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Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

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Old 7th March 2018, 10:43 AM   #31
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Well, Grey30, at least you have no shortage of dates.
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Old 7th March 2018, 10:52 AM   #32
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Oh gawd. Don't say that. It's so passive aggressive. It shows you're pissed and can't take rejection like a man. She's nobody, you had 1 date with her. You were under the impression it was a great date and it was probably so-so to her. It's the name of the game. Just pass and go to next.
yes I agree with Cautiously O, Final Word and Gaeta. Please don't say that. It's a really insecure and passive aggressive statement. Achieves nothing. Actually take that back, if there is a shred of a chance left, it annihilates it.

Know you are worth a lot to the right girl (and just in general with or without a girl) and assume she is not the right girl. If you proceed with that attitude, it will actually attract people to you.

And maybe you take things too literally? If she said I had a good time at the end of the date or text afterward, for future reference, it can be true but it also can just be something people say, i.e. not necessarily true or indicative of your future with her! It's polite and non-confrontational not a be all, end all.

I think when I am reading what you have said here, that your problem may be that you are relying too much on the tasks and to-do's, going through the motions that surround dating, asking for dates and making a connection, but are failing to create a spark or misreading emotional attachment from the other person. I think you need to get better at reading the other person--not so you can tell what is going to happen so much, but so that you can connect better with them. Maybe without this your personality is reading flat. It doesn't mean everyone will be for you but if you hide yourself and go through the motions, do all those right but aren't making a connection that could be it. I think also worrying about getting the tasks around dating, texting, all that right, you are actually coming off as a little insecure or boring.

The thing you said about wanting to physically escalate was a bit troubling. It just shows that you have a plan to push forward without reading the other person. I will have to quote it if you don't know what i mean. I am definitely for kissing on the first date--IF you feel like you want to (both parties)--I also don't think though that it will guarantee that you will have total success with a person. The way you wrote about that also felt like you are following a rule rather that gauging the other person. I think you feel you are picking the right moments so you are in the clear but overall you are missing the boat on connecting with the other person. Good luck
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Old 7th March 2018, 11:05 AM   #33
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I think when I am reading what you have said here, that your problem may be that you are relying too much on the tasks and to-do's, going through the motions that surround dating, asking for dates and making a connection, but are failing to create a spark or misreading emotional attachment from the other person.
Some men are under the impression there is a very specific recipe to win a woman over and if they do it right, all in the right order, with the good ingredients then 100% the woman is swept off of her feet. In all this grandiose plan to win her over they have not considered the 'human factor'. Women are human beings and may not connect with them even if the recipe is perfect because 'connecting' is something that happens or not, it's in no one's hands.
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Old 7th March 2018, 11:09 AM   #34
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Well she finally replied this morning to my 2nd date request saying its been pretty busy. I dont know yet, Ill have to let you know!. Typical girl speak for no. But once again, this is the kind of stuff she said for the first few weeks until we actually Met. Clearly a low level of interest, but at least she didnt just ignore me totally.
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Old 7th March 2018, 11:28 AM   #35
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Well she finally replied this morning to my 2nd date request saying its been pretty busy. I dont know yet, Ill have to let you know!. Typical girl speak for no. But once again, this is the kind of stuff she said for the first few weeks until we actually Met. Clearly a low level of interest, but at least she didnt just ignore me totally.
What do you expect out of a girl that works 4 jobs?

Move to next.
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Old 7th March 2018, 12:34 PM   #36
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Well she finally replied this morning to my 2nd date request saying “it’s been pretty busy. I don’t know yet, I’ll have to let you know!”. Typical girl speak for “no”. But once again, this is the kind of stuff she said for the first few weeks until we actually Met. Clearly a low level of interest, but at least she didn’t just ignore me totally.
yeah it sounds low interest, definitely not a priority. Here's what you do: MIRROR what she gives you but with positivity confident, upbeat--not dejected. You sounded dejected in your post above and accepting crumbs (bolded). So what you should do, IMO, is say back: "Cool, let me know when you know. Talk soon."

A statement like that presumes that she WILL follow through (why not?) and that you will survive either way, not particularly tied to the outcome. This is what you want to convey in your interactions that will attract people to you (and up your self-confidence).
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Old 7th March 2018, 1:28 PM   #37
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Honestly though, I've watched his stuff and one thing that I tend to agree with that has worked is to play it cool and not show her your feelings too soon. Women like the chase, they'll even admit that themselves sometimes. When they know a guy likes them, it's no longer interesting and not fun. They have the validation they need knowing they could have them. People want what they can't have to an extent.

