages a day types).

He's traveling alone.

He's sending photos and updating about his trip to his friends pretty constantly. So I wonder why not me?

At the same time if I were to give him a benefit of doubt - at the end of his solo trip (in 2 weeks), we will meet up for another short trip there so maybe he wants to update me all at once? Which still is a bit weird to me...

Last edited by maestrok; 7th March 2018 at 8:55 AM..
maestrok is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2018, 11:34 AM   #5
Established Member
 
smackie9's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Surrey BC Canada
Posts: 13,103
Me personally would take it that this relationship is nowhere near serious atm. If he was head over heels he would be missing you and letting you know it.....apparently he is not. After 3 months of steady dating I myself would expect and be at a more serious level than this. You may want to rethink where this is going.
__________________

You are a fool if you believe that having each others passwords = trust.
smackie9 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2018, 11:39 AM   #6
Established Member
 
Gaeta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 15,760
Quote:
Originally Posted by maestrok View Post
first 1.5 month - been seeing each other about 3 times a week. messaged everyday.
second 1.5 month - on date about 2 times a week. message everyday or every other day (but all were like short 2-3 messages a day types).
Your relationship seems to be declining instead of progressing.

This will be hard for you to hear but He doesn't contact you because he is not missing you and you're not on his mind. Sorry.
__________________
'' The Biggest Coward Is A Man Who Awakens A Woman's Love With No Intention Of Loving Her '' - Bob Marley
Gaeta is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2018, 11:40 AM   #7
Established Member
 
CautiouslyOptimistic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 4,624
Quote:
Originally Posted by maestrok View Post

He's sending photos and updating about his trip to his friends pretty constantly.
How do you know this?
CautiouslyOptimistic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2018, 11:43 AM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 8,770
Quote:
Originally Posted by maestrok View Post
first 1.5 month - been seeing each other about 3 times a week. messaged everyday.
second 1.5 month - on date about 2 times a week. message everyday or every other day (but all were like short 2-3 messages a day types).

He's traveling alone.

He's sending photos and updating about his trip to his friends pretty constantly. So I wonder why not me?

At the same time if I were to give him a benefit of doubt - at the end of his solo trip (in 2 weeks), we will meet up for another short trip there so maybe he wants to update me all at once? Which still is a bit weird to me...
It would be one thing if he was incommunicado with everyone but if he has time and makes the effort to update his friends, but chooses not to when it comes to you, I would question his emotional investment in you.

Three months in, he should be excited and looking forward to sharing his adventure with you, even if to send you a picture or text.

Seems like part 2 of your 1.5 months together there were signs that he was already tapering off.

It doesn't look good. Step back and observe. His actions are telling you quite a bit.
__________________
One regret, my dear world, that I am determined not to have when I am lying on my deathbed is that I did not kiss you enough ~ Hafiz
Zahara is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2018, 12:04 PM   #9
Established Member
 
kendahke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: 38.978447, -77.018515
Posts: 6,635
I think you need to take a step back and have an honest assessment of what you actually have.

Someone this early in the relationship not giving you equal to or more than what he gives his friends tells me that you think you have more going on with this guy than he thinks he has with you.

From what you've written, his behavior tells me that he considers himself single when he's not in your line of sight...
__________________
If the person you're with treats you in any way other than well, and you keep sticking around trying to make it work, you're no longer a victim of what they're doing--you're a volunteer. ~ Derrick Jaxn
kendahke is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2018, 12:09 PM   #10
Established Member
 
kendahke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: 38.978447, -77.018515
Posts: 6,635
Quote:
Originally Posted by maestrok View Post
at the end of his solo trip (in 2 weeks), we will meet up for another short trip there so maybe he wants to update me all at once? Which still is a bit weird to me...
Nope. That would not fly with me. I would be too incensed over how he treated me to want to do/go anywhere with him after the fact.

At the very least, he could keep up with you through Whatsapp if he's concerned about roaming charges (or he could get an international plan on his phone so that it wouldn't make a difference one way or the other); but his excuses are rather lame--facebook has a messaging feature that he could use if it's like that for him.

There are solutions around texting fees while traveling and the fact that he doesn't figure out how to keep in touch with his girlfriend of 3 months is rather telling.
kendahke is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2018, 12:16 PM   #11
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 8,770
Quote:
Originally Posted by kendahke View Post
There are solutions around texting fees while traveling and the fact that he doesn't figure out how to keep in touch with his girlfriend of 3 months is rather telling.
Maestrok, my gf is on a private island, halfway across the world with her boyfriend. With very spotty service and sometimes zero service, she has still managed to text me every other/two days with a short update or a picture. Whatsapp works great in these type situations. But it seems he does not have an issue with that since his friends are getting updates.

When people are interested and invested in whatever type of relationship they have with you, they look forward to sharing with you.
Zahara is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2018, 12:31 PM   #12
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 1,308
I'd have no problem contacting him and saying "Hey send me some pictures!" If I like him a lot I'd have no problem saying "I miss you!". Everyone is so afraid of expressing pure and innocent feelings. It's the people too afraid to be judged, and overthinking everything, that are actually the most clingy.
Maggie4 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2018, 2:21 PM   #13
Established Member
 
bathtub-row's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 3,064
If this is a relationship where the two of you are exclusive, then he’s very cold and I’d dump him very quickly. And please do not text him and ask him to send photos. If it were me, I’d end it with him when he returns. In the meantime, I wouldn’t reply to anything from him. Any man who treated me this way wouldn’t last long — and I don’t care about his excuses. This is cold, uncaring behavior. Period.
bathtub-row is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2018, 2:55 PM   #14
Established Member
 
Ruby Slippers's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: in the moment
Posts: 9,629
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gaeta View Post
Your relationship seems to be declining instead of progressing.

This will be hard for you to hear but He doesn't contact you because he is not missing you and you're not on his mind. Sorry.
Pretty much.
Ruby Slippers is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2018, 3:09 PM   #15
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 598
You havent really explained your relationship, but it may be more of a FWB dating than an emotional dating. I would think if he were even a little bit emotionally involved, he would contact you.
Whodatdog is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
The Holiday Season an MM/MW contact ? NewLeaf512 The Other Man / Woman 25 22nd November 2015 10:21 PM
The Holiday Contact Hopeful714 Breaks and Breaking Up 2 17th November 2012 5:19 PM
How often do you expect contact during holiday ? amythan Dating 7 1st July 2012 9:01 PM
in contact over the holiday period unluckyagain Breaks and Breaking Up 2 29th December 2010 3:41 PM
Should i make holiday, b-day contact The write one Second Chances 8 26th November 2006 10:47 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 1:14 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.