So, there's definitley a way to show you're interested and like them without being over-eager, and it's a fine line and kind of an artform. My last date that I posted about on here about a month ago, I took that direct approach on the second date and basically told her I was into her, and asked her out again the following day and she basically freaked out.

Well, but are you sure you have this artform down though?

I mean, a woman isn't chasing or wondering about you if she tells you that she "is busy, she will have to let you know".

Meanwhile you really should read the forums a bit more, especially the threads written from the women. Some of these women are now putting their emotional energy towards a guy who went the opposite of playing it cool--they love-bombed them from the beginning!

Anyway, one rule that tends to be true most of the time is this: Early on, it's much less about playing it cool and much more about momentum. You and this girl went on a good first date. Thing is, she probably has gone on lots of good first dates. It is just much much easier to get her to go on a second date if you ask her at the end of the first date (best option), or if you ask her as you and she are texting back and forth the next day when you are fresh on her mind. By 'playing it cool', you are fading into her memory as just one of plenty of other guys whom she has also gone on a 'good first date' with.
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Old 7th March 2018, 2:32 PM   #38
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Originally Posted by CautiouslyOptimistic View Post
But you're probably not following the advice of this Corey Wayne character I keep hearing about, and instead just following the gut of Highndry, am I right?
Haha, that's the thing - I would never try to follow some script! Not only would I invariably botch that in some humiliating way, it wouldn't be authentic. I like to just be myself, and I'm not afraid to show interest.
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Old 7th March 2018, 2:55 PM   #39
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And how has that been working for you?

Grey40: Do you read threads made by women on here? We all want a man to chase us, we all want him to be the one texting after the date and we all want him to touch base with us within 48 hours to set up the 2 date for later.

I would advice to stop touching and kissing on a first date. You can give her compliments and be flirty but keep some mystery in the air. If a man kissed and touched me on a 1st date I would think he's all over me and I'd question why exactly he's interested in me.
Eh, I tend to kiss and touch on the 1st date (not all the time, it depends), and it's never hindered me from going on more dates with them.
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Old 7th March 2018, 3:06 PM   #40
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Eh, I tend to kiss and touch on the 1st date (not all the time, it depends), and it's never hindered me from going on more dates with them.
Then you are better at it than Grey40

His words
Perhaps there were times I got a little too touchy feelt like scratching her back and stuff and going in for kisses maybe when she wasnt quite prepared

He knew he was coming across as a little too touchy, she gave him that vibe that's why he suspects he might have been too touchy. He also felt his date was not quite prepared. How does he know that? again she gave a vibe that he identified but he is refusing to read his date, he is following a script and not respecting his date cues and signals.
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Old 7th March 2018, 3:22 PM   #41
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Then you are better at it than Grey40

His words
Perhaps there were times I got a little too touchy feelt like scratching her back and stuff and going in for kisses maybe when she wasnt quite prepared

He knew he was coming across as a little too touchy, she gave him that vibe that's why he suspects he might have been too touchy. He also felt his date was not quite prepared. How does he know that? again she gave a vibe that he identified but he is refusing to read his date, he is following a script and not respecting his date cues and signals.
I think that is what is happening too to an extent. Touchy for the fact that we are on a first date is usually not cool, feels contrived and a bit pushy and weirdly uptight. If you are authentic (good one high and dry), and read the cues that she is really wanting you to touch her that's the right time. To me, if you do it too soon or presumptuously, it will turn a girl off whereas if you hold back a bit and spontaneously in the right moment which is really only specific to that particularly date with that girl have your opportunity.

Here is something i doubt corey wayne would say that might help you: a lot of women want to feel that it is their specialness or the specialness of a moment that propels whatever positive date action (physical, emotional, asking for a second date) that "turns" something in the date--not that you are going through your same routine that you would do with every girl or what you feel a guy should do/say etc to get to the next stage of dating or physical escalation. In other words, it's better if you seize the moments where something she did propels you to ask her for the next date, express that you think she is amazing or whatever, or reach out and grab her hand--rather than at the end of the date, do a summary and very expected thing ("hey i really like you, want to go out again"). This, to me, is how you build a connection and create a spark. The summary type thing won't fail if she is interested but if you've just spent the last two hours missing opportunities to create a connection then it might. Plus you want the strongest connection possible to give you an advantage over other guys, other priorities she has in her life--and to make her excited about you. Where it's not forced, where it is genuine--you do that by picking up on the moments and the person in front of you, not following a routine script that every other dullard does
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Old 7th March 2018, 3:46 PM   #42
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You are making excuses for her. Shes not interested.

If I like someone Ill find a way to see them


UOTE=Grey40;7552988]Well she finally replied this morning to my 2nd date request saying its been pretty busy. I dont know yet, Ill have to let you know!. Typical girl speak for no. But once again, this is the kind of stuff she said for the first few weeks until we actually Met. Clearly a low level of interest, but at least she didnt just ignore me totally.[/QUOTE]
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Old 8th March 2018, 6:12 PM   #43
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Gosh!! Its always the same story with OP...

First of all, kudos for not giving up and not stopping to date.

But here's the thing, if you don't do something different this pattern will continue.

Secondly, I suggest, can you maybe try and attempt a bit of friendship with women? It is obvious you are unable to make connections with these random women you meet online....to them you are like everyone else out there.
What about trying friendship with some of the women you meet in real life? Just go out in groups and get to know them... let them know you and when there is some connection you ask them out.

Another thing you may try is to have a friend go with you on a double date or just watch you from a distance while you are on a date, to see what is it that you do that is such a turn off.

I am pretty sure it is something you do or say which comes of as desperate or weird or creepy or passive aggressive or defensive or inability to be witty/funny, trying too hard. Even I get these feelings about your personality from some from your posts.
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Old 8th March 2018, 10:50 PM   #44
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And how has that been working for you?

Grey40: Do you read threads made by women on here? We all want a man to chase us, we all want him to be the one texting after the date and we all want him to touch base with us within 48 hours to set up the 2 date for later.

I would advice to stop touching and kissing on a first date. You can give her compliments and be flirty but keep some mystery in the air. If a man kissed and touched me on a 1st date I would think he's all over me and I'd question why exactly he's interested in me.
With all due respect, this forum does not speak for all women. In fact, it doesn't speak for most women.

When women speak of the guys they liked the most, it is rarely the ones chasing them, sending them flowers, or blowing up their phone. It's usually the guy who could take them or leave them - despite what they SAY they want, it's not the reality of what most women respond to.

I've lived this my entire life. And when, eventually, I started to care too much, they left.

Sure, women like you to show interest but they prefer to do the chasing after initial days. The ones who really like you don't even give you a chance.

The last two girls I dated both called me right after the first date - the same day. Fast forward a few weeks and they both dropped to their knees at my front door to give me an unexpected bj - in the same exact spot (it was like dj vu - pretty funny). I won't go into details but both did things "they never did before" with me.

I didn't chase either of them. Did they both complain I didn't call enough? You bet they did, but they also wouldn't go a day without reaching out to me.

What did these situations have in common? 1) They had high interest, 2) It didn't matter to me if I never saw them again (which is the attitude I have with all women now)

What's so interesting is they both would tell me how most of the guys they dated were chasing them. If they prefer that, why put up with my bs?

I've had much better luck with women chasing me than me chasing them. If a woman has high interest there is no need to chase...and those are the ones you want.
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Old 9th March 2018, 12:00 AM   #45
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With all due respect, this forum does not speak for all women. In fact, it doesn't speak for most women.

When women speak of the guys they liked the most, it is rarely the ones chasing them, sending them flowers, or blowing up their phone. It's usually the guy who could take them or leave them - despite what they SAY they want, it's not the reality of what most women respond to.

I've lived this my entire life. And when, eventually, I started to care too much, they left.

Sure, women like you to show interest but they prefer to do the chasing after initial days. The ones who really like you don't even give you a chance.

The last two girls I dated both called me right after the first date - the same day. Fast forward a few weeks and they both dropped to their knees at my front door to give me an unexpected bj - in the same exact spot (it was like dj vu - pretty funny). I won't go into details but both did things "they never did before" with me.

I didn't chase either of them. Did they both complain I didn't call enough? You bet they did, but they also wouldn't go a day without reaching out to me.

What did these situations have in common? 1) They had high interest, 2) It didn't matter to me if I never saw them again (which is the attitude I have with all women now)

What's so interesting is they both would tell me how most of the guys they dated were chasing them. If they prefer that, why put up with my bs?

I've had much better luck with women chasing me than me chasing them. If a woman has high interest there is no need to chase...and those are the ones you want.
Except it's not the reality of most women. Most normal adjusted women wouldn't put up with that "take it or leave it" approach that you have. I'm willing to bet those two women you mentioned were damaged in some way to put up with that.

I date normal women, and in the past, always were 50-50 in chasing each other (how it should be). In fact, the ones that have really liked me complained how guys in the past would take them for granted, and got bored of always having to chase after them.

So, your take or leave it approach may work on damaged women, but it won't on normally adjusted ones.
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